


In Her Element

by SailorNyx23



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect - Various Authors, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Corruption, Drama, Dream Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Masturbation, Mild S&M, Opposites Attract, Post-Mass Effect 3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Romantic Angst, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 116,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27546412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorNyx23/pseuds/SailorNyx23
Summary: Her masters broke her until she was rescued. Her biotics were uncontrollable until her mentor guided her. Her soul was shattered until her first love mended it. Her compass was broken until her new family taught her how to live again.She was a broken girl from Mindoir.Until she became the Savior of the Galaxy.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Comments: 17
Kudos: 27





	1. Prologue

2nd Lieutenant David Anderson had seen enough bloodshed during his career in the Alliance. It came with the job. Hell, he shed enough blood on his end during his career. The N7 program was just the key to Pandora’s Box, but within that box he had witnessed many of his friends get killed in action, namely the First Contact War, and the price of victory was never without cost. The distinction of honor he was awarded after the War had served as a reminder to keep moving forward to honor those whose lives were lost rather than wallow in self-loathing. Being an Alliance soldier had its burdens. No battle was won without blood being spilled. To those who really knew him, which he could count on one hand, he had a mild case of hemophobia that wasn’t self-discovered until after he enlisted. He didn’t retreat at the mere sight of blood, however, a wave of nausea would occur if it was in his presence for too long. It was a small phobia, one he assumed would get over quickly once he got the taste of combat. After all, his father served in the Alliance military before him, as did his father before him. Serving was not an option, but mandatory. In his family, you either volun _teered_ , or got volun _told_ , so enlisting was never an argument.

He figured it would pass in time.

Imagine his surprise when Lance Corporal Henry Nguyen, a man who had shown much promise as a soldier and looked up to Anderson as a mentor, was fatally shot in the head by a turian sniper on Shanxi during the climax of the First Contact War. It was a shot that landed right between the eyes. Nguyen dropped dead immediately, a thick puddle of blood seeping from his cranium where the bullet had pierced. All Anderson could see was the young man’s lifeless eyes staring up at him, the blood thick and seeping from his head. Anderson had frozen for all but a second before General Williams ordered him to snap out of it before opening fire at the enemy. It was a relatively short war, but too many lives had been lost on both sides.

Anderson had seen much bloodshed in his career so far. It came with representing the Systems Alliance. It came with the side effect of becoming desensitized and somewhat cynical of the seedy affairs that occurred in the galaxy. Over the years his hemophobia had been reduced to minor discomfort, his hand became steadier each time he held a gun, his eyes became sharper each time he took aim to fire, his poise as a soldier and leader had earned respect through the Alliance and even the Citadel Council, leaving almost a guarantee of his family name to become a household legacy. Most importantly, he served to help those who were unable to help themselves during a crisis. He served to be a protector, blood be damned…

…which was why his smoldering rage was barely suppressed as he was currently walking through the cargo bay aboard the SSV _Einstein_ that was harboring refugees that were rescued from Batarian slavers, and those who didn’t make it were being laid to rest. According to his longtime friend, Lieutenant Commander Steven Hackett, these people were civilians from a small colony named Mindoir in the Attican Traverse. People were brutally snatched from their homes by batarians who took them as slaves and God-knows-what-else. The colony was razed to ashes, leaving no survivors, no witnesses behind. He looked at the children without their parents, crying as the medics tended to their wounds. Teenagers who were still frozen from the events that transpired over the past four months. He could only spot three adults, all women, and they all died as soon as they got on the ship. They were being wrapped in body bags by the coroners. The cries of grief and despair filled the bay as the very few survivors were being tended to by medics, their bodies covered in dirt and blood. This was something Anderson would never get used to no matter how much he tried to shake it off. It was one thing taking a life for the sake of a battle or the safety of others. He’d convinced himself long ago it was a necessity.

But taking people from their homes, abducting their children, and scarring them along with the adolescents, torturing the adults and beating them to a bloody pulp until they were longer breathing…

That was a level of cruelty only a monster could condone.

“Hold still so I can disinfect this for you,” Anderson heard a medic gently instruct a head-shaven girl, who couldn’t have been older than twelve. He glanced over and saw the girl had a deep cut on her face that obviously hadn’t been treated in quite some time. An infection was spreading across her face quickly. She didn’t speak, she barely moved. She stared at the floor with emptiness in her eyes, as if she still wasn’t aware of her surroundings. She hadn't registered that she had been rescued yet.

To have gone through such a traumatic experience at a young age…he wouldn’t wish that on anyone, no matter their race. It was one of the atrocities that he wished he could have prevented, but there was no helping it now.

He was getting closer to his destination, to the reason why he was called here in the first place. Hackett informed him of a possible biotic among the refugees. The details were classified at the debriefing, but he had been instructed to investigate and confirm the biotic’s identity that had been accounted for among the rescued.

Hackett had been waiting for him at the cargo elevator.

“David.” Hackett’s gruff voice greeted.

“Steven.”

Instead of a salute, the two shook hands. Formalities weren’t really a thing between the two behind closed doors. They had known each since their youth and they enlisted in the Alliance together. They were beyond fellow officers. They were brothers. It had been some time since they had seen each other, and both wished they were reunited under better circumstances.

“I counted six refugees here, Steven. The reports said almost a hundred were taken from Mindoir,” Anderson said somberly.

“Yes..." Hackett shook his head in disbelief. "By the time we arrived these children were the ones left. One of the colonists from Fehl Prime decided to start a coup to escape from the batarian slave traders. With no combat experience nor knowledge of how to hold a gun, it was bound to backfire and become a bloodbath.” Hackett pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit of his when he was distressed. 

“That’s only half of it. While we were down there the batarians were hellbent on protecting something from the way they were guarding a cell entrance. Once we pushed through we found out they were guarding a human prisoner. A biotic.”

“A biotic? Were they intending to sell them to the black market?” Anderson asked.

“I doubt it. There was too much security, too much resistance, for a simple market dealing. Whoever paid for the biotic wasn't a typical buyer. They wasted no expense, especially since the batarians practically threw themselves at us to stop us from getting to the biotic.”

“This sounds sketchy,” Anderson said rubbing his chin in thought, “after BAat shut down last year many students were scattered throughout Sol and the Traverse. There’s too many that would have fetched a high price for far less trouble.”

“Exactly. I’m confused at what makes this biotic so special, but I sure as hell am going to find out. We received a distress signal from the slavers base north of Jar’urta in Khar’shan four months after the raid in Mindoir. You know the slave trade is a common business in the Kite’s Nest, especially in the Batarian homeworld, but the distress call we received specifically identified the caller as the same Fehl Prime colonist who instigated the coup.

Hackett activated his omni-tool, replaying the distress call. A man’s hushed voice sparked from the call.

_Please help us! My name is Mikhail! I’m from Fehl Prime! We are not dead, you hear me! Those damn batarians took us and now we’re some kind of base! They’ve forced us into grueling labor. They call themselves our Masters. They beat us if we grow tired or ask for water! But I fooled them. I hacked into a transmitter while they were sleeping. They're not smarter than me. Please come get us! They don’t even need us! They got colonists from Mindoir who showed up a few months ago. I heard they just wanted that girl and took the others as a bonus! That fucking biotic freak! I’m not dying for that bitch! We’re stuck here because of her! Rescue us, please! You can leave her for all I care but please come get us! I’m the only human man left in this hellhole and I’ll make sure all the women and children make it out here alive!_

_Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing!_

_Oh god! Please no! Master I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! Please have mer—_

The transmission ended with multiple gunshots.

“Rescue the women and children, but leave the biotic girl behind. How magnanimous of him,” Anderson said with a roll of his eyes.

“Those people suffered a great deal and his survival instincts kicked in. Thankfully we were able to retrieve the biotic girl in time, but she was in such a panicked state she attacked my men. No casualties but two of them are currently in the med bay. One is getting his broken wrist mended and the other got his ribs crushed. We had no choice but to subdue her for the time being.”

The cargo elevator came to a halt as they arrived at the ship’s brig. “We couldn’t get close to her enough to disperse her biotics, but she was coherent enough to eventually realize we were there to help her. Her biotics are still flaring up. We had no choice but to lock her up down here, away from the other children so she didn’t frighten them.”

“The poor thing.” Though it still didn’t explain why he was here.

As if on cue Hackett looked at Anderson, who no doubt was still questioning why he was requested to be here. Hackett halted his steps, allowing himself to take a deep breath before locking eyes with Anderson, who had also stopped walking and gave him an expectant look, waiting for an answer any minute now.

“We’ve been brothers in arms for a long time David. I’m proud to call you my friend, my brother actually. Which is why what I’m about to tell you must not leave this ship,” Hackett said in a hushed yet crisp tone that left no room for doubt or argument. “This girl’s biotics is too dangerous and too wild to let loose. After BAat shut down last year, we haven’t had an efficient training camp, especially one of this magnitude. Any outsourced camp won’t be sufficient enough and Conatix’s reputation went to hell after the BAat incident, and they haven't really recovered. Grissom is still in development so that's not an option yet, so I need you to watch over this girl in the meantime. Control her biotics using a tutor if you have to, but based on the high demand this girl has on her, it’s been determined that her biotic abilities are too valuable to let go, not when we have her in our grasp.”

“I understand your concerns Steven and I have no problem with it but are the L2 implants not sufficient enough for this girl?” Anderson asked.

“Unfortunately no. Based on what I saw her biotics have surpassed the L2, and with the L3’s still in beta we can’t risk frying her brain before they fully develop. There’s no telling what the limits on her biotics are, and for now, it’s been decided that they must be as raw as possible so we can observe her as closely and accurately as possible. To get a feel for what we’re dealing with here. Only a handful of Alliance officers are aware of this. Officers I would trust with my life, you included.”

Anderson wasn’t sure he was on board with watching over a girl for the sake of using her as a guinea pig, though he wasn’t surprised that the Alliance was practically salivating at the opportunity to study a highly advanced biotic. They had their own shady underbelly that he tended to steer clear from.

_I highly doubt I’m getting out of this one._

“You have enough charisma to gain her trust, Anderson.” Hackett gave him a pointed look as if he sensed Anderson’s doubts. “They originally wanted to isolate her in a lab. Run tests and the like. You know Dr. Lautner isn’t the most ethical scientist. If he knew how powerful she exactly is he’d seal her away in a lab while they poke and prod at her until she goes mad. Either that or she’d be handed over to some turian. I’m not letting that happen. Vyrnnus was a mistake that can’t happen again. I know for a fact that she can be a much more valuable asset than a mere test subject. It took a lot for this to be kept under wraps, and Dr. Lautner has no choice but to be sworn into secrecy.”

“And you’re sure he won’t leak anything?”

“Dr. Lautner is an ass but he isn’t stupid, David. Even he knows when to keep his mouth. He won’t have any involvement in this project and his confidentiality is guaranteed.”

_Project?_

“If we are to eventually use this girl in the Alliance, then we can’t have her in a hostile environment.”

Anderson’s head snapped at Hackett. Was he implying…?

“Steven, what did you do?”

“What I had to do. I can’t have her fall in the wrong hands, David. You’re the only one I can trust with this girl, which is why I recommended her for counseling and a private tutor for harnessing her biotics. If her abilities prove to be overhyped, then we have an asset regardless. But if she’s as powerful as her buyer believed her to be, then we could use someone like her in the Alliance Navy. Jack Harper is still out there, and with his recent endeavors with illegal information brokers, his influence is getting more powerful. I can’t afford to have this information leaked. Whoever bought this girl has kept their identity under lock and key. All personal information is seriously encrypted and there’s no telling how long it’s going to take to identify the buyer. As far as the Alliance knows she’s just another potential L2, and I plan to keep it that way. For now, the less information the better.”

They finally stopped in front of the entry to the brig which was locked and sealed shut, and Anderson finally noticed they were the only ones on this level, with the exception of the single guard that stood in front of the door to the brig.

Before Hackett unlocked the door, he turned to look back at Anderson. “I have a gut feeling about this, David, and you know my instincts are always right. I don’t want to entertain the idea of leaving her vulnerable out there. I don’t like the idea of grooming her for the military either, but I know she’ll be safer with us. Just meet her, David, and decide for yourself. That’s all I ask.”

Hackett pulled out a pair of wrist cuffs, ones that Anderson recognized as biotic suppressor cuffs. They acted as neutralizers that immediately powered down dark energy as soon as they were put on. He handed them to Anderson.

“Convince her to put these on before we land in Vancouver,” he ordered. Without giving Anderson a chance to reply, the door to the brig unlocked and opened with a quiet hiss.

As soon as the door opened, Anderson could feel every hair on his body raise in alertness. He held back the shudder that almost escaped him, but he could still feel it – this dark energy was powerful indeed, a little too powerful. It felt like multiple hands of phantoms were embracing him, enveloping him and Hackett in a blue light that was akin to a combination of wildfire and permafrost. It made his skin crawl. The door wasn’t even open five seconds and Anderson could feel the chills that went up his spine. He could feel it slowly consuming him, threatening to submerge him into its depth until he could no longer take a single breath.

The dark energy was thick, and he almost couldn’t see exactly where he was supposed to go. The brig itself was small, but the pure power coming from the girl enshrouded the entire room in blinding hues of indigo and violet, making it hard to see, and think, straight. Anderson looked at Hackett who gave him a simple nod in return. Without a word Anderson stepped forward into the fire, feeling a major case of sensory overload.

If he had to describe it, it was like being assaulted with the elements all at once. He felt his skin twist with intense heat and chill. The blues of her biotics left a sensation of electric shock as if he was walking through a lightning storm with a rod in his hands, but he also felt like he was deeply submerged in the ocean, quickly taking his breath away and threatening to crush him from the immense pressure of its depths.

It was haunting. Violent. Torturous. Enthralling.

It was also way too much. The amount of sheer power exhibited by this girl was so raw he wasn’t sure if he was going to burn to a crisp or drown. It was unlike any biotic he had encountered. He didn’t have much interaction with the asari outside of Councilor Tevos, but he wondered if their biotics were anything like this.

Once he was deep enough in the brig, Anderson could see and feel a thicker air coming from a curled up figure that was inside the single cell within the brig. He couldn’t help but notice the cell door was unlocked, yet the girl was hugging her knees in the corner of the cell, rocking back and forth. Whether she was aware the cell was unlocked and didn’t care or didn’t bother to attempt an escape, he wasn’t sure.

Anderson carefully opened the cell door, taking slow steps so as to not spook her. The closer he got to her the more he felt like he was in a tundra, waiting to be snapped by the freeze of its merciless winds. On the other hand, he also felt like he was walking into a burning building without protective gear, his skin melting away from his body. Even he had to admit, this level of power was both fascinating and terrifying. There were multiple layers to her biotics. It was as if she harnessed the elements in her hands. It was brutal. Feral. Valuable. Hackett was right. There was no way something like this could get leaked to the public, let alone an information broker or a mad scientist. Keeping the full extent of her abilities a secret for now would be dicey, but he had no doubt keeping her strapped to a table in a lab somewhere wasn’t the better alternative. Eighty percent of the time, the biotics who were subject to such experiments either died or went mad.

Extensive counseling and a tutor seemed like the better option for now. 

As Anderson slowly crouched down to the girl’s eye level, but still at a respectable distance, she slowly raised her head up at him, acknowledging his presence but refusing to make eye contact.

“Who are you?” She asked. The hollowness in her voice was uncanny, the uncontrolled vibrations in her biotics were a stark contrast.

“A friend,” Anderson replied, though it was a little hard to speak with the intensity around him, as if a constrictor was gradually squeezing at his neck, cutting off his air supply.

The girl must have noticed because she looked like she was trying to power down her biotics, but it only made it worse which made Anderson gasp for air.

“I’m sorry! I don’t know how to control it. It’s been like this. Since we were freed from our masters.

“Your masters?”

“The ones who took us from home,” she said quietly, “they were cruel. Rough. Dangerous. They killed so many of my friends. My family. I thought they were going to kill me too.”

“You’re safe now,” Anderson whispered in a soothing tone. “They’re gone and they won’t harm you anymore.”

“But the masters also fed us. They gave us new clothes. If our work was perfect, we earned an extra piece of bread. They kept us safe. But the others wanted to leave. The masters killed anyone who wanted to run away.” Her soft sniffles struck Anderson’s heart. “They were my friends. But the masters were stronger. They had no chance.” Her body racked with quiet sobs as she hugged her knees closer to her chest.

“It’s alright.” Anderson carefully adjusted himself so he settled on the floor directly across from her, sitting cross-legged. “Did you ever try to escape?” He asked gently.

“…yes,” she admitted. “When they took me from home. Before I knew better. I tried to leave. I punched one of the masters. I punched him so hard his jaw ripped from his mouth. He was furious. The other masters were furious too.” Her body shook violently as she recalled the memory. “They ran a knife down my back. It hurt so bad. I couldn’t walk for three days. I wanted to leave, but they wouldn’t let me. The masters punished me every time. They were so cruel. They were so cruel to us!”

Her voice raised a little as she recalled the pain the ‘masters’ inflicted on her.

“I begged them to stop! I told them I would behave! But they kept taunting me! They tortured me!” Her biotics violently flared, igniting the brig with a clash of azure and violent, the force of them so intense they left a few dents in the steel walls.

But Anderson didn’t flinch. He kept his cool, listening to her patiently. It was her way of venting. She didn’t try to attack him yet and he didn’t sense any hostility from her. Her biotics were gripping him with a deathly vice, but it was out of her control. He knew it wasn’t intentional, so he remained still for now.

“The masters would cut me and patch me back up. They got tired of me resisting. I told them I would stop. I told them I would behave! They said as long as I was alive they would still get paid. They hurt me! They laughed and patched me up. Over. And over. And over!” She screeched as she clutched her hair in a death grip and she sobbed.

“…but the masters also fed me.” Her voice reduced to a whisper, her body trembling. “They also clothed me. If I behaved, they would give me a blanket to sleep with. It was ripped. And dirty. But it kept me warm. The masters. They were kind,” she whispered as she anxiously chewed her bottom lip.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Anderson said softly, cursing the batarians for inflicting this kind of trauma on children.

Dealing with children wasn’t his specialty, and Hackett knew it, so he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to convince this girl to come with him, let alone settle her biotics down. He was sure if he was here for another minute he would drown. He had to soothe her enough to get the cuffs on soon.

“Did you get Mikhail’s transmission?” She asked.

“We did.”

“I thought so. They replayed the transmission in my face. The masters were laughing because Mikhail begged to leave me behind. They said no one was coming to get me. I believed them. They killed so many of us. They were going to ship me off that week to my new master. The masters were going to leave me behind.” Anderson could hear the tremor in her voice. She was powerful, but she was still a young woman who was scared out of her wits.

“I secretly hoped you would find us. I loved the masters. But they were cruel, even though they fed us.” Her voice sparked with conflict, her former self was still in there, buried underneath the slave the batarians made of her.

“When you showed up, I was freed from my chains, but I hurt your friends. I’m sorry.” She raised her head at Anderson in fear.

“It’s fine. You were defending yourself,” Anderson said calmly, letting her know there wouldn’t be any retaliation. They sat in silence for another minute before he decided to speak up again.

“How old are you?”

She had to think about it. “…sixteen.”

Sixteen. Reduced to the mental state of a little girl. Those bastards did a number on her. This was going to take an extensive amount of therapy, and he would be there every step of the way.

“I’m here for you now. Those traders won’t ever touch you again. You’re safe with me, little one.”

Her biotics flared in reaction to his words as the room lit up like a Christmas tree from Hell.

_Did I say something wrong?_

Anderson feared he was going to suffocate by the time they finally subsided, so he decided to act, clutching the cuffs in his hands.

“It was not your fault.” He said with finality. “You did what you had to do. The batarians…no, the slave traders are not a merciful group. They would have gotten rid of you or the others one way or the other. And you were scared when my…friends showed up. You only tried to defend yourself. It’s an admirable trait and I don’t hold that against you.”

“But when you showed up, the masters tried to shoot my friends. I had to protect them. I didn’t want them to die. I created a force field around us. I defied the masters. I made them so angry! They tried to shoot us! But that made _me_ angry”

“That was very brave of you. You defended your friends while putting yourself in harm’s way. You’re a remarkable person.”

The girl didn’t reply, but she raised her head just a little more, with a childlike curiosity.

“You’re a very brave girl,” he elaborated, “braver than most soldiers I’ve served with. You also seem like an intelligent person, so I will be honest with you. Those types of slave traders would have spent years trying to break your spirit. You fought back, which means they failed. Once they realized that your spirit could not be broken or bent, they would've shipped you off to someone who most likely would have aimed to break your spirit _and_ body.”

She gasped. She hugged her knees closer to her chest if that was even possible, and the way she tensed up a little Anderson briefly wondered if he went too far. But there was something about her, the way she spoke, the unshakeable yet quiet confidence she held within herself, and the way she bravely told her story of her ‘masters’. Anderson had a gut feeling the truth wouldn’t deter her so easily.

“It’s true some people got caught in the crossfire. You lost your friends and family, but the batarians lost their entire base of operations. Because of that, no one will be taken there again. Not many civilians take that risk and live to tell the tale, but you did. You should be proud of yourself. You held off the batarians with your biotics long enough for the Alliance to rescue you all. Your family and friends would be proud of you.” He let out a small chuckle. He scooted a little closer to her. She didn’t recoil from him, but she stilled a little.

“You just went through a traumatic experience and you’re taking it better than most, but you need time to heal from this. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically. I want to help you.”

“Why?”

He supposed he should have had a more politically correct answer prepared, but alas, he wasn’t a fan of politics.

“Your biotics are impressive, but they need practice. With a private tutor you can use them fo—” 

“No.”

“No?”

“No! I won’t use my biotics again. I only used them to try to protect my friends. But this…” she waved her hand around, the whirring sound of her biotics transitioning to a screeching clash between fire and ice, lightning and water. Anderson had to rub his temples. Any moment longer and his head might split open. He had to make sure her biotics were subdued.

“I don’t like it. I’m cursed. I hate it. I hate all of it. It makes me a freak.”

“I understand your caution. But regardless, you can see your biotics are…above average,” Anderson spoke with deliberation, making sure to get his point across while keeping his impending migraine to a minimum. “Your power is strong but untamed. Which is why we can’t leave you exposed to the public like this. If anyone gets wind that you aren’t the average L2, then I’m afraid you might end up in the hands of a group worse than your masters. I want to help you. If you don’t want to use your biotics, that is your choice. I won’t force you. But that won’t last long if you don’t learn to keep it under control. If you flare up in the middle of the street or God forbid, a school, then it’s game over for you. We can’t leave you defenseless like this. Let me at least guide you in the right direction.”

Her tension didn’t ease up, but the way her ears perked up slightly at the prospect of him helping her control her biotics meant he at least got his point across.

There was a pregnant pause before she decided to speak up again. This time she seemed more cognitive, more human.

“What do you suggest I do?”

“Come with me. I have an apartment in Vancouver that I hardly use. It’s small, but it can accommodate both of us. I can arrange for a tutor to get your biotics under control in a private Alliance facility where you won’t be discovered or disturbed. I know this is a huge leap from your colony on Mindoir, but you won’t be at risk of exposure if you stay close to me. Of course, I’ll take care of all expenses. Food, clothing, all of that will be paid for. If you ever want to get a job or do an activity it won’t be until I am absolutely confident you can control your biotics.”

She finally seemed to calm down. The firestorm around them slowly withered away, fading into gentle wisps that lingered in the air. Anderson felt the ‘hands’ that were crawling all over him go away, and he could feel the grip on his neck release, and he was relieved to take deep breaths at last. The feeling was rather claustrophobic to put it accurately, but now the brig went from a blinding azure to its original dull grey color, he could finally get a good look at the girl.

She was still wearing her colonist attire, though it was riddled in mud, grease, and dried blood, the color in the fabric had faded long ago. Her skin was bruised all over her forearms, and he could see trembling hands. Her fingernails had dirt under them and were crusted with fresh blood. Her thick curly black hair was shoulder-length and framed her face nicely, giving her a youthful appearance, but it was dry and brittle. Anderson could also spot the bruise around her right eye, where it was swollen shut with a nasty blend of blue and purple. He also noticed a nasty gash that ran horizontally across her neck. The gash seemed to have happened recently, judging from the way it was still a jarring shade of red. She needed to get that healed in the med bay before it got infected.

Then Anderson finally met her eyes. They were the deepest shade of brown that complimented her skin.

She must have noticed him staring because she shifted uncomfortably. He politely averted his gaze.

“I’ll go,” she said after an awkward silence. “With you, I mean.”

Anderson nodded and gave her a small smile.

“I’m glad. This will be the safest route for you, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to you.”

She nodded in gratitude. “Thank you…Master.”

Anderson shook his head at her.

“None of that. You are free now, and we’ll be living together, so we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.” He said as he offered a gentle smile. “Lieutenant David Anderson. But you can call me Anderson. Never call me Master.”

She seemed to have been in thought as if processing the fact she no longer had a master. She uncurled herself as she peered at Anderson curiously.

“My name is Senna.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Senna.” Anderson said. “Senna, you seem like a very sweet girl, but this…” he gestured around the ‘storm’ her biotics had previously created. “We can’t have this happening on the ship, or anywhere in fact.” He slowly raised the cuffs he had been holding. “Can you put these on? It’ll disable your biotics, nothing more. They won’t harm you, I promise. We just need these on until we get to the apartment. Senna stared at the cuffs, and without a single word she outstretched her arms, accepting the cuffs without a fuss.

“I understand, Master.”

Anderson inwardly sighed. He had his work cut out for him.

“I told you, you are to call me Anderson,” he said gently as he carefully snapped the two cuffs around her wrists, making sure to not startle her. The wisps in the brig immediately died down as her aura was completely dissipated.

“Do you have a last name, Senna?”

“…Shepard.”

-X-

_She was so scared, but she had to be strong. Her father made her promise to be strong when the Masters invaded Mindoir, pillaging and taking innocent children as slaves. Her grandparents were on the border of the colony in the fields, gathering wheat for their farm that was within the settlement where the first wave of slave traders landed without warning. Grandpa and Granny didn’t stand a chance. They died instantly._

_The slave traders. Their masters. They didn’t show mercy. Screams echoed throughout the colony as rapid gunfire sounded off, the stench of blood and smoke quickly filling the air. Batarians ran rampant through the colony as they set the settlement ablaze. She could hear her friends, cousins, uncles, and aunts, scream in agony as they dropped dead from the tiny supply closet she and her father hid in. There had to be something she could do! Something that could make them stop! Her biotics only came a few months ago, and she had no idea how they worked. Her father made her promise to keep her biotics a secret. To make sure that no one knew what she was capable of. Her abilities were taboo, human biotics were not yet fully accepted aside from the military her father had told her._

_But she couldn’t just stand there and do nothing! Not while her friends and family were getting slaughtered or kidnapped out there! Her biotics must have flared up because her father suddenly pulled her down from the window she watched the massacre from._

_“Senna, you have to calm down!” Her father begged, gripping her arm and gently shaking her. “Get it together! Or they’ll spot us!”_

_The closet they were hiding was so small, if she flared up even a little it would have been noticeable from the outside window._

_She had to relax. Relax. Relax!_

_“Hey! I hear some rats over here!” She heard a batarian shout. They spotted them!_

_No! No no no! Relax! Breathe! Calm down! Deep breath. Take a deep bre—_

_But by the time her biotics started to barely simmer down, the industrial door to the supply closet was kicked open, exposing her and her father to two batarian slavers. Her father trembled in fear, but his grip on his only daughter only tightened protectively._

_“St-stay away from us! Please!” Her father pleaded._

_“We got two in here!” One of the traders said, completely ignoring her father._

_“Hey, Jar’kan. Look.”_

_Eight eyes peered at her vilely, focused on the azure and violet aura that crackled around her body._

_“Think it’s her?”_

_“We got word there’s only one biotic in this shithole. Works for me.” The one called Jar’kan said impassively. “Grab her and kill the male.”_

_“I won’t let you take her, damn you!”_

_She fought hard against the assailants, but to no avail. They were way stronger than her, and her biotics were useless without any control over them. Right when she needed them they wouldn’t appear!_

_“No! Daddy! Daddy don’t let them take me!” Tears pooled at her eyes as she helplessly called out for her father as they snatched her from his arms. “Daddy!”_

_“Senna!” She could see her father try to reach for her. “Senna! Be strong for me, little one! Promise me you’ll be strong!”_

_“Daddy help me please!” She tried reaching for her father._

_“You have to be strong for me, Senna! It’ll be okay I promi—”_

_The sound of a bullet going right through her father’s head echoed in their home as her father dropped dead. Lifeless eyes stared up at her as the batarian who shot him leered at his corpse._

_“Tch, this is why I can’t stand humans,” he said, not bothering to conceal his disgust as he holstered his pistol. “The sentimental crap makes me wanna vomit.” He spat on her father’s fresh corpse._

_“We got what we came for. Let’s get out of here and report to the boss,” Jar’kan said, as he viciously snatched her out of her home and toward the batarians’ shuttle, where the remaining survivors were bound and gagged._

_Her eyes widened at the cries of the children who were now orphans, and there were only three adults, all of them women, but they wept for the loss of their families as well. She recognized a few of her friends, but they were knocked out cold; probably from trying to resist their kidnapping._

_She tugged her arm back, trying to get out of the batarian's grip._

_"Let go of me! Let go!"_

_Whether it was adrenaline or madness that fueled her, the fierce need to protect these people combined with her rage combusted with her biotics as her fist connected with Jar’kan’s jaw, immediately ripping it from his mouth, black blood pouring from his upper mouth where his skin hung loosely from the sudden loss of his lower mouth. He bellowed as he released his grip and clutched his face as he screamed in pain._

_“What the fuck?!” The other one saw his partner’s jaw drop on the ground. Literally._

_Her arms were crackling with immense biotic power. A haunting flame enveloped her as if she were doused in flames._

_“We got a problem over here!” the first batarian cried out in panic. He fumbled with his pistol, ready to take aim at her and open fire, but she gripped his arm in a deathly grip, electric shock overwhelming his muscles as if caught in an electric storm. Without warning, her grip tightened to the point where the bones in his forearm shattered, making him scream in pain._

_“I need help over here dammit! The biotic’s out of control! Someone fucking help me!” He called out. Obviously he was just a lowly subordinate if he was submitting this quickly. She could feel her rage give her the strength she needed._

_She made a promise to her father! She wouldn’t let them take her. She wouldn’t let them take her friends! She had to protect them! She was their only chance of getting out of this aliv—_

_Her biotics immediately halted when she felt a knife run down her spine. It happened so fast, but she felt like it ran down her back in slow motion. She screeched in pain as blood poured down her back, rendering her legs useless as the pain was too much for her to stand. She keeled over as white-hot pain scorched her back. She could feel the warm air seep into her exposed backside, flesh and bone completely on display, making the contact burn in excruciating agony. She continued to cry because she felt like she was going to die right then and there._

_It hurt. It hurt so bad. Her back felt like it was on fire. She couldn’t even move._

_Grandpa. Granny. Aunt Maya. Aunt Sarah. Uncle Julian. Uncle Lionel. Mama. Was she going to join them soon? Was this the end for her?_

_“Dammit! That was excessive. Instructions were to keep her alive, you idiot!”_

_“She’s still alive isn’t she? Slap some gel on her for now. C'mon, Ti’kash will patch her up when we get back.”_

_“Make sure she stays alive during the trip. No funny business. We ain’t gonna get paid if she ends up bleeding out before we even get there.”_

_“Pick up Jar'Kan's jaw off the ground. Honestly. To let a little girl punch half your face off. Pathetic.”_

_They came for her specifically. Why? What did she do? What had she done to deserve this? These people died because of her.Oh god. The pain was unimaginable. It hurt so bad._

_The last thing she saw were two more batarians sloppily applying the gel to her back, letting the cool sensation mend her back before they put a collar around her neck, making a beeping sound as it latched on. Her biotics were immediately dispelled after that, and the last thing she saw was them carefully hauling her inside the shuttle. They put her face down, her gaze lingering on her home that was already burning to the ground before the shuttle departed. Her home was in flames. It was gone. She was never going back._

_Daddy…_

_-X-_

“Shepard.” 

Anderson’s question jolted her back to reality. She looked at the man sitting beside her in his sky car. It took two days to arrive in Vancouver, and they were heading to Anderson’s apartment for her to recover before heading to the private Alliance facility in the morning.

“Yes?”

Anderson paused for a brief second. “I want you to prepare yourself for this upcoming examination. If you’re as powerful as these reports say you are, then there is a high possibility they will keep running tests on you. See exactly what implants you qualify for.”

She visibly tensed, not liking the idea of being under a microscope while someone had their way with her. She hugged her arms protectively, her biotic suppressing cuffs clinking against each other. “What do you think?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think of my power? Am I the standard freak? Am I an abomination?”

“Neither,” Anderson said without hesitation. “You’re a child who endured a tragedy nobody should go through. It’s not your fault you were born with element zero embedded in you. You having biotics are out of your control. It’s a heavy weight on your shoulders for now, but if it weren’t for them, I highly doubt those batarians would have taken caution to keep you alive.”

She appreciated his attempt to comfort her.

 _I only wish they spared my back_ , she thought bitterly. As if on cue her back screamed in agony as she tried to stretch out her muscles, and she instantly curled up back into her shell. It hurt less in this position. The doctor on the _Einstein_ was able to render her back together, improving the shoddy work the batarian doctor did as soon as she was on the lab table on the trader’s base, but she could still feel the blade slowly run down her back, making her shudder from the ghost pain that surfaced.

“Are we going to your apartment?” She asked, changing the subject.

“Yes. I want you to get some rest before tomorrow. I have a feeling we’re going to be there all day, and you obviously need to recuperate beforehand. I’m not in the apartment often, but there’s plenty enough food to last for a while. You’ll most likely be by yourself until I get back tonight, but you are more than welcome to use my TV or entertainment system to keep yourself occupied. Take a nap if you must, I want you to be well-rested.”

She looked at her new master. It was sweet of him to offer so much for her recovery. He was straightforward, but not insensitive. She appreciated that too. It was strange but nice. From the way he was a little awkward about a teenage girl temporarily staying at his apartment, she assumed he didn’t have kids of his own. Which was fine with her. She already wasn’t comfortable with imposing on his personal space, invading a child’s space would have made it more awkward than it already was. She didn’t want to cause her new master any inconvenience.

She didn’t respond to him. Exhaustion was finally catching up with her. According to Mr. Hackett it had been four months since she and the other colonists were taken from Mindoir, but it felt like years had passed since she last saw her home. She could still smell the fresh blood that was spilled, could still hear the screams of panic and pain followed by an eerie silence, the sound of death still haunting her mind.

She clutched her arms as she gazed out the window of the sky car. Vancouver was a beautiful city. Towers stretched toward the sky, and the busy aerial traffic whizzed by as the soft hum of the skycar lulled her senses. She could see snow-capped mountains on the horizon. It was a stark contrast to the humid flatlands of Mindoir. She had never been to Earth. She always wanted to travel here, but for some reason, it was a taboo subject with her father. He always made a point that Mindoir was their home, and there was no reason to travel outside the colony other than to get supplies. Now that she was finally here, all she could think about was she was the last Mindoir survivor in her family, and she was here on Earth. In a luxurious sky car, the type that she only saw on ads on the extranet. They were heading to a nice apartment, where she would have video games, TV, and food at her fingertips.

Meanwhile, her family and friends were all dead. Her father’s lifeless eyes were still peering into her soul. The bullet hole in his forehead was still pouring blood. Mikhail’s attempt at an SOS cost everyone their lives, but she was still here. She had a new master, but he didn’t seem to want to be her master. That was a strange concept to her. With no master, she had no purpose, and with no purpose, what was she to do now? Who was she to serve?

She was in a whole new world now. Not knowing exactly where she was going to go.

Eventually, exhaustion overcame her, and as she leaned her head against the window, only one thought occurred as she let sleep embrace her.

_I should have died with them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been collecting dust for the past ten years so in celebration of Legendary Edition and the newest ME announcement I've decided to post this! 
> 
> Enjoy :3


	2. Episode 1

“SURPRISE!”

Confetti poppers went off in Kaidan Alenko’s parent’s apartment, his family happily cheering while congratulating him for turning nineteen. He sighed in resignation. He told his mom multiple times he didn’t want a party this year, but there was no convincing her otherwise, and his dad insisted that he at least act surprised when they entered the apartment.

Kaidan knew it was his mom’s attempt at cheering him up. He admitted he hadn’t been in the best mood lately, but at least he wasn’t going insane like many believed he would. Still, he decided to plaster on a polite smile and be as cordial as possible, if not to appease his mother. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her worry more than she had already been and have her efforts go to waste.

“Thanks, everyone. This is a real surprise!” he said cheerfully as he looked around at the old-fashioned streamers, colorful balloons, and the holo-banner that read, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAIDAN’.

“That was a terrible lie, but you’re trying, so I’ll let it slide,” Kyler Alenko whispered jovially as he patted his son on the back, urging him to mingle with his guests. “Happy Birthday, son. Please enjoy yourself tonight," he pleaded. 

Kaidan sighed. Even his own dad was begging him to let loose, and he wasn’t the begging type. He gingerly went up to this mother and gave her a grateful hug. “Thanks, Mom,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry for making you worry about me so much.”

“Nonsense, dear.” Sara Alenko rubbed her son’s back lovingly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I want you to have fun tonight. I know it’s been rough for you, but at least try to celebrate your birthday this time.”

“I know, Mom. But I—”

“No buts,” Sara admonished lightly. She tapped his nose playfully and grinned. “You’re going to relax and have a good time tonight and that’s that. You don’t have a choice so don’t bother trying to worm your way out of this one, young man.”

Kaidan laughed. “Yes ma’am.” He reached for a beer and popped off the lid, taking a swig.

“Off you go now.” His mother gave him a small push.

Kaidan shook his head but did as he told as he went to greet his family members who were kind enough to show up. The majority of his relatives had all but shunned him when he was revealed to be a biotic, and when he came back home after BAat, the minimum contact he had with them dropped to zero. They didn’t know all the details of what happened, but they knew whatever happened there was his fault. It only further cemented their animosity toward him.

He saw his Aunt Eliza showed up tonight, along with his older cousins. He was kind of surprised. They weren’t exactly close, but they fairly got along. Out of all his relatives, they were the least prejudiced when it came to biotics. They were always wary of him, but they were more sympathetic than hostile.

He greeted them and thanked them for coming out tonight. The conversation had been short but amiable. Aunt Eliza briefly spoke of her husband who unfortunately couldn’t make it since he had to work late (a lie, his uncle despised him and had no reason to come, but it didn’t bother Kaidan in the slightest), her students at the middle school she taught, and the latest coffeemaker she recently purchased. His cousins were silent, only giving basic updates on their lives when Eliza told them to speak up.

Kaidan made his rounds around the apartment. Not many people had come, but he was still glad his mother cared enough to throw a surprise party for him. Her unconditional love one of the few things that still made him feel normal. He greeted them, thanking them for attending, and told them to help themselves to the refreshments.

It was then he finally saw his friends from BAat in the corner, talking amongst themselves. He hadn’t spoken with any of them since the program shut down and they went their separate ways. He was delighted to see them, and he greatly appreciated them showing up, but the one person he wanted to see was absent like he knew she would be. No matter how many times he tried to contact her, to apologize for what happened and beg for her forgiveness, she never replied.

His friends noticed him coming and cheerfully waved him over, but he faltered. He wondered if he would be able to hold a conversation with them without thinking about Rahna. His heart fluttered. Even thinking about her made his stomach do flips.

Kaidan looked back at his mother uncertain. As if her maternal instincts kicked in, Sara turned her head from the conversation she was having with Aunt Eliza and looked him in the eye. She smiled and gave him a nod.

 _You can do this._ He could hear her encouragement and turned to face his friends.

He smiled at them as he approached them and was greeted with a tight group hug.

“Happy Birthday, Kaidan!”

"Congratulations, you're old!"

Kaidan laughed, his reunion with his friends already starting to lift his spirits.

“Hey guys! Long time no see!”

-X-

Her eyes fluttered open as the smell of food lingered in the air. She blinked herself awake, taking in the new environment she now found herself in. She turned her head, and she remembered she was no longer on Mindoir, but on Earth in Vancouver. This was her new home. She would be living here now. She slowly sat up in the king-sized bed. It was the complete opposite of her tiny twin bed on the farm. Different from the rock-hard cot her former masters provided her.

She slowly sat up, glancing at the large TV on the opposite wall. The distant sound of the skycars speeding outside the floor-to-ceiling window was something she wasn’t sure if she could get used to. She slowly climbed out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen where her maste—Anderson was preparing breakfast.

She didn’t have much time to explore the apartment the previous night since she fell asleep in Anderson's skycar on the way. Judging from the way she was still in her old colonist attire, it appeared Anderson carried her to bed without waking her.

“I’m almost finished here,” Anderson said looking at her. He looked at her dirty clothes. “You were exhausted yesterday so I didn’t want to disturb you. I left clean clothes in the upstairs bathroom for you. Why don’t you get yourself cleaned up? Breakfast will be ready by the time you finish.”

She nodded timidly, obediently going back upstairs to the bathroom. It was a nice bathroom, much nicer than the ones on Mindoir where the showers were communal.

_But it's not home..._

She picked up the pair of black sweatpants, t-shirt and hoodie Anderson provided for her, along with a pair of black and blue sneakers. She also noticed the basket of hygiene and beauty products on the sink countertop next to where her clothes were laid. She took a look at the contents.

Mango shampoo and conditioner, mango body wash, a pack of ponytails, feminine products, moisturizer for her hair, and even mango-flavored chapstick.

These were…really nice. Her maste— _No, he said not to call him that!_ —Anderson was being really kind to her. He even got her gifts without expecting anything from her. She wondered if she had to pay for them later.

As she carefully stripped out of her clothes, the bruises on her body glared at her from the reflection in the mirror and she gasped in horror. It was the first time she saw a mirror since she was taken from Mindoir. Her left ribs were heavily bruised and swollen with shades of blue, black, and purple. Her forearms were covered in them as well. She traced the long knife wound that was on her thigh; a cut one of her masters gave her when he tried to poke her with an electric rod out of boredom and she kicked it out of his hand in retaliation. She stepped closer to the mirror, examining her right eye, where it was swollen shut from the bruise that formed from the hard punch the batarians mercilessly landed on her not even an hour after they arrived at their base; it was her punishment for punching Master Jar’kan’s jaw off. If they didn’t already have plans to ship her to her buyer, she had no doubt they would have killed her on the spot. The small voice in the back of her head said it would have been a mercy.

She stared at herself in the mirror, not recognizing who the girl standing in front of her was. Her body was marred and severely broken. The discoloration was a stark contrast to her skin color. Her hair that was once thick and curly was dry and matted, lacking the shine it once had, and her lips were chapped to the point of bleeding.

She took a deep, shaky breath as she gripped the marble counter in an attempt to calm herself.

_Daddy said I have to be strong. I have to be strong! I promised him!_

Her nerves were shot, but she eventually managed to calm herself down. Her cuffs were still linked around her wrists, suppressing her dark energy. She gently traced her finger over one of them. She could feel her dark energy being tranquilized as if it was in a deep slumber. It was what she wanted, but the cuffs reminded her of the shackles her old masters used not only to suppress her biotics but to keep her from escaping. They caged her. Like an animal.

“It’s for the best,” she whispered to herself. “The Alliance said they’re not locking you away,” she tried to assure herself, “it’s to make sure you don’t flare up again. So you don’t hurt anybody. Yeah, that’s it.”

She took another deep breath as she steeled herself. She turned on the shower before jumping in with her new bath and body products in hand.

The hot water felt amazing. It washed away every trace of blood and dirt on her body, instantly relaxing her muscles and cleaning off the filth she endured for the past four months. The mango scent quickly filled the bathroom and the feminine fragrance filled her nostrils.

She closed her eyes and sighed in content. She welcomed the steam from the hot water and she absently turned around until she suddenly hissed in pain. Her back flared up from the sudden contact with the hot water and she instinctively turned back around and shut off the shower nozzle. Her lips quivered as she reached around, tracing her fingers down her lower back. The wound was too deep for the med bay doctor on the Einstein to heal and avoid scarring, but it had been correctly stitched and sealed using the surgical equipment in the bay. The scar was thick; a glaring reminder of the sheer pain her old masters put her through. It felt like her fingers left a trail of scorching fire down her back.

Her breathing labored when the horrible memory came flooding back.

_Her biotics immediately halted when she felt a knife run down her spine. It happened so fast, but she felt like it ran down her back in slow motion. She screeched in pain as blood poured down her back, rendering her legs useless as the pain was too much for her to stand. She keeled over as white-hot pain scorched her back. She could feel the warm air seep into her exposed backside, flesh and bone completely on display, making the contact burn in excruciating agony. She continued to cry because she felt like she was going to die right then and there._

_It hurt. It hurt so bad. Her back felt like it was on fire. She couldn’t even move._

_Grandpa. Granny. Aunt Maya. Aunt Sarah. Uncle Julian. Uncle Lionel. Mama. Was she going to join them soon? Was this the end for her?_

_“Dammit! That was excessive. Instructions were to keep her alive, you idiot!”_

“…Shepard! Shepard!”

It hurt so much! She could still feel the knife run down her back, tearing her skin wide open, blood splattering everywhere. Her blood. Her skin was hanging loosely from her back as she sobbed in sheer agony.

_“She’s still alive isn’t she? Slap some gel on her for now. C'mon, Ti’kash will patch her up when we get back.”_

_“Make sure she stays alive during the trip. No funny business. We ain’t gonna get paid if she ends up bleeding out before we even get there.”_

_No! They couldn’t take her! She wouldn’t let them!_

“SHEPARD!”

She gasped for air as she looked around frantically. Her eyes darted around in fear until she realized she was in someone’s bathroom.

“Shepard, are you alright?”

She finally registered that someone was calling out for her. Then she realized she was in the shower, on her knees, hyperventilating between her sobs. Anderson was holding her, and she saw she had a towel wrapped around her. Anderson was steadily holding her, watching her while trying to calm her down.

Once her sobs died down, she looked up at Anderson who was staring at her worriedly. “Are you alright? What happened?” he asked in concern.

She wasn’t really sure. When did he get here?

“I-I don’t know.” She covered herself further, suddenly conscious of the fact that she was naked underneath the towel and was with a stranger. Getting the hint, Anderson courteously looked away.

“I heard you scream, and when I ran up here you were curled up and crying,” Anderson explained. He kept his focus on a tile on the shower wall. “You gave me a scare there for a minute, Shepard.”

“I’m so sorry,” she immediately said, “I didn’t mean to, I mean I wasn’t trying to…I’m so sorry Master!” She cried out in panic; afraid he was going to punish her for the horrible way she acted.

“I told you to never call me that,” Anderson softly chided.

“I’m so sorry!” She heard Anderson sigh. She curled up even further and rocked and forth. Her punishment was coming any second now, she could feel it. She upset him, and accidentally called him her master again after he deliberately told her not to. She disobeyed him! She didn’t want to be punished!

“It’s alright,” Anderson spoke softly, his baritone voice emitting an aura of calm.

She looked up at him, fearful and timid. “You're not mad at me?”

“No, I’m not. I was only worried about you.”

“Worried?”

“Yes.”

“You were worried about me?”

“Yes.”

They sat in awkward silence until Anderson cleared his throat.

“Let’s finish getting you cleaned up here,” he said. He finally turned his head and made eye contact with her. “You still have to eat after all,” he chuckled softly. “I can’t have you starve on my watch.”

She watched him carefully, not expecting his nonchalant reaction to this. She was expecting him to yell at her, hit her, or cut her. Instead, he shrugged it off and made a joke. He was kind. Not the same kindness her old masters showed. She could sense a different form of kindness from him.

And she had no idea how to process that.

-X-

The weather was perfect outside today. Kaidan could see the city teeming with life ten stories below him. He watched from the window as people went about their business, merrily spending the beautiful day with family, friends, and lovers. Kaidan hoped he could take a stroll through the park today. It was still early in the morning, so he had the entire day. Maybe he could grab a Canadian bacon cheeseburger from his favorite food truck. His mouth salivated at the thought. Yeah, a burger was sounding really good right now.

“Kaidan.”

He snapped out of his thoughts and focused on his counselor, Dr. Hawthorne. “Sorry Doc, you were saying?” He felt bad for spacing out.

“It’s alright, Kaidan,” Dr. Hawthorne said patiently, adjusting his datapad in his lap. “I asked how was your birthday? Did you spend it with loved ones as I suggested?”

“I did. Mom wanted to throw me a party and get some of my family and friends together. I was against it at first, but Dad finally convinced me to come out for the evening. You know, get out and be social for a change.”

“Did you have fun?”

“I did,” Kaidan admitted, “my aunt was there, along with my cousins. We talked, you know, caught up on current events and whatnot. We kept it cordial, but it was still pleasant.”

“And your friends?”

“Some of them showed up and I got to catch up with them too. It’s been what, almost two years since I last spoke with them? It was good to see them again. I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to them until we were out on the balcony drinking beers and reminiscing of our times together.”

“It’s good to hear you say that Kaidan,” Dr. Hawthorne nodded in approval. “You’ve been coming here for a year and a half now and you’ve hardly mentioned them during our sessions. I know they’re a sensitive subject for you, understandably so, so I’m pleasantly surprised to hear you speak of them so freely.”

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t say sensitive exactly.”

“You just don’t like to talk about them because it reminds you of BAat.”

Kaidan averted his eyes. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Would you say the party was a success in your opinion?”

“Pardon?”

“The party,” Dr. Hawthorne looked at him with a steady and patient gaze, “you didn’t want to attend at first, so your parents had to goad you into it. You mentioned before you weren’t close with your relatives, but you still spoke with your aunt and cousins and admitted it was a pleasant conversation. You even reunited with your friends after not speaking to them for a long time. You've made more progress at that party than you have in an entire two years. Would you call that a success?”

“If you consider it a success Doc, then yeah, sure.”

“We’re not here to appeal to me, Kaidan. My job is to help _you_ move forward with your life, and to help you cope with your biotic abilities.” Dr. Hawthorne watched Kaidan intently. “Your growth has been steady, which is good, but there are times when that growth requires taking a leap of faith.”

Kaidan didn’t agree with that. He made a point to always stay away from the morally grey zone since he firmly believed it was a slippery slope into becoming a crook. He looked at Dr. Hawthorne. A social event wasn’t the worst thing that happened to him, and he genuinely enjoyed himself.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, I would call it a success. I didn’t want to upset Mom, so I went. At first it was just an obligation. I didn’t know my friends were coming though, so that was a pleasant surprise. We drank, chatted, played a couple of video games. We all had fun by the time the party was over.”

“And you didn’t have any…urges?” Dr. Hawthorne asked carefully.

“If by urges you mean the desire to hurl someone off the balcony with my biotics? Heh…no, I didn’t.”

“By urges, I meant the sudden desire to pull and throw every item in your room, like a few months ago.”

“Right…no Doc, I haven’t had any. That time was just a slip-up, an accident. I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again. And it hasn’t.”

“That’s a tall order.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re a biotic, and you’re young but you’ve been through a lot the past few years. Slip-ups are bound to happen, Kaidan. After all, you’re still human. You can’t be so hard on yourself each time you lose a little control.”

“Hh, I can’t afford to lose control,” Kaidan said a little impatiently, “you know that Doc. Vyrnnus ended up dead because I lost control! Because I had a slip-up.”

“I wouldn’t call defending yourself and your girl a slip-up, per se.”

“Hh, yeah well, I still ended up snapping his neck and he still ended up dead…and Rahna’s not my girl anymore. She made sure of that.” Kaidan slumped forward in his chair, burying his face in his hands as he sighed deeply.

The truth was he really missed Rahna. Her voice, her scent, her soft brown skin, that wonderful Turkish accent that was music to his ears. She was kind and gentle, but so frail and easily frightened. He swore to himself that he would always protect her the minute they first spoke to each other. As embarrassing as it was to admit, Kaidan was a closet romantic, and he used to read about star-crossed lovers from novels he read as a kid or from romance vids. Rahna was his first love. He still remembered the first night they kissed, and the first night they spent together a few months later. They agreed to be each other’s first, and the fact that she trusted him enough to give herself to him made his heart sour. After that, he was sure she was the one for him; the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. One night, when Rahna was sleeping in his arms and he was caressing her skin, he promised himself that once they were done with BAat he would ask her to marry him.

Kaidan killed Vyrnnus the very next day after the turian bastard broke Rahna’s arm. After that, she saw him as a monster she couldn’t even look at. He defended her and she completely shut him out without giving him a chance to explain himself. She barely said goodbye. He didn’t even know where she was at the moment. He searched all over for her information, starting in Turkey, but it was like she completely dropped off the grid.

She was his _güzel melek_ one day and a complete stranger the next.

The universe sure had a sadistic sense of humor.

“Kaidan.” Dr. Hawthorne snapped him out of his thoughts again.

“Sorry, Doc,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Let’s talk about something less delicate,” Dr. Hawthorne suggested.

Kaidan sighed in relief. “Please.”

-X-

“Um…A-Anderson?” She asked.

“Yes?”

“Is this the Alliance facility?”

“Yes and no.”

“O-oh…”

Anderson looked at Senna, who was fidgeting with her wrist cuffs. They were currently waiting for the elevator in a corporate building downtown. They were in the lobby, though it was empty aside from the receptionist who was focused on the work on her terminal. “We’re meeting up with your counselor today.”

She looked up at him confused. Weren’t they supposed to head to the secret Alliance training facility? She didn’t dare voice her concern though.

“I requested for you to begin your counseling immediately,” Anderson elaborated. “After your incident in the bathroom last week, I convinced Commander Hackett to postpone observing your biotic abilities for the time being. I’m not comfortable with you being in there in your current state of mind.”

“Oh…”

“Oh, indeed.”

The elevator doors opened, and they proceeded to the tenth floor.

“Um…Anderson?”

“Yes?”

She looked away, the firmness in his eyes was intense. It made her nervous. “Where is the training facility?” She whispered.

“It’s the building next door.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Anderson chuckled, “this is where you’ll be training and receiving your treatment. I told you we’re keeping you incognito for you for now. This facility has the best security and is in plain sight, so this is our best option. Plus, it’s close to my apartment. Trust me, Shepard, you’ll be safe.”

“Oh, okay.” She fidgeted with her wrist cuffs awkwardly.

They arrived on the tenth floor and they stepped out of the elevator. She followed Anderson to the counselor’s office as he unlocked the door with his omni-tool. The door lock turned green and opened with a quiet hiss, and she was met with a large office with wide windows that offered a beautiful view of the city. She could see a circular plaza with a large fountain in the center down below. Skycars raced by in heavy traffic with the occasional Alliance ship cruising in the sky. She could see the snowcapped mountains on the horizon. Below, She could see children playing with each other while adults, most likely their parents, watched them from a distance on benches. They were laughing as they cheerfully ran to their parents who embraced them in tight hugs.

She clutched her wrist cuffs, a longing tearing at her. She shouldn’t be here. She should be in the heavens with her family. Surely they were waiting for her to join them.

Anderson gently placed his hand on her shoulder, snapping her back to reality, and guided her to her counselor. “Shepard, this Dr. Oliver Hawthorne. He’s an Alliance psychologist. He’s an excellent doctor and a trusted friend, and he will be helping you on your journey.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Shepard. David told me all about you and what happened on Jar’urta. You’re a very brave girl. I look forward to working with you.”

She looked up at Dr. Hawthorne, his green eyes were friendly as he greeted her with a warm smile. She noticed he outstretched his hand to her expectantly, but she didn’t reach for it. Instead, she glanced at Anderson, who nodded at her encouragingly. She shakily took Dr. Hawthorne’s hand, and he gently shook it in return.

“We’re going to take this as slow as we need to, sweetie. I’m here for you, and my goal is to make sure we work together to improve your health and ensure you make a full recovery.”

She didn’t comment, but she nodded rapidly, her curls bouncing around her face. She kept her eyes on the floor.

“You’re going to spend the next couple of hours with Dr. Hawthorne here. He’s going to take the time to get to know you better so he can build your profile and make a treatment plan for you. It’ll be a long process, but I promise you’ll be safe with him,” Anderson assured as he began to head for the door.

Her head snapped in his direction when she saw he was leaving. “Wait!” She said in a panic as she grabbed his hand without thinking. “W-where are you going?!”

Anderson turned to her; a solemn expression displayed on his features. “I can’t be here with you, Shepard,” he said softly. “This is a journey you have to start yourself. I’m only here to help you take a step forward. I’ll be close by, I promise, but all your sessions with Dr. Hawthorne will be with just the two of you.” He placed a hand on her shoulder when he saw she was starting to panic, and Dr. Hawthorne pretended to gaze out the window.

She looked down dejectedly. The truth was Anderson wanted to be there for her, but since he postponed her biotic observations Hackett ordered him to have her in a healthy state of mind in a timely manner.

_“It’s cold, David, I know,” Hackett told him over the comm vid while Shepard was upstairs sleeping, “but if we’re going to postpone her training then her counseling needs to happen at a brisk pace. The Board wants her to enlist as soon as she’s of age. That means we barely have a couple of years to accomplish this project. Her mental health is a key element, so if she’s not showing progress or if it’s too much for her to handle, we pull the plug, no questions asked. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. David, you’re the only one who can make this happen. Help her build herself back up and teach her what it means to be human again. I’m counting on you. Hackett out._

Anderson shook his head. He smiled at her and gently patted her shoulder. “You’re a strong young woman, Shepard. I have the utmost faith in you. You can do this. You just have to be strong.”

_Be strong. Daddy told me to be strong too._

She took a deep breath as she nodded. She stared into Anderson’s warm honey eyes, a new wave of resolve washing over her.

“Okay.”

Anderson believed in her, and her father told her to be strong. She would not fail them. She would be strong and succeed in counseling.

-X-

It was awful. She hated it.

Dr. Hawthorne was kind, but every question he asked was either to Mindoir. She didn’t want to talk about Mindoir. She didn’t want to talk about how her father was shot dead in front of her eyes either. How her friends were brutally mutilated by her old masters when any of them tried to escape from their new home.

She hugged her knees close to her chest. She was sitting on the couch in the downstairs living room, not paying attention to the vid Anderson put on the TV for her.

Anderson entered the apartment with several bags in his hands. The aroma of food filled her nostrils and her stomach immediately growled.

“I figured we could have takeout tonight,” Anderson called out from the kitchen as he placed the bags on the countertop. “You ever had Chinese food?”

“N-no…”

“Then you’re in a treat.” Anderson grinned as he pulled the contents out of the bag. He looked at her and motioned for her to come. She immediately got up from the couch and went to him. She looked down at the food, intrigued by the contents.

“This here is orange chicken, a personal favorite of mine,” Anderson said. “We’ve also got lo mein chicken, that right there is sweet and sour pork, I also got General Tso’s chicken, Szechuan beef, kung pao chicken, sesame chicken, beef with broccoli, egg drop soup, wonton soup, a pu-pu platter, and stir-fried broccoli. Vegetables are important too.” Anderson chuckled at himself.

Her eyes were practically bulging out her head as she gazed at the abundant amount of food in front of her. Meat was scarce back on the farm so bread and vegetables were the main sources of food. There so were many flavors here! And rice. So much rice.

Anderson laughed at her reaction. He handed her a fork and a napkin. “Dig in! Eat to your heart’s content, Shepard.”

Her eyes darted at the various options. She looked back at Anderson. “W-which one do I choose?”

“Whichever one you want.” Anderson was already digging into a plate of orange chicken with fried rice. He gave her a small smirk. “The choice is completely yours. You can have it all if you want.”

She gasped in excitement as she looked down. They all looked so good. She couldn’t decide! Eventually, she opted for the Szechuan beef and took a bite.

It melted in her mouth immediately. The rich flavor burst, she never tasted anything so good! She chewed in delight. The vegetables and the seasonings that complimented the beef were delicious. She wanted more! She took more bites, and each one tastier than the last.

“Mmm…” she gasped and bashfully covered her mouth in embarrassment and glanced at Anderson, hoping she didn’t make him mad, but he simply laughed as he took another bite of his chicken.

“It’s good isn’t it? I keep telling Steven takeout food is not to be underestimated, but he's a dine-in kind of person.” Anderson grinned in amusement when she eagerly nodded.

“It’s delicious!” She said with a wide smile.

Anderson smiled. It was the first time he saw her smile since they met in the brig a week ago. It warmed his heart to see her so happy over food. Whatever got her to open up more was a success in his book.

“I’m glad you like it.” They ate in silence, enjoying their dinner to their heart’s content.

“Ah, before I forget.” Anderson briefly placed his food down and went to the refrigerator. He grabbed two cans of soda and handed one to her. She took it and looked at him.

“You must be thirsty. Drink up.” He said opening his can. She followed his example and opened hers. They both took a swig.

“Ahh…” they both said. They look at each other and she couldn’t help but giggle. He smiled. 

“A toast,” he raised his can toward her, “to Chinese food!”

She smiled happily at him. “To Chinese food!”

Their cans clinked as they took another swig.

-X-

Kaidan tapped his foot irately in the elevator, his eyes downcast and his arms crossed. He was on his way to see Dr. Hawthorne. It had been almost two months since he last visited the doctor and he felt kind of bad for not seeing him sooner. He got caught up with taking care of the family orchard and he ended up staying in the small farmhouse his parents owned. It was on the outskirts of Vancouver, an hour drive via skycar. Kaidan considered it his haven away from the buzz of the city. Anytime he felt like a migraine was coming on or he was stressed out, the clear air, the soft chirping of birds, and the smell of gardenias his mother had in her garden always made the pain easier to deal with. Spending time in the outdoors always improved his mood. Between maintaining the orchard and other chores around the farmhouse, the leisure time he spent there consisted of him wasting the days away watching random vids on the extranet, playing games on his omni-tool, and practicing his biotics in the empty fields. His control greatly improved over time but he couldn’t afford to get lazy and risk flaring up in public. At night he would tinker with the old science projects he never finished when he left for BAat, or he’d simply lie in bed, contemplating life.

There was also the occasional masturbation. It wasn’t an addiction, but a means of distraction. Each time Rahna entered his mind he would get drowned in the memory of her, the way her lips tasted every time he kissed her, the way her lips were parted each time his kisses left her breathless, how her bare skin felt underneath him as she looked into his eyes with a mix of timidity and wanton need as he slowly entered her, ready to make her his and have her cry out his name in sheer pleasure…

Kaidan convinced himself the need to pleasure himself was natural. There was no real reason for him to be ashamed about it. He was a red-blooded nineteen-year-old man, and he hadn’t been with anyone else since Rahna left him two years ago. He highly doubted he would meet anyone else who ignited the heat in him the way she did…

Dr. Hawthorne contacted him a few days ago while Kaidan was fixing the tractor he had been meaning to get to, asking when he was going to book his next session.

 _You can’t hide from me, Kaidan Alenko. I’ve known your family for a long time so I know where you live,_ his message said. Kaidan snorted. It was too bad he was at the orchard where his eccentric counselor couldn't get him.

Until the next message came two minutes later.

_I know where the orchard is too. Will next Friday at 10:00 AM work for you?_

His vacation was officially over after that.

Now Kaidan was in the excruciatingly slow elevator, and it had to be on the day he planned to buy the popular new omni-tool that was released to the public. It got great reviews already and he was excited to try it out. He was prepared to go in, speak with Dr. Hawthorne, buy the omni-tool afterward, go home, and tinker with his new toy.

The elevator door opened at last. Mentally pumping himself up, Kaidan stepped out with conviction, ready to get this over with.

He immediately collided with someone who yelped as they fell back and landed on their behind.

“I’m so sorry!” They both said at the same time.

Kaidan panicked as he quickly kneeled to help the girl he accidentally barreled over, but she flinched from him when he outstretched his hand to help her back up, and he noticed she was violently trembling.

“I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to, I mean, I didn’t do it on p-purpose.” Her dark curly hair covered her face for the most part, but he could tell she was on the verge of an anxiety attack from the way she hugged herself protectively. Kaidan was immediately racked with guilt for causing her such distress.

“Hey hey, I’m not gonna hurt you,” Kaidan said in a gentle hushed tone as he reached to help her. She flinched even more as she stiffened. He sighed.

 _One more girl that’s terrified of me to add to the list,_ he thought bitterly.

Kaidan retreated his hand. “Listen, uh, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said apologetically, “I was in a hurry, but that doesn’t excuse me running into you like that.”

She didn’t respond, but she placed a hand on her chest as she took deep breaths. “One…two…three…” she counted to herself as if he wasn’t even there.

Kaidan rubbed his neck awkwardly when a couple of bystanders gave them odd looks. “Look, uh… I’m really sorry okay? I didn’t mean to frighten you. I really didn’t. Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need me to get you anything, like a bottle of water?”

She rapidly shook her head.

Alright then. What now?

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated as she continued to take deep breaths.

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s my fault you fell down in the first place.” Kaidan looked around again, thankful there were no other bystanders around and the two that stopped by went about their business. “Do you need help getting up? I’m not mad at you or anything. I just want to make sure you’re okay, so you don’t have to be scared of me,” he said softly.

The trembling girl turned her head at him ever-so-slightly but said nothing. She nodded. “O-okay.”

Kaidan took that cue to outstretch his hand, but he did so very slowly this time, taking extra care so as to not scare her again. Her hand was still trembling as she reached forward, and he gently clasped her hand in his.

A sudden jolt occurred between them as his biotics accidentally emerged and enveloped her hand, making her gasp.

_Shit!_

Kaidan had no idea why his dark energy decided to present itself, and in public no less! He mentally cursed himself for losing control, and in front of a girl who looked like she was going to faint any second now. Although if she did faint, it would give him enough time to make a run for it before she called the police on him. The Counseling Center of the Alliance was a secured facility for biotics, but he wasn’t going to take any chances. Better safe than sorry.

The girl in front of him, however, stared at his hand in shock and…awe? Kaidan raised an eyebrow. Was she not afraid of him? The strange girl continued to stare at his dark energy as if it were something she had never seen before, which he assumed was the case before she finally looked up at him curiously.

Kaidan cleared his throat shyly and darted his gaze to the side, not used to being looked at that way. He took that chance to nudge her into standing up, and thankfully she got the hint and slowly stood up. She was almost a head shorter than he was, and he frowned when he noticed the glaring deep scar that ran horizontally across her neck.

He looked into her eyes, and they were a lovely shade of chocolate brown. He also couldn’t help but notice there was a tiny scar that ran across her cheek.

Her head snapped back down as she continued to stare at his hand, and Kaidan looked down as well, wondering how she could be so easily fascinated by this. Though he supposed this was better than her shrieking in terror and running away, like that one lady he scared off when he used a biotic pull to draw a candy bar to him at the drugstore when he thought no one was looking.

Kaidan didn’t know what came over him, but no one else was around, so he decided to take a chance and flare his dark energy around her hand just a little bit more.

Her eyes widened as she gasped in admiration at the shades of blue around their joined hands. She looked back up at him, and he couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.

She looked like she was contemplating on whether to speak or not until she finally spoke up in the tiniest whisper.

“A-a-again?”

Kaidan’s grin widened, happy that he made at least one person happy with his biotics. He looked down at their joined hands and channeled his dark energy to extend to her arm. She gazed in wonder as she looked at him and let out a small giggle. 

_She’s cute_ , he absently thought.

She suddenly broke contact with their hands, his biotics dissipating immediately, and hugged her hand to her chest and rubbed it slightly, though this time Kaidan was confident it was out of amazement rather than fear. It was then he noticed the cuffs that were locked around her wrists.

Kaidan’s brows furrowed. He recognized those from the extranet ads that promoted the detainment of biotics who weren’t part of the military after they were discovered. He looked back at the girl who was still focused on her hand. After a comfortable silence, she looked back at him and gave him a wide smile.

Her eyes subsequently went back to focusing on the floor as she quickly walked around him and retreated into the elevator, the doors shutting behind her immediately.

Kaidan stared at the closed elevator for a minute longer, processing what the hell just happened. He looked at the hand she had been holding. After spending the majority of his life ashamed by his biotics, he couldn’t help but smile at the girl who went from absolutely petrified, to smiling at him with childlike wonder. He chuckled and shook his head as he continued to Dr. Hawthorne’s office.

-X-

“Anderson?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“Why do people hate biotics?”

She and Anderson were watching a movie about a hanar who went around shooting random stuff. It was weird, but it was a guilty pleasure of hers.

“A lot of people fear what they don’t understand or can’t control, Shepard. Human biotics are a new concept that people aren’t exactly used to yet. They’ve only appeared a few years ago after all, which is not a lot of time for other people to fully understand them. Biotics are powerful beings that transcend race. The asari are powerful biotics too. My theory is that humans understand how strong the asari are and fear their next-door neighbor may be capable of such an ability. The seeds of doubt are not to be underestimated. I don’t condone how the government is handling the situation, however.”

“Is that also why I have to wear these?” She raised up her wrists where her cuffs were locked on.

“Unfortunately yes,” Anderson said honestly. “Speaking of which, it’s been six months since you’ve started your counseling with Dr. Hawthorne. How was your last session?”

“It was good. Since the holidays are coming up Dr. Hawthorne wanted to discuss things that I’m grateful for.”

“Interesting topic,” Anderon took a bite of his ice cream they were having for dessert, “anything worth mentioning?”

“Well, I’m grateful for the ice cream you bought me.” She grinned as she took a lick from her strawberry ice cream cone.

“That was after your session, Shepard.” Anderson raised an eyebrow at her with amusement.

“Okay, okay.” She said in a playful tone. “…I’m grateful that you took me in and gave me shelter,” she said more seriously. “I…didn’t know what was going to happen when you brought me here. I was so scared,” she admitted. “I was entering an entirely different planet with a complete stranger who wasn’t my new master.” She chuckled. “I-I still have nightmares. About my family. Dying in front of me. It hurts so bad…but you and my father told me to be strong, so I have to keep going. For both of you.”

“Not just for us. You have to be strong for yourself as well, Shepard,” Anderson added. “If you can’t push forward for your own sake then our concerns mean nothing. You must remember you have gotten this far on your own accord. I remember six months ago when you begged me to stay with you during your first session with Dr. Hawthorne. I said you had to endure it by yourself, and rather than back down or run away, you held your head high and took it like a soldier. Even when you told me you didn’t like it later that day, you continued on and now you’re capable of walking to the session without my help. You’re even coming back into your own pattern of speech. Not many can do that in such a short amount of time.”

She blushed at the compliments he was handing her. She bashfully took another lick of her ice cream.

“The progress you’ve made in six months is outstanding, Shepard, and all the credit for that goes to you. I only gave you the tools to better yourself. The rest you did on your own.” Anderson looked at her and gave a warm smile. “I’m proud of you.”

She grinned, happy that she was able to please him so. “Thank you, Anderson.”

“You’re welcome, Shepard.”

They both sat in comfortable silence, the movie droning in the background as they enjoyed their ice cream.

“Why don’t you call me by my first name?” she asked a few minutes later.

Anderson pondered his answer. “I suppose it’s because I’ve been in the military for so long I’ve made a habit of calling everyone by their surnames.”

“But I’ve heard you call Commander Hackett by his first name,” she countered.

“True, but Steven and I have known each other for over fifteen years. We’re close friends.”

“Are…are we not close friends?” she asked, her tone laced with doubt and hurt.

Anderson smirked. “I’d say we are. You’ve been living with me for a while now, and I let you eat all of the snacks I bought the other day.”

She grinned sheepishly and let out a nervous laugh. “In my defense, you did say I could help myself to whatever I wanted.”

“You got me there. I learned the hard way you have quite the appetite. Comes with being a biotic I suppose.”

Anderson's expression turned serious.

“You’ll be starting your biotic training soon. It won’t be easy, and I can guarantee you’re going to have stressful days. Are you prepared for that?”

“I admit I’m really nervous, but yes. I’m ready.” She said with a determined nod.

“Good.” Anderson returned the nod. “I have no doubt you’ll do great…Senna. Make me proud.”

Senna smiled and gave him a mock salute. “Yes, sir.”

-X-

Kaidan was at the CCA, waiting for the elevator. He had just finished his session with Dr. Hawthorne when the elevator doors opened. He halted when a girl stepped out in her black sweatpants, blue hoodie, and black sneakers. She looked at him and started to shrink back until she gasped in recognition.

He immediately recognized her the second the elevator opened. It was the same girl he bumped into a few months ago who had a thing for his biotics.

“Good morning,” she said timidly while fidgeting with the cuffs on her wrists. Something was different about her. She was quaking in her shoes when he first met her as if he were going to strike her at any second. It also took some persuading to get her to accept his hand to help her off the ground. The way she was preventing her hyperventilation she was like a shrinking violet when he first met her.

“Good morning,” he politely greeted. She stood there awkwardly for a moment before she slowly outstretched her hand to him. He looked down and blinked before he quirked an eyebrow at her.

“You trying to turn me into a circus act?” he teased.

She widened her eyes in horror and immediately retreated her hand. Kaidan mentally cursed himself. “W-what? N-no! I’m so sorry! I-I just thought that, I just…” her eyes were wide in panic as she rubbed her cuffs anxiously.

“Hey now don’t worry,” he quickly assured her, “I was just teasing you. I shouldn’t have done that though. Sorry about that.” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck before he outstretched his hand toward her as a peace offering.

“O-oh! Um…okay then. Um, apology accepted.” She gently took his hand and was rewarded with his dark energy enveloping their hands. She giggled as she grinned at him, which he returned.

Kaidan could see how she was different now. She wasn’t nearly as frightened of him as she was when they first met four months ago. She was still timid and a little awkward, but she seemed more confident with herself if her greeting him first this time was any indication. He assumed she was here for counseling as well since this entire building was reserved for counselors and psychiatrists. Whatever she was here for, she was making great progress.

She stared at his hand a little longer, gently taking it with her other one, and stared at it, as if examining it. She watched the blue hues that caressed their hands with a smile.

“Amazing,” she said breathlessly.

Kaidan’s breath hitched.

 _Did she say my biotics were amazing?_ He wasn’t sure how to take it. It was the first time anyone ever complimented his biotics.

The girl in front of him released his hand and smiled at him. “I’ll… I’ll see you later!” She hurried along as she stopped in front of Dr. Hawthorne’s office and went inside.

Kaidan stared at the spot she was standing in. He only met her twice and both times she managed to amaze him. He chuckled to himself. She was a funny girl.

A funny, awkward, enigmatic, _beautiful_ girl.

-X-

“How was your session today, Shepard?” Anderson asked. They were eating dinner at the table this time.

“It was good,” she replied casually.

“Is that right?” Anderson watched her keenly. “Did anything interesting happen?”

“Well, Dr. Hawthorne did say my progress is exceptional. He also suggested new techniques about how to continue to build my self-esteem.”

“That’s very good.”

She fidgeted with her fork. “There is something else that happened today.”

“Oh?” Anderson raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his wine. “Was it something good?”

“Y-you could say that…” her cheeks turned pink as she looked at Anderson bashfully. “…I met a guy.”

Anderson choked on his wine and coughed a little. His intensive military training did not prepare him for this. There was a reason he didn't have any kids. His recovery time was incredible because he looked at Senna with a stern fatherly gaze. “Really now?”

“B-but it’s not what you think! I promise!” she said quickly. “I actually met him a few months ago. We bumped into each other when he got out of the elevator. He explained he was in a hurry and was really sorry. He’s a biotic… like me.”

Anderson watched her with a steady gaze. “I see. How do you know he’s a biotic? Did he tell you?”

“N-no. I fell when we bumped into each other. He helped me get back up. When we touched, I could feel his biotics. His energy was warm. Calming. Comforting. In control.” She smiled to herself. “My father always kept my biotics a secret. I was the only one on Mindoir and I always felt like… like an outsider. A freak. I ran into him again today on my way to see Dr. Hawthorne. He was kind and he showed me his biotics again. No one was around though, I swear! But…it was my first time meeting someone like me. It was really cool. I've never seen anything like it."

Anderson listened intently, the cogs in his mind turning as an idea came to him. “I appreciate you telling me this, Senna, and I’m glad you met someone you can relate to.”

She looked at him. “It doesn’t mean I want to replace you or anything like that,” she quickly assured.

Anderson chuckled. “What’s his name?”

“Uh.” She blushed in embarrassment. She was so excited about meeting another biotic that she forgot to ask his name! Today had been the first time she saw him in months so there was no way of knowing when she would see him again. “I don’t know. I-I didn’t ask him.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll see each other again soon.”

-X-

The following week, Kaidan headed up the elevator to Dr. Hawthorne’s office. He normally visited every two weeks, but the other night he finally received a message from Rahna whose only words were to never contact her again. Obviously, he immediately replied to her message, pleading with her to at least let them talk it out. The message bounced back to him a second later, which meant she blocked him. He felt rage, at her for not taking the time to listen to his side of the story, and at himself for even putting himself in this situation to begin with. If he had been more careful, more in control of himself, they would have graduated from BAat without incident, and he would have proposed to her by now. Kaidan was upset with Rahna’s abrupt goodbye because it felt like a betrayal of their love, of everything they experienced together. It was like the love they had meant nothing to her. His emotions got the better of him and his biotics flared up in his bedroom, shattering the windows and chaotically dislocating all his personal items around. His alarm clock shattered to pieces and his personal datapad broke into two pieces as well.

His mother immediately booked an appointment with Dr. Hawthorne.

Kaidan deeply sighed, ashamed at himself for even losing control like that, and especially for worrying his mom again, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. He messaged Rahna so many times that he shouldn’t have been surprised that she contacted him just to tell him to fuck off. He scoffed darkly as he ran a hand through his hair.

Once he entered Dr. Hawthorne’s office, he was stunned to see that instead of the counselor, the girl from the elevator was sitting in a chair, patiently waiting.

Kaidan cleared his throat, and she turned her head and gasped as she shot up from her chair.

Kaidan quirked an eyebrow. “I’m supposed to be seeing Dr. Hawthorne now. My appointment is at 6:00 PM tonight?”

Her eyes widened in horror. “W-what?! Oh! I’m so sorry! I, I didn’t know, I promise! I could have sworn my appointment was today at 6:00 PM as well!” She fidgeted with her cuffs, anxiously scrambling to get out of there. “I’m so sorry, maybe I got the date wrong. Yeah, that’s probably it. This was my mistake.”

“Whoa there.” Kaidan gently grabbed her arm before she could leave. She stiffened as she peered at him inquiringly. Not fearfully, he noted.

“This is most likely a misunderstanding. Dr. Hawthorne is a great counselor, but he’s getting old so he sometimes gets his appointments mixed up. This isn’t the first time this has happened.”

She looked down, taking his explanation into consideration. She looked back up at him and nodded, accepting his answer. He let go of her arm and she rubbed it uneasily.

“Why don’t we just wait here until Doc arrives? He should be here any minute, so I’m sure he’ll be able to clear this up in no time.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

As if on cue Kaidan’s omni-tool bleeped. He glanced at it and saw a message had come in. He opened it and Dr. Hawthorne’s face appeared on the holo-screen.

_Good evening, Kaidan! I hope you’ve had a fantastic day so far. Funny story: I accidentally got your appointment mixed up with another patient of mine. She should be inside my office already. As luck would have it, I also have a personal emergency that just came up, so I’m afraid I must cancel our appointment for today. I deeply apologize for the inconvenience. There’s no need to worry though! I’ve already assured your parents they won’t be billed for today. I’ll work on getting your session rescheduled as soon as I return to the office. Oh! If you do see my lovely patient, do apologize to her on my behalf. She often walks to my office by herself and I feel just terrible that she wasted her time. You have a good weekend!_

Kaidan groaned in annoyance as he closed out his omni-tool. “How convenient. Hh, that old man is losing his touch,” he said to no one in particular. It explained his evening appointment. Normally his sessions were in the morning or mid-afternoon. He sighed and stood there for a couple of minutes before he remembered he wasn’t alone. He looked over at the girl, who was fidgeting with her wrist cuff and looking at the ground.

“Did you get all of that?”

She nodded.

They stood in awkward silence. “Well, I’m going to head back home and get ready for dinner. Dr. Hawthorne said you normally walk here by yourself. Do you have anyone that can pick you up?”

She rapidly shook her head. “I-I can walk by myself. It’s okay,” she said.

Kaidan frowned a little. He looked out the window. It was getting dark, and he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of her walking home at night by herself. Vancouver wasn’t a crime-ridden city, but it sure as hell wasn’t a utopia either.

“I’d feel better if I escorted you home,” he suggested. “It wouldn’t be right if I left you here alone.”

She looked at him, uncertainty in her eyes. “You’re very kind. But I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

Kaidan smiled at her. “Trust me, it’s no trouble at all.”

She looked at him. She gulped nervously before she nodded. “Okay then. T-thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

She blushed a little as they walked out of the office side by side and toward the elevator. Once they stepped in, an awkward silence filled the air again. Kaidan gave her a side glance as he took in her appearance. She was wearing black sweatpants again. She wore that the last couple of times they met. She wore a different colored hoodie tonight though. Instead of blue, it was yellow. She was also wearing black and yellow sneakers. He liked that color on her. It complimented her skin tone and brought out the color in her eyes. She also smelled nice; the faint scent of mango was pleasant and feminine.

“Oh!”

Kaidan jumped, afraid that she caught him staring. She turned to him with curious chocolate eyes. “What is your name?”

Did they not introduce each other already? Huh…he could have sworn they did. Then again, he had no idea what her name was, and he was typically good with names.

“Kaidan Alenko.”

“Kaidan,” she repeated before a smile stretched on her face. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kaidan.”

“May I ask what your name is?”

“Senna.”

“That’s a pretty name.” He smiled when her cheeks turned pink and she smiled shyly.

“I felt bad when I realized I never asked for your name,” Senna admitted. “I held your hand twice, and yet I forgot to ask.” She looked at him apologetically. “It was rude of me.”

“It’s alright. I hurt you when we first met so it wasn’t a priority at the time.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Senna assured, “I was…startled. I didn’t know who you were, and you appeared so suddenly, it just shocked me.”

“I’m sorry about that. I was in a hurry that day, but I’m glad you weren’t seriously injured.”

Senna smiled. The elevator doors opened, and he politely let her step out before him.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They walked through the deserted lobby in comfortable silence. The sun quickly disappeared over the horizon, allowing the night stars to litter the sky. Vancouver nightlife was criminally underrated in Kaidan’s opinion. The skyscrapers and towers lit up as the evening slowly took over. It was Friday night, so people were already out in the streets preparing for lively pastimes. People were laughing as they passed by, ready for a night on the town. The skycars were way above them, but the sounds of them speeding by in aerial traffic echoed loudly.

Kaidan looked at Senna, who was looking around the city with wonder. “Have you been out here at night before?”

Senna shook her head. “No. I’m typically home by this time.”

“You had an evening appointment with Dr. Hawthorne tonight though.”

“Yes, but typically my appointments are in the morning. Dr. Hawthorne said tonight was the only appointment he had available this week.”

“Ah.” The old man was seriously losing it.

“This is a beautiful city.” She smiled as she craned her neck and gazed up at the towers. “I’ve never seen anything like this!” She craned her neck down to look at him. “Have you lived here your whole life?”

“Yeah, I was born and raised here. Vancouver is all I know. I’ve been to Quebec, but that was just to visit relatives during the holidays. I haven’t been there in years.”

“You’ve never done interplanetary travel?”

“No, not really.”

“Why is that?”

“It never occurred to me.”

“Oh.”

They walked down the sidewalk, the city’s nightlife quickly picking up. More street lights began to litter the streets as the moon made its presence.

“I assume we’re heading in the right direction?”

“Yes. The apartment is just through the park up ahead.”

Kaidan nodded. A twenty-minute walk wouldn’t kill him.

They continued down to the park, where only the occasional couple or single pedestrian walked past them.

“What is it like having biotics?”

Kaidan snapped his head toward Senna. “That’s not something we can talk about in public,” he hissed. It came out harsher than intended because she quickly shrunk back and stammered while fidgeting with those damn cuffs.

“I-I’m so sorry. I-I knew that, but there’s no one around, s-so I figured…I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. That was so stupid of me.” Senna’s eyes cast downward in shame as she berated herself.

Kaidan sighed. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re not stupid you were merely curious. It’s okay to be curious, just as long as you don’t do anything impulsive that might put you or the people around you in danger.” Senna was right that no one was around; they were the only ones walking through the park, but he wasn’t taking any chances. Better safe than sorry was something he lived by.

Kaidan lowered his voice to a murmur. “Biotics are a sore subject, so I make sure not to talk about them in public, hell, I barely mention them in private, but to answer your question…no, I don’t like them.”

Senna’s ears perked up. She looked at him curiously. “Why is that?” she asked, matching his hushed tone.

“That’s not something I talk about freely,” he said quietly.

Senna looked at Kaidan for a moment longer, and he was worried she was going to pry until she finally looked away.

“I understand,” she said quietly.

Kaidan watched her for a moment. “Is that why you’re wearing those?” He pointed toward her wrists. The cuffs were currently concealed by the sleeves of her hoodie, but he noticed her fidgeting with them enough to pique his curiosity.

Senna was quiet for a moment, fidgeting with her left cuff as expected. “Yes.”

“Why? If you don’t mind my asking, of course.”

“I can’t control them,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to. They’re dangerous, and I need a tutor who can train me. These cuffs can only come off when I’m absolutely certain I can control them,” she said, determination etched her features.

“What about your counseling?” He regretted the question the second it came out of his mouth.

Senna immediately flinched, and Kaidan mentally berated himself for causing her distress again.

“I-it’s not. I can’t,” she stammered, “I-I’m sorry, Kaidan, but it’s not something that I…”

“You don’t need to apologize. I get it.”

She nodded in relief, thankful for his understanding.

They didn’t have much conversation after that, aside from the occasional questions she had about Vancouver. To make up for upsetting her, Kaidan played the role of a tour guide, pointing out the different attractions the city had to offer; such as the art galleries he sometimes attended, the botanical gardens, the aquarium, and Grouse Mountain. He ended up getting excited about his city and he was worried that he was boring her with his rambling about the city’s history and culture, but Senna listened intently, drinking in the information he provided her. He wanted to ask where she was from, but he didn’t want to risk offending her any further, and she looked so happy while he talked about Vancouver, so he stayed quiet on the matter.

Before he knew it she pointed out the building she lived at, which was right across the street. He raised an eyebrow. First the Counseling Center of the Alliance, now a housing facility? Was she a military brat like himself? They stopped in front of the entry door. Kaidan turned to Senna and bid his farewell.

“Have a good night.” He turned to leave.

“Could you…” she bit her lip. “…c-could you walk me up the elevator, p-please?” She looked at him pleadingly. 

Kaidan looked at Senna and politely nodded. “Sure.”

She smiled shyly. The security door recognized her comm signature, and they went inside and in the elevator. She didn’t say anything during the ride up, and he stayed quiet, looking straight out the elevator glass window as they ascended. Once they reached her floor, Senna looked around, as if checking to make sure they were alone. She looked at him with those pretty brown eyes of hers, and Kaidan maintained eye contact out of politeness, but he was getting a little flustered at being stared at like that.

She suddenly gave him that wide smile of hers as she outstretched her hand toward him. Kaidan blinked at her hand then suddenly laughed in amusement.

“W-what?”

“You’re funny, that’s all.” He took her hand in his, letting his dark energy encase her hand.

Senna smiled happily, clasping his hand in both of hers as the blue aura carefully encased her arms. “It’s so beautiful,” she said absently as her eyes glistened with amazement.

Kaidan’s heart fluttered. “I gotta say, you’re the first person to tell me that.”

She looked up at him in shock. “Really?”

Kaidan nodded.

Senna looked at his dark energy, the glowing light reflecting in her eyes. “Is that why you don’t like them?” she asked sadly.

He sighed. “That’s part of it, yeah.”

She nodded, not pressing the issue further. She stared at his dark energy a little longer. Kaidan held back the blush that threatened to flare up his cheeks when she started to caress his hand. “Amazing,” she whispered. He gulped, choosing to distract himself by looking out the window and watch the mountains on the horizon, though it didn't do much good since it was dark outside. 

_Play it cool, Kaidan, play it cool. She’s just fascinated by your biotics that's all_ , he convinced himself. It wasn’t everyday a cute girl practically fell in love with his biotics; it never happened before actually, and he wondered if she was aware of how intimately she was holding his hand. Her skin was so soft, and with the way she smiled, it warmed his heart to see her so happy, so unafraid of him. Even when he screwed up and said or did the wrong thing she would panic, but never run away from him or shut him out.

 _At least she’s gracious enough to give me a second chance_ , the voice in the back of his head said bitterly.

Senna eventually released his hand, and all trace of timidity was gone. “Thank you, Kaidan.”

Kaidan cleared his throat and smiled at her. “Anytime.” His smile turned into a smirk. He crossed his arms casually and quirked an eyebrow at her.

“You know, I can't help but feel like a circus act here, Senna. It makes me wonder if you actually like me, or if you’re just using me for my biotics,” he teased.

Senna’s eyes widened in horror. “N-no! Of course not! I just, I just think they’re amazing! I've hardly ever used mine so I don't really know what it looks like! And you're the person that I...I mean...your biotics are amazing yes, b-but it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I do like you! U-uh…I mean, I uh…”

Kaidan’s smirk widened in amusement, trying not to break character and burst out laughing.

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to, oh god, I-I’m really, really sorry, I…” she trailed off when she realized he was smirking. She blinked a couple of times before it finally registered on her face that he was just messing with her. Her anxiousness faded away and was replaced by playfulness. She crossed her arms, matching his posture and putting on an adorable smirk of her own.

“So, what if I am?” She challenged, her chocolate brown eyes narrowing and staring into his honey brown ones mischievously.

They both stood there in an unofficial staring contest, her eyes playfully defiant as she dared him to step up and say something. Kaidan laughed and shook his head.

“Alright, I give up.”

Senna broke out into a smug smirk. “I win.”

“Yeah yeah, don’t let it get to your head now.” Kaidan rolled his eyes but he smiled at her nonetheless.

“I won though, so I have every right to be cocky.”

“Ha! I suppose you do.”

Senna stared at him for a little longer, now shifting on her feet awkwardly with her hands linked behind her back. “I should go.”

Kaidan nodded. “Agreed. We don’t want to make your folks worry.”

She bit her lip but nodded slowly. “Yeah…” Kaidan caught the sadness in her tone, but when she looked at him she gave him a gracious smile. “Goodnight, Kaidan.”

“Goodnight, Senna.”

-X-

Kaidan laid in his bed with his arms crossed behind his head, the events of tonight replaying in his head. Thanks to Rahna’s letter and Dr. Hawthorne’s mistake, he had been in a foul mood the past few days, but the week ended on a more positive note than he anticipated. Despite the circumstances that brought them together, he enjoyed the time he spent with Senna. He wasn’t sure how Dr. Hawthorne could make such an astronomical mistake like that – even his regular errors weren’t on that scale – but he was glad he took the time to get to know Senna a little better. Even with her reticence, she was much more confident than when they spoke a week ago, let alone a few months ago. He couldn’t help but be proud of her development. It was a true testament to Dr. Hawthorne’s skills as a counselor.

Senna was someone who never ceased to amaze him. She was a bit of a riddle though, and a part of him wondered what happened to her to make her so jumpy. He wasn’t a psychologist himself, but if he had to guess she endured some form of abuse; it was evident from the way she withdrew from him and repeatedly apologized when he first tried to help her up after he accidentally knocked her down when they first met as if he was going to hit her. There was also the way she strayed from any form of conflict, always apologizing and retracting her statements or questions if she realized she was stepping over an invisible line she thought wasn’t supposed to cross. Then there were the scars she had. He saw the small one on her cheek that was no more than an inch long, but there was one that thickly ran across her entire neck, which was difficult to not notice. Kaidan seethed at the thought of an innocent person going through something like that. There were some really cruel people out there. The scar on his belly from the knife wound he got from Vyrnnus and Vyrnnus snapping Rahna's arm in half was proof of that.

On the flip side, there was something about Senna that proved she was no wallflower. She was in counseling like him, so Kaidan didn’t fault her for her random panic attacks. She was coping like he was, just in a different manner. He understood that, but there were also moments where her feisty side really shined through, like when she first greeted him when she stepped out the elevator last week, or when she unabashedly held his hand and was mesmerized by his biotics, or like tonight, when her quick wit helped her realize he had been poking fun at her, and instead of recoiling like she typically did, she held her own, and her eyes met with his without backing down. She challenged him, and she was able to joke with him and laugh with him.

It brought a warm, fuzzy feeling to him that she was comfortable enough to let her guard down around him, even if it was for a short period of time. It also made him happy that he could display his biotics around her without fear of scaring her off. She wholeheartedly accepted him for who he was. He felt like he could relax around her, and she was gradually relaxing around him as well. Whenever she smiled at him, she was more carefree. More like her true self.

_More beautiful…_

Kaidan shook his head. She was still in counseling, and she looked like a teenager. That was a line he sure as hell wasn’t crossing. Still, it didn’t stop him from thinking how radiant she was every time she held his hand.

He held his hand out in front of him toward the ceiling, the light from his window illuminating it. Holding his hand was a simple act, but it was so special to her that he couldn’t help but feel proud of making her so happy.

_Amazing._

Kaidan’s room glowed in a faint shade of blue as dark energy encased his hand. Where her hand held his. Where she said it was amazing. He never felt pride in his biotics until now.

_It’s so beautiful._

Kaidan closed his eyes as he allowed his dark energy to envelop his body, allowing its warmth to embrace him. Her chocolate brown eyes flashed in his mind, her smile still fresh in his memory. She loved his biotics. She was unafraid of him. Instead of saying they were an abomination or a curse, she thought they were beautiful.

He grinned; he had to admit it stroked his ego. At this point he didn’t care if he was a circus act; there was only one person in his audience who loved his performance, and he looked forward to continuing the show for her.

Once Kaidan settled his biotics down, he turned over in his bed, allowing her voice to lull him to sleep.

_It’s so beautiful._

For the first time in years, Kaidan was looking forward to using his biotics next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> güzel melek - Turkish for 'beautiful angel'. I looked up the meaning on Google and this was a more common answer, but if there's a more accurate translation let me know!


	3. Episode 2

Christmas was a universal holiday among humans, though interplanetary cultures held their own festive rituals depending on the orbital days and years. On Mindoir, the colony kept the festivities simple. During the holiday, the whole community would gather in the commons where they shared an entire feast amongst each other, sharing stories and laughing together while the adults drank wheat ale, and the children played outside near the huge bonfire the colony set up in the middle of the square.

Her father made it a civic duty to be in charge of the vegetable stew, claiming no one could be trusted to make it as he could. It was his specialty dish, one he was always proud of, and his roaring laughter would always echo when he would serve seconds to those who demanded it, which was typically the whole colony. He stayed busy in the cafeteria kitchen among others who were cooking their own recipes. Her father was famous for his stew, and sometimes it was embarrassing by how boisterous he got once the ale kicked in, but everyone loved his attitude, and the positive energy he emitted never failed to light up the room in merry glee. He wasn’t a fighter, but people looked up to him as a mentor, always keeping a level head and making sure everyone was taken care of. It was a time of joy and laughter, where the whole colony bonded like one family. She would always laugh with her own family, especially when her aunts would go on about how they wanted to visit New York for Christmas for a change, just to see the hustle and bustle of city life. Their husbands would complain and go on that the cost of travel was too high at the moment, especially for humans since they traveled the most during this particular holiday. The volus typically oversaw the commercial flight vendor business, and they always took advantage of this and would jack up the credit price for shuttle fare to humans only.

For just that one day, Senna felt accepted amongst her people, when her biotics were temporarily forgotten and she was treated like a normal girl.

Once the celebrations ended, she and her father would sit in their shared room, drinking hot chocolate. Even though he made it a point to never travel outside of Mindoir unless absolutely necessary, he would go to the Citadel shops and buy packets of hot chocolate and a bag of marshmallows for them. They would toast, and they would drink their cocoa in content as they shared a large blanket and reminisce about the things they were thankful for and talk about things they were looking forward to, while they watched their favorite Christmas movie, _The Elcor Who Stole Christmas_ , on their tiny holo-screen. The father-daughter bonding experience was the main thing about Christmas she always looked forward to.

But now…

Vancouver was flooded with Christmas decorations where neon decorative lights accented the downtown streets in bright shades of green and red. White, pre-lit bare branch trees lined the sidewalks along with the occasional Santa Claus and reindeer décor. Children were walking with their parents while they went on about what they wanted for Christmas while their parents either listened patiently or rolled their eyes when the bizarre request for a pyjak or battle mech was made. The shopping centers were crowded and in utter retail hell as people were crowding the stores, looking for the perfect gift to buy for their loved ones and possibly themselves. It was a stark contrast to the homely celebration back on the farm in Mindoir.

Senna Shepard absently walked down the streets toward the CCA, her black boots crunching loudly on the thick white snow. She sighed deeply, her breath coming out in a cloud of mist in the cold air. She tried not to pay attention to the merry atmosphere around her that seemed to be mocking her, to not let the fact this would be the first holiday she would be forced to spend without her family bother her. She had to be strong after all. She promised her father and Anderson – and herself – that she would. It became her mantra, and it helped her get through each day while ignoring the nagging solemness that often threatened to creep up. Senna looked at the tall Christmas tree up ahead at the plaza in front of the CCA where Christmas music was playing in the background. Many families gathered around, taking pictures, sitting on benches and public tables while drinking hot chocolate and chatting amongst themselves, food trucks were lined up in uniform and the lines were long and packed with hungry people. The buzz was starting to get to her, but Senna placed a hand on her chest and took deep breaths while counting to ten; a method Dr. Hawthorne taught her during one of her first sessions as a calming technique when she knew she was about to have an anxiety attack. 

Senna kept her head down and focused on her breathing, making sure to calm her nerves. She entered the CCA at a quick pace and hurried inside the elevator, noticing her breathing was still quickening. She tried to suppress the depression that was trying to take over, but it was slowly overtaking her. The negative thoughts just kept coming! She clutched her winter coat with her gloved hand as she tried to take deep breaths.

Christmas was her favorite holiday, and here she was in a large city, all alone, with no family to celebrate with. They had been wiped out; they had been killed by the batarians – by her old masters! The old masters took her family from her and she was the only one left. Why couldn’t she join them?! Why did she have to endure spending the holiday without them?! It had been a year since she was taken from Mindoir, and only six months since she arrived in Vancouver, but it felt like yesterday everything she loved was ripped out of her life and she became at the mercy of her old masters.

Senna’s hands trembled as a sob escaped her. _No! I’ve been doing so well! I’ve made great progress, Dr. Hawthorne said so! I can’t go back to being the scared person I was! I have to be strong. I have to be strong. I have to be strong! I have to—_

“Senna?” A voice asked laced with concern.

Senna snapped out of her breakdown, realizing Kaidan was crouching in front of her with concern on his features. She didn’t notice the elevator doors already opened on Dr. Hawthorne’s floor, nor did she know how or when she ended up crouching on the elevator floor.

“Kaidan? W-what happened? How did I end up on the floor?”

“I was hoping you could tell me that. I saw you crouching like that when the elevator opened and I thought something happened to you…are you alright?”

“U-um…yes. Yes, I should be.” Senna looked away, ashamed that her turmoil got the better of her. She was supposed to be moving on from this already. When was it going to end?

“Here.” Kaidan carefully helped her get back up and watched her for a moment.

Senna rubbed her wrist anxiously, where her cuff resided under her coat sleeve. “S-sorry about that.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize. As long as you’re feeling okay.” Kaidan rubbed his neck. “Listen, uh…are you sure you’re alright?”

“Y-yeah, I should be better, once I speak with Dr. Hawthorne at least.”

“Right.” Kaidan looked at her with a concerned expression before he nodded. “If you’re sure. I’ll uh…I’ll see you later, Senna.”

“I’ll see you later, Kaidan.”

Senna dashed around Kaidan and to Dr. Hawthorne, where the counselor was on his terminal. He looked up and smiled when she entered. “Ah, good afternoon, Miss Shepard!” He said in his typical jovial manner as he got up from his desk and walked over to her. His smile was replaced with a frown when he noticed she looked distraught.

“What’s the matter, sweetie? Did you have another episode?” he asked softly.

Senna looked down at the floor and nodded, embarrassed that he picked up on it right away. “Why does this keep happening, Doctor? I was doing so well. You said my progress was exceptional, which means the anxiety attacks aren’t supposed to happen anymore, right? I don’t get it! My nightmares have been becoming more frequent, and I’ve been waking up crying, and Christmas is making it worse, and I can’t handle seeing these families be so happy…” she stopped and took a deep breath when she realized she was rambling.

“Shh, it’s okay, dear. This is perfectly normal,” Dr. Hawthorne assured her as he motioned for her to sit down. He sat across from her. “Why do you say your anxiety attacks aren’t supposed to happen anymore?” he asked curiously.

Senna looked at him, confusion in her eyes. “I thought that was the point of this counseling. To make this go away!”

Dr. Hawthorne looked at her with sympathetic eyes. “Oh Shepard, I’m afraid to tell you that we can have one, one hundred, or even one million sessions, but the fact of the matter is counseling does not make the pain go away, at least not completely.”

“Then why am I here? What’s the point of this? I’ve been coming here for the past six months because Anderson and Commander Hackett told me to, and because Anderson said it was a journey for me to get better.”

“Do you feel that you’ve gotten better?”

“No! Well yes. Sort of. I mean…I can talk to you and Anderson with no problem now, but I still don’t feel comfortable around other people. I can’t look at families without being reminded that I’ll never see mine again, and this damn holiday is making it worse.” Tears pooled at Senna’s eyes but she quickly wiped them away. “Every time I’ve taken a step forward, these nightmares and episodes make me feel like I take two steps back. It’s confusing, and it makes me feel vulnerable and I hate it! Why can’t all of this just go away?! The holidays are—ugh, I already said that…I’m rambling again…”

“Holidays are tricky to deal with; it can be a constant reminder of what you desire but can’t have, or what you did have but lost. It’s perfectly fine to be conflicted during these times, Shepard. It’s a normal feeling, and it’s not a weakness. You don’t have to treat it as such.”

Senna sniffed, shaking her head as she looked at her counselor. “How am I supposed to get through this if you’re saying the pain doesn’t ever go away?”

“First, you have to understand that the point of counseling isn’t to get rid of your pain, it’s a tool, a means to help you rebuild yourself and learn how to live a functional life again.” Dr. Hawthorne set his datapad aside. “Shepard, the fact that you are experiencing these feelings are completely normal, and it’s a sign that you’re making progress.”

Senna’s brows furrowed. “I don’t understand.”

“Counseling requires opening up about your trauma, your needs, feelings, whatever a patient comes to see me for. It depends on what drew them here in the first place. There’s no telling how one may react once they’ve allowed themselves to begin their treatment. You might come out of counseling feeling better or worse than you did when you came in. These anxiety attacks that you have may leave you feeling vulnerable, but that’s okay. By tapping into that vulnerability and getting to the root of your pain, you’re allowing yourself to deal with the lows before you experience the highs, Shepard. While the pain doesn’t go away, it does lessen by a significant amount, and over time you get better at dealing with it; ergo, fewer anxiety attacks. You’ve been coming here for a while now, and I haven’t heard you mention any hobbies or your favorite activities. Why don’t you start there? Like reading a book, doing arts and crafts, or exercising? Taking up a hobby or doing something you personally love often helps too.” He smiled at her knowingly. “Or perhaps make a friend, one you can trust? I understand you’re not comfortable around new people quite yet, but creating and upholding a friendship you can value is also important in the sense that you don’t feel alone and have someone you can confide in, which is proven to be therapeutic as well.”

Senna slowly nodded, understanding what he was telling her. “I haven’t taken up a hobby since I’ve arrived here though. I don’t really get out of the apartment much other than to come here.”

“In that case I’d say you’re merely suffering from cabin fever.” Dr. Hawthorne laughed.

“Not funny,” Shepard admonished, though she couldn’t help but smile a little. His eccentric nature always made her feel better at the most unexpected times.

“Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate the advice.”

“Oh, no need to thank me, sweetie! I get paid a generous salary for this, after all. I’m just in this for the money.” Dr. Hawthorne winked, and Shepard couldn’t help but laugh.

“Now, let’s about your family, shall we?”

Oh, dear god.

-X-

Senna rolled her neck as she stepped out of the elevator, feeling much better than she previously did when she arrived. It was still painful to talk about her family, but she ended up telling Dr. Hawthorne about them for an hour. She spoke about her father, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, and even her mother who died from an illness when she was young. Dr. Hawthorne returned the gesture and spoke about his wife and twin sons, who recently graduated from college. It turned out his wife had a Cajun specialty dish that she prided herself on and guarded her secret recipe with her life. They ended up laughing about their family’s common love for homemade food and exchanged recipes that weren’t so secret.

Senna smiled to herself when she realized that was the first time she spoke about her family in months. Dr. Hawthorne was right, by acknowledging the fact that she missed them, it felt like the burden on her shoulders lessened rather than keeping her feelings bottled up.

“You’re smiling again. I see Dr. Hawthorne has worked his magic on you,” Kaidan said. He was in the lobby, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Kaidan? What are you still doing here? I thought your session ended already?”

“It did, but I, uh…I didn’t like the idea of leaving you by yourself in the state you were in, so I decided to wait and see how you’re doing.”

“O-oh!” Senna smiled. “I’m actually feeling better now…thank you, for checking on me. I appreciate it.”

“That’s good. That’s really good…and, you’re welcome.”

They stood there looking at the walls, the ceiling, the receptionist desk, anywhere but at each other. “Do you…uh, I mean…would you, like me to walk you home?” Kaidan awkwardly asked after a minute. “I mean I have time, so uh, I can walk you to your apartment if that’s where you headed. You know, be a gentleman and all.”

“Yes! I mean, if you’d like, I mean if it’s not too much trouble. And yeah I’m heading back to the apartment, so you take can me back there. I mean you can take me back there! Uh…” Senna mentally slapped herself for sounding so childish.

“Great! Cool! Well… shall we?”

“We shall.”

They headed out of the CCA, where the cold air immediately greeted them. Senna immediately shivered despite wearing her winter clothes.

“Not used to the cold?”

“Not really. Where I’m from the weather is hot and humid year-round.”

“Ah. Where are you from, exactly?”

Senna fidgeted with her concealed cuffs. “I’m…well, not from here, actually.”

“You live in an Alliance housing facility. Are you a military brat, or a spacer kid staying here for the time being?”

“Uh, yeah. Something like that.”

Kaidan didn’t say anything further, but they walked through the park, Senna making a point to ignore the festive decorations around them.

“So, erm, do you have any plans for the holidays?” Kaidan looked at her curiously.

“N-no. I don’t. My guardian left a few days ago for the Citadel. He said the chances of him coming back in time were slim, but he would still try.”

“Well, Christmas is in two days, so he still has time.”

“True. What about you?”

“It’ll just be my parents and me. My mom makes this amazing pie with apples she picks from our family orchard.” Kaidan was smiling boyishly at the mention of his mother’s pies, and Senna couldn’t help but think he was even more handsome when he smiled like that. “She loves to cook, so Christmas is just another excuse for her to whip up a feast for us.”

Senna chuckled. It seemed Christmas was a universal excuse for parents to show off their culinary skills. “And your father?”

“My dad’s a retired Alliance marine, so during the holidays some of the men he served with come over and celebrate with us. Really they come for Mom’s cooking, but they bring the beers, so I’m not complaining.” Kaidan laughed softly.

Senna smiled. “Your family sounds really nice,” she said softly.

Kaidan smiled fondly. “They are.” He looked at her. “So, uh…is it just you and your guardian?” he asked carefully.

“Yes.”

“I see. What about friends?” he asked, careful not to hit any sore spots, “do you, uh, have any that might be available if your guardian can’t make it?

Senna shook her head. Counseling was the only time she spent outside the apartment, so unless Dr. Hawthorne counted, she never really made friends. Which wasn’t much of a difference from her situation on Mindoir. One of the kids caught her practicing her dark energy on the outskirts of the settlement in the fields one night when everyone was usually asleep. The news spread like wildfire the next morning. After the colony discovered she was a biotic, they kept their distance from her, forcing the kids she used to play with to cease contact with her. While they still treated her father with respect, their interactions with her were slim. Loneliness was something she was used to. Technically, Anderson told her she could explore the shops or the plaza since they were within a couple of blocks of the apartment, but the restlessness and size of the crowds discouraged Senna from ever going outside, let alone make new friends.

She could see Kaidan frown a little, and she didn’t want his pity, so she opted to give him a smile instead. “It comes with being a spacer kid.” She shrugged. “Not much time to make friends.”

“I get it. It wasn’t easy for me either. Dad was barely home since he was always on an assignment in space, and he hardly made it home in time for Christmas. At first it was pretty hard on us, especially my mom, but she figured him making it home at all was a blessing, so she took it with stride. After a while it got a little easier to get used to.”

Senna listened to Kaidan, pleased that he trusted her enough to tell a little about himself. “How did you feel about it?”

“As a kid, I missed him, of course, but I knew he was performing his duty as a marine, so I didn’t have much say on the matter even if I did speak up. He retired a while ago, and the inland home my family owns matured to new beachfront. He pretty much spends his days lounging either there or at our high-rise apartment here. Heh, he served for over fifteen years, so I’d say he’s well more than earned it.”

“What about you? Have you considered enlisting?”

“To tell you the truth, I haven’t put much thought into it. Dad's been trying to persuade me to, but after everything that’s happened, I decided if I’m going to enlist it’s going to be on my own terms. I’ve been spending most of my days trying to find a new purpose in my life, to see what direction I want to go in. I guess you could say I’ve been in a self-reflective state of mind as of late, you know, figure out what exactly I want to do. That’s part of the reason why I’ve been visiting Dr. Hawthorne.”

“You said ‘new purpose’. Did something happen with your old one?”

Kaidan looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “You’re more observant than you let on, Senna.”

Senna smiled sheepishly. “It’s…sort of a skill I picked up from my dad.”

“Ah. My old purpose isn’t gone, it’s more in a transitional stage, to phrase it better. There are some things that happened, and it tempered me, gave me a chance to gain a new perspective on life and morality.”

“I’m guessing it’s one of those things you ‘can’t talk about freely’?” Senna lowered her voice in an attempt to impersonate Kaidan, though it came out horribly because Kaidan laughed while bashfully rubbing his neck.

“Am I that predictable?”

“Just a little.” Senna grinned playfully.

“Hh! Well then you’re correct again.” Kaidan grinned back at her, and Senna couldn’t help but look away to avoid the blush that was creeping on her cheeks. She admitted that Kaidan was a good-looking man. Okay, scratch that, he was _gorgeous_. Admittedly she was terrified of him at first when he bumped into her six months ago, but not only did he help her, he offered water and stayed until she calmed down. That action alone showed his true character: a kind and humble man. She noticed he had stubborn tendencies, like the way he initially refused to talk about himself, namely his biotics. She didn’t really fault him for that since she was in the same boat though.

“Well, we’re here.”

Senna blinked into focus, not realizing they already arrived at Anderson’s apartment. She was a little sad that she would have to depart with Kaidan already. There was a high chance she wouldn’t see him for a while since it was the holidays, and Dr. Hawthorne was taking the rest of the month off to go to New Orleans with his wife and sons to visit his relatives, which meant she wouldn’t see Kaidan at their spot in front of the elevator.

“…up the elevator?”

Senna snapped out of her thoughts and looked at Kaidan confused. “I’m sorry?”

“I said, would you like me to walk you up the elevator?” Kaidan repeated, and she noticed that his face was a little red.

“Oh! Sure.”

Kaidan smiled and nodded as they went, the elevator swiftly ascending to her floor. Once they got out and were in front of the entry door to the apartment, Kaidan rubbed his neck before speaking up.

“Listen, uh, are you…uh, are you doing anything this Saturday?”

“No, I’m not.”

“I see. Well, that would make sense I guess, since your guardian might not be here. Better safe than sorry though, I wouldn’t want to push on any boundaries,” he mused.

“Uh, Kaidan? Why do you ask?”

“Hh! Right…t-the thing is, I feel bad that you don’t have anyone to spend Christmas with. I understand with your family being in the military, it gets pretty lonely celebrating it by yourself, so I was thinking…” Kaidan took a deep breath. “…there’s this huge lake not far from here. It’s typically frozen over this time of year, so it’s a popular spot for ice skating. Would you, erm, would you like to go there? On Saturday? With me?”

“O-oh! Uh…s-s-sure! Yes. I-I would love to,” Senna stammered as she fidgeted with her cuffs. “But I don’t want to impose on any plans you might have.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, it’s no trouble. Once Christmas is over, things go back to normal pretty fast in my family, so I don’t have anything going on this weekend. Plus, we’re both Dr. Hawthorne’s patients, and I consider you a friend, so you know, we have to look out for each other,” he added lamely. “There are food trucks on the way there. We could get a bite to eat before or after if you want.”

“Well, I mean, when you put it that way,” Senna agreed just as lamely. “If you insist. Then I…I accept your invitation.”

“Great. Is it okay if I pick you up in the morning at nine o’clock?”

“Nine sounds perfect.”

“Great,” Kaidan repeated. “I’ll… I’ll see you Saturday, Senna.”

“See you Saturday, Kaidan.”

-X-

“Merry Christmas, Shepard. I’m sorry I can’t be there with you,” Anderson said apologetically. She was currently using Anderson’s terminal in his small office area. As predicted, Anderson got up with business on the Citadel and wouldn’t be able to come home in time.

“It’s okay, Anderson. I know you’re on an important mission, but please be safe,” Senna said as she sipped the eggnog Anderson bought before he left.

“I left something for you as a Christmas gift. Look in the blue box that’s on top of the shelf.”

Senna looked up at the tall bookcase behind her. She carefully stood on the chair she was sitting in and brought the box down. She grinned. “Thank you so much, Anderson!”

“You haven’t even opened it yet.”

“Still! It’s the thought that counts, right?” Senna ripped off the wrapping paper and opened her present. She grinned when she saw new bath and body products, although this looked like a more luxurious line than the ones Anderson previously bought her. She opened the bottles and smiled in content. “They smell so good! I gotta say, Anderson, I’ve never tried,” she read the label, “eucalyptus mint before.”

“I went on a limb and got a scent based on the holiday. I wasn’t sure if you’d like it or not, but I’m glad I guessed correctly. Eucalyptus is great for stress relief and alleviating aches or pain. You can also use it for baths, so you have that option as well if you ever need to soak in the tub and unwind. All of these are beneficial to getting a good night’s rest, and reducing migraines or anxiety.”

Senna smiled, knowing where he was getting at. “Thank you…thank you so much, Anderson. This means a lot to me.”

“You are welcome. I have to go, but you have my permission to hang out in the plaza or nearby shopping center if you want to get out of the apartment. Make sure you enjoy yourself. That's an order."

Senna nodded. “I will. Merry Christmas, sir.”

“Merry Christmas, Senna.”

-X-

Saturday had come and Senna was finishing getting dressed before Kaidan came to pick her up. She already finished her shower – Anderson was right, the smell of eucalyptus was like heaven and it soothed her body instantly – and had her outfit selected: a pair of black leggings along with black boots and a long yellow button-up coat. Her black curly hair was styled neatly and she allowed a few curls to cover her forehead, and she applied her mango chapstick to her lips.

Anderson had given her a personal credit chit under his name as a birthday present a few months ago. She never used it, but she decided to take it with her for the food trucks Kaidan mentioned. 

Senna looked at the clock and saw it was almost nine. She put on her gloves and nodded her approval in the mirror until her eyes narrowed on the scar on her neck, the memory of the damned slaver flooding back. With clenched teeth, she traced the scar with her fingers as she relived that horrible moment.

_“Wake up!” She was woken up with a kick to her already fractured ribs. A sharp pain shot up her chest as she gasped for air. She held her tears back as she clutched her sides. She glared at the batarian bastard._

_“Still not submitting?” The slaver spat impatiently. “You still got a ways to go until we ship you out, so until then you’re at our mercy, girl.” He crouched in front of her as he harshly gripped her hair and yanked her up so they were at eye level, ignoring her pained cries. “Submit to us, girl, and our treatment will be a lot more lenient.” The way he leered at her with his black eyes was proof that it was a complete lie. He was the one who ran his knife down her back, the one who laughed on the way to the base and made a mockery of her pain, saying that the screams of little girls never failed to satisfy his sadistic pleasure._

_She glared at him, cursing at him with her eyes. Without warning she spit on him, the projectile landing on his face. He growled in anger as he was suddenly on top of her, pinning her down with his weight. She struggled against him, trying to push and kick him off her but to no avail. The stitches that the batarian doctor rendered on her back were starting to open, the dirt from the ground beginning to dig into her skin. She cried out as she immediately stopped struggling, and unfortunately, the slaver above her knew exactly why._

_“How does it feel? I bet it hurts like hell. Sure looked like it from where I was standing. That was my mistake, I didn’t think it was gonna cut that deep. Heh, it’s still a work of art though.”_

_She bit her lip to avoid giving him the satisfaction of crying, but the excruciating pain was impossible to ignore._

_“You wanna get off that back?” The batarian loomed so all she was four black eyes peering into hers. “Call me master, and I’ll go easy on you for as long as you’re here. I swear.”_

_It was so tempting. She desperately needed him to get off of her, but she knew if she gave in he would only make the treatment. She’d seen him go back on his word to a few of the colonists and worsen the torture once his victims submitted to him. She wouldn’t give him that satisfaction, no matter how much her back protested._

_She glared at him, refusing to let him break her, hatred and venom in her eyes. “Go to hell.”_

_The slaver’s mouth broke into an evil grin, apparently happy that she defied him. “I was hoping you’d say that.” All of a sudden he lifted her body off the ground before he suddenly slammed her on her back, tearing a few of her stitches open. White-hot pain scorched her back as she screamed, tears spilling down her face. Blood began to form a puddle beneath her as she sobbed, unable to take this much longer._

_“That’s right! Cry! Scream! Beg for me to stop! I wanna see how long you can go!” The slaver laughed as he yanked at her hair again and slammed her head against the concrete ground. A dizzying sensation washed over her as her head throbbed in anguish, and her vision was getting blurry._

_“I ain’t done with you yet, girl. I still have to make art out of you.” He finally stood and got off her, and through labored breathing, she watched him warily as he left her cell and disappeared from view. She held her breath, fearing what he had planned for her. She shut her eyes as she slowly rolled over on her side, cringing from the pain in her back and ribs. She took deep breaths in order to steady herself. She had to be strong. She had to be strong. She promised her father she would be. She would get through this._

_As if the universe was mocking her, the slaver returned with a camera drone. Her eyes widened when he activated it with his omni-tool and smirked at her._

_“I like to keep this for my personal entertainment, you see.” He said a little too calmly as he circled her body like a vulture ready to feast on its prey. “I create art with the new ‘friends’ I make, but I make so many I can’t remember them all. Better to keep a recording so you don’t forget, right?” He glared at her when she didn’t respond, and he kicked her in her ribs again. “Right?!”_

_She sobbed as she reluctantly nodded._

_“I’m glad you understand. See, you have spirit, and I like that about you; it’s why I keep coming back.” He crouched beside her as he traced his grimy finger alongside her cheek. She gritted her teeth and recoiled from his touch, but he slapped her so hard her head slightly bounced off the ground._

_The slaver grinned when she yelped. Turning his focus to the camera drone, he pulled his combat knife again and hovered it over her face. “This is how you make them submit to you. When you ask them nicely they defy you, curse you, or laugh in your face. Striking fear in their hearts is the only to win ‘em over. It’s when they beg you to stop that you know you’ve won.” He glanced back down at her. “This one’s still a work in progress, but I’ll get her to submit. Sooner or later I’ll make her call me ‘master’, and I’m going to enjoy the hell out of making her suffer if she doesn’t.” He pressed his blade against her cheek, drawing blood. The pain was minor compared to what she previously experienced, but she glared defiantly at him, to which he merely laughed._

_“You see that? She’s lucky she doesn’t have a cranial implant like the rest of her friends, but I’ll break her in my own way. I always do.”_

_She widened her eyes in panic when he pressed the blade against her neck, afraid if she took a single breath it would cut her._

_“Submit, girl, and we’ll be the best of friends. I won’t hurt ya, honest.”_

_Her body trembled in fear; for a minute she wondered if she would be joining her family soon. This slaver was so insane she might not make it to her shipping day. With as much hatred as she could muster, she glared at him again, letting him know that she was not going to play his sick game. It would have been a painful death, but if this was the way she was going to join her family, then so be it._

_“Fuck. You.”_

_The slaver’s eyes flashed with anger before his grin widened to the point where she could see his razor-sharp teeth._

_“Thank you for your contribution to my art collection.”_

_He slowly drove his blade across her throat, and her gurgled screams echoing in her cell._

Senna found herself back in Anderson’s bathroom, kneeling on the floor with her hands clasping her neck protectively. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she was sobbing, almost at the brink of hyperventilating. Nausea built up in her, and she ran to the toilet where she vomited the contents of her breakfast. She placed her hand on her heart and began to take deep breaths while counting to ten. She ended up counting to fifty, but regardless she was able to calm herself. With a shaky hand, she grabbed the countertop and steadied herself as she stood up. She looked in the mirror and saw her eyes were bloodshot from the tears, and her cheeks were red. She washed her face until it looked presentable and brushed her teeth and used mouthwash to wash away the bile. She immediately grabbed a scarf from the closet to cover her wretched scar. Looking at the clock, she cursed when she saw she was fifteen minutes late.

Kaidan didn’t have clearance to the building, so he was probably waiting outside in the cold. Hurrying out of the apartment, she took the elevator down and rushed out of the building. She searched for Kaidan, hoping he was still there, but he was nowhere to be found. She walked a couple of meters down the sidewalk, hoping that she would find him.

After a few minutes of searching with no luck, Senna looked down dejectedly. She was late, so of course he left and went back home. The weather was dreadfully cold, so she didn’t blame him for leaving when she didn’t show. She sighed in resignation and started to head back to the apartment. She would have to apologize to him the next time she saw him. For now, maybe a nap would make her feel better…

“Hey, there you are!”

Senna immediately turned and Kaidan was standing behind her, holding two styrofoam cups in his gloved hands. There was also a small gift bag looped around his arm. “I didn’t know how long you were going to take, so I went to get us hot chocolate. Did I make you wait long?”

Senna stared at him, relieved that he didn’t leave after all. After what just happened in the bathroom, she honestly didn’t want to go back there alone.

“Hey…are you alright?” Kaidan’s brows furrowed as he got closer to her. “Your eyes are a little red. Did…did you have another…you know, moment?” he asked delicately, concern laced in his tone.

Worried she would break out crying if she spoke, Senna simply nodded, her eyes downcast at the snow-covered ground. She heard Kaidan silently curse as his boots came into view. “Let’s go inside that café over there.” Senna nodded silently again. She absently followed him to the café where the door opened with a hiss, and they both took a seat opposite each other in a small booth. Thankfully the café only had one other customer who was on the opposite side, so they had their privacy for the most part.

She said her thanks when Kaidan handed her cup to her and stared at it for a couple of seconds before taking a sip. Hot chocolate with marshmallows. She bit her lip, holding back the tear that threatened to spill. The memory of her old master physically and mentally scarring her on camera, the hot chocolate that reminded her of her father, it was too much to handle in a span of twenty minutes. She let out a quiet sob as she trembled. Kaidan’s strong hand gently covered hers, and he held it in comfort despite not being able to show his biotics.

Senna finally looked up at him, and instead of irritation or impatience for delaying their plans, his eyes only held genuine concern. “I, I’m sorry about this. I didn’t mean to ruin our plans,” she said meekly.

Kaidan merely shook his head as he squeezed her hand supportively. “You don’t have to apologize for these things, Senna. You’re in the process of healing, and these types of things happen. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but it also doesn’t do any good to keep it bottled up. Dr. Hawthorne won’t be here until next month, so if you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. Always.”

Senna looked into his honey brown eyes, taking comfort in the gentleness that shone in them. She squeezed his hand in return and nodded, grateful that the only person she met the whole time she was in Vancouver was also the sweetest and most considerate. She was lucky to have a friend like him.

“Thank you, Kaidan. You…you have no idea how much that means to me,” Senna smiled at him gratefully, and he returned her smile, looking as handsome as ever. She noticed he was wearing a black leather jacket with a light blue sweater underneath, along with a scarf of his own. He also had a little bit of stubble on his face, which made him look more ruggedly handsome. It suited him.

“Anytime, Senna.” He released to take a sip of his hot chocolate, and she did the same. As soon as she swallowed the liquid her body warmed up instantly, and she sighed in content.

“I’ve missed this,” she whispered to herself.

Kaidan held her hand, and he looked at her curiously. “Senna, I don’t want to pry into your personal business, but whatever you went through seems pretty serious. Even though you might have gone through something horrible, it’s your story, and you don’t have to feel any pressure to tell it.”

Senna blinked, and she couldn’t help but smile at him. “Is that your way of asking me to tell you my backstory?” she teased.

Kaidan laughed sheepishly as if he got caught. “I mean if that’s something you’re comfortable with. If you want to tell me or just want to vent, then I’m all ears. If not, then I respect that decision too.”

Senna smirked. “Getting the point is not your strong suit.”

“Ouch!” He mockingly put a hand over his heart. “And here I thought my efforts as a considerate friend weren’t going to waste. In that case, tell me your deepest, darkest secrets, or there will be hell to pay!” he said putting on the voice of a terrible cartoon villain.

They both broke into laughter at the horrible impression, and Senna already found herself relaxing in Kaidan’s presence. There was something about him that made her fears and anxiety disappear whenever she was around him.

Kaidan looked around the café to make sure no one was listening. The only other customer had already left and the single barista who worked there disappeared somewhere in the back. He gently took Senna’s hand in his again. “Listen, Senna,” his voice dipped in a low tone, “I know it’s hard to get over what you’re going through but trust me when I tell you this is just the beginning. It took a long time for me to get to where I am today. Because of my… 'gift', it was never easy for me.” He squeezed her hand as he looked her in the eyes. “I lost control of that gift, and because of that I did something that I can’t take back.” He shook his head. “I still think about it every night, and how much it cost me, and it sometimes haunts me. For a while I was an angry, lost, remorseful kid; the emotions just kept pouring in until I almost went insane. But my dad, he’s good friends with Dr. Hawthorne, so he convinced me to see him. I’ve been going there for about two years now, and it can be a hell of a struggle, but it gets easier over time, and eventually you learn that it’s part of life.”

Senna listened to his story, staring into his honey brown eyes. She looked down at their hands, thinking back on what Dr. Hawthorne told her. She took a deep, shaky breath as she looked at Kaidan.

“I’m not from Earth.” It came out in a tiny whisper.

“I know, you said you’re a spacer kid.”

“Well…technically, but not in that sense, exactly.” Kaidan’s brows furrowed as he leaned forward, encouraging her to go on.

Senna took a deep breath. “The truth is, I was a farmgirl, from a colony in the Attican Traverse, when the old masters…” Senna shook her rapidly. “…I-I mean…when batarian slave traders took me from my home.” She refused to make eye contact with Kaidan, her eyes focused on the small scrape that was on the table. “They killed my family, a-and…they…they took me to their base. I wasn’t to be shipped off to my buyer for another few months, but one of the…slavers, bragged that they grabbed me early because they were bored, and wanted to…to…to have a new playmate since he killed his other ones.” She squeezed his hand for comfort, to which he immediately squeezed back, letting her know he was listening. “One of the slavers was obsessed with making me submit to him. He wanted me to call him master. Every time I defied him, the torture got worse. H-he hurt me so bad. Every day spent in his presence was worse than hell. I…I wanted to die, just so I could join my family.”

Senna felt Kaidan’s hand tighten with tension, and when she looked up at him his lips were thinned and his eyes were ablaze with anger. She was taken back from the intense aura he was emitting, but regardless she looked back down at the scrape on the table that was suddenly so fascinating to her. “The Alliance rescued me, but so many of my friends were killed, and those who survived weren’t…themselves anymore…and now I’m taking shelter in the housing facility while getting counseling.”

After several minutes of letting it all process, Kaidan spoke through barely contained anger. “Dammit…Senna, I-I don’t know what to say. Imagining you, and all your people, be brutalized by those kinds of people. It makes my blood boil,” he hissed, “to see innocent people are getting hurt because there are certain people out there who abuse their power and take a sick pleasure in watching them suffer.”

“Did something like that happen to you?”

“No. Well, yeah, in a way, but it happened to someone I cared about once.”

“Is that why you lost control?”

Kaidan chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah.”

“I see…”

They both stared at their hot chocolates in deep thought, the soft café music playing in the background. The door hissed and a few customers entered and gathered at the barista counter to order their drinks.

“Before I forget, I got you something.” Kaidan held up the bag he had been carrying.

Senna looked at the bag alarmed. “Kaidan, You didn’t have to! I didn’t even get you anything.”

“I bought you this because I wanted to, not because I’m expecting you to owe me anything in return.” Kaidan motioned to the bag. “Go on, open it.”

Tentatively, Senna reached in the bag and pulled out a tiny box. Once opened, it revealed a necklace with a brown smooth crystal attached to its bale.

“It’s a tiger's eye crystal necklace,” Kaidan explained bashfully, “one of the merchants stopped me on the way here to get me to buy her merchandise. She said it’s a healing crystal that gets rid of your fears and anxiety. Apparently it’s good for improving mental health. Personally, I’m not a believer of such things, but I, uh, thought about you, and figured maybe this might help ease your mind a little bit.”

Between Anderson and Kaidan, it was painfully obvious they were worried about her. Still, the fact they both bought her something with her well-being in mind warmed her heart. Senna smiled gratefully at Kaidan. “Thank you, Kaidan. This necklace is beautiful, and it was so thoughtful of you.” Carefully, she took the necklace out of the box and examined the crystal. She looked at him shyly. “Would you mind putting on for me?”

“No at all!” he replied just as awkwardly. They both stood and Senna turned so her back was facing him. She held her hair up, exposing the back of her neck to him. Kaidan brought the necklace around her neck, linking the clasps together. Her breath hitched when she felt his gloved fingers linger against her skin for just a couple of seconds longer.

“There you go.”

Senna turned to face him and looked down, examining her new present. “I love it. You honestly didn’t have to do that, but you did anyway. You’re a very sweet person.” She grinned at him and couldn’t help but give him a hug. Kaidan returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around her in a comforting manner. Senna’s cheek was pressed softly against his chest, and she closed her eyes as she took in his masculine scent and smiled in content. He smelled so good – sandalwood and spice – it matched him perfectly.

“Thank you, Kaidan.”

“You’re welcome, Senna.” His voice dipped in a husky tone, and Senna’s heart skipped a beat. Afraid that she would melt and become giddy, she pulled away from him.

“Alright, which way to the lake?”

“Actually, the reason I asked to meet is early because the lake is several hours from here, but with rapid transit, it’ll barely take three hours to get there. Walking isn’t an option, but I was hoping if that would be okay with you.”

“Uh, yeah. I mean it’s a little further than I expected, but as long as we don’t stay out too late that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Right! Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. If you’re not comfortable with it we don’t have to go. We can take it easy here and maybe catch a movie or—”

“No. I want to go ice skating. It was my fault we ended up talking about our pasts to begin with, and the last thing I want to do is put a damper on our plans. Plus, I’ve never been ice skating before! I’ve seen vids on it back on the farm, so this is my way of trying to push forward, by trying something new. So, let’s go. Let’s go have fun together like we planned.” Senna gave him a lopsided grin.

Kaidan grinned. “Great. I know it’s out of the way but trust me. It’ll be worth it.”

-X-

Rapid transit was a godsend, shaving the normally eight-hour trip into three and a half. Senna learned it was significantly more expensive compared to a normal skycar or tram, and she apologized to Kaidan for spending so much money on this. He told her to think nothing of it and that it was no big deal, and he meant it. Even though Christmas was over, he was still in a festive mood and wanted to at least put in the effort to make Senna happy. She was his friend, after all.

After listening to Senna tell her story, Kaidan felt a familiar rage boil inside him. To have thought that she had gone through such turmoil at a young age, it was no wonder she had a habit of being twitchy and anxious. His traitorous imagination had him wondering what exactly happened for Senna to receive the scar on her cheek and her neck. Whatever it was, she sure as hell didn’t deserve it.

No one did. 

Kaidan wasn’t sure what possessed him to ask her to come with him to Lake Louise. Maybe it was the fact that Senna was his friend and he simply wanted to look out for her. Dr. Hawthorne would have been upset if he found out she spent the holidays cooped up in her guardian’s apartment, so maybe he was just doing his part in keeping her company. Maybe it was the way her eyes glistened with sadness when he asked if she had plans for the holidays, or the way she looked so vulnerable no matter how much she tried to play it off as no big deal.

All he knew was whatever was it was, he was compelled to be in her presence and make sure that he made her happy as he had successfully been doing.

“Um, Kaidan? Not that I’m ungrateful that you brought me out here,” Senna said uncertainly, “but I’ve read about interchangeable holo-rinks, you know, the ones that alternate between ice rinks and roller rinks, at arcades or malls. Does Vancouver not have one of those?”

Kaidan grinned as they stepped out of the transit and headed out the station toward the lake. “We do, but I prefer to get my hands dirty and live the full experience. Out here you get to see and smell the nature around you while you skate. Don’t get me wrong, the holo-rink is fun and all, but it just doesn’t give you that genuine connection you would get here in the mountains. I admit the snow does tend to get in my boots a lot and it kind of drives me crazy, but other than that, you can't beat the real thing.” He chuckled.

“You sound like you’re really passionate about this, although, you do peg me as an outdoor type.” Senna grinned at him.

“Hh! Yeah I uh, I supposed I’m into the outdoors. Camping, fishing, the likes. My parents and I used to come here every year between Christmas and New Year whenever my dad was home. We’d rent one of the lodges near the lake and stay there for a couple of nights. If we had time, my dad and I would go hunting or ice fishing.” Kaidan smiled at the fond memory. Rare as it was, the times he and his family spent in the lodge was one he would always cherish. It reminded him of the times when he was still a normal boy.

“Sounds like a winter wonderland.”

“Hh, you can say that. Come on, the skate rental kiosk is this way.” Without thinking, Kaidan grabbed Senna’s hand as they headed to the kiosk. At first he was worried he stepped over a boundary by holding her hand, but a part of him was relieved when she didn’t let go, eagerly keeping up and allowing him to lead the way. The outfit she chose to wear was tasteful, yet it suited her. When she hugged him back at the café, the only thing he thought of was how soft she felt in his arms, and how good she smelled.

_She changed her shampoo._

Mango used to be her scent, and it was dainty, feminine, and it gave her an air of purity. This time she smelled more like mint, and he thought it suited her better. It was still feminine, but sharper, with a touch of maturity – which he was currently discovering was a description of her true personality. One that she was gradually starting to display for him. He liked that about her…

Once Kaidan purchased their skates from the kiosk, they headed outside toward the lake. Senna’s eyes widened and she gasped when it came into view. “Oh my god!”

The lake itself was large and sandwiched between snow-capped mountains and forests, with a large and luxurious hotel at the ‘back’ of the lake. Rays of sunlight reflected on the frozen lake, giving it a crystalline appearance. Snow gradually fell from the grey clouds above them, while cold yet gentle winds graced the air around them. Lake Louise was a popular attraction during the winter, so the tourists were a diverse bunch, including humans, asari, turians, and even a couple of salarians and elcor. The asari and humans were the main ones skating across the lake while the turians and salarians either took pictures or simply admired the scene. Serenity was the perfect word to describe the ambiance, as the lack of noises from the city gave the area a sense of tranquility. There were rays in the sky that glowed colors of pink, red, and orange as they blended harmoniously to create an aurora borealis.

“Oh my god, Kaidan. You were right,” Senna turned to look at him with a childlike smile, “this is so worth it!”

Kaidan was filled with a sense of pride, happy that his tour suggestion was a hit and he was able to put a smile on her face once again. “You say that now, but let’s see how good your balance is.”

“Don’t underestimate me.” Senna crossed her arms and challenged him with her eyes. “I happen to be a quick learner and I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it in two minutes, tops! Besides, how hard can it be?”

-Fifteen minutes later-

“How the hell am I supposed to stand in these things?!” Senna’s legs wobbled while she struggled to stand up straight. She was clinging to Kaidan’s arm while trying not to fall and land on her ass for the eighth time. “Seriously, who came up with the idea of balancing on a single blade? On ice?” She heard Kaidan snicker and saw he was failing miserably at trying to contain his amusement. “I’m glad you find this funny," she deadpanned with a roll of her eyes.

“As a matter of fact, I do. I also happen to remember a certain someone bragging that they’re a quick learner and can learn this in two minutes.” He quirked an eyebrow at her with a smug grin and she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah whatever, laugh it up, Kaidan. I’m glad I could amuse you.” She rolled her eyes but her tone was playful.

“Let’s try it this way.” Kaidan held both her hands in his and had her face him. He slowly started to skate backward, prompting her to follow his lead. Senna stumbled a little, but her skates glided across the ice at a snail’s pace, the blades scraping against the surface. Senna squeezed Kaidan’s hands, trying not to fall as her eyes stayed planted on the ice. She skated slowly for about ten more minutes and mentally patted herself on the back for not falling yet. “Okay. I’m getting the hang of this. This isn’t so bad.” She laughed nervously.

“Oh come on, even that kid over there is doing better than you,” Kaidan taunted playfully. Senna glanced over at the asari child who was gracefully skating circles around her parent. She gave Kaidan a playful smirk. “She’s an asari! They’re amazing at everything!”

“Wow! Never pegged you to be a racist,” Kaidan laughed in feigned horror. “Gotta say Senna, I’m a little disappointed in you!” he laughed.

“That’s not even racist, that’s a compliment—oh, you’re messing with me again…” Senna laughed as well. “Alright alright. You’re eating this up, aren’t you? Pick up the pace, Kaidan.”

With a boyish grin, Kaidan started to increase his speed a little, his skates scraping across the ice. Senna let the momentum steady her balance, allowing her to keep up with him and skate side by side.

“There you go, find a rhythm to keep your balance. Give your skates a push to go forward, one at a time. Left, then right, then left again…” Senna’s legs were wobbly while struggling to find her rhythm as he said. Kaidan patiently guided her across the ice while holding her hand. “See, you’re improving already! Must be because you have such an amazing teacher.”

“Told you I’m a quick learner.”

“And yet it took more than two minutes. At this pace, we’re lucky we didn’t hit the two-hour mark.” Kaidan chuckled.

“You’re on a roll with this, aren’t y—whoa!” Senna suddenly fell over after one of her skates hit a small pothole on the ice. Since they were holding hands, she brought Kaidan down and they both fell on their knees. “Ow…what was that?”

Kaidan looked at the indented spot on the ice. “Ah, sorry! I forgot since this is pure ice it’s not as smooth as the holo-rinks.” He looked at Senna with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just caught me off guard, that’s all.” Senna gave him a sheepish smile, and Kaidan carefully got back on his skates. He then held onto Senna’s hands as he attempted to help her up, her legs clumsily standing up on her skates.

“You know, I might have to start charging for helping you get back up so many times.” Kaidan chuckled.

Senna smiled, albeit a little sadly. “Yeah…I can see how that can be a burden.” She saw Kaidan panic a little.

“Sorry! That was terrible of me to say. I shouldn’t have—dammit, I didn’t mean to put my foot in my mouth like that. That was reckless of me. You’re not a burden, Senna. You could never be. It was a lame attempt at a joke, and I went too far.”

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t intend any harm…” Senna gave him an assuring smile. “…it was a mistake. I’m not angry or triggered by that.”

Kaidan sighed a deep breath of relief, and he smiled at her gratefully. “That…makes me happy to hear you say that.” They both smiled at each other fondly, until Kaidan cleared his throat. “But uh, based on that fall, the judges are going to have to dock some points off I’m afraid,” Kaidan said in an impression of a game show host.

Senna laughed. “Do me a favor Kaidan, stick to being cute.” She widened her eyes and quickly looked away when she realized what she said. Kaidan adjusted the collar on his jacket and cleared his throat, both embarrassed and flattered by the compliment, happy she at least found him attractive.

_It’s just harmless flirting on her part. No need to overthink it._

At least that’s what he convinced himself was the case. Vehemently suppressing the blush that rushed to his cheeks, he shook his head and gave her an out.

“If you’re trying to get a higher score, flattery will get you nowhere.”

Senna looked at him and grinned mischievously. “Anything I can do to change your mind?”

_…is, is she doing this on purpose?_

“This was a great idea, Kaidan.” Senna smiled, looking toward the mountains around the lake, taking in the snow and cold air around them. “You sure know how to pick a great tourist spot.” She looked at him, and he found himself drawn into her eyes and her beautiful smile. “Thank you. I’ll forever be grateful for this…and this as well.” She touched her tiger's eye necklace with a small laugh. “You’re a really good friend.”

Kaidan smiled, happy that for once he felt normal around someone, no longer unhinged by the demons that taunted him and constantly reminded him of Vyrnnus’ murder. When he was with Senna, he felt like he could talk to her without worry about being judged by her. There were parts of him he didn’t want to share yet, but Senna had been patient and understanding with him and didn’t press on the subject, and he was thankful for that. He learned over the course of their interactions that she was a really good friend too; his first real friend in a long time, and as they stood on the frozen lake they stared at each other with warmth and the feeling of safety in their eyes, Kaidan swore to himself he would do anything to honor their budding friendship and keep a smile on her face.

And this time, he’d do it the right way.

-X-

“We were there for hours and I only fell twelve times. Considering I’ve never stepped on ice a day in my life, that wasn’t so bad!”

“Hh, tell that to my backside. If it turns out I shattered my tailbone due to your not-so-graceful skating, I’m holding you personally responsible.”

“Nobody asked you to hold my hand the whole time. You could’ve let go anytime.”

“Uh, no. Need I remind you I had to apologize to that turian a dozen times when you plowed right into his wife? If looks could kill, I’m sure he would’ve melted the ice right beneath you.”

“Y-yeah…but that was an accident! When I said you could let go, I didn’t think I was gonna end up going so fast. The skates didn’t exactly come with emergency brakes.”

“Or when you skated right off the edge and landed in that pile of snow?”

“Okay okay, you made your point.”

The transit back to Vancouver was as fast as a bullet, the quick yet smooth motion making Senna yawn. Kaidan looked at Senna as they were sitting next to each other. “You can take a quick nap if you want. We’ve still got a couple of hours until we’re back in Vancouver.”

“Hm…alright.” Senna leaned her head back against the cool glass window. “You really surprised me back there, Kaidan.” She said with her eyes closed. “I had a lot of fun.”

“Glad to hear you say that. I can be fun I want to be. I know that surprises people sometimes.” Kaidan chuckled.

“Really?”

“Really! I can even make a good joke every once in a while. For example: have you heard about that rumor with the butter?”

“No.”

“Ah, well I better not tell you. It might spread.”

“…Kaidan.”

“Yes?”

“Not to be rude, but please stop talking.”

Kaidan laughed. Senna shook her head but smiled nonetheless. They sat in comfortable silence, the transit vibrations eventually lulling Senna to sleep. Kaidan looked over at her, smiling at her peaceful face.

_I was wrong. She’s not cute…she’s beautiful…_

Kaidan leaned back in his seat, gently moving Senna’s head so it was laid on his shoulder. After a few minutes, he nodded off himself, placing his head on top of hers, letting the calming scent of her mint shampoo lull him to sleep.

-X-

They were in the elevator heading up to Anderson’s apartment, and Senna had such a great time that she didn’t want the day to end. Kaidan’s company was enjoyable, and she found he had a very wry sense of humor, which strangely she adored.

Kaidan rubbed his neck. “Did you have fun today?”

Senna smiled. “Are you kidding? I got to explore a whole new place, try something entirely new, and I had you to keep me company. I had a complete blast and that’s all thanks to you.”

Kaidan laughed bashfully and rubbed his neck. “I-I’m glad! Then I accomplished my mission. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it to the food trucks. I didn’t realize how late it was getting.”

“It’s okay, we can just go to one next time.”

Kaidan smiled. “I’d like that.”

They stepped out the elevator doors once they opened, and they now stood in front of Anderson’s apartment.

“Listen, Senna. My family is having a small gathering for New Year’s at their high-rise. Only a few people typically show up, five or six at most, I was wondering if you wanted to join us. You know, so you have company for that holiday too.”

“I appreciate the thought, Kaidan, but I don’t think I’m comfortable to be around other people just yet. Hell, that turian back at the lake terrified me when he yelled at me for knocking over his wife.” Senna shook her head. “Honestly, New Year’s wasn’t a huge holiday on Mindoir either, so I think…I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, I understand. I wanted to at least offer, you know.”

“Of course, and I’m glad you asked. It’s just that right now, you’re the only person I feel safe around, and I want to keep it that way. At least until I know for certain I can handle crowds without incident.”

“You’ll get there, Senna. I have no doubt about it.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

They stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, both not knowing what to say now. “Well, I’m going to head inside. Again, thank you for today, Kaidan. I had a great time, and I hope you and your family enjoy the new year.” She turned to head inside the apartment until Kaidan gently grabbed her wrist, preventing her from leaving. Senna turned to him. “Yes?”

Kaidan stared at her for a moment before he quickly looked away and rubbed his neck. “A-aren’t you, uh…forgetting something?”

“Huh?” Did she forget something back at the lake? Or perhaps the transit?

Kaidan quirked an eyebrow and took off his glove as he outstretched his hand to her.

Senna blinked before realization hit her. She blushed a little, embarrassed that she forgot. “O-oh! Right! Sorry!” She promptly took off her own glove and Kaidan gently took her hand, his dark energy instantly enveloping their joined hands. Senna smiled in content.

That was another thing she found so fascinating about him. While her dark energy was muddled, smothering, and dangerous, his were warm and soothing. Each time she felt his dark energy a wave of calm would wash over her, giving her a sense of stability she so desperately needed. Just like he himself did…

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over this.” She grinned at him.

“Yeah, you’re the first person who’s ever been so excited about my biotics,” Kaidan admitted, a boyish grin spreading across his face. Senna already thought he was handsome, but the way he grinned so innocently at her was too adorable.

“Here, let’s try this.” Senna took her free hand and used her teeth to pull off her other glove, not noticing the way Kaidan’s eyes darted to her lips. She outstretched her other hand and motioned for him to do the same. Kaidan nodded seriously, and he raised his hand to bite into his glove to pull it off. Time seemed to slow down as his honey brown eyes locked with hers, intensely staring into her eyes as he _slowly_ removed his glove from his hand while not breaking eye contact with her.

Senna’s eyes widened just a little, and she gulped nervously, watching his every move while Kaidan silently held his other hand out, still not breaking eye contact with her. She held his hand, and his dark energy expanded to both their hands and arms, his blue aura beautiful as always. She sighed in content.

Without thinking she took their hands and interlocked their fingers together, the effects steadily soothing her. She couldn’t help but blush when she felt his thumbs gently stroke her skin. She licked her lips nervously. Between the warmth of his dark energy and the heat of his touch, she wasn’t sure what would happen if they didn’t stop, and she was too anxious to find out, so she gracefully broke contact, gathering a second to compose her bouncing thoughts before she smiled politely at him.

“See you later, Kaidan.” Oh god, did that come off as flustered as she thought it did?

“See you later…Senna.” Oh _god_ , did _that_ come off as low and…seductive as he intended it to be?

Not trusting her voice, Senna nodded farewell and all but ran into the apartment, leaning back against the door as soon as it closed behind her. She slowly sunk onto the floor and placed a hand over her rapidly beating heart, barely processing what just happened.

Kaidan was a good person. He was kind and humble, and he seemed very mature for his age. He was also a gentleman; she knew that when he would walk her home, and he was smart too, and he was a family man. She could tell from the way he talked about his parents. His views on life were still in development, but the fact that he admitted he was still trying to find himself showed that he was wise beyond his years. All in all, he seemed like a well-rounded, unassuming guy. He was a gentleman, but she just learned he definitely wasn’t a monk. Senna looked at her hands that were still on fire from where he touched her, from the way he stroked her skin. The intense heat he had in his eyes had her melting, and his lips looked so good when he took his glove off with his mouth. For the first time in her seventeen years of life, she felt lust.

One of the girls who lived next to their prefab house on Mindoir was a sucker for dirty romance novels, and sometimes she would let Senna borrow one to read. Senna would read them while her father was tending to the farm, and while she didn’t fully understand it, she knew enough about the concept of desire between a man and a woman.

But…she just knew it was a one-sided attraction. With his looks, there was no way Kaidan wouldn’t be at least popular with women. It’d be really hard to imagine a guy like him could be single. Besides, since he was a gentleman, he spoke with her and walked her home out of courtesy; it was in his character to be a good person, which she really liked about him.

“You have one unread message at your terminal.” The apartment’s VI informed. Senna stood up, grateful for the distraction. She rushed to Anderson’s terminal thinking he messaged her but was surprised to see it was a message from Commander Hackett. Her face paled when she read the message.

_Shepard,_

_Your official training begins tomorrow at 7:00 AM at the CCA Training Facility. I don’t have to tell you how challenging this will be, but I have no doubt you’ll pass with flying colors. It’s why we brought you here. You’ll be meeting with your tutor when you arrive. I’ve enrolled you in a beta program for biotic students, though that’s just a formality. You will be one of the few students in this program, and your tutor will give you the shakedown of what is to be expected of you. You'll be given a biotic implant before you begin training. Our finest scientists worked tirelessly to complete the amp. Although it's technically still in beta, we have no doubt the procedure will be successful. It’s of utmost importance that you undergo this training. I’m sure you know what will happen if you don’t, and why we are doing this. I don’t want to put this much pressure on you, Shepard, but I trust you will do good. Make Anderson and me proud._

_Commander Hackett_

Senna groaned, dreading tomorrow already. There was no avoiding her biotics forever, she knew that, but she still hoped that by some miracle they would have forgotten about her biotics and she would continue living with Anderson in ignorant bliss.

What a silly wish that had been.

She held her wrist cuff, sighing. The cuffs became almost relaxing in a sort. She could at least think clearly when her biotics weren’t buzzing hysterically around her, ruining any chance of concentration or train of thought. Her dark energy became a burden to her, one she hoped would forever be sealed with her cuffs. Now that they were going to be taken off, what would happen to her control? What would happen if she couldn’t pass training and her dark energy went haywire? Would it ruin her chances to continue living with Anderson? Would he shun her like the colony did? Would she lose her friendship with Kaidan?

_Kaidan…_

Senna’s heartbeat quickened, thinking back to that smoldering gaze he gave right outside the door. Those honey brown eyes that seemed to stare into her very soul; she had never experienced anything like it, and she felt like prey about to be consumed by its predator. This wasn’t like her old masters, no. There was no danger presented here, she was sure of that this time. This was something entirely different, something more intimate, something more…seductive. She didn’t hate the feeling. No, somehow, she loved it, but there was no way he saw her as anything more than a companion. They were friends, and at this point, he was her best friend. There was no way she was going to ruin that over a silly crush and lose the one person who showed her kindness since she came to Earth. Besides, Kaidan was so sweet, and considerate, and he always had her interests at heart.

Senna sighed as she stared at the ceiling, holding the tiger's eye necklace he gave her in the café. She knew nothing about crystals and their properties, but his presence alone calmed her down, and the necklace was beautiful regardless. He smelled so good, and his arms held her gently, but they were still so strong. She felt safe with him.

Not to mention his gorgeous smile, and those eyes that all but melted her legs when he took off his glove with his teeth, those hands that held hers in such warmth were so manly, and strong…

Senna groaned in frustration and put her arm over her forehead. She sighed in resignation. She was an orphan and a former slave and was still hypersensitive to people around her. Kaidan was literally the only person aside from Dr. Hawthorne and Anderson she felt like she could be herself around. With his looks and personality, he could have any girl he wanted. There was absolutely no way he felt anything for her. Walking her home, taking her to the lake, and buying her a necklace was a courtesy and a token of their friendship, and holding her hand was him being polite since he knew she loved his biotics.

She decided to assume Kaidan thought nothing of it, if not for her sake. For now, she would put all her focus into completing her biotic training, and that was going to be a hurdle by itself.


	4. Episode 3

_The water is hot, instantly relaxing his muscles as he settles in the large, porcelain tub. He leans his head back, closing his eyes and sighing in relief as his tension wanes. A pair of a woman’s arms wrap around his muscular chest from behind, a pair of soft lips kiss his cheek, and he smiles in content._

_“Hey, Rahna.”_

_“Think again, Lieutenant.”_

_“Lieute—? Who are you?”_

_“Relax, Kaidan, you look like you saw a ghost,” a woman’s contralto voice purrs. It’s seductive, yet familiar. He turns his head and is met with chocolate brown eyes and blood-red lips that are stretched in a mischievous, feline grin. He blinks as his eyes widen in recognition._

_“Senna?! What are you doing here?!” Senna smirks as she unwraps the towel from her body, revealing her naked body for his eyes to feast on. His mouth dries and he takes in her beautiful figure. It’s definitely Senna, but she’s older and curvier, and her hair is much shorter, giving her a mature yet breathtaking and exotic appearance. Her long and shapely legs dip into the tub as she sinks in its hot water, a satisfied moan escaping her. She turns her gaze to him, her trademark mischievous smirk etching on her full lips. She traces a finger along his jaw while he sits there, frozen on the spot and watching her with morbid fascination. She’s so beautiful as she straddles him and wraps her arms around his neck as though a goddess were mounting her trusty stallion._

_Droplets of water glide down her smooth brown skin, between her breasts, and he swallows, trying to resist such an exquisite temptation. “We can’t do this, Senna. There are regulations against this sort of thing. We can’t afford to get caught.” Regulations? What the hell is he talking about?_

_“Don’t tell me you’re not loving the thrill of this, Kaidan.” Her supple breasts torturously graze his lips as she slowly stands up to grab the loofah hanging above him. She starts to lather, the suds of the bath soap creating a foam around her. He licks his lips, his fists clenching tightly beneath the water in order to control himself. “Knowing someone can catch us this very moment, it makes my blood pump with excitement. I know you feel the same way.”_

_“Senna…please…” his voice is strained with tight with barely contained control. Her breasts are glistening and her lips are parted, begging to be bruised with a kiss, but he resists. He mastered his self-control for too long just for it to go to waste._

_But she throws a curveball at him. Tossing the loofah aside, she licks her finger seductively as she slowly traces it down her neck and her chest. She cups her breast and kneads it as she throws her head back and lets out a wanton moan. Her nipples grow hard as she pinches the other, pleasuring herself in front of his very eyes._

_His watches, each shackle on his restrain slowly breaking. But she’s not finished. With a wicked grin, she slides her hand down further, under the bathwater where her slick folds await her fingers. She rubs herself down there, slowly grinding against her hand as she locks eyes with Kaidan. His Adam’s apple bobs as he gulps deeply, his eyes darkening with lust. God, she’s going to be the death of him. She inserts a finger as she rocks her hips back and forth, mewling with pleasure as her motions grind against his painful erection. Senna’s cheeks are flushed, as she looks down into his wide eyes that are barely holding back the fire in them. She gives him a toothy grin as she licks her lips._

_“Take me, Kaidan.”_

_Throwing the last of his self-control out the window, his muscular arm wraps around her and pulls her close, holding her in place as his tongue swirls around her nipple. She moans, fisting her hands in his hair. With a satisfied groan, he continues to swirl his tongue around her nipple, sucking at it, tasting her, while skillfully pinching the other one, his erection standing upright in the bathwater. She moans as she grinds against him, her slick heat pressing against him. It feels so damn good, but it’s not enough. He needs more._

_Her moans echo in the bathroom, and he abruptly stands up, and they both climb out the tub before he pins her against the wall and kisses her neck, leaving bruises all over, marking her as his. He hooks her leg around him, effortlessly hoisting her up while her other leg curls around his waist. He squeezes her finely shaped ass, and without warning, thrusts into her._

_“Oh god, Kaidan, yes!” Her hands run through his wet hair and clutch at it desperately, her head leaning back against the tile wall. He doesn’t bother taking it slow. He pounds into her like a madman in heat, as he ravages her mouth with a searing kiss that wipes the lipstick off her mouth. Their tongues dance with each other, battling for dominance of which he wins, making her moan against his mouth. She tastes as wonderful as he imagined: like mango and mint. It’s intoxicating. Just like her._

_“You’re so strong, Lieutenant...” She cries out between thrusts. A dizzying sensation of pride courses through him. Yes, he’s strong, and feeling her quiver helplessly underneath him asserts his dominance. She loves to tease, it’s in her nature, and he loves that about her, but he loves it even more when he has her writhing with pleasure, begging him to take her and leave him in control as the alpha. She wants pleasure and he’s more than happy to give it to her. Her eyes are shut, and tears form at the corner of her eyes from the raw pleasure he is giving her. She’s loving this. She’s begging for more. She can’t get enough of it and it’s all because of him. Only he can make her feel this good. He plants kisses on her smooth skin, down her neck and her chest, where her pert nipples are begging to be sucked once more. He takes one in his mouth and swirls his tongue around it, relishing in her moans as her nails rake down his back, drawing blood. He bites down on it while giving her ass a good slap, and he can feel her tightening around him. She loves it when he gets rough with her. His hips are moving like pistons, thrusting wildly into her, and he knows his climax is reaching, but he won’t be beaten. He wants her to know who is the dominant one here. He thrusts deeper, hitting her spot that he knows drives her wild. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh reverberates in the bathroom. She cries as she tightens around him, their breaths ragged as their peak is reaching. He bites down on her smooth neck, not caring that it’ll leave a mark. She is his woman and his alone. He can do whatever he wants to her and she’ll let him._

_She arches her back and screams out his name as she reaches her peak, her ecstasy crashing down on her. She violently contracts around him, her juices making her even more slippery, and his roar echoes in the bathroom as he comes inside her, filling her essence to the brim…_

Kaidan woke up with a start, sitting straight up in his bed. Sweat clung to his forehead and he breathed heavily, as he now found himself back to reality in his room in his apartment. He covered his mouth in horror as he realized what just happened. 

_What the_ hell _am I doing?!_

What the hell was wrong with him?! How could he dream of Senna like that? He made a promise to value his friendship with her, and not even a week later he was having wet dreams about her! She was his friend, and while he didn’t know her exact age, he was confident she wasn’t an adult yet, which might have explained why she appeared as a woman in his subconscious, but regardless, it was completely inappropriate and a line he never wanted to cross. What was worse, was that it felt right. Having her quiver in his arms like that, her beautiful body pressed against him while he kissed her lips, not only did it feel right and natural but he… _loved_ it. It was like her body fit perfectly against his as if she was a piece of him he had been missing. The way she looked at him was with unadulterated lust, but he also saw love in her eyes, and that made his heart flutter.

_I’m a sick bastard…_

Senna was beautiful, he’d be blind to not notice, he knew that the day he met her, and beyond her trauma, she was a confident, witty, and fun person to spend time with. She had her mischievous streak which made each meeting with her exciting. He never knew what to expect whenever they were together. Even when she had an anxiety attack, she would be vulnerable for a period of time, but she would immediately bounce right back up and keep moving forward, newfound confidence formed within her. He admired that about her, the way she wouldn’t allow her insecurities to become her weakness. He could tell she was a strong person. She was also a little clumsy with her words sometimes, but he didn’t mind that at all. In fact, he found it endearing. The way she smiled at him when she would tease him, and the way she glowed when she was happy; the fact that she said he was the only one she was comfortable to be with filled him with a strange sense of satisfaction. Even when she blushed and showed her embarrassing side, he thought she only looked more adorable than she already was.

On the other hand, while he was happy she could confide in him, he knew it wouldn’t last forever. She was still growing out of her shell while coming to terms with her true self, and eventually she would move on and find new friends to hang out with, and maybe even a lover. He ignored the pang in his chest at that last part, but it was inevitable.

Kaidan treasured their friendship, even if it may be temporary. They bonded over the fact they were both Dr. Hawthorne’s patients, and once they no longer needed his services, there was no way of telling if they would continue to talk to each other. He didn’t even have her contact information. He’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t miss her. They became close during the time they spent together, and he came to care for her a great deal.

Not to mention how cute she was when she got excited about something new she learned, or even when she was being playful with him and making fun of his lame jokes. The more he got to know her, the easier it was to determine how resilient she was. She told him her story, about Mindoir, how batarian slave traders took her from her home and tortured her, and yet despite all that, she was here in Vancouver, laughing with him and casually falling off her ice skates on a frozen lake.

Kaidan let out a deep sigh. _I admit it. I’m attracted to her, but it’s just physical attraction that can’t go any further._ Which meant his dreams had to stop immediately if he had any control over them. They were friends and only friends, and while he could now admit of his attraction to her, that was where he drew the line. He looked over at the picture of Rahna as the screen came into view in the frame. Rahna was so beautiful but humble, and smart and gentle. Everyone loved her for her role as the cute and shy little sister. She was so easily frightened, and he was always there to protect her. She was the love of his life, yet here he was dreaming about another girl.

Kaidan felt disgusted with himself like he committed an act of betrayal despite the fact he and Rahna were no longer together. She was the one for him, he was so sure of that, and a part of him hoped that was still the case, that somewhere out there she regretted blocking him and telling him to move on. It was a pipe dream at this point, but that was how much he loved her. Maybe the dream was an amalgamation of his desire to be with Rahna and the familiarity he now had with Senna. The latter was the only person he really hung out with nowadays, so it made perfect sense. Yeah, that was it. It was the only logical explanation he could think of, and that’s what he was sticking with.

Senna was a friend. Nothing more. But then…why did he tease her like that in front of the apartment that night? He couldn’t think of a logical explanation for that one. It came so naturally to him. He knew exactly what he was doing, but it didn’t make it right, but it made it all the more tempting judging from how she reacted. She may not have realized it, but she was flustered, the way her lips parted when he took his glove off with his teeth, the way her eyes flashed with shock followed by lust, or the way her skin flushed when they held hands and locked fingers. It was so wrong but on the other hand…

_Dammit. I can’t lead her on and get her hopes up like that just to ice her out._

Only the scum of the earth would commit such an act. Kaidan couldn’t afford to continue to tease her like that, not when their friendship was at stake. If he wasn’t wrong, then the feeling was mutual. Rahna still held his heart, and Senna was the only female friend he was acquainted with, so he couldn’t take a chance and accidentally mold them together and eventually break Senna’s heart, not when his emotions were still confused. If she ended up hurt because of him, accident or not, then he deserved to die a thousand deaths.

He had no plans of pushing her away, but he had to keep her at arm’s length. Flirting with her would have to stop, and as much as he didn’t want to, their hand-holding would have to be on pause for a while as well. It was the only way to preserve their friendship and keep things strictly platonic. 

Looking down at the bulge formed at his crotch under his blankets, he sighed shamefully and ran a hand through his hair. He needed a shower. A really cold one…

-X-

It was Senna and only ten other students under the tutelage of Shivana T’Renli, an Asari commando privately hired by the Alliance. She was tall and was quite intimidating with orange markings on her face. Senna found it strange they hired an alien to do the honors of teaching them how to harness their biotics.

“We all know why we’re here, so I’ll skip the pleasantries,” T’Renli said gruffly as she observed them. “By the time we’re finished with this program you’re all going to be the finest biotics Earth has to offer. Maybe for once, humanity can be worth something in this godforsaken galaxy.” The commando rolled her eyes. “I won’t go easy on you, and I’m sure as hell not gonna coddle you the whole way, so if you know you don’t have what it takes, I suggest you dig deep in your pants and find a bigger set of balls, ‘cause you’re gonna need them once we get started.”

The other students gulped and nodded feverishly, while Senna noticed a black-haired boy standing next to her watched the commando impassively. Senna merely nodded sternly. “Yes ma’am!” They shouted in unison.

“Good! As a gesture of goodwill since you’re all new at this, we’ll start with something easy for today only. But before we get started…you…” T’Renli pointed at Senna. “Come here.” Senna obediently went to the Asari, and the commando lifted up her wrists. “No point in practicing with your training wheels on. These are coming off.” She motioned to her cuffs.

“W-wait! D-don’t I have to have an implant or something first?” Senna yelped out. T’Renli rolled her eyes. “If you can’t control your biotics at the foundation, then there’s no way you handle them with an implant. They’re comin’ off, so stop pissing yourself. You're not gonna do anything to me or anyone else in here. Now stop squirming and come here.”

Senna gulped as T’Renli unlocked her cuffs, and she watched in horror as they fell to the metal floor with a clank. She gasped as dark energy wildly enveloped her body in a myriad of azure and violet. A few of her classmates gasped from behind her as they backed up fearfully, while the same black-haired boy watched with cold observation. Senna’s body trembled and she looked to T’Renli for help, who just watched her coolly, her arms crossed as she observed her dark energy.

Senna shut her eyes as she tried to get her biotics under control but to no avail. She heard her classmates yelp in horror as she turned to them and widened her eyes when she saw that her dark energy was ‘shocking’ them. She recognized that look; it happened on Mindoir when she couldn’t control her biotics and accidentally hurt a boy who was bullying her. When she tried to use her dark energy to defend herself, the boy suddenly convulsed, as if he had been struck by lightning.

“No!” She tried to prevent that from happening to her classmates, but her dark energy only grew more violent as the entire dome ‘classroom’ became encased in blue.

Her biotics suddenly ceased, and Senna found herself ‘frozen’ as her body was completely still. “W-what the…?”

“That’s an interesting trick you got there,” T’Renli said, her hands glowing blue as her biotics had Senna frozen in place, “real messy and extremely sloppy, but nothing I can’t handle. I’ll fix you up in no time.” Her grin uneased Senna. “Under my care, all of you humans will be whipped into tip-top shape. I’m looking forward to this.”

T’Renli didn’t release her stasis on Senna, though she turned to one classmate who gulped when her intense cerulean eyes locked with his. “Let’s get all those cuffs off and put our new playground to use.”

-X-

No matter how many times Senna wiped it off the nosebleed kept coming. Taking another paper towel and dampening it under the sink water, she wiped at the blood seeping out her nostrils again, ignoring the painful headache that was quickly turning into a migraine. She groaned in frustration. The first ‘session’ was a disaster, and not just because she had a hard time controlling her biotics. Several of her classmates weren’t so great at handling their biotics either and in a short amount of time the dome turned into a thick fog, a miasma of wild dark energy that had yet to be tamed. Only a couple were quickly learning, and one already knew how to make a barrier. It was a weak one, but it was more progress than anyone else made so far. During the entirety of the training, all but T’Renli were suffocating themselves as they had a hard time breathing during the ordeal.

Not once did T’Renli intervene, nor did she prompt anyone to get their dark energy under control. She merely observed, watching the generations of their mass effect fields. A nagging feeling in the back of Senna’s head told her they were all being watched like guinea pigs, test subjects that were under the watchful eye of an alien scientist. It brought back a disgusting feeling of being used for entertainment like her old masters previously did to her.

Convincing herself that this situation was different, Senna wiped her nose until the bleeding eventually stopped. She stared at herself in the mirror, mentally motivating herself to get through this training. After a few minutes, she left the bathroom, heading to the cafeteria for their lunch break.

The cafeteria itself was small and bare, and her classmates were already grouped into cliques that were sitting at their tables and chatting amongst themselves. Senna grabbed her lunch tray, looking at the portions of food that seemed hardly appetizing, and the only beverage available was water. Settling for a cheese sandwich and a cup of water, she searched for a table until she settled for an unoccupied one all the way in the back.

She wasn’t even alone for five minutes before the same black-haired boy from class, a brunette boy about Kaidan’s age, and a boy with cropped blonde hair and freckles sat at her table. 

“You feelin’ alright?” The blonde asked. “I know puttin’ out all that energy must’ve taken a toll on ya. I know it did for me.”

“It did,” Senna replied as she made sure to put a distance between them. The sudden crowd was making her uneasy.

“Same here! Even got a damn nosebleed! I spent ten minutes getting it to stop. I hate when that happens. Back home I couldn’t lift a pillow without wanting to pass out either,” the blonde said as he took a mouthful of his salad. “The food here is crap.”

Senna didn’t reply, choosing to focus on her sandwich.

“Why do you think they got an asari training us?” the blonde asked curiously. He was a talkative one.

“How many human biotics you see out there that can create mass effect fields without going batshit, let alone teach an entire group of kids?” the brunette said impatiently.

“Point taken. But still, the real training is only a few floors up, why can’t we be with them?”

“Those are the biotics that actually matter, the ones that are guaranteed to enlist in the Alliance once they complete their training. From what I heard it’s way cozier up there than it is down here, in our own personal dungeon.”

“So, what’s your story then? You don’t plan on being in the military?”

“What’s the point? I’m not gonna get training on this shit just to be frontline fodder. I told my sister she had a choice other than the Alliance to do something with her biotics, but she won’t listen. Thinks she’s gonna make a difference or some shit.”

Senna looked at the brunette boy. “It sounds like you don’t like the Alliance.”

“What’s not to like? They’re fucking lovely.” The brunette rolled his eyes. “My sister and I are L2s, and we were in an entirely different training ‘program’ a couple of years ago. Once that went belly up, we ended up back here with no one qualified enough to teach us how to control our biotics. Even when our parents constantly messaged the Alliance to ask for a status update on our training options, we were told that a new program was still a ‘work in progress’, and a new instructor would be assigned to me soon. They pretty much abandoned us after putting us through hell on that station.”

“What did your parents think about this?” The blonde asked.

“They’re well-known socialites in Italy climbing further up the ladder. You think they’re gonna accept not one, but both of their biotic children endangering their established connections and wealth? They’d be considered pariahs and cast out of their social circles in a second, so they didn’t hesitate to ship my sister and me off. They told their friends and the media we were enrolled in some prestigious boarding school in Bekenstein. Once the program out on Jump Zero went to shit, they tried to send us to any camp that was available, but there was none at the time. They wouldn’t stop messaging the Alliance about it, asking for a new school to send us to, and even offered to provide funding, so I have a feeling they were involved in Jump Zero somehow. I guess they got tired of my parents bugging them for information and desperately trying to get my sister and me enrolled in another training camp because they finally reached out to them a few days ago. Special program, blah blah blah, improved biotic training, non-disclosure agreement, blah blah, discretion is required blah blah, and my parents were all too eager to send my sister and me here while they throw the latest party at our home in Florence. Figured they’d be happy to get rid of the fucking freaks in their house.”

“Man, Shelby, I didn’t think it was like that. I have a friend whose uncle was at Jump Zero as a security guard, and I was told it shut down because of political differences.”

The brunette, Shelby, laughed without humor. “You’re shitting me, right? There was a ‘political difference’ alright. One of the guys I was acquainted with killed our instructor. He was a turian, and he was a fucking tyrant, don’t get me wrong, but he got straight up murdered. I saw it all. I wasn’t best friends with the killer, but he seemed docile enough. Imagine my surprise when it turned out he was capable of murder. It was pretty damn scary. He got arrested and kicked off the station after that, and we all got sent home a few weeks later. Badabing, badaboom, the place got shut down and here we are.” Shelby looked up at the ceiling. “God, that was a fucking nightmare…”

“That doesn’t mean the Alliance is bad, though…” the blonde tried to counter.

“Open your eyes, Killian, the fact that we’re down here, getting trained under some damn asari, and tucked away like a big fucking secret means that the Alliance ain’t no saints either. This is why I’m not joining their cause no matter how many times they ask. They got my sister, but they sure as hell ain’t getting to me. I’m just here because my parents forced me to, and if there’s a cure for these damn migraines I get then at least I get something out of it, but I know that ain't gonna happen.”

Senna and Killian looked at each other, uncertain of what to say. “What do you think will happen if we refuse to join the Alliance?” Senna asked.

Shelby quirked an eyebrow before he shrugged. “Don’t know, but if I had to guess, you’d be kicked to the curb, and left homeless once they see they have no more use for you. I still have the option to stay at my parent’s private lodge in Sweden if things don’t go well for me, but the rest of you are orphans. Which means you’re easy targets for swooping up into their little covert experiments, and most importantly, you’re all expendable. Been there, done that, so I know." 

Shifting in his seat uncomfortably, Killian looked at the black-haired boy, who hadn’t said a word the whole time. “So, how ‘bout you? What brought you he—”

“I have nothing to say,” the black-haired boy said curtly as he bit into his sandwich.

“Got it.” Killian nodded awkwardly and looked at Senna. “You?”

Senna shook her head. “I prefer not to talk about it either.” Killian sighed in defeat, deciding to shut up and eat his less than appetizing salad. 

The four of them continued with their lunch, an uncomfortable silence looming over the table.

-X-

The day went by with migraines, frustrations, and nosebleeds. T’Renli wasn’t kidding when she said she wasn’t going to go easy on them. It was a rough first day, challenging, and even though she said today would be the only day they would take it easy, Senna was nervous for the days T’Renli wouldn’t hold back. On the bright side, by the time training was over, Senna was able to control her dark energy; not enough to create a barrier like T’Renli demonstrated, but she was able to go without her cuffs with no risk of her dark energy flaring up. Baby steps, but still steps, nonetheless.

Stepping out of the training facility, she saw Kaidan exit the CCA that adjoined the building. She smiled, happy to see him, and called out his name.

Kaidan turned around, and Senna grinned in greeting. “Hey, you’re here late. Dr. Hawthorne didn’t get your appointment mixed up again, did he?”

“No. He’s still out of town, remember?” Senna was taken aback by his sharp tone.

“Right. Sorry, I forgot.”

“It’s okay. I needed to speak with someone and with him being gone until the end of the month, speaking with a different counselor doesn’t have the same effect.”

“I understand.”

Senna noticed he was rubbing his temple and hardly looking at her. “Are you alright?” she asked with concern.

“I’m fine. Just got a migraine is all. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t? Do you carry any painkillers?”

“I took some already, but they only help half the time.” Kaidan rubbed his temples, and Senna reached out to hold his hand, but he turned away from her. The movement was subtle, but it still concerned her.

“At least let me treat you to dinner.”

“You don’t need to do that. I’ve been dealing with this for years, comes with being an L2. Give it another hour or two and it’ll go away.”

“You’re an L2?”

She heard Kaidan curse under his breath. “Yeah. I am. It’d make sense given my age, wouldn’t it?” There was that sharp tone again, but Senna ignored it, blaming his moodiness on his migraine.

“Is that why you have those migraines?”

“Yeah.”

“How often do you get them?”

“They come sporadically so I don’t keep a record book of when I get them.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, but I don’t need your pity. A couple of hours of downtime and I’ll be back on my feet. This happens more than you think, so you can stop looking at me like that.”

“Kaidan, it’s obvious you’re in a lot more pain than you’re letting on. You were there for me even before we became friends. At least let me return the favor, not out of pity, but genuine concern for my best friend.”

Kaidan didn’t say anything, but he slightly turned his head to her, implying he was listening. An idea came to Senna.

“Why don’t we get some dinner from one of those food trucks we’d been meaning to go to, and head back to my apartment? I have something that might help with your migraine. Judging from the way you’re looking right now, I don’t want to leave you alone like this.”

“Hh! How the roles have reversed.”

“Yeah yeah. Come on, let’s go.”

-X-

This was a bad idea. Kaidan didn’t know why he followed Senna all the way into her – or rather her guardian’s apartment.

“Make yourself at home!” she called out as she headed upstairs. Kaidan looked around the apartment. It was a small one-bedroom loft, which he assumed the bedroom was upstairs. It was still nice though. The décor was minimal but still classy. He sat down on the living room couch, draping his arm over his eyes to shield them from the lights.

_What am I doing here?_

He just made a promise to keep it platonic and not to give Senna any ideas, and now it was just the two of them in her apartment. Vivid images of his dream flashed in his mind, but he pushed them away. Self-control was something he had been practicing since Brain Camp shut down, and while he still had his struggles, he was still making excellent progress. Besides, she was just getting him medicine. No need to read too much into it.

Senna hurried down the stairs with a small device in her hands. “Here you go.”

“What is it?”

“It’s an aromatherapeutic diffuser. I bought it a few days ago to relieve my occasional headaches, but I’m sure you’ll make better use of it.”

“I can’t take this. If you get headaches as well then you need to keep it.”

“I doubt I get them as much as you do. Besides, I’ve heard that L2 implants can be pretty hard to deal with.”

“Hh, an understatement if I ever heard one.”

“Which further proves my point that you need this.” Senna pushed the diffuser into his hands. She held up a small glass bottle. “Eucalyptus essential oil. The minty scent helps with migraines. Just add a few drops and voila, migraines are gone.”

Kaidan chuckled. “I appreciate the thought, but I—”

“You can, and you will take it. Kaidan, I meant what I said when I wanted to repay the favor.”

“I already told you I’m not expecting anything from you—”

“I know that too, but the last thing I want is for our friendship to be one-sided. You’ve watched my back this whole time, so it’s only natural that I do the same for you. I’d feel guilty if I did otherwise.”

Kaidan snorted. “Since when did you get so assertive?”

“Since I discovered you can be hardheaded.”

“I resent that. I can be perfectly softheaded.”

Senna quirked an eyebrow and snickered. “It’s like you don’t even hear yourself sometimes. But let me know if it works out for you.”

“I will. Thank you for this, it's very thoughtful of you.”

“Anytime.”

Senna sat on the couch, and Kaidan tensed up. She was on the opposite side, but she may as well have been right on top of him. The images of his dream came rushing back, and he gripped his pants as his jaw tightened. If there was one thing he could take from this, was that he really needed to go on a date. He wasn’t the type that was keen on one-night stands, but he would consider it if it would alleviate his frustration.

“Kaidan, I need to ask you a personal question.” Kaidan looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows. Her countenance was pensive, and she seemed nervous about something.

“What is it?”

“What is it like being an L2? Are the complications as bad as the extranet makes it out to be?”

Kaidan’s lips thinned. How was he supposed to give a straight answer to that? L2s came with more than just complications; in fact, he had yet to meet a fellow L2 that didn’t eventually go crazy or become a red sand addict since that was recently the hottest commodity among biotics. His migraines were considered a ‘blessing’ of a side effect, though of course, it felt like the opposite whenever they practically crippled him, and even blinking too fast was painful. There were mixed feelings he had toward his implants. When traces of element zero first manifested in him when he was a kid, he felt like a superhero – he even experimented throwing stuff around his parents’ orchard for the heck of it. But he was disillusioned quickly when his biotics and prejudice from other humans came as a package deal. Right when he started to adjust to being a biotic, he was ‘persuaded’ to receive an L2 implant and was ‘encouraged’ to receive special biotic acclimation training at BAat. Jump Zero was the catalyst for his life taking a turn for the worst.

“Why do you want to know?” Was all he could say in return.

“I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Sorry, Senna, but that’s something I don’t like to talk about.”

Senna’s eyes flashed with a mix of hurt and anger. He felt bad that he wasn’t being as open as she had been with him, but he couldn’t help it. His implants were still a hot button for him, and anytime they were mentioned he instantly got on the defensive.

“I know that, but I just needed to know.”

“If you knew, then why did you ask?”

“It’s complicated…”

Kaidan sighed. “I’m sorry Senna, but that’s not a good enough reason. My implants are still a sore subject for me, and I’ve always been upfront with you about that. It kind of upsets me that you’re still asking about that after I told you not to. If you can’t respect the boundaries I’ve clearly set, then there’s nothing left for us to talk about.” 

He looked away, regretting his words the second they left his mouth. Senna bit her lip, and she looked like she had a retort, but instead, she nodded slowly. She had held back the hurt in her eyes, and he instantly felt like an ass. So much for making sure he always made her smile.

“Sorry. I won’t ask again.” He hated how stoic she sounded. “I just needed to know because…” she sighed in frustration. “…nevermind.” She shook her head. She motioned to the diffuser. “I hope that works out for you. I have to get ready for my biotic training tomorrow morning, so you should probably go. I’m sure you have things to do too.”

“Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap like that again.” Kaidan sighed and rubbed his neck. “What was it that you wanted to talk about?”

“It wasn’t important. Sorry I invaded your privacy. I really do have to get ready for tomorrow though.”

“…right. I’ll see you later.”

“Goodbye.”

Kaidan felt like an even bigger ass when he realized they didn’t even get to eat the dinner Senna bought them from the food trucks. “Just take it. I’m sure you’re hungry.” He heard Senna say as she saw him looking at the takeout boxes. Kaidan sighed, as he guiltily picked up his food and left the apartment. Once inside the elevator, he cursed himself for putting his foot in his mouth, yet again.

What the hell was wrong with him? What was supposed to be a friendly dinner turned out into a small lashing against Senna. He meant it when he wanted her to respect his boundaries, but dammit, why was he so rude about it? Was it because of the stigma against L2s? Was it because his implants reminded him of the murder he committed, and the subsequential heartbreak he still wasn’t able to get over? Either way, anytime his L2s were mentioned, he immediately grew irritable.

Senna was only curious, yet he treated her like those vulture reporters who used to harass him when word of his biotics was first exposed. Since he was the son of an Alliance General, they asked incessant questions for almost a month, never giving him a sense of privacy until they finally got the hint and left him and his family alone.

It was a quiet walk back to his apartment, and he ate his food on his couch wordlessly. Once he finished his dinner and took a shower, he activated the diffuser he set up and inserted the essential oil. Mist silently disseminated in his room, and it didn’t take long for the crisp scent of eucalyptus to fill his nostrils. He sighed in content, feeling its effect already taking place.

As he did every night before he went to bed, he picked up the picture frame on his nightstand and the picture of Rahna pixelated into view. He sighed as he gently traced her face with his fingers. He missed her so much. If only he didn’t lose control of his temper and ultimately lose her forever.

Kaidan closed his eyes as he pictured the proposal he planned for her, as he had done dozens of times. Once they completed BAat training, they would travel to Turkey and he would meet her parents and her older brother. They would get to know each other, and Kaidan would bond with her brother. He pictured her brother telling him stories about Rahna as a child, embarrassing tales and all. Rahna would get flustered and drag Kaidan out of the house to give him a tour of Istanbul. He would wait until dusk, when the sun was just setting over the horizon, letting the rays dance on her beautiful features. They would have a candlelit dinner at a restaurant she said she loved, with the historic Topkapi Palace in clear view in the background. That’s when he would propose, asking Rahna to be his wife. She would say yes, and they would have two weddings: one in her home country, honoring a traditional Turkish wedding for her and her family, and the second in Vancouver at his family’s orchard, where they would have a ‘backyard’ wedding while the apple blossom trees were in bloom. If he hadn't killed Vyrnnus and messed up their future beyond repair, she would be here with him, in his arms while he tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her goodnight, as he had done many times before. She would lay her hand on his bare chest as she fell asleep, with her diamond engagement ring on her finger.

Kaidan sighed. He put the picture frame down as he climbed into bed. It was never going to happen, a future that was now only a distant dream. The love of his life was gone and she was never coming back. He had to start accepting that, but it did nothing to cease the deep affection he still had for her. His biotics were once a superpower, but now they were a curse that cost him the first and only person he truly loved and the future he once desired.

Realizing that was his answer to Senna’s question, Kaidan closed his eyes as the quiet hum of the diffused soothed him. He could feel his migraine already subsiding, and he was impressed by the impact the tiny diffuser made. He would have to thank her for the present and apologize for his behavior tonight. Eventually, he was lulled to sleep, his mind calmed by the gentle and soothing scent of eucalyptus.

-X-

The air around them was solemn and anxious as they waited in a lab that was next to the training dome. Killian tapped his foot repeatedly, his boots making the only noise in the waiting room.

“Will you stop that?” Shelby snapped.

“I can’t! My nerves are shot to hell right now. Holy crap guys, if this thing fails, we’re all gonna go crazy, or straight up die during the procedure. You all know that right? Crap! I’m not sure which is worse.”

“Shut up already! At least it’s your first implant. My L2 implant is getting replaced completely and who knows how risky that is, especially since these new ones haven’t been tested yet!”

“Guys, please. Can we not panic about this right now?” Senna asked quietly as she fidgeted with her wrists, anxiously awaiting the procedure that she inevitably was going to undergo.

The black-haired boy, who hardly spoke a word to them, sat across from them with his arms crossed as he watched them impassively. He looked like he was barely a couple of years younger than her, yet Senna was amazed that he was so composed about this.

“Um…aren’t you nervous about this at all?” she asked him.

He stared at her with cold grey eyes. “No.”

“Lucky you. I think I’m going to faint any second now.” The boy didn’t reply, while Killian and Shelby continued to argue.

The door to the lab opened, and a biotechnology assistant stepped forward. “Senna Shepard. Come with me, please.”

Senna widened her eyes in fear. It figured she would go first. She gulped and looked at Killian and Shelby who merely gave her sympathetic looks, while the black-haired boy watched her. She took a deep breath and followed the scientist inside, the door closing behind her.

A single operation table laid eerily at the center of the lab, accompanied by a microcomputer and an anesthesia machine. Above the operating table, a surgical machine with a long sharp needle attached at its hull loomed over it. An incision drill was connected to the machine as well on its side, and Senna gulped nervously as her fight or flight instinct was kicking in.

The assistant led her to an observation room, where Commander Hackett and Anderson were, talking with a few scientists. Monitors were presenting camera and audio feedback from the operating room. It seemed they were prepping data for the procedure.

“Shepard, I know this isn’t an easy thing to do. I wanted to be here to make sure the implant surgery goes well, and to make sure you’re okay.” Anderson said in comfort.

“We appreciate you doing this. I know you’re taking a huge risk, Shepard.” Commander Hackett nodded in approval. “If all goes well, you will be making history and possibly save a lot of lives for those who need biotic implants in the future.”

“I just want to live through this.” Senna fidgeted with her wrist. “Anderson, I…I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t…I didn’t plan on being fodder for an experiment,” she said, thinking back to what Shelby said in the cafeteria.

“No one is making you fodder, Shepard,” Hackett said, “but I will be honest with you since you deserve the truth. We have had the best biotechnology team on the planet work on an improved biotic amplification device just for you and the other students. The L2s were considerably successful, but not without great cost, and so we’ve been working on upgrading them. You’ve voiced your apprehension about your biotics before, and not only will this help you with your control, but the new L3 implant will cybernetically improve your abilities. Only time will tell if you’ll be able to harness your biotics, but I have faith you will. Do this, and you’ll be the blueprint for many new biotic amps to come.”

“…and what if I refuse?”

Anderson blinked, taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“What if I don’t want this? What if I don’t want to be a guinea pig for an experiment that can possibly kill me?”

“We’re not going to force you to do anything, Shepard.” Hackett’s blue eyes were sharp as he leveled his gaze with her. “But we all know the situation will be less than ideal if you don’t follow through. Without an implant, the odds of biotics living a full life are tragically low, susceptible to either insanity or death by red sand addiction. These amps are designed to synchronize with the eezo nodules that reside in your nervous system. Not only will it make you stronger, but it’s a safer option than an L2, which was not an option for you or the other students. We pushed this project for the past year, and with you and your fellow biotics here, we are confident this will go without a hitch. I’m not saying you’ll end up an addict or clinically insane if you refuse to participate, but without the proper guidance, those odds aren’t exactly low.”

“Commander, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Anderson asked, a little hesitant on the matter.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant, but that’s the way it is, and I don’t plan on holding back the truth, no matter how gritty it may seem. If she’s going to do this, we may as well give her the blow-by-blow.”

“…yes, sir.”

In hindsight, it was either be the beta tester for a surgical implant that would either fry her brain or make her go mad, or say no and be kicked to the streets with no money, no home, no family, and hardly any chance of survival. Shelby’s words, as crass as they were, bore some semblance of truth, and she was starting to understand why he was so cynical about this.

Senna was terrified of what would happen to her, which was ironic, considering just a while ago she wanted to die so she could see her parents again, but death by a machine straight out of a horror movie was not an ideal way to go. She glanced at the operating table in the room that was separated by the one-way mirror.

“Whatever decision you make, Senna, I’ll stand behind you, one hundred percent,” Anderson said softly.

Mustering up all the courage she could find within herself, she looked at Anderson and Hackett and nodded. “I’ll take the implant.”

The assistant immediately returned to her, his face unmoving and stoic. “Right this way, please.” He led her out of the observation room and into the operating room, where the dreaded table waited for her. A few scientists gathered around her as one brought out their surgical tools that were laid neatly on a metal tray, while the other aligned the surgical machine to the microcomputer. Another scientist synched her omni-tool to the screen, showing an x-ray of presumably Senna’s skull, and she wondered when they got that data from her. The long needle seemed to glare at Senna as she stared at it fearfully.

“Take your shirt off, please.” The assistant remained as cool as a cucumber as he waited for her patiently.

Privacy or a changing room was obviously not an option, and Senna gulped as she took her shirt off with shaky hands, leaving her in a plain black sports bra. The cool yet sterile air gave her goosebumps, and she instantly covered her chest feeling exposed since there were multiple eyes watching her. She steadied herself, trying to stop her body from trembling.

The assistant handed her a ponytail. “Tie your hair in a tight bun, please.”

Senna nodded and did as told, making sure no strand was loose.

“Lie face down on the table, please.”

Her heart was racing, but she steadied herself as she obediently laid on the table, the small face cushion in the table allowing her to see the floor. She could only see the scientists’ shadows on the floor, which only added to her frightened state, and the robotic demeanor of the assistant was making it worse for her nerves.

There were hands tugging on her wrists, disabling the cuffs and removing them. Suddenly her wrists and ankles were being tied down by restraints by multiple scientists that were linked to the table, and that was when the real fear started to kick in. Her breathing quickened as she started to panic.

“We’ll be applying anesthesia so the pain will be minimal. You will not feel a thing.” She could hear the assistant say from behind her. “Relax your muscles, please.”

Senna tried her damnedest to relax, but the more she tried, the more her body instinctively coiled up in defense. She tried to fight against the restraints as panic built up in her.

“Relax your muscles, please,” the assistant repeated in that damn monotone voice. He was no better than a VI interface.

Senna’s lip quivered as she whimpered, trying not to cry. The sound of a switch being flipped and the whirring of a machine hummed in the lab. She gasped when she felt that sharp needle pierce the nape of her neck, and she whimpered in pain. A hot liquid was injected into her bloodstream, and the numbing effects were almost immediate. Senna anticipated being put to sleep during this whole ordeal, but her fears increased tenfold when she could hear the horridly familiar sound of a knife slowly cutting through her skin.

“Aldrin Labs Solaris Amp - Beta Model: ready for embedding.”

Thanks to the anesthesia she could hardly feel it, it was like a soft vibration against her skin, but the sound of her flesh being cut open had memories of her old master flooding back, and in turn, she began to hyperventilate.

_Why am I awake? Why aren’t I asleep?! The stuff was supposed to knock me out, wasn’t it? Oh, God, please don’t let me be aware of all this!_

“Relax your muscles, please.” The infuriatingly calm assistant said once again. Senna bit her lip so hard she drew blood, silently crying from the procedure she was all but forced to endure. Her restraints rendered her immobilized, there was nothing she could do to defend herself or run away from this nightmare.

Her back was exposed to many eyes in the room, and she could feel their watchful gazes on the procedure, watching her like cattle in the slaughterhouse prepared to be butchered alive. She subconsciously prayed they weren’t staring at the long scar on her back. It was like she was trapped on the stage of a grand theater, the spotlight shining blindingly on her while Hackett, Anderson, and the Alliance scientists were in her audience. There were other Alliance people in the audience, and though their faces were obscured, she could see the insignias on their uniforms.

She could picture it now, desperate for an escape from the reality she was in. She wasn’t a dancer, not even close, but she wore a white leotard with a feathered headpiece and a mesh veil that only covered her eyes. Her dance instructor, who had the face of the assistant, nodded stoically, telling her to begin her dance.

“Begin insertion," the lead scientist said.

They watched her like hawks. Her dance was clumsy and uncoordinated, each step she took ended with a stumble. On the back of her neck, she could sense her flesh be meticulously cut open, and beads of sweat were on Senna’s forehead as she continued to dance. Hackett and Anderson observed her from their front row seats in the audience, their watchful gazes not betraying any emotion. The dance continued with no music nor any backup dancers. She was alone on that stage, and she could still feel that scalpel work its way down the nape of her neck, and while she was still numb, she could still feel the blood trickling down her neck. Her old master materialized in the audience in the seat next to Hackett. His four black eyes leered at her as he watched her performance. His mouth stretched into a smirk, revealing his razor-sharp teeth.

She could hear the surgical implant mech whir behind her, and her eyes widened further as even with the local anesthesia numbing her body, she could still _feel_ the biotic amplifier being carefully inserted inside her. Oh god, it was like being mutilated again. It was Mindoir all over again, where she couldn’t run, nor scream for help because no one was there to save her.

_Her biotics immediately halted when she felt a knife run down her spine. It happened so fast, but she felt like it ran down her back in slow motion. She screeched in pain as blood poured down her back, rendering her legs useless as the pain was too much for her to stand._

Senna cried out as she shook the memory from her head, but her old master was still in the audience, watching her every move like a coiled snake ready to spring on its prey.

She continued to dance, not caring how bad she looked or how much it humiliated her. She wanted it to be over. The scar on her back began to open, and blood began to splatter on the stage. The audience made no fuss over it, they still continued to watch while her old master watched with wide eyes and sadistic fascination. She closed her eyes and ignored it, the task of completing her dance was almost over, she could feel it.

Until she heard the sound of the drill being turned on, and that was when she started to fight against her restraints, desperately trying to break free and get the hell out of there. Her heart rate monitor started to increase frequency, indicating her rising heartbeat. She growled like an animal trying to break free from its cage as she screamed wildly.

“You must relax.” Like hell she could relax. As if cutting her open wasn’t bad enough, they were really about to put a drill in her as well! She had to get out of there, she couldn’t go through this torture again, she just couldn’t!

“Shepard.” Anderson’s voice spoke through the comm, and Senna stopped flailing against her restraints, but she was still hyperventilating. “I know you’re scared, but they’re almost done. It’ll be over soon. Remember, I’m here. It’s going to be okay.”

Senna cried as she wasn’t any less terrified, but for Anderson’s sake, she would have to endure it. She had no choice. After relaxing her muscles at last, she focused her vision on the floor, and she was back in the theater, getting back up after a stumble over her blood caused her to fall on the stage. She continued her dance, keeping her eyes on Anderson as he nodded reassuringly, but doing nothing to stop this concert she was forced to perform for them.

The anesthesia was still in effect, but she could feel the hazy sensation of the base of her skull being penetrated by the drill. There was the blood that seeped down her neck but was quickly wiped off by the assistant. Senna took deep breaths as she focused on her dance, her legs shaking as she was watched by every single member of the audience. The implant was being inserted in the base of her skull, she could feel the scientists tinkering with her, praying they were almost done.

After what seemed like an eternity, she performed a calypso followed by a pirouette with poor execution, and she hugged her chest protectively as her final pose to the audience. Her head was slanted downward as she looked at the floor at the corner of her with a broken expression. Her mind was going haywire, and her body felt like it been tampered with and broken into pieces. The swan had drowned in its own lake.

“L3 biotic amplification implant has been successfully completed.”

There was a lingering silence before Hackett and Anderson gave her a standing ovation, along with the scientists and the rest of the Alliance. They wore proud smiles on their faces, delighted she completed her dance for them. Her gaze switched to her old master who was also clapping, proud of the beautifully broken artwork he completed. Roses were tossed to the stage at her feet, but her lip quivered as tears pooled at her eyes. They ran down her cheeks, and her sobs were drowned out by the thunderous applause in the theater.

-X-

Two and a half hours of surgery that felt like an eternity. It was a nightmare that wouldn’t end. Senna stared blankly in the bathroom mirror, feeling numb and completely violated from what just happened. Killian and that other boy finished receiving their implants after her, and they were waiting for Shelby to finish receiving his replacement L3 implants.

Her head was buzzing with the new amp, giving her sensory overload. With a trembling hand, Senna reached toward the back of her neck, running her finger over the new L3 amp that now permanently marked her skin. Snapping her hand back as if burned, she made a beeline for the toilet. Nausea built up inside her and she vomited her breakfast and lunch out, the bile spilling out her mouth. It was the third time she puked since the operation, and she ended up dry-heaving since there was nothing left to regurgitate. She coughed as she sank to the bathroom floor, her body racked with sobs. She hugged her knees as she rocked back and forth, feeling as broken as she did when her back was first cut open by her old master.

The biotics stirred within her. She could feel every eezo nodule stirring restlessly within her. The amp heightened her awareness of her dark energy, almost giving her a sixth sense. It felt exhilarating, yet the thought of losing control of this newly upgraded power scared the crap out of her. With shaky legs, she stood back up and walked to the mirror again. She sniffed as she wiped her tears once again, but her eyes were bloodshot from her crying. Running a finger over her amp once again, she felt her dark energy stir at a level she never felt before, and with her cuffs no longer chained to her wrists, it was a foreign feeling of her biotics; it was like starting all over right when she had a comfortable routine established. She was finally moving forward, and now she was pushed all the back to the starting line.

With a frustrated yell, Senna’s dark energy channeled in her fist, and she punched the mirror so hard it completely shattered, its glass shards clattering to the sink with a few falling onto the floor. Senna winced and raised up her knuckles; there were some shards protruding from her knuckles and there was minor bleeding. She sighed. Taking a kit from the aid station on the wall, she mended her hand with some gel along with a few bandages.

Crestfallen, Senna exited the bathroom and went back to the waiting room where Killian and the other boy were sitting. They turned their heads to her when she entered.

“You don’t have to stay. We’re all just waiting for Shelby to be finished and we’re leaving after this,” Killian said softly.

“I know. This day has been exhausting, and I don’t want to go home just yet,” Senna said tiredly as she plopped in the chair across from Killian.

“I feel ya, this amp’s been puttin’ my brain into overdrive. I feel like a squirrel with ADHD that just took a double shot of espresso.”

“That’s…oddly specific.”

“Sorry, I tend to use humor when I’m stressed out. Kind of a coping mechanism.”

“Don’t worry, I get it.”

Killian turned to her. “Don’t think we’ve been properly introduced yet.” He outstretched his hand to her. “Wes Killian.”

Senna looked at his hand but didn’t shake it. “Senna Shepard.”

Killian awkwardly put his hand back on his lap but nodded nonetheless. “How does it feel to officially be a stray?”

“Excuse me?”

“Charming little nickname Shelby came up with. We’re all orphans here, or in Shelby’s case failed experiment. We’re not on the grid, our names aren’t popular, nor does anything or anyone search for us on the extranet. Makes it easier for the Alliance to scoop up and test their toys out on.”

“I don’t think they’re like that,” Senna whispered, though the lack of conviction proved her doubts.

“I didn’t think so either at first but look at this!” Killian turned in his chair, motioning to the amp on the base of his skull. “They planted a goddamn chip in us and it hurts like hell,” he hissed. Senna gulped. His skin was still red and marred from the surgical insertion, and the amp itself was a jarring contrast to Killian’s pale skin.

“But…the purpose was to give us the tool to control our biotics better.”

“Or is it to make _us_ their tools, I wonder? Damn, now I’m starting to sound like Shelby.”

Senna looked away, not knowing how to counter that. Mentally strained from the day’s strenuous events, she stood up. “I should go.”

“See ya, Curly Top.” He was referring to her hair.

Senna raised an eyebrow and Killian shrugged. “I’m bad with names.”

Senna shook her head and left without a word.

Her legs couldn’t carry her fast enough, she practically sprinted out of the training facility, welcoming the cold air that slapped her face as soon as she stepped foot outside. Hot tears welled in her eyes, and she was feeling overwhelmed by everything that happened. Quickly untying her hair to cover her neck, Senna rushed to the apartment. If it weren’t for the congested streets she would scream toward the skies and beyond, but alas, she was once again forced to keep her mouth shut and take it like a big girl.

Her legs worked on autopilot, bringing her back to the housing facility and up the elevator to the apartment. Anderson was waiting for her in the kitchen, with a bag of Chinese takeout. They faced each other in silence; the tension so thick it could be cut with a knife.

“Shepard.”

“Do you know what it was like in there? How I felt during that, that experiment?!” Her words came out in a hiss, and her words were dripped in acid and hurt. “You know what I went through on Jar’urta. You know what kind of torture my old masters put me through, yet you just stood there and let those scientists cut me open, drill into my fucking skull and plant this _thing_ inside me!” Senna gripped her amp as she sobbed uncontrollably, her rage and anguish starting to get the better of her.

“Don’t! Your amp is sensitive, so you can’t carelessly touch it!”

“I don’t care! What’s the worst it can do? Zap my brain and lobotomize me? Kill me? Fine then! Bring it on!”

“You don’t mean that Shepard,” Anderson spoke to her like she was a broken animal, and it infuriated her even more.

“Why, Anderson? Why would you let them do this to me, after everything I’ve been through? I thought I could trust you!”

“We held back nothing about our plans to give you an implant. From the beginning, I’ve been honest with you, but you are letting your emotions cloud your judgment right now. If you calm dow—”

“No! I will not calm down! I didn’t ask for this! All I wanted was to get rid of my biotics, but instead, you proposed to help me better control them. Cutting me open, drilling into my fucking skull was not part of the goddamned deal!”

“Watch your language! I won’t say it again, our plans have been laid out bare in front of you since we first met! How else did you think we were going to give you an implant? They don’t come with an adhesive tape!”

They were both yelling, though Senna was practically screaming while Anderson yelled with authority. She wouldn’t back down though, she had to let him how she was feeling.

“And what exactly are these plans you speak of?!”

“I told you, we were to get you a private instructor along with counseling to help you harness your biotics and improve your mental well-being. You’ve already met Shivana T’Renli and have been speaking with Dr. Hawthorne, so we both know that I’m not lying to you.”

“Then what?”

“Pardon?”

“What. About. Afterward?” Senna emphasized each word impatiently. Taking Shelby’s conspiracy into thought, she pressed for the complete, unadulterated truth. “Say I complete my counseling, I’m feeling all better, and I pass my biotic training with flying colors as you predicted. What will happen to me afterward, are you just going to let me go and live my life freely with no strings attached? I doubt you would go through all this trouble just for me to end up becoming a free agent in the end.”

The silence that followed was deafening. They stood on opposite sides of the kitchen island, neither breaking eye contact. Anderson was still, but his jaw tightened, unable to answer her right away. Senna was a sharp girl, he knew that a long time ago, and he knew keeping her in the dark was going to bite him in the ass one day, and it looked like today was that day. The truth was he grew fond of Senna, and there were days he regretted not being completely candid with her. While he did agree with Hackett about her eventual recruitment into the Alliance being an asset, he was guilty about the less than forthright grooming method they approached her with.

Senna couldn’t take it anymore, his long pause was scaring her, and a huge part of her was hoping—praying, that it was all in her head and she was just being paranoid.

Anderson squared his shoulders and looked Senna dead in the eye. “Once your counseling was complete, our plan was to recruit you into the Alliance and have you undergo Adept training once you completed your basics with T’Renli. You show a lot of potential as a biotic, and Hackett and I meant that. With someone of your talent, you would be a valuable asset to the Alliance, and an even more valuable soldier, should you so desire.”

Senna’s blood ran cold as she looked at Anderson, heartbroken that Shelby was right after all. “An ‘asset’. In other words, a tool for the military to use, and if I wouldn’t comply, you would’ve pushed me to the side.” She laughed humorlessly, grabbing a fistful of her hair. “You were the only person I trusted when I first came here. You rescued me, took me in, and gave me shelter. Dammit, Anderson, you bought me Chinese food! I’ll never forget that night because that was when I started to believe things were going to get better, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Things can and will get better for you, Shepard. The strength you have is extraordinary. In all my years in the Alliance, I’ve never seen such resilience and will, from a civilian no less. Imagine what you could do if you joined the Alliance. You have the potential to become a leader! Even an Admiral if you pushed for it. Think about it, Shepard.”

“What if I don’t want to think about it?” Senna paced back and forth in the kitchen, her patience, and sanity, wearing thin. “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask for fancy training or counseling, you and Hackett made that decision for me and expected me to go along with it! I’d rather get rid of my biotics entirely than go through what I just did in that damn lab, hell, that’s what I wanted in the first place! Those cuffs made me feel safe, most importantly they made me feel normal, and now that’s been taken from me too!” Senna sobbed as she paced back and forth. “You’ll never understand, Anderson! I don’t want to be in the military, I don’t want these biotics, and I don’t want to be here anymore! I just don’t!”

“Then what do you want?” Anderson asked, a little too calmly as his eyes were ablaze with an unrecognizable emotion.

“…I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. Tell me what it is you want.”

“I said I don’t know!”

“Dammit Shepard, you know what it is you want, you just don’t want to say it!” Anderson closed the distance between them. Senna stepped back until her back was against the wall. “What do you want?”

Senna rapidly shook her head, feeling cornered from Anderson’s unwavering stance and his intense gaze that bore into her soul.

“Tell me!”

“I don’t know!”

“Shepard!”

“I don’t, I swear!”

“You don’t want your biotics anymore? That’s never going to happen. They will be a part of you for the rest of your life! You don’t want to join the Alliance? Fine! I won’t force you, but I won’t hold your hand while you figure out what to do with yourself either,” Anderson barked, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I suggest you quit lying to me, and yourself, and be honest about what you hope to gain from being here!”

“I said I don’t know!”

“Yes you do! Tell me!”

“No!”

“Shepard!”

“I want to be with my family, okay?! I want to go back home! I want to go back to the time where everything was normal and my colony wasn’t burned to the damn ground! I want to leave this place so I can see my dad smile again!”

“I’m sorry, Shepard, but that’s impossible,” Anderson said sympathetically.

Senna sobbed as she crumpled to the floor, leaning against the wall with her head hung in resignation. She pressed her palms against her forehead. “You think I don’t know that? I watched my family die, Anderson. I let those damn batarians take me from my home and I watched them shoot my dad in the head. His body just fell straight to the floor. He died instantly. There was nothing I could do! Daddy…he told me to be strong, but I wasn’t strong enough to save him or anyone else! Why couldn’t it have been me? Why did I have to live while everyone else was murdered or forced to become slaves?”

“Shepard—”

“Save it, Anderson. I’ll forever be grateful to you and Hackett for saving me, but I’m just now learning that it came at a price and I don’t know how to process that right now. If I had known it was going to be like this, then I would be better off dead. There’s nothing for me on this planet, nor in this life.”

“Don’t you dare say that. We both know you’re stronger than you let on. It’s not in your nature to want to give up. You fought those batarians, and you're fighting right now. You were never a prisoner in my home, Shepard, you could have run away from here anytime you wanted, started a new life. Hell, you could have refused to come here altogether and request to be taken to a refugee camp along with the others. Instead, you agreed to come here. You chose to take control of your own fate, by getting treatment for your PTSD and improving your biotic skills.”

“Only because you suggested it. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself otherwise.”

“My point exactly. Even though you haven’t realized it, I see so much potential in you.” Anderson took his position next to Shepard and sat on the floor so they were side by side.

Anderson stared ahead while Senna’s gaze was still downcast, with her arms limply hanging at her sides.

“For the longest time, I wanted to die,” Senna whispered, “living here, with you in this nice apartment, while my family never made it out the raid alive never felt right to me. I didn’t understand what the point of me being here was, and there are times when I still don’t."

“That’s only part of your self-discovery, isn’t it?” Anderson placed his hand on hers in a fatherly manner. “Pardon me for sounding like an old man, but you’re still young, and you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you want to do with it. I’m sorry I left out the crucial details, Shepard. I never intended to hurt you, but I did so anyway by refraining from giving you the full details of the surgical procedure for your implant. I should have considered your past experiences, and for that, I’m sorry.” 

Senna looked at Anderson, scooting closer to him. “It’s okay. I wasn’t always the delicate type, and while I get you wanted to protect me, I’d appreciate it if you stopped withholding critical information from me. Even if you think it’s too much, I’ll get over it… eventually. Just please, be more honest with me from now on.”

“Is that an order?” Anderson chuckled.

“More like a strong suggestion.” Senna chuckled with him. She rested her head on Anderson’s shoulder, and he patted her knee in comfort. “I meant what I said, though. I still don’t think it’s fair that I’m here. My friends who were taken to the slave base with me were given cranial implants from the batarians. Mind control chips, basically. They forced me to watch my friends lose their free will over time until they were nothing but droning servants working in the mines.

“Even though I told myself to be strong, I felt so weak and helpless because I couldn’t do anything for them. I couldn’t protect them like I promised myself I would. They may have been rescued, but they lost a huge part of themselves. There’s no telling if they’ll ever recover. I don’t ever want to feel that way again, like I could’ve saved someone but was rendered too useless to do anything about it, and now I have no clue what the next step is for me.”

“I may not have known your father, but if you are anything like him, he wouldn’t want you to die so soon just to join him. You’ve got too much capacity for greatness to just throw it away. You said you wanted to die in the past tense, so I know you feel the same way, but you’re conflicted. I understand that. Take it one step at a time for now, and focus on getting your biotics under control, then you can worry about what career or lifestyle you want to take on.”

Senna shook her head. “You’re putting a lot of faith on a kidnapping victim. I’d hate to go through all this just to disappoint you in the end.”

“If there’s one thing I’m excellent at, it’s my judgment of character. You may be a victim, Shepard, but you have what it takes to become a survivor. Beyond that, I see you becoming a soldier. If you can breathe, you can stand, and if you can stand, you can fight to live another day. You make sure to remember that.”

Senna smiled. “Yes sir.” She closed her eyes as she rested her head on Anderson’s shoulder. “You really think I can do this?”

“Trust me, Shepard, I know a warrior when I see one.”

“I miss them, you know. I think about them every day.”

“I know.”

“Some days are really hard to get through because they’re all I think about.”

“I’m sorry.”

“But I’ll be strong. I can’t afford to show such weakness if I’m to make you, and everyone who died, proud.”

“There’s strength in vulnerability too. I’ve seen you cry, but only because of your flashbacks. It’s okay to let it out simply because you mourn them.”

Senna looked at Anderson with a strained emotion, like a dam that was about to break. “Anderson?”

“Yes, Shepard?”

“Permission to cry, sir?”

“Permission granted.”

Senna’s body racked with sobs as she allowed her tears to flow freely, not because of bitter memories that plagued her this time, but because she mourned deeply for her family and friends, who she finally accepted would never see again. “Thank you.”

-X-

For the first time in a year, Senna slept with no nightmares or flashbacks plaguing her the next morning. Breakfast with Anderson was quiet, but there was an air of solace generated from the night before, and Senna found that there were no words that needed to be said. Calmness presented itself while they ate at the table together as if a weight had been lifted up from their shoulders.

The walk to the CCA Training Facility was also less dreadful. Instead of anxiety building up for today’s session, Senna instead held her head high, ready to take Anderson’s advice and take the training head on. Walking into the facility, she waited for the elevator that only descended, when the same black-haired boy, who was in her training group but never spoke, came to a stop beside her, waiting for the elevator as well.

They both stood there in silence, neither making the initiative to make conversation. Senna gave him a side glance. It was the first time she really looked at him, and although he was a handsome boy, he was reticent and hadn’t said more than two words to her the whole time they were acquainted. 

“Got something you need to say?” the boy said casually, glancing at her with his cold grey eyes.

Senna quickly looked away, embarrassed she got caught staring. “No, s-sorry.”

“So what kind of stray are you?”

Senna looked at him. “I’m not a stray.”

“If you say so.”

“What’s your name, anyway? You haven’t been very talkative since we started training. I mean, considering the circumstances I can definitely empathize, but still, if we’re going to get through this together, we may as well know each other’s names at least.”

“We don’t need to be friends. I’m only here to learn from the best, and once this is all over, I’m out of here.”

“You already know what you want to do once we’re finished?”

“I’m going wherever the thrill takes me,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Sounds a little reckless.” The boy merely smirked in response.

“What’s your name?” she asked again.

“Kai Leng.”

“Senna Shepard.”

“I know. T’Renli tends to yell your name every time you struggle to make a barrier.”

“I’ll get there one day. It just takes practice.”

“Killian can already make a barrier and he’s almost done with completing a successful pull.”

“At least I can go in public without wearing my cuffs.”

“That’s a basic requirement. We all could do that before we even got here. An infant could learn it in a day.”

Senna rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you the cheeky type...”

“So I’ve been told.”

“I think I liked you better when you were quiet,” Senna quipped, and Kai Leng responded with a smirk. The elevator door opened, and Kai Leng gestured for her to go in.

“Ladies first.”

-X-

Senna stared at the sky as she exited the facility. She still struggled with her biotics, if her unsuccessful attempt to make a barrier during class was any indication, but she smiled to herself regardless, for now, that she actually took the time to mourn her family, her vision was a little clearer, and she knew they were watching over her, cheering for her to continue living. There was still that hole in her heart that would take a long time to fill, if it ever would, but she would continue to live in their honor and would work hard to make them proud.

Passing the entrance to the counseling center, she saw Kaidan exit, and he paused when he noticed her as well.

“Hey.” He was the first to speak.

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

“I’m…good, and yourself?”

“Good. Good.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah.”

Senna shifted awkwardly since their last meeting didn’t end on a positive note.

“I’m sorry,” they simultaneously said. They both blinked at each other.

“Uh, what are you sorry for?” Kaidan asked confused.

“For poking into your business. You told me before how your you-know-what is a sensitive subject yet I still asked about it. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I appreciate your apology, but I realized I overreacted.” Kaidan rubbed his neck. “Yes, it’s still something I don’t like to talk about, but I could’ve at least been more gracious about it. Especially since you trusted me enough to tell me your story.”

“But you were right about your boundaries. They were clearly set, and I tried to violate them.” She knew what that was like now…

“You were merely curious. I know you didn’t mean any harm by it. Like I said, you told me your story, yet I still hold back on mine. Not to quote you, but the last thing I want is to make our friendship one-sided.”

“I understand, and I appreciate the consideration, but it’s still your business at the end of the day. To tell you the truth, there are things I still can’t really discuss. Not because I don’t trust you, but because it’s still pretty hard to talk about, so I understand where you’re coming from, Kaidan.”

“I know, it’s just that I was in a bad mood that day, but I still shouldn’t have snapped at you. I don’t want you to think I was mad at you, or anything like that.”

“Kaidan?”

“Yes?”

“Are we seriously trying to out-apologize each other?”

“Hh! I guess we are!” Kaidan laughed, and the tension eased into their normal easygoing atmosphere. “I couldn’t have you one-up me.”

“You’d be surprised. I’m a naturally competitive person, down to the top prize for the sappiest apology, though I think I’ll let you have this one.” Senna laughed.

“What would this so-called prize of mine be then?”

Senna pretended to think about it. She stepped forward and gave Kaidan a friendly hug, one that he returned in kind. “So uh, have we cleared the air?”

“Definitely.” Once the hug was broken, Kaidan cleared his throat. “Senna, you and me…we’re good, right?”

“Yeah. I thought we just established that.”

“Right! But I mean, uh, you and me, us. Damn, this sounded less awkward in my head.” Despite the cold, Kaidan’s cheeks were turning red as he stumbled over his words. “We’re friends, right?”

“Of course. Honestly, you’re my best friend.” Senna blushed as well as she looked away. There was also the tiny bit of attraction she felt for him, but she squashed that thought quickly.

“That’s great. That’s really great. I feel the same way, erm, you know being my best friend and all.”

“I’m glad! You’re the only person I really trust here, Kaidan. I care about our friendship, so…yeah, I think of you as my best friend too.”

“Glad to hear that. I do too, so…”

“So… yeah.”

Kaidan cleared his throat and rubbed his neck again. “Would you like me to walk you home tonight?”

“Only if we can grab a burger on the way because I am starving."

Kaidan smiled boyishly. “You got it.”

-X-

New Year’s was only ten minutes away. The crowds were already gathered in the streets and the adjoining beach on English Bay. Families gathered around with their festive visors and hats, people were already drinking and laughing boisterously in the bars and restaurants down below, and many bonfires were lit across the beach, where different groups of friends and families were huddled around dancing or relaxing.

Kaidan watched them from his parents’ high-rise balcony. It was one of the main things he loved about coming here; he tended to stay away from crowds since they triggered his migraines at a quicker rate, but he still loved to people watch from a distance. The view overlooking the Bay was also something that never got old.

“Here you go.” Kyler came up to him, handing him a beer.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re in a good mood. Everything been okay lately?” Kyler stood next to him as he rested his arms on the balcony, observing the crowds as well.

“You could say that. I’m just excited about the new year.”

“Have you made your resolutions already?”

“Not yet, but I know it’ll come to me. For now, I’m just happy to be here with you and Mom. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I know it hasn’t been the easiest, but you’ve been there with me through everything. BAat, losing Rahna, my anger management…most parents would’ve given up on their children over extremities like that.”

“You’re my son, Kaidan. I’m never walking out on you.” Kyler placed a hand on his son’s shoulder in comfort. “The important thing is you immediately realized your mistake, and you’re growing from it. You were forced to mature a lot faster than most boys your age, but that’s what’ll make you into a fine man. I couldn’t be prouder.”

Kaidan smiled fondly at his father. “Thanks, Dad.” Kyler smiled back at him, and Sara scurried to the balcony with a tray of champagne glasses.

“Here you boys go!” she cheerily handed them their glasses and took one for herself. “And I agree with your father, Kaidan. You’re a good person, and don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise. You were just in a bad situation is all. Call it mother’s intuition, but this new year will bring good fortune to you.” She kissed Kaidan’s cheek and snuggled into Kyler when he wrapped his arm around her.

Kaidan chuckled. “Thank you, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you too, Cookie.”

“Mom!”

-X-

“Did you celebrate New Year’s on Mindoir?” Anderson asked curiously. He and Senna were watching the countdown clocks on the billboards and holo-screens from the windows. They couldn’t see the streets nor crowds clearly from their view, but the skyscrapers and mountains made for a great picture.

“Not really. I guess it kind of blended in with Christmas.”

“Were resolutions a common tradition?”

“More like expressing appreciation for the previous year, but I like the concept of making a resolution. Setting goals for yourself is a good way to set standards for yourself.”

Anderson chuckled. “I hate to be a Debbie downer, but many people here on Earth forego their resolutions early in the year. It’s more of a conversation starter than an actual goal.”

“Bummer.”

“Indeed.”

Anderson handed Senna a bottle of beer, and she looked at him questioningly. “It’s a special occasion, and you’re practically of age anyway. Have at it.” He smiled. Senna smiled in return as she took the beer, and they popped the caps off.

“Do you have any resolutions?”

“I stopped making resolutions when I was a boy. I eventually came to the conclusion that if I have to wait a whole year to make a new goal or promise to myself, then I never intended to fulfill it in the first place.”

“Geez, Anderson, so you were always like this?” Senna teased.

Anderson chuckled as he bit into his orange chicken dinner. “Growing up, my father instilled a pragmatist perspective in me. He always said if I didn’t shape myself into the more realistic view, then I’d set myself up for disappointment every time, especially by the time I enlisted.”

“You always planned to join the Alliance?”

“Yes.”

“Do you enjoy being a soldier?”

“It’s not a matter of enjoyment, Shepard. I have a duty to fulfill, to protect the people in this galaxy who can’t help themselves. Even the most influential figureheads need a shield from time to time. People aren’t as lucky to grow up in a steady household, and often resort to petty crimes, or joining a gang. Others are more extreme and prefer to become terrorists who prey on the innocent for the hell of it. I found my calling as a soldier when I saved a local shop from robbers in London. I was only fourteen then, scrawny, and barely tall enough to reach your shoulders. But my father taught me self-defense and basic military combat by then. The robbers were hardly older than me, but they still managed to shoot the shop owner in their shoulder. There were three of them, and even though I was outnumbered I acted immediately. Thankfully they weren’t that well-versed in hand-to-hand combat.

“I did receive a minor knife wound on my arm when I disarmed the gun from one of them. They caught me from behind, but I took them down pretty easily. The shop owner thanked me and offered me a reward, but I told her that seeing her alive was a reward in itself. It was when she smiled and thanked me for the brave act, that I knew I wanted to continue to save people. Even though this happened in the middle of summer, it became my resolution, and I’ve worked hard to make sure I hold myself to that high standard since then.”

“Then I rephrase my last question: does being a soldier make you happy?”

Anderson looked at Senna. A broad, unguarded, and genuine smile etched on his lips. “It does.”

_Ten!_

_Nine!_

_Eight!_

_Seven!_

Anderson looked at Senna with a fond smile as he outstretched his arm toward her.

_Five!_

_Four!_

Senna smiled as she moved closer to him, and Anderson wrapped his arm around her shoulders in a fatherly embrace.

_One!_

Cheers roared from the streets below, and there were families on their high-rise balconies in the condos across as they bounced with cheer while popping champagne bottles. Billboards were gleaming with the words ‘Happy New Year!’. The sky erupted into bright, blended colors as fireworks shot up and exploded in the midnight sky. Senna watched the display with childlike wonder, as Anderson watched with a smile and sipped his beer. The two watched with peaceful expressions on their face. Senna continued to watch the fireworks, basking in their beautiful colors and the way they littered the skies. She didn’t know what she planned to do, or where she saw herself in ten years, but at least she wasn’t alone. With Anderson, Dr. Hawthorne, and Kaidan by her side, she knew whatever decision she would make, they would support her every step of the way.

“Happy New Year, Anderson.”

“Happy New Year, Shepard. A toast.” He raised his beer, and they clinked their bottles together. “To a new beginning.”

“To finding yourself.”

“And, of course, to Chinese food.”


	5. Episode 4

"Again!" 

.

.

.

"Again!"

.

.

.

"We're not leaving until you get it right! Again!" T'Renli's voice boomed in the training dome. 

Senna and a few other students panted heavily, wiping the sweat from their foreheads as they took a quick second to breathe. They spent the whole day attempting to create a barrier with no luck, and it frustrated her. Everytime she was close to creating one and successfully holding it, it dissipated a few seconds later. She concentrated as she channeled her dark energy, manipulating her nodules and encasing her body in an aura of blue. She could feel it forming. It was like being enveloped in an aqua barricade intended to protect her from harm, the flow massaging her body and ensuring her safety. 

"C'mon Curly Top, you can do it!" She heard Killian cheer from behind her. 

Senna gritted her teeth as she tried to hold the barrier in place, but like before, it dissipated a few seconds later. "Dammit!"

"We can go all day if you want." T'Renli circled around a female student who was bleeding profusely out her nose. She coughed violently as she shook her head desperately. "I can't, it hurts too much!" the girl cried out. 

"Don't tell me you're backing out already," T'Renli drawled out, clearly unimpressed by the girl's lack of endurance. 

"I... can't…" Everyone gasped when the girl convulsed before her body went limp and she lost consciousness and fell over, her biotics immediately nullified. 

T’Renli sighed impatiently, rolling her eyes. She glanced up at the one-way mirror near the top of the dome and gave a curt nod to the unconscious girl. It didn’t take long for a pair of medics to rush in and carry her out on a gurney. The remaining students whispered among themselves, voicing their concerns for the girl and the peculiar situation. Taking advantage of the brief respite, Killian and Shelby scurried over to Senna to check on her.

“That’s the second one who passed out today. Am I the only one who thinks we’re in over our heads here?” Killian whispered, watching the medics leave with the girl, no doubt heading to the med bay.

Ignoring Killian’s concerns, Shelby looked at Senna. “You’re exerting too much of your energy at once and that’s why you keep burning yourself out,” he muttered, out of everyone else’s earshot. “Each eezo nodule in you is subject to manipulation, and your implant is designed to not only synchronize your neuroactivity with your dark energy, but also make you hyperaware of exactly which nodules convert into your biotic abilities. Once you do that, it makes creating a barrier a lot simpler.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Alright, everyone! Seeing as there's no point in having you all pass out on me, we’re taking a thirty-minute break!” T’Renli’s voice boomed in the dome.

With a collective sigh of relief, everyone quickly retreated to the cafeteria for their rations.

-X-

“What do you think?”

“It’s delicious, and it’s got the perfect amount of cheese in it. The combination of meat, sauce, peppers, and vegetables is perfect too! What’s this called again?”

“Enchiladas.”

“Vancouver truly has everything. Thanks for lunch, Kaidan.”

“My pleasure. Better yet, thank the melting pot of food truck options we got. I can’t remember the last time I actually cooked something.”

“That’s an unhealthy habit. Homecooked meals are important because you save money, and you get better nutritional value from them.”

“Geez, thanks Mom, and to think I moved out to get away from the nagging,” Kaidan deadpanned.

Senna chuckled. She had already gotten used to his dry humor. The day was lovely and they were eating their lunch in an outdoor cafe. It was the weekend, and thankfully it was a rest period from her training. T’Renli pushed them hard, and she was harsh with her teaching methods, but she wasn’t heartless and gave them time to rest and recover. The weather was still cold, but the upcoming spring meant the snow lessened, and the sun was beginning to make its presence more known, basking everyone in its warmth.

“Back home, we hunted pyjaks for meat, but they were slippery tricksters, so we took it as a challenge and made a sport out of it.” Senna smiled at the memory. “I remember my dad and his friend bought these hunting spears from this volus merchant who often stopped by our colony to sell his products. According to him, it was an ancient Krogan weapon with a very rare metal that could cut through an Alliance freighter. He never did say what the metal was made of exactly, but it was enough to convince my dad and his friend to buy one for themselves.” Senna leaned against her chair, laughing at the image of her father grinning like a teenage boy when he bought the spear. “My aunt would always argue with him, saying we could just buy the meat from the volus since he had plenty to offer, but my dad said the test of true man’s worth was in his ability to provide for his village. Ha! He was such a caveman at times.”

“Sounds like he was quite the character.” Kaidan smiled, listening to her story attentively.

“That’s putting it lightly.”

“So what happened? Did he manage to become the headhunter of the colony?”

Senna let out a snort. “Oh please. The spears broke within two days and my dad and his friend worked overtime in the wheat fields to make up for wasting money on cheap knockoffs. My grandparents ended up buying the whole colony plenty of meat rations once the volus made his second round and came back the next week. He made plenty of profits that day so I’m sure he was ecstatic.”

“Reminds me of this one time my mom and I went shopping for my dad’s birthday present. I was barely ten, and there was this new skycar that had just been released to the public my dad loved. It was expensive, but we’ve always been… financially secure, so the price was never a real problem.” Kaidan cleared his throat. “Anyway, the car was only available in Madrid, so we snuck off and traveled there while my dad was in the Attican Beta cluster on a rescue assignment to search for a decent enough salesman to sell us the car. There were these salarian merchants, among other races, who came to Earth to attend some interplanetary convention. Mom and I were passing through on our way to the car lot when the salarians flagged us down and convinced her to purchase this brand new skycar, along with some ‘must-have’ upgrades that apparently weren’t released to the public yet. Even I have to admit it looked pretty sweet and my dad would’ve loved it. Mom bought the car, and it was shipped to our orchard here in Vancouver, just in time for Dad to come home. He was so happy when he saw the new car it made my mom cry. When he tried to take it for a drive, there were sparks flying from the rear of the car, and he got out just in time before the car went up in flames.”

“No way!” Senna gasped. “None of you were seriously hurt, were you?”

“Thankfully no, but it turned out the propulsive drive was faulty, which caused the engine core to overheat when Dad activated the ignition.”

“My god, I’m so sorry that happened to you all.”

“Don’t be. Makes for a funny story, and we all laugh about it now, though Dad makes it a point for my mom to stick to the standard power tools or cufflinks as a present. You know, the kind that isn’t prone to implosion.” Kaidan chortled.

Senna let out a girlish giggle in response, and she noticed Kaidan was giving her a strange look. “What?”

“N-nothing. It’s just…” Kaidan quickly looked away. “…I’ve never heard you laugh like that before.”

“I can't help it sometimes. It’s kind of embarrassing, actually.” Senna bashfully tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear.

Kaidan looked at her and gave her a charming smile, one that made her heart race. “It suits you.”

They stared at each other for a moment, the world around them on pause. The past few weeks produced a comfortable development between the two of them. Their walks to Anderson’s apartment almost every evening, their casual meetups for lunch on the weekend, and the conversations they had were simple, yet they brought an air of peace. Senna enjoyed Kaidan’s company, and she knew he enjoyed hers, but there were also times when he iced himself out and became distant toward her. He never made it obvious, and if Senna didn’t pay attention she wouldn’t have noticed. Like now when his eyes steeled themselves over before he looked away, putting her at arm’s length again. Senna thought he was mad at her for something, and she didn’t know what it was so she wanted to ask, but didn’t want to hit any sore spots again.

“Anyway, do you have plans for the rest of the day?” Kaidan asked. He was back to being cool and reserved, his voice betraying no emotion nor the personableness he displayed just a moment ago.

“No, not really.”

“I see. Well, I need to get going. I have to get to work soon.” Kaidan stood and stretched his muscles.

“Oh, where do you work?” Senna asked.

“At a tech repair shop. Granted I work only part-time for now, but I’ll be going back to a full-time schedule soon.”

“Oh, okay then…”

“I can still walk you home if you need me to.”

“It’s okay. The weather is perfect today, so I’ll stick around a little longer.”

“Alright then. I’ll see you later, Senna.” And like that, he was gone.

Senna watched him leave, almost hurriedly, and she sighed. She was probably overthinking it. Training that week had been intense, so the exhaustion was probably getting to her. The weather really was perfect, so she decided to take a stroll through the park before heading back home.

-X-

“When’d ya say it was?”

“Saturday, at seven. Want me to send the address to your omni-tool?”

“Yeah, man. Thanks! I’ve never been to a pool party before.”

“One of the benefits of being a rich kid is you get to throw the hottest parties and your parents are too busy to give a shit. You wanna come, Curly Top?”

Senna sighed. She, Killian, Shelby, and Kai Leng were in the elevator at the training facility, descending into the training dome. “Shelby, it’s already annoying when Killian calls me that. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t pick up his habit.”

“So formal,” Shelby joked, “but seriously though, you gotta come. You’ve been so wound tight lately you need to chill and relax. It’s good for the brain. There’ll be booze there too.” He wriggled his eyebrows playfully.

“Thank you for taking my well-being into consideration,” Senna deadpanned.

“Your social life sucks anyway so I’m doing you a favor. And I’ll take that as a yes. What’s your contact link? I’ll send the address to your omni-tool.”

“I don’t have one.”

Shelby and Killian let out exasperated gasps while placing their hands on their chests in a dramatic manner. “How do ya not have an omni-tool?” Killian stared at Senna like she grew a second head.

“I had one, but lost it, and now I don’t have one anymore.”

“Okay okay, no need to get snippy. Omni-tools are the way of life, and I happen to have an old one since the newest Logic Arrest model came out. You can have that one.”

“Shelby, you don’t need to do that for me.”

Shelby casually shrugged. “Honestly, you’d be doing me a favor. My parents make sure my sister and I have the hottest tech and fashion, so my older stuff ends up in the trash pretty quickly. One less thing for me to worry about. You’d be getting the Bluewire Tool and the model is pretty outdated, but I’ll have my credentials erased and replaced with yours and you’ll be all set up.”

“Wow, uh… that’s really nice of you, Shelby. I honestly don’t know what to say.” Senna fidgeted with her wrists, smiling at his kind gesture. “Thank you.”

“Eh, like I said, you’re taking it off my hands so it’s no big deal. Besides, you’re gonna pay me back by coming to the party.”

“Aw, look at ya bein’ a big brother!” Killian grinned at Shelby, who rolled his eyes in response. He looked at Kai Leng who remained silent, but still listened to their conversation.

“How ‘bout you? Wanna come?”

Kai Leng looked at them, his expression was as cool as ever. “Sure,” he said, surprising them all. It was obvious they thought he was going to say no. “I have the Logic Arrest tool as well.”

“Oh yeah?” Shelby grinned. “I bet my model's more badass than yours.”

Kai Leng smirked in return. “Wanna bet? Mine’s jailbroken so I can download all the movies and games I want, for free.”

“Big fucking deal! You know what mine can do? It can…”

Senna rolled her eyes, tuning the boys out from their talk of electronics. Once the elevator door opened, they all stepped out but were surprised to see two unfamiliar girls standing in the dome already. Senna and the others were typically the first to arrive, and these girls were not in their class, which was confirmed when they turned and looked at the group with imploring eyes.

“Hi, there! Are y’all lost?” Killian asked as they approached the girls.

“No! We’re here for training!” One of the girls yelped out.

“It’s our first day,” the other said calmly, “so we’re a little nervous about this. We’ve never received biotic training before and we don’t know what to expect.”

“To be honest, it’s a lot of work, so I hope y’all are prepared. If y’all ever get stuck, just gimme a shout and I’ll help ya, free of charge of course.” Killian smiled with a charming wink, and the girls blushed and giggled. Senna snickered and saw Shelby frown with contemplation. “Are you okay?” she asked him.

“Yeah, just thinking.”

A few other students piled in the dome from the elevator, and shortly after, everyone was there on time including T’Renli.

“We’re gonna pick up where we left off on Friday, and by the end of this week, every single one of you will complete a successful barrier, that I can promise you.” T’Renli looked over every student, taking in their nervous stances and body language. Her eyes fell to the two new students and they narrowed for a fraction of a second before she continued onward. “Let’s get started, shall we? Group A, I want you to continue to shadow Group B while they work on their barriers for an hour. Afterward, you all switch, and so on. Begin!”

The whole hour felt like a day. It was exhausting, and Shelby was shadowing Senna as he coached her on her barrier technique while Killian shadowed Kai Leng. “Remember what I said last week,” Shelby advised as he was standing in front of her, “focus on every single nodule that’s in your body, then merge them so they become one agency. Once you do that, manipulate them into becoming a shape or form. In this case, a barrier.”

Senna nodded, closing her eyes as she focu— “Keep your eyes open, Shepard, otherwise you may as well be shooting a gun while blind,” she heard Shelby warn. Nodding feverishly, Senna opened her eyes as she focused on the eezo nodules in her body, taking Shelby’s advice. Her dark energy emitted from her body, an aura of azure encasing her body. It was fractured, but the potency was making itself known, and Shelby nodded in approval.

“So far so good, now make sure you hold it, make sure it’s stable…there you go, good job. Okay, now you’re gonna feel a small shock in your brain any second now. It’s uncomfortable, but it means your biotic ability is ready to be executed, you just have to control how you wanna do it. You’re creating a barrier, so picture a scenario where something or someone is protecting you, take that image, and envision it as your shield. It’s cliché, but it’s always worked for me. I’ve always pictured my nanny protecting and nurturing me as a child since she practically raised me and was in my life more than my parents were. Try doing the same.”

Senna nodded, drinking in the information. Keeping her eyes open, she pictured her family watching her from beyond the skies, hoping they were proud of the progress she was making with her counseling and her biotic training. Even though she wasn’t religious, her heart swelled at the thought of their spirits protecting her from harm, letting her know she wasn’t alone and that she was safe. Her father, who was the paragon of a protector, would tell her to not give up, and as long as she was standing, she would always have a chance at victory, no matter what the battle was.

“Well, I’ll be damned…” Shelby grinned wolfishly as he watched her barrier come into place. Senna laughed joyously, happy that she was finally to create a successful barrier. “Now hold it in place, keep that barrier up for a full minute like T’Renli instructed.”

Senna nodded, using the spirits of her family to maintain her barrier. She could practically feel the barrier caress her body protectively, like a tide of healing waters that encased her, enveloping her in its depths. Rather than drowning, it felt like she was floating in the water, the need to hold her breath unnecessary because she could breathe perfectly. She was aware of everything going on around her without being crushed by its depths. Shelby was standing directly in front of her, grinning proudly and cheering her on, telling her to keep it up while keeping track of the time on his omni-tool.

“And time! You can let it go now.”

Senna allowed the waters of her barrier to dissipate, her soul filled with pride from building and maintaining a barrier for the first time. She laughed and smiled at Shelby. “I did it!”

“You did it!”

“I freaking did it!”

“You fucking did it, kid!”

Shelby and Senna high-fived as they laughed, celebrating her first barrier. “Keep practicing like that and you’ll be able to make a barrier in a millisecond.”

“Thanks, Shelby. I appreciate your help.”

“Seriously, don’t mention it. Obviously you’d get it right with my help.” Senna snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Impressive.” T’Renli had been watching them. “And you did it without getting a nosebleed or passing out. Thanks for making my reports a lot easier.”

Senna chuckled, getting used to T’Renli’s acid sense of humor. “I’m glad I could assist.”

“Keep that attitude up, you’ll need it at the end of the week when you all take your quiz.”

Senna, Shelby, Killian, and Kai Leng all looked at each other in dismay. “Quiz?!”

-X-

Humming to herself as she entered the apartment, Senna unzipped her hoodie and tossed it on the couch, heading to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge. Rushing to Anderson’s terminal in his office, she contacted him, and he answered after a minute.

“Shepard, is everything alright?” he asked with concern.

“Everything’s great. In fact, guess what?”

“What?”

“I made my first barrier in training today.”

“That’s what I like to hear, Shepard! Congratulations.”

“Thanks, Anderson. Hurry up and come home so we can celebrate!”

“I’d love to, but unfortunately this mission has gotten longer and more… bureaucratic than we anticipated. I’m not sure when I’ll be back home.”

Senna’s face fell and she looked down. “Oh.”

“I’m really sorry. You must be feeling lonely being there by yourself.”

“I don’t blame you. I just miss you is all, but I get it. When you come home we’ll have a movie marathon and all the beer and food we can eat!”

Anderson’s face lit up with a smile. “I look forward to it, Shepard.”

-X-

“Miss Shepard! It’s so good to see you again!” Dr. Hawthorne greeted Senna with a warm hug. “My return home ended up being longer than expected, and I’m so sorry I didn’t come back sooner. How did you hold up while I was gone? I certainly hope you didn’t have too many episodes.”

“Good to see you again Doctor, and actually, things weren't that bad, and my episodes were pretty minimal.”

“I’m glad to hear that! Come, have a seat.”

They took their typical seats opposite of each other, and Dr. Hawthorne peered at Senna with a pointed gaze. “How have you been, sweetie?”

“I’ve been keeping myself busy.”

“Ah! So you’ve found a hobby?”

Senna shifted in her chair. “Not exactly. Training’s been pushing me and everyone else to the limit, but I’m making progress. Yesterday I was able to create a barrier, and it took a long time for me to finally perfect it, so I’m proud of myself for that.”

“I’m so happy for you, Shepard. This is the kind of progress I look forward to hearing about when we meet up. You’re only going to go uphill from here, so keep up the good work.”

“Thanks, Doctor.”

Dr. Hawthorne continued to watch her, an observant gaze in his eyes. “Is there something else on your mind?”

“Well…” Senna sighed and rubbed her neck, gently tracing the amp on her neck. Even though it was a couple of weeks ago, the sensation of her skull being penetrated, and the implant insertion was still fresh in her mind. It made her skin crawl every time she thought about it, and it still shook her to her core. As if it sensed her touch, her implant gently hummed in response, vibrating against her skin and bringing her eezo nodules to life, ready to act.

“To tell you the truth, so many things happened while you were gone,” Senna admitted, “things that will change my life, and I’m still trying to figure out if it’s for better or worse.”

“What are these changes you’re referring to?”

Where did she begin? Her awakened lust for Kaidan and the way her body sometimes reacted when she was around him, the intensity of her biotic training that caused two students to faint from exhaustion, her surgery, that left her body and free will feeling more desecrated than powerful, and the fact that she had no ambition nor career planned out. A myriad of emotions stirred in her, but she felt lost more than anything.

“Did you know…” Dr. Hawthorne’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “… that you purse your lips just a tiny bit when you’re stressed?”

“I do?”

“Mm-hm. Tell me, what’s on your mind?”

“A lot of things,” Senna admitted, “like I said, so much has happened while you were gone. I’m just trying to figure out exactly how I can get a handle on them.”

Dr. Hawthorne laughed. “You worry too much, sweetie.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You are perfectly within your rights to sort out your thoughts and feelings, but you don’t need to tackle them all at once. Otherwise, it’s a surefire way to get high blood pressure.” Dr. Hawthorne chuckled, and Senna shook her head.

“Point taken, but what should I do? Write a to-do list or something?”

“If you think that’ll help.”

“Alright then. I may as well try to find a hobby while I’m at it.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard in the process, especially since you’re in training. I understand you’ve recently acquired your L3 implant, and the last thing you need is to overload your senses and accidentally damage your neural system.”

Senna’s head snapped up, looking at Dr. Hawthorne with furrowed brows. “How did you know that?”

“While I’m not a biotic myself, I’ve worked with plenty enough to understand that your amps are sensitive, therefore you need—”

“Not that. How’d you know I received L3 implants?”

“My reports.” Dr. Hawthorne spoke as if it was the obvious thing in the world. “Any report I receive from the Alliance regarding my patients spares no detail, and I learned of your recent surgery as soon as I returned to work.”

Senna swallowed the lump in her throat, giving a single nod. “Did you, by any chance, know what was going to happen to me...in there? In that lab?”

Dr. Hawthorne frowned in confusion. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I don't understand.”

Senna looked out the window in thought, keeping her focus on the fountain in the center of the plaza below. “No… I suppose you don’t.” Her words came out so quietly, that Dr. Hawthorne had to lean forward to hear her.

“Shepard, did something happen? If you tell me exactly what’s wrong I can certainly help you.”

Senna plastered on a smile as she looked at Dr. Hawthorne, abruptly standing up from her chair. “Don’t worry about it, Doctor. It’s no big deal. I should go. I’m technically on my lunch break and I need to head back.”

“Shepard, wait!”

Senna was already out of the office as she quickly retreated to the elevator. Taking a deep breath, she fanned herself as she suddenly felt a little flustered.

_He didn’t know. He’s just doing his job. He couldn’t possibly know what it was like in that operating room._

There was no point in lashing out at Dr. Hawthorne. As her counselor, it was natural for him to receive reports on everything that occurred with her, he wouldn’t be able to do a proper job of helping her otherwise.

Shaking off the rain cloud that threatened to loom over her head, Senna quickly walked out the doors to head next door, but was stopped by Kaidan who was entering the CCA. Thankful to have a moment of solace, she smiled at him and waved. “Good news, Dr. Hawthorne is back so you can quit seeing his substitute teacher,” she joked.

“I know, I made an appointment with him as soon as I got the notification.” Kaidan smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Are you okay, Kaidan? You’ve been pretty aloof lately.”

Kaidan stared right past her, not making eye contact as his forehead was scrunched with a frown as if he was in deep thought. “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine. I just need to speak with Doc is all.”

Senna carefully placed her hand on Kaidan’s cheek, gently turning his head so she could look him in the eye. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, concerned about the way his honey brown eyes, that were usually so warm, held anguish and barely contained rage in them. “My god, Kaidan, you’re shaking.”

Kaidan quickly, but carefully took her hand and removed it from his cheek. “I’ll be fine.” His voice was strained, but he braved a small smile for her. “Once I get the magic touch from Dr. Hawthorne, I’ll be fine.” Without giving her a chance to respond, he quickly headed toward the open elevator, the doors closing immediately and ascending to Dr. Hawthorne’s floor.

 _Something has to be in the air if we're all in a bad mood,_ Senna thought, worried for Kaidan. Whatever he was going through was taking a toll on him, she could tell from the dark circles around his eyes and the weariness from his body language. He wasn’t getting much sleep, and she briefly wondered if his job was stressing him out, but then again he worked part-time. It was midday so he’d be long gone by the time she finished training, and she felt bad she wouldn’t be able to wait up for him and offer to accompany him to his home for a change. He sure looked like he needed a friend at the moment.

Entering the training facility, she went into the elevator and descended. Once she stepped off, she was heading back to the dome when she noticed everyone huddled around the entrance to the cafeteria, whispering to themselves in panic. Quirking an eyebrow, she walked up to Shelby, Killian, and Kai Leng. “What’s going on?”

The latter was the first to acknowledge her presence. He glanced at her before he nodded toward the cafeteria. “Another student had a seizure and then passed out just now. They’re taking him to the med bay.”

“Shit, are you serious?”

“That’s the third one in less than two days,” Killian whispered as everyone parted to the side of the doors, letting a couple of Alliance doctors by so they could rush the student off on a gurney. “Our training's been crazy hard, but not to the point where everyone starts to pass out all of a sudden.”

“It’s not the training.” They turned their heads to Shelby, who was watching the scene with a grim expression. “It’s these.” He ran his hand over the implant on his neck. “We were doing fine until we got these damn things planted in us.”

“Are these side effects?” Senna asked worried, unconsciously tracing her amp with her finger. “They’re new implants, so it’s just temporary, right? Don’t they work out the kinks on their own?”

“That makes no sense,” Shelby bit out, “that’s like buying a datapad with a virus and wondering if the virus will delete itself. It’s not an AI or even a VI. This is a man-made invention and we’re fucking beta testers for it. We’re lucky if we get out of this alive, or sane.”

“Holy crap y’all, they couldn’t just give us the L2s instead? If I recall correctly, seizures and blackouts weren’t part of the deal,” Killian hissed.

Shelby didn’t respond, but his lips were thinned as he felt rage within him, having to go through unspeakable effects of a new implant for the second time, and worse, they were happening at a more frequent rate than the L2s. “Whatever calculations they came up with were wrong. They should’ve triple-checked before distributing these things.”

Senna and Kai Leng crossed their arms, both their eyes downcast at the floor in thought. “We’ve gone from Biotic Training to Russian Roulette,” Kai Leng said as he looked at them. “I don’t know about you three, but I got too many plans to let this permanently cancel them. I plan on getting out of this alive.”

“Same here,” Killian said with determination.

“Me too,” Senna said with a nod, an equal amount of determination in her eyes.

“I went through this once already, so this’ll be a fucking cakewalk.” Shelby chuckled as they all nodded at each other, a new pact forming between them.

-X-

“Thank you sir, come again, and feel free to return if you’re still having issues with your office terminal.” Kaidan nodded his head politely as a customer said his thanks and left the repair shop. Rubbing the back of his neck, he sighed as he glanced around the now empty store, relieved that the rush was over. With new technology coming out every other month came new customers who either had no idea how to work their new datapad, terminal, or omni-tool or accidentally broke them while trying to figure out how they worked. On the bright side, the store policy allowed its employees to accept tips, and Kaidan was raking in a hefty amount of credits from both new customers and his regulars.

“How much did you make today?” His co-worker, a pretty redheaded girl, asked him.

“Almost fifteen-thousand.”

“Impressive, but I got you beat.”

“Oh yeah? How much did you make?”

“Fifteen-thousand, and one credit.” She winked at him playfully

“Hh! That’s definitely gonna make it hard for me to sleep at night.”

“You’ve certainly been looking like hell these days. Everything good?”

“Yeah. Just a lot on my plate is all.”

“Alright… you know if you need a shoulder to cry on, my door’s always open.”

“Hh… thanks, Michelle.”

“No problem. I’m taking my lunch break now, so I’ll be at the cafe across the street. Give me a shout if you need help.”

“Will do.”

Michelle left the store, and Kaidan was left alone in the small shop, the jazz music playing on the speakers. It brought a nice ambiance, and the soothing music was helpful for keeping his migraines at bay, even if it did make him sleepy sometimes. He kept himself busy by arranging the models of their inventory in alphabetical order. It didn’t really make a difference, but it was time-consuming enough to make the day go by. The door opened with a quiet hiss after half an hour, and Kaidan turned to greet the customer.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to…” his eyes widened when he recognized the customer. It had been two years, almost three, since he saw him at brain camp, but he still couldn’t forget his face. “Marcelo Shelby.”

Shelby’s jaw dropped when he noticed Kaidan standing on the opposite side of the store. “I’ll be damned… is that you, Alenko?”

“In the flesh.”

“Shit, man!” Shelby closed the distance and slapped his hand on Kaidan’s shoulder in greeting, looking him over. “I’ll be damned,” he repeated, “you dropped off the grid when you got arrested and none of us knew how to contact you. We didn’t even know which prison they took you to.”

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “They never put me in prison… but I was assigned mandatory community service for six months.”

“Interesting…” Shelby crossed his arms, and Kaidan took a second to look him over. Shelby was always the rebellious one of their little circle, but never careless. His charm and devil-may-care personality made him popular at brain camp, and unlike Kaidan, Shelby often kept himself occupied with a girl in her bunk. Add his bronze skin tone, dark hair, and brown eyes in the mix, and he was quite the Italian bachelor among the girls and some guys. Now, his once unruly hair was cut short, giving him a roguish look, and his face and body were more toned and hardened.

“You look better, or uh, at least better than the last time I saw you.” They both frowned in thought, thinking about the time when Shelby created a makeshift transmitter to try to contact his parents and sister back at Jump Zero. Even though it was against the rules, Kaidan also sent a message to his parents despite Rahna’s protests, telling them how much he missed them. After that, everything went to hell. The next day, Vyrnnus somehow found out about the transmitter and beat Shelby to a bloody pulp while his arms were tied behind him around a post, and demanded that someone tell him who else knew about the transmitter.

“I was sporting fractured ribs and a broken nose for a month because of that bastard,” Shelby bit out. “Honestly, Alenko, you scared the shit out of me when you killed him, but he had it coming, and no one felt sorry for him even after you left. Not even the other instructors.”

“I still could’ve handled it better.” Kaidan turned away, the sound of Vyrnnus’ neck snapping echoing in his head. “Just because he was a tyrant, didn’t mean I should’ve lost control like that.”

“Maybe, but think of it this way: if you hadn’t, then Vyrnnus would’ve gone on to continue torturing biotic kids with no regrets. You saw what he did to me over something he had no evidence of, and you killed him because of what he did to Rahna, you think he would’ve stopped there? Like I said, you were a scary fucker that day, but now… I think about him getting away with mistreating other kids, or my sister, and it makes me glad he’s dead.”

Kaidan thought it over, taking Shelby’s words into consideration. “I appreciate the consolation.”

“Don’t mention it. Anyway, I came here for a reason. Can you wipe out my data on this omni-tool and add an entirely new user interface?” Shelby handed the tool to Kaidan.

“Uh, yeah. Sure, it’ll barely take five minutes.”

“Cool. I’m on my lunch break so the less time it takes the better.”

“Alright.” Kaidan headed behind the counter. “I’m surprised you’re here in Vancouver. Where do you work?” he asked as he began expunging the Bluewire tool with his own omni-tool.

“I don’t work. Got enough money to where I don’t need to.”

“But you just said you’re on your lunch break.”

“Oh yeah.” Shelby laughed bitterly as he gave a wolfish grin. “Long story short, I’m back to square one. I’m enrolled at a training facility here to ‘better harness my biotics’. Another one of those confidential programs.” Shelby rolled his eyes. “My sister’s here too, doing Adept training for the Alliance. One of my classmates is a little wet behind the ears and doesn’t have an omni-tool. I already have the newest model, so I’m ‘donating’ this one to her.” He used air quotes.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I did find it a little odd to see you carry an outdated model.” Kaidan smirked. “So… ‘her’, huh?” He raised an eyebrow at Shelby.

Shelby snorted. “It’s not even like that. She’s cute, but I prefer women with experience.”

“Uh-huh.”

Shelby leaned against the counter, placing his arms on the metal top. “I talked to Rahna last week.” Kaidan froze, his mind working in hyperdrive. “O-oh yeah? How… how is she?” His attempt to sound nonchalant failed miserably, and he berated himself for sounding like a lovesick puppy. Shelby snickered and shook his head.

“Well, my sister, Andrea, do you remember her? Probably not, she wasn’t in our circle so you weren’t really acquainted… anyway, she spoke to Rahna to put it more accurately, and she seems to be doing fine. She and her fiancé just moved in together – some schmuck who’s the son of the CEO of a biotech enterprise, but apparently she’s still in Turkey, and they’re planning to have their wedding in…”

Kaidan drowned Shelby’s voice out as he felt his heart shattering to pieces. Here he was, still mourning over the death of their relationship, and she was already engaged to be married! To someone else! He felt like a fool for pining for her after all this time when he should have taken initiative to move on by now.

“Alenko!” Shelby’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He laughed in belligerent amusement. “I’m fucking with you, man. She’s still single, and currently studying to be a psychologist at some university in Tokyo. You should’ve seen the look on your face.”

Kaidan immediately remembered how much of a pain in the ass Shelby could be, and why they were never close friends. “Fuck you, Shelby,” he snapped, his temper getting the better of him and his dark energy emitting from his body.

“Okay okay, don’t go smearing me against the walls now. You don’t wanna have a part two…” Shelby muttered, almost fearfully.

Kaidan immediately dispelled his biotics and looked away in shame. Despite his machismo, it was apparent Shelby was still afraid of him and what he was capable of, and he didn’t blame him. Even he was scared himself at times, of losing control and accidentally hurting someone else or worse.

“Listen… ah, shit, look Alenko, I don’t want there to be bad blood between us. We weren’t the best of friends, but after everything we went through, I’m willing to put what happened at Jump Zero behind us. Look, I’m having a party at my place this weekend, and I’ll send the address to your omni-tool if you wanna come.”

“No thanks,” Kaidan said almost immediately. “Not a fan of crowds.”

“There won’t be many people there, honest.” Even Shelby didn’t believe that and he snickered to himself at his blatant lie. “Besides, if simply speaking Rahna’s name gets you riled up after all these years then you obviously need to get out. When’s the last time you went to a party, or been on a date, or at least have a good fuck?”

Kaidan sighed in disgust at the vulgarity, shaking his head in disapproval. “I’ll think about it. Send the address,” he said after a few minutes. Shelby was nothing if not assertive, and he would’ve kept bugging him with his charming way with words if he continued to say no. Shelby smirked and activated his omni-tool.

“Same credentials?”

“Yup.”

“Alright, it’s sent. Seriously, if you go, at least have one drink. You look like you need one.”

Ignoring the second comment about his stressed appearance he received that day, Kaidan focused on the Bluewire tool. “Whose credentials am I replacing yours with?”

“Senna Shepard.”

Kaidan paused for a moment. “Senna?”

“Yeah.” It couldn’t be the same Senna he knew, could it?

_Come to think of it, I don’t even know her last name._

“You wouldn’t happen to be training at the CCA Training Facility downtown, would you?”

“It just so happens that I am.” Shelby raised an eyebrow. “Why, you know her or something?”

“Kind of. I mean, yeah. I do. She’s a good friend of mine.”

“Shit, Alenko! I’m pulling your tail about Rahna and you already got a replacement! I’m proud of you, man.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Kaidan bit out, his tone harsher than intended, “we’re just friends.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Aromatherapeutic diffuser with eucalyptus oil, if you must know.” Kaidan grinned. “Great for migraines. I recommend you get one.”

Shelby watched Kaidan, a wolfish grin spreading on his face. “Eucalyptus, eh? Like a certain ‘just a friend’s’ shampoo I sometimes smell when we’re on the elevator?”

 _Shit._ Kaidan quickly looked away, a chaste blush gracing his cheeks, knowing he’d been caught.

“No worries, man, I won’t say a thing. Your secret’s safe with me.” Shelby winked at him.

“Hh, there’s no secret to keep. She really is just a friend.”

“If you say so.”

Kaidan shook his head, completing Senna’s new user interface in the Bluewire tool. “There you go. It’s finished.”

“Thanks, man. Remember, my party's this Saturday at seven. There’s gonna be a pool.”

“That’ll win me over.”

“It better, and I expect to see you there! How much do I owe you?”

“Ten-thousand credits.”

“Can I get a family-friend discount?”

“No.”

“Oh come on, Alenko, have a heart.”

“It’s not like you’re not good for it.”

“Consider it the principle of the matter.”

“The answer’s still no.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks. Be sure to leave us a five-star review on the extranet.”

-X-

Senna yawned as she finished her coffee while heading toward the training facility. Technically, she and the other students weren’t allowed to have any beverage other than water right before training, but she was still exhausted from the previous day, and she was feeling a little rebellious. Quickly tossing the paper cup in the trash bin, she entered the facility and headed down the elevator. Shelby and Kai Leng were already in the dome, along with one other student she didn’t recognize.

“Who’s this?” Senna whispered as she walked up to them. Kai Leng stared at her for a brief moment before he looked at the new student who was walking around the dome with curiosity. “New trainee. It’s their first day.”

“Another one?” Senna raised an eyebrow. “That’s strange. Where are they finding these kids?”

“It doesn’t matter. One goes out, one comes in. We’re all replaceable,” Kai Leng muttered.

Their classmates promptly filed in the dome, ready for another fierce day of training.

Killian greeted them with a boyish smile as he walked to them, but it fell when he noticed the new student examining the dome, immediately putting two and two together. “I heard that the other students are still in the med bay getting treated. Maybe they’ll come back once they’re feeling better.”

The somber air that hovered around their group indicated they all believed the same thing: whether the other students knew it or not, this training was a fight for survival. It wasn’t just about controlling their biotics anymore, it was about making sure they all left alive with their sanity intact while hoping their beta L3 implants didn’t screw them over in their attempt to do so.

“Alright, class!” T’Renli’s voice boomed as she entered the dome, the students immediately getting in formation and standing at attention. She glanced at the newest student, but once again said nothing as she began her morning briefing. As she spoke, Kai Leng, Killian, Shelby, and Senna all glanced at each other and gave a single determined nod. They inadvertently entered a dangerous game, and they were going to win.

-X-

Tossing and turning in her bed, Senna huffed in frustration, unable to catch any sleep. The recollection of the day’s training kept replaying in her mind. This time, four more students passed out within a three-hour interval, and if the same pattern were to repeat, there would be four new students tomorrow when they all entered class. Senna, Killian, Shelby, and Kai Leng were among the few students who were there from the beginning, and she was starting to feel like her days were numbered. She glanced at the clock that read _0130_ hours, and she sighed. She needed to clear her head, and with Anderson gone she had no one to talk to.

Getting out of bed, she headed to the closet and put on a grey hoodie with sneakers along with the sweatpants she was already wearing. Pulling the hoodie over her head, she exited the apartment and out of the housing facility, the cool air and empty streets welcoming her. Stretching her legs, she quickly warmed up before she began jogging. Her direction was aimless, and the skycars whirring above her provided great white noise. There was comfort in the solitude the empty streets provided, save for a few late night partygoers or homeless people wandering about. It was like she had the whole city to herself, and she truly felt free. She continued to run, letting the adrenaline pump her blood. The exercise was working in her favor, and she was starting to feel better.

Senna was about to jog past a couple – no, a batarian and a human girl. A girl that couldn't have been that much older than her. Her dress was rather… provocative, especially with the weather, as her eyes were downcast, her head hung in an almost submissive and absent manner. The batarian was looking at the girl with a leer, a perverted smirk plastered on his face. Her mind going into overdrive, Senna tried to mind her business, not wanting to poke her nose into any trouble. Maybe she was overthinking it, even though her gut screamed otherwise. It was when she jogged past them that everything seemed to go into slow-motion.

There were bruises on the girl’s face and shoulder poorly covered by makeup, and there was a strange numerical pattern on her wrist, almost like a barcode. Senna’s eyes widened when she noticed the all-too-familiar implant on the back of the girl’s neck barely covered by her red hair. A cranial implant.

 _Oh my god, she’s a slave._ Senna’s blood boiled, memories of her friends’ lobotomization back on Jar’urta flooding in.

_“Is it comfortable enough for you?” Her master asked with a smirk. She said nothing as her eyes were downcast on the floor, not uttering a word. The damage he did to her back was so traumatic to her body she became paralyzed, unable to walk, which meant she needed a wheelchair until she healed. And once she healed, Master would continue to beat her, then patch her back up, then rinse and repeat. She didn’t know how long she was in their base, but it felt like an eternity since she was on Mindoir. They were in a bunker, and so deep underground she was starting to forget what the sun looked like, or what its warmth felt like against her skin._

_“I went through a lot of trouble getting that chair for you, the least you can do is express your gratitude.” Master kicked her chair, displeased with her._

_“Thank you.”_

_“You still got some kick in you. Good. Your friends on the other hand aren’t doing too well.” Master turned to her. “They’re being defiant, refusing to work in the mines for us. We thought breaking them in would be fun, and it was at first, but they admit defeat too soon and we’re getting bored. We’re raising the stakes just a little. Gotta keep the game interesting..”_

_Standing behind her, Master pushed her wheelchair, heading to wherever. She hoped they were going outside, she really missed the sun. Instead, Master pushed her into a lab of some sort. One of the daycare workers from their colony was strapped to a chair, fighting against her restraints and begging them to let her go. A batarian doctor was mingling with his tools, eagerly getting prepped._

_“You’ve been bought and paid for, so you’re exempt from this. I do wish I could’ve seen the look on your face though. It would’ve been a sight to behold,” Master growled in her ear._

_The doctor had some sort of implant in his hand, and without bothering to give the woman any morphine, he began to lightly drill into her skull, inserting the implant in her. The woman screamed as the sound of bone being crushed and ground echoed. She looked away, but Master gripped her chin and forced her to watch. The woman was a nice lady. She loved children and working with them. She didn’t deserve this!_

_She didn’t know how long she was forced to watch, but the woman’s screams subsided, an eerie silence looming in the air._

_“Look.” Master’s voice left no room for protest. She stifled her tears as the woman slowly sat up from her chair, and looked at the doctor. “I am ready to work, Master.”_

_Her eyes widened in horror, not believing what she was seeing. The daycare worker’s autonomy, her free will, was taken and erased just like that._

_“Let’s test that out, shall we?” The batarian doctor grinned evilly as he motioned toward a pistol that was on the shelf of a weapons locker. “Take that gun, and put a bullet in your brain. That won’t be a problem for you, will it?”_

_The daycare worker shook her head, eager to please. “That will not be a problem at all, my master. I will do as commanded. For you.”_

_She watched in horror as she tried to stop the woman from killing herself, but her legs wouldn’t listen. Whether they were paralyzed from pain, or from fear, she didn’t know. “No! Stop it! Don’t listen to them, please!” Her pleads fell on deaf ears. Master and the doctor watched the woman with anticipated glee as she reached for the gun and took it in her hand, raising the barrel to her parietal bone._

_“No! Please!” She cried out._

_“For my masters.” The daycare worker pulled the trigger, a single gunshot sounding off, and blood splattered on the ground as she immediately dropped dead, her head blown with a gaping hole on the side of her head._

_She stared at the corpse, unable to breathe. Her cries came out in ragged gasps and hiccups for she couldn’t utter a single word. Shock overtook her body as Master laughed._

_“Hehe, I’m impressed. These implants were a good investment!” the doctor said._

_“For a second I didn’t think they were gonna work, but that was amazing! Dump the body and let’s get the workers in here. The sooner we get these implants in, the more work we can get done with less resistance.”_

_A couple of lackeys went and picked up the corpse off the ground, bits of the daycare worker’s brain spluttering out her head and dropping on the floor._

_She hyperventilated until she began screaming from the brutal suicide she was forced to watch._

Senna’s body went on auto-pilot, and the next thing she knew, she grabbed the batarian’s wrist in a tight grip, stopping him in his tracks. He turned his head toward her with disdain.

“Can I help you?” There was annoyance and impatience in his voice. Crap. She didn’t think this through.

“W-what do you plan to do with this girl?” She tried to sound brave, but it came out in a squeak and she instantly berated herself for sounding so weak.

“It ain’t none of your damn business.”

“I recognize her implant. You’re keeping her against her will as your slave.”

The batarian’s four eyes widened a fraction as if he was appalled she dared to make such an accusation. “It’s none of your business, _human_. You’re barking up the wrong tree so you better get lost.”

“So you don’t deny it. You _are_ holding this girl hostage!”

“Hey, I bought her fair and square! I even got the invoice to prove it,” the batarian said impatiently, releasing his grip on the girl’s arm so he pointed at Senna. “Mind your own business, girl, before you piss me off.”

Senna’s temper got the better of her from the batarian’s dehumanizing words. “Bought? Invoice?! She is a human being, not your property, you barbarian!” She yelled at him, jabbing a finger at his chest. “How dare you try to force her into whatever sick activities you have planned for her.”

“You have no idea what I’ve got planned for her, human!” A couple of workers and patrons from the nearby twenty-hour shops and cafés scampered outside, wondering what the commotion was about. “My patience is wearing thin, back off…” the batarian drew a pistol and had it aimed at Senna’s chest. “... or else you’re gonna end up with more than just a stick up your ass.” The onlookers gasped and one of them dialed for the authorities.

“Master, can we go home now?” the young woman whispered. Her eyes were glossy, unaware of her surroundings. Senna noticed a bruise near her cleavage where the V-line of her dress ended, and her lip was cut and swollen, most likely from physical abuse. Senna gritted her teeth as her body trembled with rage and fear, the barrel of his gun staring point-blank at her chest. Swallowing the nerves that shook her, she bravely took a step forward.

“She’s coming with me. I won’t let her be a victim any longer.”

Senna barely registered the next few seconds that happened. The batarian said something about her ending up as the victim instead, and he pulled the trigger. The onlookers screamed, and Senna’s instinct kicked in as she quickly channeled her dark energy, quickly forming the cascading tide of a barrier. She wasn’t quick enough, however, for the bullet was slowed down by her barrier, but still penetrated it and pierced her shoulder blade. She yelped as she fell back and landed on her behind, clutching her shoulder and feeling the blood ooze out and coat her hand. She didn’t know what came over her, for instead of pain, she felt adrenaline pump through her veins. Thinking he was finished, the batarian holstered his pistol and tried to drag the girl away from the small crowd of witnesses that was gathering around them. Ignoring the protest of her injured shoulder, Senna channeled her dark energy into her fist once again, and with burning hatred fueling her strength, she jumped back onto her feet and hurled herself at the batarian with the fury of an avenger. The batarian may not have been a slave trader, but he was a consumer who had the gall to parade an innocent girl around in public as if he owned her. The cranium implant in her neck meant she had no choice but to follow him around while being forcibly complacent and submissive.

Senna witnessed enough lobotomy to last a lifetime, and she would stand for it no more. Her vision became red with manifested anger. With all the strength she could muster, her fist collided with the batarian’s jaw, a sickening crack following suit. He bellowed in agony as his jaw came loose on his right side, and blood spilled from the open hole in his mouth.

All hell came loose after that.

“You _bitch_!” The batarian covered his open jaw, trying to stop the bleeding. With his other hand, he aimlessly shot at Senna. Even though he missed, he still managed to graze her arm and she hissed, but quickly shook it off. She had to stop him before someone got hurt. With one more attempt, she hurled her biotic infused fist and this time, she aimed for the center of his head. The intensity of her strength connected between his eyes, and there was another crunch before the batarian fell to the ground, bellowing in pain.

Her vision blurred as she pounced on the batarian and pinned him down, launching a flurry of punches against his head. Senna faintly heard the girl scream, but her sole focus remained on bringing justice to her, to those who fell victim to the slave traders and their barbaric way of selling innocent people to buyers as morally corrupt. Her fists raised again, and she halted when she saw the black blood on her hands, and she gasped, ceasing her attacks.

Senna panted as her vision became clear, and the cries of the witnesses behind her had her turning to face them. All their faces blurred as they pointed fingers at her.

“She’s a biotic!”

“She assaulted that batarian!”

“Get back inside before she kills us, hurry!”

“Get out of here, you freak!”

Senna’s eyes darted around the crowd that seemed to be growing larger by the second. Her panting turned into hyperventilation. She turned to the girl, who was staring at her master’s body on the ground with fright. “Are you alright?” Senna asked the girl.

“You hurt him!” The girl screamed. “You hurt my master! You will pay for that!”

“W-wait!” Senna quickly got off the batarian. She risked a glance at him, and he was unconscious. Barely breathing. Oh, god. He could die because of her. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She just wanted him to free the girl. “You’re under the influence of an implant. He forced you to develop Stockholm Syndrome. Whatever you feel for him isn’t real!”

“YOU HURT HIM!” The girl screeched as she wept in despair, kneeling next to her master and holding his hand. “Wake up, Master. Wake up!”

“Get away from them, you monster!”

“Are you recording this?”

“Absolutely! ANN will be talking about this, and you’ll have nowhere to hide!”

Senna covered her ears as she tried to block out the yells of the mob that surrounded her. Flashes blinded her as they were taking pictures and recording her with their omni-tool and personal camera drones. She pulled her hoodie over her head as much as possible to cover her face. There were too many people, too many of them! And they were coming after her with pitchforks!

Hot tears welled at her eyes as she remained still, frozen on the spot in fear. The sound of sirens indicated the police had come, and several officers pushed through the crowd and roughly grabbed her arms. “Let’s go! Hopefully you’ll be locked away for a long time, Freak.” An office growled with hostility as he shoved her in the police skycar. The ambulance came shortly after, and Senna watched as the medics rushed to assist the batarian.

With her adrenaline worn off, the gunshot wound on her shoulder screamed at her, sending sharp pain throughout her entire shoulder blade. Senna whimpered in pain as she bit her lip in guilt.

_What have I done?_

-X-

Kaidan and his father were on their way to the police station, and he wondered exactly what the hell happened for Senna to land in a jail cell.

_His terminal continued to beep, and Kaidan growled in annoyance as he begrudgingly got out of bed and went to the terminal on his desk. Whoever was calling at three in the morning was going to get cursed out for interrupting his sleep. He opened the comm vid, and a local policeman pixelated into view._

_“Good morning, sir, I apologize for calling you at such a late hour,” the policeman said apologetically, “but we have someone in custody here at the station who claims they know you but didn’t have your contact information._

_“Huh? Custody? What are you... I’m sorry sir, what is this about?” Kaidan asked, still groggy from being woken up abruptly._

_“We arrested a young lady for aggravated assault and attempted murder, but I’m afraid that is all the detail I can provide, given this is an unsecured channel. We tried to look up her credentials, but it’s all classified.”_

_“And what’s her name?”_

_“She claims it’s Senna Shepard. Are you familiar with her by any chance?”_

_Shit. “I’ll be there soon, officer. Thank you for calling.” Kaidan promptly terminated the call and sighed. He dialed for his father. He felt bad for waking him, but he needed his influence to get Senna out of there._

“I don’t understand, Kaidan, you said she attacked a batarian? Out of the blue. Just like that?” Kyler asked, focusing on the aerial road ahead.

“That’s what the officer told me.”

“And how does this girl know you?”

“She… she’s also Dr. Hawthorne’s patient. I met her one day at his office.” Or rather pummeled into her. Kaidan smiled to himself, remembering the day they met, and how happy she looked to see his biotics. That was months ago, but it felt like a lifetime since she first came into his life.

“I see.”

“Sorry for waking you up for this, Dad, but I figured since you're a General and all…” Kaidan

“Retired General,” Kyler corrected, “but if she’s your friend, I’ll try my best to help her, son.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Kyler parked his skycar in the lot of the police station, and he and Kaidan hurried inside. They went up the counter, where an officer looked at them expectantly. “Can I help you?”

Kyler pulled out his Alliance insignia from his pocket, presenting his rank. “General Kyler Alenko, former Alliance Navy. My son received a call about a girl who was arrested and brought here tonight. I’ve come to bail her out, but also find out exactly what happened.” Kaidan watched his father with fascination. There was a sheer authority in his voice, leaving no room for debate, and his posture was that of a man who commanded respect in the room, which didn’t fail because the officer stumbled out of his chair and saluted him.

“Of course, General Alenko! Thank you for coming here at short notice, and at a late hour, no less,” the officer said.

“It’s no issue at all, just explain to me what’s going on.”

“Of course, we received several calls at 0225 hours, sir, regarding a human girl physically assaulting a batarian outside a café. I figured he probably deserved it, given their reputation, heh…” the officer cleared his throat and adjusted his collar when Kyler gave him a stern look, demanding professionalism. “A-anyway, when we arrived at the scene it was a mess. The batarian was on the ground and his lover was screaming and crying. There was blood everywhere and his jaw was broken beyond repair. If we hadn’t gotten there in time he would’ve been murdered.”

“Beyond repair?”

“Yes, sir. Completely broke one side off. She sure hit a mean right hook on him. I don’t think surgery will completely stitch it back together. Of course, she sustained some injuries as well.”

Kaidan’s head snapped toward the officer, his blood turning cold in fear. “How is she? He didn’t break anything of hers, did he?”

“Well, technically no. But, uh… this is the footage we recovered from the street cams, if you wanna take a look.”

“If we may. Thank you officer,” Kyler said with a polite nod. The office showed them the footage on his terminal. There was no audio, and Kaidan’s brows furrowed when he saw Senna pause for a moment before whipping around and grabbing the batarian’s wrist. They appeared to be talking, but the batarian’s body language suggested he was irritated. Senna gestured to the girl, and he guessed she said something to ruffle the batarian’s feathers since he pulled a gun on her.

Kaidan felt rage within him, for that bastard pulling a gun on Senna, endangering her like that. The color drained from his face when the batarian shot her, and when Senna jumped on him and attacked him. Kaidan watched in horror, seeing a mirror image of himself when he used the same rage to attack Vyrnnus. “Why was she the one to get arrested?! He clearly drew a gun at her and shot her twice!”

“While that is true, the footage clearly shows she grabbed him first.” Kyler’s lips were thinned, and it was clear he didn’t like it either. “If the batarian were to sue, he could say he acted out in self-defense and it would be a plausible argument. Not only would he win, but since she used her biotics to assault him, she would be deemed criminally insane and possibly be sent to a mental asylum.”

Over his dead body. He knew what that was like, to be ostracized from society and cast out like a lowlife. “No, you have to help her, Dad. She can’t risk going through something like that.”

“I’m already on it, Kaidan, but you need to cool your head so you don’t do anything rash.” Kyler gave him a pointed look, and Kaidan glanced away. “Go wait in the lobby, I’ll take care of this.”

“Please, Dad. Be gentle with her. She’s not comfortable around people she doesn’t really know.”

“I will, so don’t worry, son.”

Kaidan went into the lobby and waited for what seemed like an hour. He paced back and forth, chugging the last of the canned coffee he bought from the vending machine twenty minutes ago and tossing it in the recycling bin. He wanted to give Senna the benefit of the doubt, but the evidence was stacked against her. Why did she attack the batarian like that? Was it an accident? Judging from the blows she landed on him, it wasn’t likely. After what seemed like forever, his father emerged from the corridor leading to the cells, with Senna right behind him.

Kaidan’s heart sank when he saw the metal cast and sling on her arm and shoulder, and there were tear stains on her cheeks, indicating she had been crying for a while. Senna raised her head, and her eyes widened when she saw him standing there. Kaidan walked up to her without hesitation, and he gently cupped her cheek. “Are you alright?” he asked, his voice soft and offering all the comfort he could give her. Senna stared at him for a long moment before her lip quivered as she wrapped her good arm around him and cried against his chest. Kaidan wasted no time in embracing her, careful not to touch her cast, as he rested his chin on the top of her head. Senna continued to cry, and Kaidan gently rubbed her back.

“I… I’m sorry, I…”

“Shh, it’s okay. You can explain yourself later. I’m here now. I’m here, Senna. You’re going to be okay.” Whether it was the heat of the moment, Kaidan didn’t know, but he placed a kiss on Senna’s forehead. She responded by gripping the back of his t-shirt tighter as if she was afraid to let go.

“Is your guardian home?”

“No. He’s on a mission.”

“Then stay at my place tonight. I don’t want you living by yourself for now.”

“O-okay.”

Kaidan’s hold on her didn’t loosen. “We should get going,” he whispered.

“Okay.”

“You need to get some sleep, after all.”

“Right."

-X-

The silence was deafening. Kaidan wanted to ask her so many questions, Senna could tell from the look on his face. After he was kind enough to let her stay in his apartment and in his room, it was the least she could do. But the words were a pill too large to swallow. She honestly had no idea what she was thinking when she assaulted the batarian, and she had no excuse.

“Senna, I understand your guardian’s out of town. Send me his contact information and I’ll inform him you’re staying here for the time being,” General Alenko said, eating his sausage.

“Yes, sir.”

Dropping his fork with a loud clatter on his plate which startled her, Kaidan looked at her, desperate for answers. "Senna… hh, I'm racking my brain here trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I need answers. Now."

Senna picked at her eggs, taking a slow, excruciating bite. What was she supposed to say? She kept her attention on her breakfast, the tension getting thicker.

"Senna."

"Let her be, son," General Alenko said, "I'm sure she has a logical explanation for this. She just needs a moment to collect herself." He gave her a stern, expectant look and she looked away guiltily.

"I don't have one," she admitted shamefully. "I just wanted to help that girl."

"What made you think she was in danger?" General Alenko asked patiently.

"I just did. I _knew_. She had a cranial implant, and he was forcing her to be his partner."

"Cranial implant?" Kaidan furrowed his brows quizzically. "What are those?"

"Implants used to indoctrinate victims and make them willing slaves," Senna growled out, anger building up in her again. "I saw one on her neck, and I couldn't just… I couldn't let him get away with hurting her more than he possibly was already."

"Be that as it may, the security cameras showed you grabbing him, and your body language spoke with aggressive behavior, which isn't a good look." General Alenko leaned back in his chair and folded his arms in deep thought. "I still have connections at ANN, and I can minimize the damage on their reports, but you shouldn't have endangered yourself like that. You could have placed yourself, that girl, or any other bystander in danger."

"What else was I supposed to do?" Senna glared at him, her blood boiling from rage once again. "I saw the bruises on her skin. He was abusing her, physically, and possibly…" she didn't even want to consider that possibility.

"Senna, believe me, I know what it's like to regret not being to do anything to prevent someone from getting hurt. The guilt eats away at you," Kaidan said, placing his hand over hers, "but as your friend, I'm telling you that you're lucky the batarian is still alive. The damage would've been irreparable if you ended up killing him."

Senna widened her eyes at Kaidan, insulted that he was taking that thug's side. "Are you kidding me? If I let him go he would've continued to hurt her. For all we know he could've had other girls he was abusing!"

"You don't know that, Senna! You don't have any evidence of him abusing her."

"I told you I saw the bruises on her!

"But you don't have proof he was the one that inflicted them on her. I understand you wanted to help, but without a solid foundation you risk creating mountains out of molehills."

"The cranial implant was proof enough, so why can't you see she was a victim?! I may not have had a 'solid foundation', but I know a victim of abuse when I see one, and I knew I had to something about it."

"I understand you wanted to help her," Kaidan said sympathetically, "but brutally attacking him wasn’t the way to go. You should have called the authorities, and let them handle it. Hh, you can’t just cut corners like that and not expect the consequences! If you had gone too far, you would’ve done something you can’t take back.”

Senna stared at Kaidan in disbelief. "It would've been too late, Kaidan. By the time they found the batarian he could've disappeared from Vancouver or Sol entirely, and the girl might’ve ended up dead. I’ve seen firsthand what it's like to be at the mercy of those kinds of implants, and it never ends with their lives intact.”

“And you thought it was smarter to confront him. For god’s sake, you got shot!” Kaidan motioned toward her cast, his temper flaring up. “You or someone else could have ended up dead because of you, because of your recklessness driven by a foolish desire to be the hero! Do you not realize that?”

“Kaidan,” General Alenko admonished.

Senna’s body racked with fury from his harsh words. “ You will _never_ understand what it's like, but I don’t expect you to. The horrors they’re capable of can't even be imagined, and I couldn’t allow him to continue to dehumanize and abuse me like that! Her… I meant her.” Senna took a deep breath. “I may have acted hastily, but the least you can do is not be an ass about it.” Senna huffed, feeling drained. She turned to General Alenko. “I’m sorry, sir, but I need some air.” Without giving them a chance to reply, she stood from her chair and went outside to the balcony.

Kaidan watched her go, letting out a huff of frustration. Kyler gave him a look of disapproval. “I know, Dad. I know. She shouldn’t have done that though. You saw the feed! She was this close to killing someone, and she would have had to live with that for the rest of her life… like me.”

“While that may be true, your poor choice of words chased the girl off. She obviously saw herself in that girl and while her intentions were pure she was clumsy with her method and went about it the wrong way,” Kyler said. He nodded toward Senna on the balcony, giving Kaidan the silent command to talk to her. Kaidan sighed as he stood and went to her. “Hey…”

Senna looked at Kaidan but said nothing as she looked down toward the streets. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful with your feelings on the matter.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“It seems that no one really gets what I’ve been through,” Senna said bitterly, “and I’m tired of feeling like I have to explain myself every day.”

“You’re right, I don’t get it. Hh, and I’m lucky I never will, but when you try to take matters into your own hands, you risk the situation spiraling out of your control until the damage is so bad, it haunts you.”

“I told you my story, about Mindoir, and how they snatched me from home and abused me beyond reason. Yet, you can still stand there and tell me that I should have stood there and done nothing.”

“In my defense, I didn’t say that, I said to let the authorities handle it. Someone more qualified would have been able to help that girl, and they would have been able to track them down and rescue her on time.”

“I couldn’t take that chance, Kaidan. It was impulsive, yeah, maybe even a little crazy, but I don’t regret it. Not one bit.”

“Hh, I might have been wrong about you then.”

Senna glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“All these months we’ve spent together I was under the impression you were this unsuspecting, virtuous person, yet you took it upon yourself to attack a random person who may have been innocent—” “I’m telling you he wasn’t innocent.”

Kaidan continued as if she didn’t interrupt him. “And you could have placed that girl in more danger than she could have been already, and now you’re telling me you have no remorse for it. Hh, I have no words for that, honestly.”

“Fine by me. The more you speak, the more I realize I’m talking to a brick wall, anyway.” Senna stormed off the balcony. “I need to be alone for a while.” She swiftly exited Kaidan’s apartment, ignoring Kyler’s call to her.

With a frustrated shout, he flung the closest thing to him off the balcony, which was his datapad. Damn, he’d have to buy a replacement now. Huffing, he went back inside and resumed his breakfast in a much fouler mood than he had been in for a while.

-X-

They didn’t talk for the next couple of days. Since her guardian was still in an entirely different system, he still insisted Senna stay at his place until he at least came back. She accepted, albeit reluctantly, but didn’t say a word to him the whole time she was there. Despite their recent argument, Kaidan was still concerned for her safety and insisted on escorting her to the training facility since it was a bit of a further distance from his apartment. Once again, she accepted reluctantly, and their walks to and from the facility were filled with silence on her end.

“Anything planned for your training today?” He asked her as they stopped in front of the facility. “We have a quiz,” she replied simply.

“Ah, well good luck. I know those can be pretty taxing.”

“I bet you do.” Senna went inside where he saw Shelby and two other guys in the lobby.

“Hey, Curly Top!” Shelby called out to her. “How are you liking your new omni-tool?”

“Fine, except I can’t really figure out this model.”

“Seriously? It’s like the most basic one.”

“Hey, I was never that great with technology, okay?”

“I’ll teach you how to use it,” a chipper blonde boy offered.

“Thanks, Killian.”

“Honestly, how do you not know how to use a Bluewire?”

“Shut up, Shelby.”

“So when are you gonna tell us what happened to your arm?”

“You’d have to get me drunk.”

“Perfect! I’ll see you at my party tomorrow then.”

“Uh-huh.”

Their laughter waned as they got in an elevator on the far side of the lobby, and Kaidan sighed dejectedly as he left, heading to his job.

-X-

Kaidan was sitting on his couch, watching TV, and drinking his beer. He looked out the window and furrowed his brows. It was getting late and Senna hadn’t come back yet. He was getting worried. He went to pick her up earlier but she said she had to get a few personal belongings from her apartment, which was over two hours ago. The sun was already set, and he was about to get up to go look for her when she entered the apartment.

They glowered at each other, neither of them saying anything for a moment. Senna looked away, almost sadly, and was about to head to his bathroom when he stopped her. “Senna, wait.” She stopped but didn’t turn to face him. “I’ve been going over what happened the other day in my head, and I’m sorry for what I said, or rather, how I said it. Our conversation escalated quickly, and I think we both said harsh things in the heat of the moment.”

Senna looked at him, her glare lessening, but still remaining silent.

“So many things happened in such a short amount of time I couldn’t process them correctly. First, it was the fight, then your arm… hh, I saw you hurt and I was so angry. Angry at that batarian for shooting you, but also at you for putting yourself in that position in the first place. After I thought about it, I realized you had every right to be angry, but as your friend, I wanted to stop you before you did something horrible, to make sure you act with integrity.”

“I’m sorry I ruined your Cinderella image of me,” Senna muttered, rolling her eyes. She sighed as she rubbed her wrists. “I knew you wouldn’t get where I was coming from, but I at least expected you to know I wouldn’t try to hurt someone if I didn’t have a good reason.”

“I know that Senna, I really do.”

“Do you? Because the minute you found out I wasn’t perfect, you questioned my character and tried to undermine my reasoning for wanting to protect that girl.”

“That wasn’t my intention, but you have to admit your logic leaned more toward an axiom if anything. Trying to take the law into your own hands will only backfire if you don’t do it properly. Eventually, you come to understand that when you take action, you have to be prepared for the consequences that follow thereafter, and in your case, you weren’t.”

“We’re talking in circles.” Senna rubbed her temple as she looked away. “I’m… I’m tired. The quiz today took a lot out of me, so I’m going to turn in early.”

“At least make sure you eat something first,” Kaidan offered, his tone softer. He handed her the dinner plate he cooked for them earlier. “It’s cold now, so you might wanna heat it up.”

After nodding her gratitude, she went to the microwave and warmed it up. She sat at the dining table in the back corner to eat, and Kaidan suddenly felt like the ‘Beast’ who was keeping the ‘Beauty’ in his castle, and she was actively avoiding him. He didn’t like it, and he wanted them to go back to laughing with each other, telling each other stories of their families, or even just walking in comfortable silence together. The more they avoided each other, the more he missed her and wanted to rectify their friendship. He continued to watch his sitcom and watched Senna when she washed her plate and headed to his room without even looking at him. Once his bedroom door shut, he groaned to himself, feeling a migraine coming on.

-X-

“Welcome to my humble abode, _bella ragazza_.” Shelby kissed the back of Senna’s hand with a charming grin and wink.

“Yikes, Shelby. To think that some women actually fall for that not-so-devilishly handsome smile of yours,” Senna said with a playful wink.

“You wound me, _signora_! Now get your ass inside, it’s cold as hell out here.”

“It’s not my fault the only entry is from outside.” Senna snickered and looked around the huge penthouse. “Very lavish. It suits you.”

“You think? Really it belongs to my parents, but they hardly stay here so it’s just another wasted space. Which is good for us, because we’re about to get pretty fucked up.”

“Uh… should I be worried?”

“Only if you’re averse to red sand.” Shelby playfully winked at her and led her up an elevator and through a greenhouse, where a giant infinity pool awaited them. The pool was a long and rectangular shape, where seductive house music blasted from the DJ toward the edge of the deck. There were many attractive people mingling on the small dancefloor set up in front of the DJ booth, playing in the pool, or drinking at the upscale-looking bar where a turian and a human girl were skillfully making drinks.

Senna saw Killian playing on the faux sand volleyball court, but the huge crowd made her want to flee until Shelby lazily wrapped his arm around her good shoulder. “Have fun, Curly Top!” he shouted over the music. “You want a drink? My sister will hook you up at the bar over there. She’s got a natural gift in mixology so you’ll get a good buzz, and don’t worry about it being watered down.”

Senna smiled awkwardly. “Thanks.” Shelby hopped off to talk to a few of his buddies. The pumping music and loud cheers and chatter of Shelby’s friends messed with her head a little.

 _Just a few people, he said._ She should’ve known better than to take Shelby at his word. Getting as far away from the crowd as possible, she decided to relax on a cabana lounge chair near the bar. Boisterous crowd aside, it was a beautiful indoor pool deck. They were at one of the tallest and most luxurious resident towers in Vancouver, so the only view in the background was a couple of other spires and the mountains. With the pool closed off by the glass windows, it felt like a summer getaway as opposed to the chill outside.

 _Shelby sure is lucky. Beautiful homes and all the pleasure money could buy. No wonder he has so many friends._ Friends… Senna sighed in guilt, thinking about her fight with Kaidan.

“Can I get you something, _Bella_?” A familiar voice asked as he sat in the cabana chair next to her.

“Your impression of Shelby is worse than Killian’s.” Senna chuckled. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Aren’t you a little too young to be here?”

Kai Leng nodded toward Shelby. “He said I could come, but my drink options are limited to soda or virgin daiquiris.” He rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Look at Shelby, being a responsible party host. Want me to get you a kid’s menu?”

“Screw you, Shepard.” Kai Leng waved his hand dismissively but smirked nonetheless. “At least I’m not the crippled one here.”

“Ouch! You hurt me, little brother.”

“A real friend tells it like it is.”

Senna paused, his words sinking in. “... huh. You’re right about that.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Just get me whatever beer they have.” While Kai Leng went to retrieve her drink, Senna chuckled to herself as she stretched her bare legs out, watching Shelby flirt with a couple of girls, and shook her head with a snicker.

_“The Vancouver Police Department has successfully captured the biotic that attacked Balak, a batarian businessman who was visiting Earth on vacation along with his wife.”_

Senna’s ears perked up as she turned her attention to the ANN news vid on the TV at the bar.

_“Information regarding the biotic has been classified, though our trusted source says they have been escorted to an asylum off-world for biotics. Back to you, Annika.”_

_“Thank you, Michael. After VPD received an anonymous tip expressing concerns about the relationship between Balak and his wife, a further investigation revealed that Balak illegally purchased her, who was forced into sexual servitude. Balak was immediately arrested and taken to the Republic Defense of Criminal Justice Headquarters in Hong Kong to face trial, and his wife, who shall remain anonymous, will be escorted to a safe haven for victims of illegal trafficking. If you feel that someone may be a victim of trafficking, do not hesitate to speak up. Contact the…”_

Relief swelled up in Senna’s heart and the overwhelming emotion she felt now that the girl was safe from that bastard had her smiling like an idiot. The girl was safe, and while there’d be no telling how long it’d take for her to recover, her chances of living were significantly higher now that she was a free woman.

Senna looked around the pool deck with a smile on her face, the crowds suddenly becoming less intimidating. Free… she was a free girl herself. Free to choose however she wanted to live her life. While she now realized her actions were far less than conventional, the gamble paid off. She saved a life, and her soul was filled with pride knowing that the girl would have the opportunity for a clean slate.

Kai Leng sat next to her again, offering her a bottle of beer. “Here.” With a mischievous grin, she ignored the beer and took Kai Leng’s wrist, abruptly standing up and bringing him with her. “What are you doing?”

“Let’s jump in.” Senna nodded toward the pool. Kai Leng raised an eyebrow. “You can’t swim with that on.” He gestured toward her cast.

“That’s what the shallow end is for. Come on, you’re supposed to be the smart one!” Senna teased, dragging Kai Leng toward the pool. With her mood lifted, she laughed as she jumped in the pool with a whooping cry.

“Hell, yeah, Curly Top!” Shelby cheered from the DJ booth where he was hyping up the crowd on the dancefloor. “Let your hair down and get wet and wild! Live it up!”

Senna laughed cheerfully, shoving water toward Kai Leng, who finally acted his age and let out a burst of juvenile laughter as he vigorously splashed her back. Strobe lights flashed the deck as everyone cheered, danced, and kissed as they partied, the burden of the world outside nonexistent. “Everybody make some noise!” The DJ shouted over the speaker. Senna and Kai Leng cheered loudly, along with everyone who let all their inhibitions out.

There was no telling what tomorrow would bring, but tonight, she felt free.

Free… it was her favorite word right now. Kai Leng splashed her face this time, and she laughed as she splashed him right back. Killian eventually joined them with beers and a soda for Kai Leng, and they all drank happily as they danced. She pictured that girl getting the treatment she needed to start over and live a better life. With any luck, she would get a counselor as wonderful as Dr. Hawthorne, a guardian like Anderson, and a friend like Kaidan. Pride swelled up in her once more, knowing she made a difference in someone’s life.

For her, tonight was more than a party. It was a celebration.

-X-

Kaidan let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Senna finally came back to his apartment that night. He was about to ask her where she had been, but the question never made it out due to the… distraction in front of him. Senna shivered as she hurried inside, her skin a little damp. She wore a yellow swimdress that not only complimented her skin but also revealed her lithe legs. Droplets of water clung to her skin and hair, where the latter was loose and damp as well. A few droplets slid down her arms, her neck, and slowly slid down her chest. Kaidan swallowed the lump in his throat, the image of her in his dreams taking over his mind. Forcing his lust away, he quickly grabbed a towel from his linen closet and offered it to Senna. She muttered her thanks, focusing on getting her shoes off. “Where were you?” Kaidan asked.

“At a pool party. A friend of mine invited me.” Oh, yeah. Kaidan forgot all about Shelby’s party and the invitation he extended to him. With any luck, he wouldn’t bump into him anytime soon and listen to Shelby kick his ass for his absence. “It’s still cold out there, you should’ve brought a sweater. Or at least some pants.”

“I did, but they got soaked when I got thrown into the pool while I was leaving. My friend’s idea of a ‘biotic comradery initiation’. In other words, he was wasted.” She held up her soaked clothes in her hand as evidence, and Kaidan took them to toss them in the washing machine. She said her thanks again and trotted into the living room. She dried herself off with the towel, and he quickly looked away when she bent over to dry her legs.

“No one gave you any trouble, did they?” Shelby was known to be a flirt with any pretty girl, and despite his disinterest, he would have made a pass at Senna one way or another.

“Not at all.”

Kaidan nodded. “Did you have fun?”

“I did. It was my first social outing in a long time. Things got pretty crazy, but that was the best part of it, honestly.”

Kaidan’s heart fluttered when he heard her giggle from behind him. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.” There was a long pause before she spoke up again.

“It was you, wasn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“Did you call in the anonymous tip on that batarian?”

“... yes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t really know.”

“Yes, you do.”

“... if she really was in danger, then I thought it would only be right to do my part and make sure she gets the help she deserves. No one in this galaxy deserves to go through what she endured… or you. Besides, I had nothing to lose by calling, and it looks like you were right after all, judging from the news reports.”

“Cut the crap, Kaidan. Why did you _really_ do it?”

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess it was my way of apologizing. For doubting you, for questioning your motives and your character. I got so caught up in trying to warn you to not end up like me, my temper got the better of me and I ended up getting carried away.”

“What do you mean, like you?”

“Erm…” Shit. “It’s a long story. I don’t wanna bore you with the details, so let’s just drop it.”

He heard her scoff. “Figures.”

“Excuse me?”

“I thought we were friends, best friends even, but it’s starting to occur to me that I’m the only one who thinks that.”

Kaidan frowned and turned to face her. “We are friends, Senna. What makes you think it isn’t mutual?”

“Even before we fought, you’ve been pushing me away or keeping me at arm’s length. I don’t expect you to tell me all your secrets, but I thought we were closer than that. I thought we… had a bond.”

“We do, Senna. We have a bigger bond than you realize.” Kaidan sat next to her on the couch, not liking where the conversation was going.

“Then maybe I don’t realize it because you don’t let me see it. One minute we’re close, the next you treat me like a stranger, and I can’t handle that confusion, not with everything I’m already going through.” Senna didn’t look him in the eye, and she bit her lip before she stood up. “Thank you for letting me stay here, but it’s obvious you need your space, so I’ll be going back home tomorrow morning… good night, Kaidan.”

Kaidan remained silent as he watched her retreat into his bedroom, guilt washing over him. He sank further into the couch, palming his forehead in defeat. She was right. She was completely right. Lately, his mood had been sour for a reason, but he didn’t mean to take it out on her. The worst part was, she thought it was her fault when it was in fact the opposite. He cared for Senna a great deal, and unlike with Rahna, he wasn’t going to let her walk away due to his stupidity. He was going to mend their friendship the only way he knew how.

An hour went by, and Senna emerged from his bedroom wearing black sweatpants and one of his shirts that were too big for her, and she was drying her hair with a towel. “Senna. Do you have a minute to talk?”

Senna looked at him hesitantly but still nodded as she sat on the couch. “What is it?”

Kaidan’s heart raced, fearing what she would think of him after he told the truth. He didn’t want to lose her, but keeping a huge part of him locked away from her didn’t help either. “You were right when you said I was keeping a distance, but it wasn’t because of you. Believe it or not, I’ve got baggage of my own I’m still dealing with.”

“I figured you weren’t seeing Dr. Hawthorne out of boredom.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, hh, there’s a reason I’ve been seeing him. Three years ago, I did something I’ll never be able to take back, and it’s been haunting me ever since. Honestly, I-I’m afraid that if I tell you, you won’t look at me the same way again.”

“Kaidan… how bad could it be?” “Terrible, actually.” She looked at him suspiciously, and Kaidan took a deep breath and looked at her with a steady gaze, and it all came out.

Kaidan told Senna everything. About his L2s and how suspicious men in suits ‘recruited’ him to BAat one day after school, and what life was like out at Jump Zero. He described the harsh training he and his friends endured, and how some of the kids there either snapped or flat out died. He provided details about Conatix, Commander Vyrnnus, and the tight circle he had with his friends. He even mentioned Rahna… how they were dorm buddies the first time they met, and how she was so meek and afraid to speak with anyone, let alone him. It took a month for her to get used to a male roommate, and they eventually became friends, then soon after she was his first love.

“Sounds like you really loved her,” Senna mumbled, an unreadable expression on her face. Kaidan nodded, reminiscing about Rahna once more. “What happened?”

Pain reflected on Kaidan’s face, and it must have been obvious because Senna squeezed his hand in comfort. He gave a grateful smile and proceeded to explain Rahna’s timidity, and how terrified she was of Vyrnnus. Kaidan made it his duty to protect her from the turian, and it worked for a while until…

“...she just wanted a glass of water without getting a nosebleed, and he broke her arm for it!” Kaidan could feel the fury burning up inside him, and he clenched his jaw to keep it in check. “I snapped, Senna, I just snapped. I stood up to face Vyrnnus. It was an idiotic move, and I had no clue what I was going to do…” Kaidan buried his face in his hands. “One thing led to another and then…”

“Then…?”

Kaidan gritted his teeth, Vyrnnus’ fresh blue blood on his hands still a graphic image in his mind. “He hurt her, Senna. He deliberately hurt her, and all I felt was rage. When I stood up, he challenged me, beat the crap out of me, mocked me even, and it provoked me into fighting him. I didn’t realize it then, but we fought to the death. He managed to cut me with a military-issued talon, right on my ribcage, and I retaliated by… by…

I killed him. It was a biotic infused kick. I didn’t mean to do it, but maybe I did. The intent was clearly there. I thought I was going to break a bone, and technically I did. The kick was too powerful and it snapped his neck. I felt his bone crunch and he died immediately. I… murdered him.” Kaidan’s hands shook with regret, and he looked away in shame, feeling like a monster all over again. “After that, Rahna was afraid of me as much as she was of Vyrnnus, and she never wanted to speak to nor see me again.” Kaidan sighed as he held Senna’s hand, desperate for her to understand where he was coming from.

“Senna, when I saw that camera feed of you and Balak, I saw the same rage I saw in myself, and that’s why I was so hard on you. I also realized I was projecting my own issues onto you, and I apologize for that, but believe me when I tell you, if you had gone all the way and killed him, you wouldn’t be the same person after that. Making a grave mistake like that changes you, but I had no right to doubt your instincts, so I wanted to make it up to you by calling in that tip, if that’s enough for you to forgive me.” Saying all he needed to say, he risked a glance at Senna, expecting her to be disgusted for being friends with a killer, but she betrayed no emotion, and her silence made him even more nervous.

“Kaidan…” she whispered, as it all sank in. “... I’m sorry you had to go through that. You were forced into a situation that was out of your control because you wanted to defend Rahna. It was an honorable thing for you to do.”

“I… maybe, yeah, but the point I'm trying to make is the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I lost control of myself, and ultimately someone paid for it. Someone could have saved him if they got him to an infirmary in time, but they didn’t… his blood is on my hands, and that will forever be a part of me. I’m a killer, Senna, point-blank. It made me a monster.”

Senna looked away, not responding to him, and Kaidan was worried that he may have scared her away for good. She let go of his hand to hug her knees and the color drained from his face. Minutes went by with neither of them speaking, and those minutes turned into an hour. Kaidan’s heart raced and the lump in his throat grew in size. Senna opened her mouth to speak at last, and he anticipated her rejection.

“My dad always told me that while actions speak louder than words, a person’s character shines brighter than the role they play.” Senna turned to face him, and she gave him a comforting smile as she scooted closer to him. “A man can be the most beloved father and husband in the neighborhood, but his role means nothing when he moonlights as a serial killer.”

Kaidan’s brows furrowed. “I… I don’t get it.”

“You were defending someone you care about, and Vyrnnus’ cruelty forced you to finally fight back and stand up for what’s right. Mistakes were made, and yes, you made a grave one. Those were your actions, but your character defines you as someone who is a shield to those special to you. I see you struggling with yourself whenever we’re together, but now that I know the reason why, you’re only learning from your mistakes which shows you have integrity, and it only proves that you’re not a monster.”

“Hh, what does it make me then?”

Senna gave him her trademark mischievous grin. “Human.”

She said it like it was the most obvious answer in the world, but at that moment, Kaidan stared at her in amazement, warmth spreading through the cold void that left a hole in his heart three years ago. Emotion welled up inside him, not expecting her to give such a flippant response. Here he was trying to give her advice, but instead she flipped the script and made him feel better than he did in years.

“I… I really don’t know what to say, Senna,” Kaidan looked away, a tear of relief at the corner of his eye. “Hh, I never thought of it that way, and I certainly wouldn’t have pegged it as simply human behavior.”

“I mean it, Kaidan, and you were right too. After thinking about it, I realized you were right, as much as I didn’t want to admit it. Someone could have been hurt that night, all because I didn’t think it through and acted recklessly. It was a dumb move, and I should’ve been more careful.”

“The purpose of me telling you that wasn’t to tear you down, and I hope you know that. When someone is special to you, you want to help them and keep them from making mistakes as much as you can.”

“‘Special’, huh?” Senna grinned teasingly.

Kaidan rubbed his neck and laughed, a bashful blush gracing his cheeks. “Well, you are. I mean since you’re my best friend and all! Heh, I want to watch your back, you know? After what I did to Vyrnnus, telling you not to go down that slippery slope is the least I can do.”

Senna smiled wide, lunging forward and embracing him in a hug. He fell back on the couch and laughed, and returned her hug. “Thank you, Kaidan. For trusting me with your story, and for… telling it like it is and being honest with me,” she whispered.

“Of course, and I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.”

“Consider it water under the bridge.”

Kaidan chuckled. “Deal.”

“Although…” she broke the hug and leaned back to raise an eyebrow at him, and he immediately missed her warmth. “That doesn’t explain why you were hot and cold with me.”

“Ah.” Kaidan rubbed his neck. “Last week was the… ‘anniversary’ of Vyrnnus’ death. During that period, I tend to get withdrawn when I think about the things I lost that day.”

Senna nodded in understanding. “Guess we’re both on a journey of our own. But we’re in this together.” Kaidan gave her a lopsided smile. “Yes, we are.” He took her hand in his, gently squeezing it as his biotics encased their joined hands.

“Not gonna lie, I missed this.” Senna smiled, and their hands were encased in the warmth of Kaidan’s dark energy, the breakthrough in their friendship filling Kaidan with a new sense of hope.

-X-

The next couple of months were busy for them both, but Kaidan and Senna fell into a comfortable routine that made it seem like she lived with him all his life. Their schedules were mostly synced. Most nights he cooked for them, and one night Senna attempted to earn her keep and make a meal for them both. Kaidan remained on cooking and cleaning duty and relegated her to laundry after that, but made for a funny story, and Kaidan found himself smiling and laughing with her more and more each day. The Senna who was living with him now was a stark contrast to the fearful girl he met almost a year ago, and it was a pleasant surprise to find out she had a sharp tongue and had her childish side, yet she was wise beyond her years.

Initially, he was afraid his physical desire for her would hinder their living arrangement, but she made it look so easy to brighten the atmosphere and make him smile, that he would simply yearn for her company, which made his heart flutter just as equally. Work was busy, and his migraines would torture him at the end of the day, but everytime he came home there was a glass of water with a couple of painkillers on the bar top counter waiting for him. He forgot to take them one day, and the next day there was a sticky note attached to the glass with several exclamation marks on it.

Senna would typically leave for her biotic training before he was awake, but he made sure to pick her up from the facility or walk home together if her training conclusion coincided with the end of his session with Dr. Hawthorne.

"I'm getting better at my Pull," she said one evening while they were hanging out on his balcony, eating pizza and drinking lager.

"Pull can be tricky if you don't properly generate a mass-lowering field." Kaidan sipped his lager.

"Chances are my field is too weak because everytime I pull the target toward me it'll levitate for a second then the field drops."

"A second is all you need sometimes, so that's pretty impressive! If you want, I can help you with how to control your Pull and even a Throw. Granted, my skills aren’t perfect themselves, but I’m confident enough to teach you a thing or two.” Senna turned him, a string of cheese hanging from her lips. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, we can do it on weekends if you want.”

“That’d be awesome. Thanks!” Kaidan let out a snort and handed Senna a napkin. She turned away embarrassed and wiped the cheese from her mouth. “T-thanks…”

Kaidan watched her with a fond smile, the Spring breeze providing a comfortable chill. He sat back in his chair and relaxed, watching the sun disappear over the horizon. His omni-tool bleeped, and he frowned.

“Something wrong?”

“Someone’s here, but I wasn’t expecting my parents to visit today.” Worried it was an emergency, Kaidan stood from his chair and jogged to unlock the door to his apartment. Confusion spread on his features when he saw it wasn’t his parents. “May I help you, sir?”

“Are you Kaidan Alenko?” the stranger asked. His uniform indicated he was an Alliance soldier, and he looked strangely familiar but Kaidan couldn’t place it. Maybe it was the lager fogging up his brain, but he’d seen him on the vids several times yet his name escaped him at the moment.

“Yes, sir, I am.”

“May I come in.” The sharp tone in his voice indicated it wasn’t a suggestion.

“O-of course! Please.” Kaidan stepped aside and allowed the office to enter.

“Anderson?” Senna asked with wide eyes as she entered the living room from the balcony. “What are you doing here?”

“General Alenko contacted me regarding your whereabouts, and I came as soon as my mission ended. What the _hell_ were you thinking, Shepard, attacking a batarian like that?!” The man took a look at her attire, and he immediately turned to Kaidan with a scowl that could have burned a hole in his head.

Anderson… Kaidan felt the floor disappear from underneath him as he instantly sobered up. Lieutenant David Anderson, XO of the SSV _Hastings_ , a man Kaidan’s father greatly respected and someone Kaidan admired. He survived the First Contact War and was deemed a hero, a man who earned the reputation of being fair, but knowing when to crack a whip if needed. The man was legendary and he was standing in his living room!

… and he was Senna’s guardian.

Kaidan’s gaze darted at Senna’s clothes. She was wearing his _Battlestar Galactica_ t-shirt and basketball shorts. In his apartment. Where it was just the two of them. The lightbulb went off in his head. Kaidan fearfully glanced at Anderson whose hazel brown eyes were ignited with paternal rage, and he was _not_ happy.

 _Fuck_.

Yup. He was _so_ dead.


	6. Episode 5

Lieutenant Anderson privately spoke to Senna outside on the balcony. Their conversation seemed far less strained than Kaidan anticipated. They were both calm during their discussion, and he didn’t know how to interpret that which was a little terrifying. The last thing he wanted was to give Anderson the wrong idea about his relationship with Senna and suffer a painful death, or worse, never see her again. His heart ached at the prospect. He patiently waited in his kitchen while glancing at the two of them from time to time while pretending to clean his stovetop. Eventually, Senna was the first to come back inside, with Anderson right behind her.

“In the brief panic of my concern for Senna’s welfare, I neglected to introduce myself,” Anderson said. He was in a much more amicable state than when he first walked in his apartment. 

“No apology is necessary, sir. I completely understand your concerns, and I can promise you that absolutely nothing happened between Senna and me. She’s my best friend and I respect her as a person. I care for her a great deal, and I wouldn’t dare take any indecent actions against her regardless.”

“Relax, son, this isn’t an interrogation.” Despite the slight edge in his voice, Anderson’s posture was relaxed, but not slacken. “Lieutenant David Anderson,” he introduced, “and I want to personally thank you for looking after Shepard while I was away for so long. She just told me you were a good friend to her in more ways than one. Given past events, I apologize for any trouble she might have caused you.”

Kaidan saluted. “It was no problem at all, sir. We both had quite a learning experience we both grew from.” He glanced at Senna who smiled at him. “I’m just happy I could help.” 

“Not many men act with integrity these days, and I’m glad Shepard has a friend who looks after her without asking for anything in return.” Anderson extended his hand toward Kaidan and he returned the handshake. Anderson’s grip was firm, almost crushing, sending his message loud and clear. He cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling scrutinized under the heat of Anderson’s pointed gaze, but they both nodded in understanding. 

“Once again, thank you for your assistance, but I’m afraid we have to get going now. Shepard, I’ll give you a moment to gather your things. We’ll talk more when we get back home.”

Senna nodded. “Yes, sir.” Once Anderson stepped out of the apartment, she turned to Kaidan. “Sorry about that. I didn’t know he was coming back into town.”

“He was just worried about you. I get that.” Senna nodded and quickly packed up her things. Once finished, she gave Kaidan a quick hug. “Seriously though, thanks for looking out for me.”

“Anytime… Shepard.” Kaidan grinned playfully. Senna rolled her eyes but laughed in jest. 

“Don’t miss me too much.”

“I’ll try. But uh, we’ve known each other for a while now. Is it alright if I take your contact information? You know, in case of an emergency,” Kaidan rushed to add.

“Sure, gives me an excuse to use my omni-tool that’s currently collecting cobwebs.” They linked their omni-tools, and Senna adjusted the duffle bag on her shoulders. “Need help with that?” Kaidan offered. 

“You’re such a gentleman. I miss you already.”

“Pardon me for working overtime to make sure chivalry isn’t dead.”

“My, aren’t you sensitive?” Kaidan snorted, looking away and hiding his blush. Senna giggled. “I’m messing with you, K… can I call you ‘K’?”

“No.”

“Okay okay, no need to be sensitive.” 

“Or…” Kaidan turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “You’re being an ass.”

“Ouch! See what I mean? Sensitive!”

“Think of me as the yin to your yang.”

“Are you saying I’m callous, Alenko?”

“What? N-no! That’s not what I…” Kaidan stopped when Senna laughed at him. With a feline grin, she playfully punched him in the shoulder. “Hey!”

“You gotta learn how to take a joke. By the way, should I give these back to you now or…” She gestured at his basketball shorts and _Battlestar Galactica_ shirt she was still wearing. “Don’t worry about it. Just get it back to me when you can.” Senna nodded. She looked toward the door. “I should go. Don’t wanna keep Anderson waiting.”

“Yeah.” With one last hug, Senna left Kaidan’s apartment with Anderson. Solitude taking over his apartment, Kaidan sighed and went back to his balcony to finish their pizza alone. 

-X-

“Don’t think you’re off the hook, Shepard. We still need to talk about what you did. Get washed up and be back down here in an hour.” With finality, Anderson disappeared into his office, leaving Senna alone in their living room. Heading upstairs to the bathroom, Senna turned on the shower and stripped in the bathroom. Thoughts of Kaidan and his strong arms when he hugged her goodbye had her heart beating like crazy, but not wanting to keep Anderson waiting, she quickly took her shower and changed into her pajamas. Anderson was waiting for her in the living room, patiently waiting with his legs crossed, and he patted the spot next to him on the couch, beckoning her to sit next to him. Senna obediently did so, and Anderson didn’t waste time getting to the point.

“You had me worried when General Alenko called me.” His voice was calm, but his eyes betrayed the passion in his voice.

“Yes, sir. I’m really sorry for what I did.”

“It’s not just what you did, Shepard. In fact, I was impressed you managed to hold your own against that batarian. But on top of the fact you did it without any form of protection or backup, I saw the camera feed General Alenko sent me, and I was a little disturbed by how much anger you have harbored in you. You almost killed him, you know that, right?”

Senna looked away, once again feeling guilty. “I-I know, and I shouldn’t have done that. When I think about the possibility that I could’ve killed him with my own hands, it frightens me. Murder was not my intention, Anderson, I swear.”

“I know, Shepard, and after reading the full news story I understand why you did it,” Anderson placed a hand on her shoulder, “because of you that girl now has the chance to follow in your steps. Become a new person and grow from her trauma, but you also need to know that if you don’t find an outlet, you’ll lose yourself in your rage, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“Yes sir, I understand.” Anderson released his hold on her shoulder and nodded with finality. “There’s a couple of recreational centers that offer self-defense, martial arts, and kickboxing classes. Why don’t you take the time to explore one of them, see what they have to offer and if they interest you any.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“That’s all I ask.” Anderson leaned back against the couch and raised an eyebrow. “Now, about that boy…”

Senna groaned. “I knew it you were going to mention him,” she said with exasperated dread.

“He seems nice enough. Good head on his shoulders. You’re certain he didn’t try anything funny?”

“One-hundred percent positive. Kaidan’s a good guy, he was nothing but polite and accommodating the whole time I was there. You know the alarm bells go off in my head when I’m uncomfortable around someone. Kaidan’s the opposite. He’s a genuine person. And really sweet, and protective, and caring too.” Senna dreamily smiled, her heart fluttering.

“Mm.” Anderson rubbed his chin. “As long as he isn’t _too_ accommodating. I don’t mind you being friends with him, but he’s still a man. I highly suggest using caution when spending time together.”

“Sure thing, Grandpa.” Senna nudged him in his ribs, and Anderson gawked at her. 

“Grandpa? I’m not even old enough for that. You will call me no such thing.” Senna giggled. “Now come, it’s your turn to cook dinner tonight.”

“Erm, you know I’m not the best cook, Anderson. I almost burned Kaidan’s kitchen down the other day from trying to make rice.”

“Then it’s high time I teach you. I leave tonight for another assignment, so you’ll need to learn the basic survival skills. Come.”

Senna grinned, following Anderson into the kitchen for her first culinary lesson.

-X-

 _KAlenko: I didn’t get you into too much trouble, did I?_ Senna initially jumped when her omni-tool bleeped, but when she read Kaidan’s message, she smiled like a schoolgirl in love, much to her embarrassment.

_SShepard: don’t worry we just talked. he likes you, so don’t worry_

_KAlenko: Good. Although you could’ve at least warned me Anderson was your guardian. I nearly shit on myself!_

_SShepard: sorry_

_KAlenko: No you’re not._

_SShepard: you know me so well ;)_

_KAlenko: Lol. Good night Senna._

_SShepard: night, Kaidan_

Their email conversation left her feeling excited. It was the first time they virtually communicated, and Senna felt like he was closer to her than ever. Rather than bumping into each other or meeting up, she now had the means to contact him at any given time. 

Glancing out the window and toward the night sky, she already missed the scent of his blankets that lulled her to sleep every night for the past couple of months. She held her tiger’s eye necklace between two fingers and thought about her time spent with Kaidan. The tide in their friendship turned for the better once Kaidan told her about his past, and since then she noticed he was not only more open with her, but he also was far more relaxed whenever they hung out together – which was every day. Not once did she get bored with him, even when they spent most nights staying in watching movies and eating popcorn – in fact, that was when she felt the most secure around him. Due to his migraines, Kaidan was mostly averse toward crowds and preferred to be in small groups or fly solo, which worked for her perfectly. Senna also learned about the little details that made Kaidan Alenko who he was. For example, he was allergic to cats but still found them adorable. She would sometimes catch him watching cute videos on the extranet which she found incredibly adorable. She also learned that despite the cool exterior he tried so hard to display, he was a very passionate man, which he often stifled. Because of that, Senna developed the habit of shamelessly teasing him in order to get him to bring out his true side. But it was never in spite, in fact, he was no pushover and would tease her right back. Their friendly banter and the way they meshed well in a conversation had Senna feeling more affection for him each day. Whenever she had the occasional nightmare, he would make her a cup of tea to soothe her nerves, and when one day she mentioned she loved hot chocolate while they randomly discussed their favorite holiday drinks, he switched her comfort beverage from tea to hot chocolate without complaint. Kaidan made her feel safe, and he was a man who respected her, was there for her from day one, and was someone she could always count on to be a true friend without any doubt. He was the definition of a boy-next-door and she thought it was very endearing. 

And then there was the not-so-wholesome way she felt about him.

Ever since that night in front of Anderson’s apartment, the stare Kaidan gave her was so full of heat and passion, it was seared in her mind ever since. The way his honey-brown eyes penetrated her soul had her wanting him to penetrate her elsewhere. She was a virgin, she wasn’t ashamed about that, but she was no nun. While she didn’t know what sex felt like, there were times back on Mindoir when she was curious enough to wonder how it would feel to be in the arms of the man she loved. She had her first kiss with one of the farmer’s sons when she was fourteen. He confessed he had a crush on her despite her biotics, and she was just happy someone found her attractive enough to ignore her ‘handicap’ and ask her out. Their dates consisted of them sneaking around the outskirts of the colony so no one knew they were going out, and the kiss was awkward and a little sloppy, but once his father found out about them, Senna never spoke to the boy again. After that, no one bothered to want to get to know her, but she didn’t care at the time. No one else caught her attention, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t curious. The novels her pre-fab buddy lent her allowed her to use her imagination, however limited it was. 

With Kaidan, the lust hit her out of the blue. From the first day she met him, she thought he was a kind man. Then as she got to know him, she thought he was good-looking, and as she slowly adapted to her acquaintance with him it became easier to transition into his friend. But now it felt like her hormones were raging within her everytime he was in her presence. She played it cool – at least she hoped so – and kept them in check whenever they were together, especially since he wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend. Anytime they drank beers and he got a little drunk, he would go on about how she broke his heart when he thought she was the one he was going to marry. Senna didn’t like the small pang in her chest whenever Rahna was mentioned, so she ignored it, but it was a sign she needed to get it together and keep up their platonic relationship. She had a good thing with Kaidan, and she didn’t want to lose it over petty jealousy. It was easier said than done when his handsome face was hard to push from her mind, and his smile and beautiful eyes that were both sensual and gentlemanly. Sometimes she would catch a whiff of his sandalwood and spice scent each time he finished his shower and they watched TV together afterward. He was polite enough to let her sleep in his room while he slept on the couch, and each night his scent that was on his pillow and sheets embraced her, and she imagined it was his arms that were wrapped around her, holding her protectively as she dozed off into slumber. There were also some nights when she imagined beyond that. She pictured his hands caressing her arms, comforting her before they began to roam her body, from her arms, down her chest, over her breasts before he cupped them and gently kneaded them. She would moan and ask for more, and he would kiss her neck before his other hand would slide further down, leaving a trail of heat as she gasped in need, ready for him to explore every inch of her. He would go lower and lower, until his hand reached her nether region, his fingers lovingly caressing her folds that slickened in response to his touch. He’d continue to tease her until she begged him to truly touch her, and he would give her that charming smile of his before he’d slowly insert a finger inside her…

Senna’s lips were parted, her breathing was labored as her imagination took her further. She let out a whimper but hushed herself, careful not to make any noise that would wake Anderson up. She bit her lip to keep her voice down, and she closed her eyes, letting Kaidan continue with his ministrations to pleasure her. She slid her hand underneath her shirt. She kneaded her breast before she pinched her nipple, her other hand sliding down her sweatpants and underneath her panties. Her breath came out in ragged pants as she rubbed herself, finding out what made her body tick. Once she was wet enough, her finger slipped in effortlessly, and she bit on her lip to suppress another pleasured whimper. She spent all night experimenting with her body for the first time, and she pictured Kaidan touching her like the gentle lover she imagined he was, ever so softly, and ever so sweetly. Her stifled moans and sharp intake of breaths eventually leading her to a hushed climax only he was allowed to give her. 

-X-

Senna and the others were in the training dome, practicing their Pull and Throw. She was proud to say that she learned those two techniques at a faster pace than her Barrier, and she learned it quicker than Killian and Kai Leng. She earned her bragging rights and would boast about it to the boys, who only rolled their eyes and gave her the finger in response. 

“Man, I’m getting good at this! What’s going on guys? I thought it was age before beauty, not the other way around.” Senna smirked at Killian and Shelby, feeling victorious as she earned another point for successfully completing a Pull and Throw combination. 

“Gimme a minute. We’ve been going at this all day.” Killian put his hands on his knees, taking a minute to catch his breath. Kai Leng handed him a cup of water, and Killian said his thanks. Grabbing a water from the dispenser, Senna handed one to Shelby. “Here you go.”

Shelby didn’t respond, however, and was sweating bullets. “Shelby? You okay?” He rapidly shook his head, taking short breaths before grunting. “Shelby, what’s going on? Talk to me.” His head was hung, and Senna kneeled in front of him. “Hey, what’s going on? Everything alright?” She gasped when he choked in pain before his entire body convulsed, shaking violently as his nose bled profusely. His eyes rolled to the back of his head before he lost consciousness and fell forward. Senna caught him and Kai Leng rushed over to help hold Shelby’s weight up. 

“Help! Someone help!” Killian shouted in panic. Senna gently Shelby’s shoulders. “No, no, no! This can’t happen to you Shelby! We were doing so well! Come on!”

“C’mon bro, wake up. We’ve gotten way too far to give out now,” Killian begged. Kai Leng stayed quiet, but anxiety and worry were written all over his face.

“Out of the way,” T’Renli’s commanding voice ordered. They backed away quickly to give her room, and she examined Shelby’s body. As usual, she looked up at the one-way mirror at the top, nodding to the enigmatic observer on the other side. A few minutes later the same medics rushed in, picking Shelby up and carefully placing him on the gurney. Senna, Killian, and Kai Leng watched them carry Shelby out of the dome and into the elevator. 

“Alright, he’s gone. Show’s over. Get back to training!” T’Renli boomed, the other students scrambling back to their groups. With one guy missing from their group, the three continued training, the jovial atmosphere replaced by sorrow.

-X-

“I’m glad we had time to do this, Shepard. We haven’t had the chance to spend time together as much as we could lately with my missions getting more demanding,” Anderson said, nodding his thanks when the waiter seated them at their table. Senna took a look at the upscale sushi restaurant, the zen music playing in the background. It was a lovely restaurant, and Anderson was right. They barely had time to spend quality time face-to-face, let alone outside their apartment, and tonight was the perfect night to talk to him.

“Why did you get us a table in the back?” 

Anderson looked at her, a little puzzled. “I figured that’s what you’d prefer, given your aversion to crowds. Did I guess wrong?”

“No,” Senna rushed to say, “I was just surprised. Thank you for that.” Anderson smiled fondly. “You’re welcome.” The dinner was lovely, and Senna and Anderson were spending the evening drinking sake and catching up on current events. 

“You’ll graduate from your training in the fall. Are you excited?” Anderson asked while they drank their third round of sake. 

“Not gonna lie, it was difficult at first, but I made a few friends, and we kind of created our own circle and became each other’s support system.” Senna laughed to herself. “They approached me out of nowhere when we first met and they scared the hell out of me. But they’re good guys. One of my friends, Kai Leng, bragged about how he was going to enlist in the Alliance and become an Admiral in less than five years. He can be a little snot, but he’s become the little brother of the group. My other friend, Killian, said he plans to go into Sentinel training. His parents were Alliance marines before they were both killed in action by a pirate ambush while they were investigating a distress signal. Said he wants to follow in their footsteps and make them proud.” 

“And yourself?” 

Senna rubbed her wrist, looking at Anderson with a sheepish smile. “The Vanguard class looks like it’s suitable for my taste, but my decision isn’t set in stone yet.” She rolled her eyes at Anderson who didn’t bother to hide the smirk on his face. “Don’t get too excited now! I can still change my mind between now and then.”

“The fact you’re considering it is a monumental step from where you were last year, but ultimately it’s your decision. I won’t force you to join the Alliance, you know.”

“I know, and I appreciate that.” Senna smiled, grateful for everything he did for her. Even though his missions kept him away from home more often than not, he never failed to check in on her and give her the parental support she needed. 

“When you graduate with your friends, you should celebrate with them for working together and forming a bond between you all.”

Senna’s face fell a little. “Well, not all of us…” Anderson frowned. “Is something wrong?” he asked concerned.

“There’s another friend of mine who was in our group. Marcelo Shelby. He was the big brother figure. He was an L2, but he risked his life getting his implant replaced by an L3. He sort of had an accident a couple of weeks ago.”

“Is he alright? Nothing too serious I hope?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t have a clue as to whether he is or not. It’s become an established routine for something like this to affect someone and then they suddenly disappear.”

“What do you mean by ‘affect’?”

Crap. She didn’t want to get into that depressing part of the training. “It’s nothing. We’re having a good evening and I don’t wanna spoil that, so don’t worry about it.”

“Shepard.”

Senna chewed her lip. There was no getting out of this one. She spoke in a hushed tone, careful not to let anyone hear her. “Ever since we received our L3 implants, my classmates have had seizures and suddenly pass out afterward. It’s become a routine at this point. They’ll get taken to the med bay, but when we arrive at training the next day, there’s a whole new student there to replace them. My friends and I came up with the theory that the L3s are behind the seizures. We don’t have proof, but it’s too much of a coincidence to avoid. And the students who passed out? We never saw them again. Anytime a student asks, T’Renli just says they dropped out and won’t give any further detail.”

“That’s concerning, especially if the L3s are indeed the cause of the seizures.”

“It is, and now that Shelby’s been affected too, we haven’t been able to get a hold of him. We contacted his sister, but she didn’t even know about the accident.”

“I’m sorry for your friend, Shepard, but unfortunately given my restricted access to the project, I’m afraid I don’t have any jurisdiction to investigate your claim against the L3s, let alone have someone check on your friend.”

“What about Hackett? Is there anything he can do?”

“As far as I can tell, no. His sole responsibility is the recruitment of any potential biotics, and to oversee all surgical procedures for the new implants.” Senna’s expression darkened a little, which didn’t go unnoticed by Anderson. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to be explicit with the details.”

“No, it’s fine. I appreciate your honesty.”

“But it doesn’t make it sound any better.”

“No, not really.” Senna sighed, running a hand through her thick, curly hair. The desperation was evident in her eyes. “Are you sure there’s nothing you can do? He’s the brash type, but he comes by it honestly, and he’s always had our backs. The least I can do to pay him back is get him any help he can get without facing expulsion from training. I can’t sit here and enjoy sushi while he’s possibly suffering.”

Anderson leaned forward, folding his fingers together, thinking of any options. “It’s a long shot, but there’s a doctor at the facility I used to serve with. She transferred here from the SSV _Hastings_ a couple of years ago. Chances are the confidentiality of the project won’t get me any leads about the implants, but I’ll reach out to her. Tell her to look after your friend. She’s a brilliant doctor and has studied the nature of biotics extensively. I trust her with my life. If anyone can help your friend, it’s her.”

Senna sighed in relief, leaning forward to hug Anderson. “If you trust her, then so do I. This means a lot to me, Anderson. Thank you so much.”

“That’s what I’m here for, Shepard.” She broke their hug, and she enjoyed the rest of the evening with Anderson, taking advantage of their bonding dinner. 

-X-

Senna wasted no time hugging Kaidan when they met up for the first time in weeks. “Long time no see.” 

“I know. It’s been a while! Work’s been keeping me busy and all, and my mom recently had surgery, but I’m glad I got to see you.” Kaidan grinned while he embraced her and Senna smiled dreamily. She missed the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around her waist. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and they both pulled away when the hug lasted a second longer than it should have.

“Thanks for coming to the recreational center with me. It’s not as fun working out alone.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever been there myself, but if it’s an excuse to spend time with you, why not?” 

Senna smiled, happy that he was eager to be with her. It filled her heart with hope that the attraction between them was mutual. “How’s your mom doing? She's not seriously hurt, is she?”

“Lower back surgery, nothing too serious. Mom’s a strong woman, so she’ll make a speedy recovery.”

“That’s great!” Senna gestured toward the recreation center. “Well, shall we?” Kaidan opened the door for her to go in. “After you, milady.” “Why thank you, milord.” She dipped in a curtsy and he raised an eyebrow.

They both laughed, and the receptionist greeted them upon entry. “Is there anything in particular you prefer?” Kaidan asked.

“The martial arts classes are my favorite, but they were full today. The running track is fun, and the rock-climbing wall too.”

Kaidan chuckled. “Were you always the athletic type?”

“More like the type who couldn’t sit still for a long period of time, to put it more accurately. It didn’t matter what I was doing as long as I stayed on my feet. I’ve been feeling a little stagnant lately and I wanna work on that.”

“So you called me up to force me to try to kill myself. My legs are weeping already.” 

“Ha! It beats sitting in your apartment all day. We didn’t go out much the whole time I stayed with you. You need a change of routine.”

“Fair point, but walking around the mall would’ve sufficed too.” Senna raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying you’re not up for it?” she challenged, a smirk etching on her lips. 

“Hh, no, but it has been a while since I’ve been to a place like this.” Kaidan rubbed his neck, and Senna grabbed his hand, pulling him along. “Now’s as good a time as any. Let’s go.”

Senna decided to ease Kaidan into it, starting with the indoor running track after they finished stretching. They conversed while they ran side by side, and Senna caught Kaidan checking out her ass on occasion. She pretended to not notice, but she was giddy on the inside, happy he found her attractive enough to look at. After the warm-up, they moved to the weights where Kaidan tried to show off by lifting the eighteen-kilogram dumbbells with a smug grin, but his arms gave out and he nearly dropped one on his foot.

“I’ve, uh, clearly lost my touch. Maybe I do need to get back into this.” He was obviously embarrassed because he looked away, rubbing his neck and refusing to make eye contact with her. Senna smiled, putting her hand on his back. “I have no doubt you will as long as you stay consistent.” Grateful for her encouragement, Kaidan nodded in agreement, and they moved on, looking for the next activity to do. They were there for another hour, taking it easy and playing one-on-one basketball, which Kaidan won.

“You said you weren’t that good at basketball. I feel a little swindled,” Senna mumbled as they were leaving the recreational facility after finishing their showers in their respective locker rooms. 

“What can I say? I’m an enigma. I got skills.” Kaidan winked at her playfully, and Senna snorted. 

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. I’ll get you on the next round, so be prepared.”

“Heh, I look forward to it.” They stared at each other for a moment, and Senna could feel her face flush a little. They both looked away, and her hope that he was interested in her was building up even more. 

“Did you have anything else planned for the day?” Kaidan asked.

“Actually, yeah. My friend from training is getting released from the hospital today, so we’re all gonna pick him up and take him to his house. Make sure he gets there in one piece.”

“Did something happen?”

“You could say that. He had an accident with his implant and needed to heal from it.” Senna’s omni-tool bleeped, indicating a call was coming through. She smiled apologetically to Kaidan and answered it.

 _“Where are ya, Curly Top? Kai and I are at the med bay already!”_ Killian asked through the holo-screen.

“I’m ten minutes away. Try not to hit on the married nurse while you wait.”

_“Roger that. I think I got a shot with her, though.”_

“I’d say your chances are that of a snowball in hell.”

 _“Damn, Shepard. Wound a guy won’t ya? Hurry up and get your ass over here!”_ The call ended and Senna turned to face Kaidan, who had a look of shock on his face. “Shelby?” he asked.

“Mm-hm.”

“Marcelo Shelby?”

“You know him?”

“Yeah, I was at BAat with him.”

“Oh yeah, he has mentioned Jump Zero before now that I think about it.” Kaidan gave her a sour look, and she threw her hands up in defense. “I didn’t know much about you then. Let alone about BAat. I didn't make the connection until now.” 

“Hm. You should hurry to him. Make sure he gets home safely.”

“Do you want to come with us? You two are friends, after all.”

“We weren’t really friends, but I have his address, so I’ll visit another time. I don’t wanna impose on you guys.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Go on. I’ll see you later.”

-X- 

“Not that I’m ungrateful for your company, but you guys have been coming here every night all week. Give a guy some space, why don’t cha?” 

Killian wiped his eye dramatically, pretending to be heartbroken. “Did ya hear that, Curly Top? After all the trouble we went through to bring this ingrate home and take care of him between lunch breaks, cooking for him and making sure he’s alright, he wants to kick us out!”

“You just can’t do anything for those you love. You give and give, and they just keep taking without saying so much of a thank you! I’ve never felt so used.”

“Exactly! Back us up, Kai.”

“I’m just here for the free food.”

“You guys are fucking idiots.”

Senna and Killian roared in laughter from their dramatic rant, drinking their beer and eating the lavish meals Shelby’s personal chef made for them. 

“Honestly, though, I’ll visit you for the rest of my life if I get to have an all-you-eat-buffet every night. This. Is. The life!” Killian fell back, flopping on the piles of pillows they gathered up to sit on while watching movies. He sighed in content. “You have it good, man.”

“Yes. Yes I do.” Shelby smirked, drinking his liquor as they all lazed about. Kai Leng was sprawled out on the makeshift pillow-bed, drinking soda and eating licorice with a lazy grin.

“So what did the doctor say? Was she able to help you any?” Senna asked. 

“She was cool. For a second I got excited. I thought I was gonna live out my hot doctor fantasy. Turned out to be a crone. Dr. Chawis. Chaklas? Whatever, she knew what she was doing, so I’ll give her that. Came out of there with minimal damage and scarring.”

“Was there anyone from class in there with you?” Kai Leng asked with curiosity.

“Nope. Just me. Wherever those kids went, the Alliance is obviously keeping it under lock and key.”

This time Killian addressed the elephant in the room. “What about your biotics? Are you coming back to class?”

“… no.”

“What?!” they all exclaimed. 

“My implant got completely fried, and I was seconds away from turning into a cucumber. The doctor had no choice but to remove it completely. Going back to the L2 ain’t an option ‘cause the risks of going back and forth between implants are too high.”

“What are you saying, Shelby?”

“I don’t have an implant. I’m L3-free. But I can’t return to the program, so like I predicted, they hung me out and left me to dry.”

“Shit. That’s terrible, man, I’m so sorry!”

“Eh, they told me I still have the opportunity to enlist in the Alliance, but any biotic class I take might hinder me without an amp, so I’d probably be reduced to anything involving combat or tech. Like I’d join the Alliance anyway. I’m twenty and I’m young and fine as hell, so I’m here for a good time, not a long time. The parties are where it’s at.”

“Don’t say that,” Senna admonished, “there’s a lot you can do with your parents’ wealth. Start a nonprofit for biotics in need, become the voice of our people.”

“And get scrutinized by the media and end up like my parents? Fuck that.”

“You certainly don’t mind being spoiled by their wealth. At least have the decency to use it to your advantage.”

“I made up my mind, kid, and I ain’t changing it.” Senna huffed in frustration. 

“So, that’s it? You’re giving up just like that? After we made a pact to stick this through to the end?”

“There is no end for me, don’t you fucking get it? I’m out of the game. I lost! No longer a contender! I failed at the eleventh hour and now I’m just gonna ride my life in style like I always have.” Shelby took a swig of his drink, and his mood suddenly switched to irritation. “Get out. All of you. Get the fuck out! NOW!” he roared, hurling his bottle of liquor which Senna barely dodged, and it shattered against the wall upon impact. They quickly stood up, Killian looking at Kai Leng and Senna. Looking at Shelby with disappointment, he nudged Senna and Kai Leng to the elevators. 

“He’ll get over it, Shepard. I know he will.”

Senna sighed. “Did I go too far?”

“A little, but he needed to hear it. Don’t worry, he’ll come around. Just give him space for now.”

-X-

Shelby rolled his eyes when he saw Kaidan standing at the door where the maid escorted him inside. “Does this place have a Bat-signal I’m not aware of?”

“Nice to see you too, Shelby.” Kaidan took a look around the penthouse. “Big place,” he said offhandedly. 

“Taking a fucking picture, Alenko. If that’s all you came here for then get out. I’m not in the mood for company today.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” Kaidan stuffed his hands in his pockets. He glanced at Shelby. “You look terrible. Almost as bad as… well, that day out on Jump Zero.”

“Say what you mean. I look like shit. Worse than when Vyrnnus beat the crap out of me in the cafeteria over a fucking transmitter. I’m fully aware so I don’t need you to point it out.”

“I’m not trying to egg you on, and if I gave you that impression I’m sorry. I came here because I heard about your accident. I of all people know what it’s like to suffer from our implants. At least tell me if you’re feeling okay.”

Shelby huffed impatiently, but his temper subsided as he motioned for Kaidan to follow him. They aimlessly strolled through the long corridors. “My implant got messed up. They had to remove it surgically, and now I don’t have an amp.”

“Jesus, Shelby! Do you have any idea how risky that was? Our amps are sensitive to begin with. Touching it carelessly is one thing, but removing it altogether? What if it killed you?”

“It wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter,” Shelby growled out, his temper flaring up again. “I had a seizure, Alenko. A fucking seizure. I passed out because of it and next thing I know I wake up on a goddamned operating table. They had no choice but to remove it, or else I really would’ve ended up dead.”

Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sorry. I heard you had an accident, but I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“It’s fine, man. Don’t worry about it.”

“How does it feel, though? To be without an implant?”

“Weird as hell. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have one attached to my neck. My biotics are no longer enhanced, but they don’t feel shackled either.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“You really can’t. So, how’d you find out about it anyway?” Shelby smirked. “Shepard told you, didn’t she?”

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. She emailed me last night after she visited you.”

Shelby snorted. “I bet she did. I owe her an apology anyway. She was trying to make me feel better and we sorta got into it. Shouldn’t have thrown my liquor bottle at her though,” he mumbled.

“ _What_?!” Kaidan whipped around, growling at Shelby with rage in his eyes, his biotics dangerously flashing from his body. Shelby immediately threw his hands up in a pacifying manner. “I was mad, okay? I wasn’t actually aiming to hit her!”

“That doesn’t make it better, Shelby!” Kaidan reached out and gripped Shelby’s neck, and the latter choked for air. 

“I know, I know!” he wheezed out. “Sorry man! She dodged it, so no harm was done, I promise! C’mon man, you don’t wanna do this!” Realizing what he was about to do, Kaidan dropped Shelby who coughed, gasping for air. He looked at Kaidan with wide eyes. “Shit, Alenko. I knew you liked her, but damn!”

Kaidan stared at his hands, clearly horrified by what he just did. “Sh-Shelby… I…” Did he not learn his lesson at all? He murdered Vyrnnus in defense of Rahna, and now he almost hurt Shelby because of Senna. “Dammit!” he punched a painting that hung from the wall in frustration, his biotics leaving a gaping hole.

“Hey, we just got that imported!”

Kaidan glared at Shelby, who quickly backed off in fear. “Forget it, it was hideous anyway.” Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, shutting his eyes to reign in his anger. “When are you gonna ask her out?”

“What?”

“Shepard. It’s painfully obvious you’re into her.”

“I don’t think she feels the same way. We’re friends, after all.” Kaidan looked at Shelby, a somewhat timid look on his face. “Why? Has she, uh, mentioned me at all during your classes?” 

“Can’t say she has. But then again, training is a real bitch, so we don’t have much time for gossip,” Shelby quickly added after Kaidan became a little crestfallen. “Oh man. You’ve got it bad. Just ask her out already. Worst thing that can happen is her saying no.”

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I told her about BAat, about Vyrnnus, Rahna. Everything.”

“If she’s still friends with you after that, if she were to reject you it’d be simply because she only sees you as a friend, not a monster.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Kaidan glanced at Shelby. “You think I’m a monster, huh?” 

Shelby sighed, looking away. “You know what I mean…” he looked at Kaidan. “You’re the cautious type, and that’s what I always hated about you, but look at me. If it weren’t for the family wealth, I’d be in the streets begging for credits and food. Instead, I’m here, with a nice fluffy cushion to fall back on, and I’ll continue to have a good time until I die. I’m living my life. You need to start doing the same.”

“I’m not coming to one of your parties.”

“Not that. You and Shepard. With your implants, there’s no way of telling how long you two have. You saw how some kids died back on Jump Zero. Hate to break it to you, but there ain’t much of a difference here. Take advantage of the time you got with her. Plunge into the cliff of unadulterated lust!” Shelby said dramatically.

“Hh, look at me, taking love advice from you of all people.”

“You need to take advice from me. Maybe you’ll get lucky and actually score some ass.”

Kaidan shook his head. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “And listen, Shelby, about what happened just now. With the choking…”

“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Don’t.”

“… right.” 

-X-

The hiking trail was uphill and strenuous for her legs, but her stamina was the least of her concerns. Kaidan continued to confuse her with his actions. While she was glad they occasionally flirted with each other, his heart still belonged to another girl. She tried giving him his space, but the question was becoming more imploring, and she needed answers. They continued to climb, and eventually they reached the top of the hill where the late afternoon sun was beginning to wane. 

“My legs are screaming at me, but the view was worth it.” Kaidan smiled, drinking in the view of the forest ahead of them. “Big place,” he murmured.

“Big indeed. “Senna sat on the wooden bench to rest, sighing in content. “Nothing beats the outdoors, and it’s definitely what I needed.”

“Has something been bothering you?” Kaidan asked with concern.

“Nothing extreme, but I was feeling homesick and I knew I needed to get away from the city. Just for a moment. I needed this.” She gestured toward the vast forest. “Mindoir was mainly grasslands and plains, but I miss it. The smell of fresh, unpolluted air, the feeling of the sun on my face, the warmth of Mother Nature all around me, and especially the quiet that comes with it. Don’t get me wrong, Vancouver is a gorgeous city, but when I first came here it was a bit of a culture shock. Not one tree or farmhouse in sight.”

“I can see how the city life can throw people off, especially coming from a planet that’s the polar opposite.” Kaidan sat next to her. “Do you still have… you know.”

“Occasionally. I still have my episodes, but not as frequently as I used to. The memories are still there of course, but I’m starting to accept that I’ll never be able to forget them. The nightmares happen more often than the episodes now, in fact, I had one last night.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It is what it is, though some nightmares are more… vivid than I want to remember.” Senna instinctively traced her finger over the scar on her neck, remembering the old master’s knife running across her throat until she nearly drowned in her own blood. She then traced the scar on her cheek, remember when he nicked her there as well.

“Hey, hey. Come back to me.” Kaidan held her hand to comfort her, and Senna smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. The memories come and go.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I get it, remember? I still think about Vyrnnus from time to time, and what I did. I still think about Rahna too, and what we could have had if I didn’t commit murder.” Senna looked away to hide her jealousy. She didn’t want Kaidan to mention his ex again, not when they were having such fun together. Fixing her gaze on a rock, she used her biotics to pull it toward her, catching it in her hand.

“No one’s around.” Senna snickered when she caught his panicked look. 

“Someone can still come up here. Catch you in the act.”

Senna stood from the bench and grinned mischievously. “Relax, Kaidan, we were the only ones on the trail and even if someone is behind us they won’t be coming up here anytime soon.” She tossed the rock and caught it again before using her Throw to chuck it off the cliff. 

“You’ve gotten better.”

“Between your tutoring and my training, I would hope so.” Using her dark energy, she telekinetically pulled another rock to her and used Throw again to chuck it off the cliff. 

“How’s your progress coming along?”

“My Stasis is okay, and Warp was pretty easy to learn but I’m struggling with Singularity. I can’t get the gravitational field up without feeling like my head is going to split open.”

“Take your time with Singularity. That takes a lot out of you, so focus on mastering Stasis for now. I’ll teach you how to use Singularity one day when you’re ready.”

“You know how to do it?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Show me.”

“Senna…”

“No one’s here, Kaidan. It’s just us.” With a heavy sigh, Kaidan stood from the bench, looking at Senna with a reluctant frown. “Stand back.” She did as told and gave Kaidan plenty of room. He took a deep breath, choosing several scattered rocks as his target. With great concentration, a small black field materialized, followed by the gravitational pull that lured the rocks toward the center. It lasted for a few seconds before the Singularity subsided, the rocks dropping to the ground immediately. Senna watched with fascination. “Kaidan, that was awesome!”

“Not really. Still needs more practice but I’ll get there. One day.”

“Are you kidding, it was beautiful! And way better than I could’ve done it.”

Kaidan chuckled bashfully. “Thanks.” Feeling bold, Senna channeled her dark energy, her body becoming encased in its aura. She let her biotics flow freely, basking in its warmth. “It’s funny, I hated my biotics for such a long time that I wasn’t looking forward to training when I first came here. But now it’s become a part of me. I feel unrestrained. Free.”

“Yeah, I noticed that after a while.”

“You did? How?” 

“Your dark energy was chaotic and muddled. It threw me off at first because I didn’t see it coming, but that’s also when I noticed you weren’t wearing your cuffs anymore.”

Senna rubbed his wrists. “It took a while for me to adjust going out in public without them,” she admitted. 

“I could tell you were making progress because your energy became smoother, more confident. It was pleasant to be around.”

Senna smiled at the compliment. “Thanks. When Anderson and I first met, I had to be placed in a holding cell because I couldn’t control my biotics, and they just rescued me from the batarians so I was terrified of what the Alliance was going to do with me. I didn’t want to use my biotics because my colony thought it was a curse, and my dad didn’t want me to bear that kind of burden, so I was only allowed to practice them in the fields at night when everyone was asleep. Now that I can use them at any time, it’s liberating.” Her dark energy pulsed for emphasis. “I love them. I feel powerful.”

Kaidan watched her, a little concerned. “Be careful not to abuse that power, Senna. It only takes a split second to make a grave mistake.”

“I know. Now that I feel the potency, I just wish I was this strong when Mindoir was raided. Maybe I could’ve saved at least one life. Before he died, Dad told me to be strong, but I sometimes feel like I failed him because I couldn’t prevent him or my family from getting killed.”

“Hey now, that’s not what your dad meant by being strong, and you didn’t fail him or your family.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Except I do. Believe me, Senna, your dad’s definition of being strong didn’t entail you throwing your life away trying to fight the batarians back when they took you. You went through hell as their slave, but you stuck through it. I can’t imagine the horrors you went through there, but not only did you come out alive, you also came out a stronger person. A woman who’s here, right now, living for a brighter future. You keep your head held high, and it’s one of the things I admire most about you.” Kaidan held Senna’s hands, and she felt her cheeks burn from his passionate words. “You’re a strong person. One of the strongest people I know.”

“You’ve done it now, you’re gonna make me cry.” Senna laughed in embarrassment, turning away and wiping her happy tears. Kaidan responded by embracing her, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close to him. “I mean it, Senna. I’ve never met anyone like you,” he whispered, his voice dipping into a low, husky tone. “Each moment spent with you is a day I learn something new about you, and it only makes you more exciting. More beautiful.”

Senna’s breath hitched. “Y-you really think I’m beautiful?” she stammered. 

Kaidan blushed and averted his gaze, obviously embarrassed by his slip-up. “Y-yeah… I… I always have.” 

A wave of adrenaline coursed through Senna. _He said I’m beautiful. He thinks I’m beautiful!_ No guy had ever said that to her before, not even the farmer’s son who confessed to her. Her heart was pounding, and she stood on her toes and gave Kaidan a kiss on the cheek. Surprised, he turned his gaze back to her, and the most handsome, boyish smile lit up his face. Senna’s dark energy enveloped her body, feeling the calm waters take effect, and she spread her biotics to Kaidan, careful as to not hurt him. Kaidan growled deep in his throat, a sound that immediately had Senna trembling in his arms. He must have noticed because his arms tightened their hold on her, bringing her closer if that was even possible. They stood there at the edge of the cliff, feeling safe in each other’s embrace. Kaidan slowly began to let his dark energy emit from his body, but they immediately dissipated.

“You don’t need to hold back. It’s me.”

“I know, and that’s what terrifies me. Your hand is one thing, but your whole body is a risk I can’t afford to take.”

“I trust you, Kaidan.”

“But I don’t trust myself. You’re my… my best friend, and if you got hurt because I lost control again,” Kaidan’s voice trembled, his hands shaking a little, “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” Senna gently pushed her biotics onto Kaidan, trying to encourage him to do the same. “Senna, please,” he begged. 

“I trust you,” she repeated. “There’s no one here. The only witness is that squirrel over there, but he doesn’t look like the snitching type,” she teased. She wrapped her arms around Kaidan’s neck, the feeling of him in her dreams making her quiver. “I trust you completely. Let yourself go. It’ll be fine,” she whispered.

“Senna…”

“Do it, Kaidan.” With great concentration, Kaidan’s body began to glow again, his dark energy enveloping his body in a cerulean blue. She could feel the soft vibrations of his biotics, humming within him. She rubbed his back, encouraging him to continue. Kaidan gritted his teeth, allowing the dark energy to creep over to Senna, enveloping her body at an excruciatingly slow rate. Senna didn’t rush him, however; she wanted him to do it at his own pace, and she let him. The fact that he was doing this at all was huge, and she didn’t want to scare him off by rushing him and pushing him further out of his comfort zone. She patiently waited until her body was completely wrapped in his biotics, and she sighed in content, feeling the effects. Contrary to her free-flowing and watery dark energy, his was grounded and unmoving like the earth beneath their feet, providing a sense of stability and refuge. 

“Are you okay?” Kaidan whispered, fearing he was hurting her. 

“Better than okay. Your biotics are beautiful. They _feel_ beautiful.”

She could feel him beaming at her response, and she was happy for him. As long as he didn’t feel burdened by the biotics he believed hindered him, then it was a mission accomplished for her. Taking a step further, she let her biotics mingle with his, and his satisfied sigh had her grinning like a little devil. He responded by meshing his biotics with hers, a combination of water and earth mixing between them. Their bodies glowed in shades of azure, violet, and cerulean. The earth around them stirred, and the rocks and a nearby trashcan within their proximity levitated off the ground and floated around them. Senna’s lips parted and she closed her eyes, the images of him taking her in her dreams coming back to mind. It was official, she was crushing hard on this man. This incredible, responsible, supportive, _beautiful_ man, who proved time and time again how wonderful he was. Senna smiled at him, her heart soaring at their intimate moment. Kaidan was the only person she felt safe around, and what was affection at first grew into a yearning she wanted to discover with him. She knew that now. Swallowing the nervous lump in her throat, she decided to take a huge risk, and with her heart pounding against her chest, she impulsively stood on her toes to give him a kiss. She leaned back, praying her instinct was correct and the attraction between them wasn’t her imagination.

Her hopes were crushed when Kaidan blinked and stared at her in shock before he looked away, a frown on his face. He looked like he was at war with himself, and her heart dropped to her stomach when Kaidan backed away, their biotics receding immediately. Was he repulsed by what she did? Did he regret mingling their biotics together? Was she that far off the mark about them?

“I-I’m so sorry. I thought that… I-I assumed there was something… oh god, I messed up. I read it completely wrong and now I screwed up.” Senna looked away in shame, feeling like a fool. He briefly glanced at her, but quickly looked away, and Senna rubbed her wrists, her hands shaking anxiously. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. She turned away from him, holding back her tears. 

_Senna, you damned idiot! Why did you jump the gun like that?!_

“We should climb back down before nightfall hits,” she heard Kaidan say from behind her. Biting her lip, she nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment. 

-X-

The tram ride home was torture. Neither of them said anything with Kaidan looking out the tram window in deep thought and Senna rubbing her wrists for comfort. He still escorted her home without question, but she spent the walk back to Anderson’s apartment berating herself for possibly endangering their friendship. It was when they were in front of the door to the apartment, that Kaidan finally decided to say something.

“Senna,” he frowned before he looked at her, a strong emotion on his features, “we are friends, right?”

Senna nodded without hesitation. “Of course we are.”

“But what happened back there. On that cliff. Friends don’t normally do something that… personal, don’t you agree?”

Senna looked away, feeling self-conscious. “Yeah, maybe.”

“There are so many things friends can do together to further strengthen their bond. It’s how they grow closer and deepen their familiarity over time, and they prove themselves by boosting each other’s self-esteem and making you feel that you belong somewhere, and celebrating your victories and being there for you during your sorrows.” Kaidan took a deep breath, looking at Senna with a somewhat nervous glance.

“Kaidan, what are you trying to say?” Senna asked, just as fearful.

“I… uh, feel that way when I’m with you, Senna. I’ve watched you grow into such an amazing person, that I-I can’t help but feel proud of you, and it makes me happy that we met. But…”

Senna gulped. “But…?”

“But I also feel… more than that when I’m with you. More often than usual. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, and I’ve always been attracted to you, but I thought it was just on my end, so I kept quiet about it. But today. On the cliff.” Kaidan rubbed his neck, his face flustered and getting redder by the second. “Did I read it wrong, Senna? Are we truly just friends?” 

“I…” Senna gaped at Kaidan. _Is he saying what I think he’s saying?_ “Kaidan, I’m not that… experienced, when it comes to relationships,” she blushed at the admission, “but I’m not stupid. I know when there’s chemistry between two people, and I feel it between us.” Senna shrunk with each word, hoping she didn’t jump the gun again and mess up a second time, but Kaidan’s mouth broke off into a boyish grin. “I feel the same way,” he said, his face lighting up in happiness.

Senna snapped her head, wondering if her ears were playing tricks on her. “Y-you do?” she squeaked out. 

“I do. Maybe it hit me suddenly, or maybe it was always there and I’m just now seeing it. But I do like you, Senna. I really do. As more than just a friend.”

“That’s great!” Senna beamed, preventing herself from bouncing with joy. “That’s… wow, that’s really great. I like you, Kaidan.”

“Great!”

“I know!”

They both laughed, both of them rubbing their necks bashfully. Senna’s face fell a little, the realism kicking in. “But you know I come with emotional baggage, and I’m still trying to figure it all out.”

“Hh, obviously we’re in the same boat, and I don’t condemn you for it. You’re growing from that, that much is obvious, and your resolve is what makes me even more attracted to you.” Kaidan winked at her, and Senna giggled. “An added bonus is I’ll get to hear that laugh of yours more often.” Kaidan laughed and held her hands in his. “But I agree with you. I don’t want to mess this up, so it’d be best if we took our time. Get to know each other better.”

“I agree. I don’t wanna rush it, Kaidan, but I don’t wanna ask myself ‘what if’ in the future either. That’s never been my style.”

“Hh, I know. You’re quite the go-getter when you put your mind to it.”

“Gotta keep things exciting, you know?” Senna laughed and punched him in the shoulder, and Kaidan laughed in response while rubbing it.

“With all this being said, will you… uh, will you allow me to take you out? O-on a proper date?” he asked, shyness in his tone. 

Senna nodded eagerly. “I’d love that.”

“Great! Will next Saturday work for you?”

“Saturday will be perfect.”

“Can I pick you up at seven?”

“Seven will be fine.”

“Perfect. I’ll pick you up from here then.” Kaidan hesitated for a moment before he leaned in and gave Senna a chaste kiss on the cheek. He leaned his forehead against her, his honey-brown eyes looking into her chocolate ones. “It’s a date," he whispered.

Feeling her heart swell with joy, she smiled. “See you later, Kaidan.” Their biotics mingled intimately, saying their farewell, and Senna entered the apartment, the door shutting behind her. Joy burst from within and she jumped and squealed as she ran upstairs to her room, smiling like an idiot. She jumped on her bed and smushed her pillow against her face as she screamed into it like a giddy schoolgirl.

_I have a date! I have a date! I have a date!_

Meanwhile downstairs, Anderson watched the entire exchange from the security camera on his terminal. He received the notification that someone was at the door, and when he saw Shepard and Kaidan at the door, he was going to give them their privacy until they held hands followed up by Kaidan giving Shepard a kiss on the cheek after he asked her out. Anderson narrowed his eyes, his protective instincts kicking in. He heard Shepard practically bounce down the stairs, greeting him in his office and he quickly shut his terminal, not wanting her to think he was spying on them. “You’re in a good mood. Did you have fun with that Alenko boy?”

“I did!” Shepard was really excited, and Anderson decided to play along, returning her smile. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“Kaidan said he likes me and asked me out on a date. A _real_ date!” She said, hopping for joy and giggling. Anderson stared at her for a moment. He smiled stiffly. “I’m happy for you, Shepard. You deserve happiness. I trust you’ll be responsible on your date.”

“Anderson, it’s the first date. Nothing scandalous is gonna happen. Don’t worry!” Shepard hugged him, and he smiled when she kissed his cheek before bouncing to the kitchen. “But I can’t believe it! It just came outta nowhere!” she shouted from the kitchen. “Today we went on a hiking trail. You’ve should’ve seen it, Anderson. The view was so pretty and so serene! I could feel my nerves relaxing just like that when we climbed to the top. I kinda wish Mindoir had that ecosystem. Anyway, so then Kaidan and I started talking, nothing crazy, just about our lives and where we are right now, you know? But then I decided to show off my biotics – no one was around, don’t worry! And then I…”

Anderson listened to her story, chuckling at her girlish expressions and her obviously elated state. So, this was the infamous dating stage his codex _Raising Teenage Girls for Dummies, Vol. 1-8_ warned him about. Alenko was a nice boy, and Anderson trusted him enough, but nonetheless, he was still a young, red-blooded male. If he turned out to be ingenuine and betrayed Shepard’s trust, then not even God would be able to save him.

Shepard gasped, and Anderson looked at her in alarm. “Kaidan just emailed me. ‘I’m glad you feel the same way, you have no idea how happy that makes me. Looking forward to our date, smiley face’. Aww he’s so sweet!” She gasped again in panic. “Crap! What should I wear? Anderson, you have to help me shop for an outfit!”

Anderson made a mental note to purchase _Vol. 9_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw Liara in the trailer for the next Mass Effect game and I cried tears of joy, not gonna lie. I was barely a teenager when I played the first game and fell in love with the series. I'm 26 now, and the game forever has a special place in my heart. I will forever love this game, and I'm hoping the new game reignites the passion the trilogy had. Anybody else cry a little, so I know I'm not alone?


	7. Episode 6

Anderson pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. The week had been mentally taxing, but the source of his headache was not from any form of combat nor dangerous assignment where his and his men’s lives were on the line each time. No, this was something far worse. 

Politics. 

_ “Lieutenant Anderson, please have a seat,” Chairman Burns said, gesturing to the empty seat next to Hackett. The lead scientist who oversaw Shepard’s implant surgery, Dr. Maeve Connors, was there along with a few other Chairmen from the Systems Alliance Parliamentary Subcommittee. The people at the roundtable patiently waited for the meeting to begin, and Anderson took his seat. Another scientist arrived, whom Anderson recognized as Dr. Victor Lautner, one of the most successful yet controversial bioengineers in the Systems Alliance. The lanky man gracefully took his seat, examining his datapad as if no one else was in the room. Anderson looked at Hackett in question, wondering what the seedy doctor was doing here, but Hackett merely shook his head in response. About a dozen more people showed up, and once everyone was convened, Chairman Ibrahim was the first to speak. “Thank you all for coming. We will now get started on this meeting, and we anticipate hearing your results regarding the Ascension Project.” _

_ Dr. Connors pulled up the data from her OSD to each terminal that was in front of everyone. “We’re showing an increase in brainwave activity from the subjects. With the data we’ve collected, our theory has been proven that the implants are, in fact, the direct cause of the element zero nodules going into overdrive causing significant electrical disturbances in the brain. Thirty-eight percent of the subjects have been diagnosed with epilepsy while thirty-six percent have distorted their amps, therefore requiring emergency surgical removal to avoid the risk of cancerous tumors developing in the brain.” _

_ “What of the remaining subjects?” Chairman Burns asked, examining the data presented in front of him. Dr. Connors hesitated for a moment. “Twenty-four percent are currently comatose.” _

_ “Which means only two percent are showing promising results. We only need one L3 subject to complete the first phase of the Ascension Project in order for it to be a success. The rest does not matter.” Anderson’s blood ran cold, realizing the true purpose of this meeting. So, the students Shepard was concerned about were currently in a coma. "What do we know about our two-percenters?” _

_ This time it was Dr. Lautner who pulled up the profile of a blonde boy to everyone’s terminal. “Wesley Killian. Just turned eighteen last month. He’s the only son of Major Samuel Killian and Lieutenant Elyssa Killian from SSV Madrid. They were killed in action when they were attacked by batarian raiders while investigating a distress call at the border of the Terminus Systems.” _

_ “A product of fraternization. How unsightly,” Chairman Ibrahim said, disapproval etched on her features.  _

_ “His origin aside, his psychological profile is up to standard and his biotics show much promise,” Dr. Lautner interjected. “According to the audio files obtained from training sessions, he plans to go into the Alliance military as a Sentinel. Not exactly the most elite field for a biotic…” _

_ “Any position available for a biotic is promising, Doctor. The boy plans to join our military which means he’s already on our side and ready to become an asset. No prodding is necessary, which is what we prefer,” Chairman Tanaka argued.  _

_ “My apologies.” Dr. Connors continued, “Kai Leng. Fifteen-years old. His physical prowess is excellent though his talent in biotics leaves more to be desired. His psychological profile is questionable at most.” _

_ “Explain.” _

_ “Not much is known about him. We did extensive research and couldn’t find any trace of his upbringing. He shows promise as a soldier, but his ambiguous background raises overall concern. He’s expressed interest in joining the military as well, but we are not sure how valuable he can be with what little we know of him,” Dr. Connors said with concern. _

_ “Don’t dismiss him so quickly, Dr. Connors,” Dr. Lautner said, “a simple exchange with an information broker can give us the information we need regarding his background. If we need to send a sleeper agent to the Shadow Broker himself then so be it, but for now, if he takes up the mantle of an Adept or a Soldier, then he’ll do so without interference. Is that understood?” _

_ Dr. Connors nodded. “Yes, sir.” _

_ “Anyone else?” Chairman Tanaka asked. “Yes ma’am, we have one more," Dr. Lautner replied. _

_ Anderson’s blood ran cold when Shepard’s profile was visualized on everyone’s terminal including his. The empty look in her eyes from a year ago broke his heart, and the picture they chose for her was far less than dignifying. They must’ve taken it when they first took her aboard the SSV Einstein after she was rescued from Jar’urta. Her eye was swollen shut from the bruise inflicted on her, her cheek was still swollen as well, the blue and purple a stark contrast to her brown skin, and her lips were chapped and bleeding. Her skin had become pale from the lack of sun after spending so much time in a bunker. She looked so… lifeless. Like she was ready to die, and she was. Compared to the girl that was now transformed into a young woman in front of his very eyes, the girl in the photo was a complete stranger. A paradox of the person she truly was. _

_ “Senna Shepard. Will turn eighteen-years old in November. Her biotic skills started slow, but she is a quick learner. Able to adapt to the situation around her at a moment’s notice. An impressive quality and something we can benefit from. Psychological profile drew initial concern but she shows promise as a Soldier or an Adept marine. She has expressed interest in the Vanguard class, which I approve of, however, her loyalty to the Alliance is still up in the air.” _

_ “Ah, yes,” Chairman Burns looked at Shepard’s profile with a gleam Anderson didn’t like. “The Mindoir girl. A former slave. Made quite the spectacle when she arrived here on Earth. This is one we can’t let slip out of our fingers. She’s too valuable to let go as a free agent.” He turned to Anderson, who was inwardly fuming at them speaking about these kids like they were products to be traded off. “What is her overall status, Lieutenant Anderson? I hope she’s been faring well in her new accommodations over the course of the year.” _

_ Reigning in his temper, Anderson stiffly nodded. “Yes. More than I could’ve predicted. Shepard is a fine young woman who I couldn’t be more proud of. As a Lieutenant and a friend.”  _

_ “That’s very touching, Lieutenant, but what of her mental capabilities? Do you believe she’d be a good fit in the Alliance Navy?” _

_ “Whether she is or not isn’t my call, Chairman.” _

_ “Except it is. It’s the whole reason we entrusted her in your care,” Chairman Burns said, growing impatient. Chairman Tanaka intervened in her composed manner, “We are impressed by her quick progress, and we clearly see you have bonded with the girl, which is good. You needed to gain her trust and you’ve done just that, but was it enough? Can we place our good faith in you to ensure she enlists with the Alliance?” _

_ “With all due respect, Chairman Tanaka, but these are kids we’re dealing with,” Anderson said hotly while keeping his poker face in check, “not tools for you to use to your advantage! Shepard is a good person, and she has been through a lot. I won’t stand here and allow you to exploit her for your own gain!” _

_ “Anderson,” Hackett interjected, the warning made clear in his crisp, icy voice. “I’d watch that temper of yours, Lieutenant,” Chairman Ibrahim said in her thick Nigerian accent, watching Anderson with a cold observation. “You’re in no position to make negotiations nor any demands. Must we remind you of the one chance you had to elevate humanity’s status in the galaxy by becoming the first human Spectre six years ago? A chance you blew in epic proportions?” Anderson went silent, his jaw clenching in anger. He knew as much as the higher-ups that the mission with Saren ending in disaster was  _ not  _ his fault, but his reasonings and lack of evidence were buried in bureaucracy by the Alliance Admiralty Board and the Citadel Council themselves.  _

_ “Your reputation was barely salvaged, courtesy of the Admiralty Board, but it doesn’t mean your career is not on thin ice,” Chairman Tanaka said, the threat thinly veiled, “this is your chance to redeem yourself, by putting forth what could be the greatest asset to the Alliance in ten years.” _

_ “How could that even be possible?” Anderson challenged. _

_ “Think about it, Anderson,” Hackett said, his expression warning Anderson to calm down. “This is more than just a recruitment. Shepard has both witnessed and experienced the horrors of torture at the hands of batarian slavers. Her family and friends were completely wiped out on Mindoir and she was taken as a slave. No one would’ve expected her to survive for as long as she did. The odds were completely stacked against her, yet she lived on after the Alliance rescued her. Imagine if we recruited her, groomed her to be the perfect soldier who went on to save lives because she knows what it’s like to be at the mercy of terrorists.” _

_ “It would be the perfect leak. We haven’t had a Cinderella story like that since Shanxi, and Shepard becoming even a fragment of a beacon of hope would boost the Alliance Systems’ reputation,” Chairman Burns added.  _

_ “Pirate and slaver activity have been increasing in the Attican Traverse at an alarming rate. We’d be revered for offering a second chance to those who lost everything. Our recruitment numbers have been dropping lately and this would boost our statistics, improving our reputation within the media.” Anderson couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Shepard had gone through hell and back to revert to her old self and feel normal, and here she was being presented as a PR goldmine.  _

_ “Not to mention corporate funding would increase tenfold,” Dr. Lautner said, his beady eyes gleaming at the thought. “I only wish I were directly involved with this project. I would’ve produced better results in a fraction of the time.” _

_ “That’s beside the point, Doctor. We needn’t remind you of your unethical research methods that nearly killed more than one subject,” Chairman Ibrahim said. _

_ “Nonetheless it produced results. That, you cannot deny. It’s why you still keep me on board, is it not?” _

_ “This is no time for your useless drivels,” Chairman Burns said impatiently, “we’re getting off track.” _

_ “We’re not unreasonable, Lieutenant,” Chairman Tanaka said, sensing Anderson’s doubt, “there’s an incentive available for you, of course. You have many commendations, you’re a fantastic leader, one that many look up to, and you’ve been hailed a hero to the public. Many respect you. But even a god has skeletons in his closet. After your catastrophic failure to become a Spectre, your overdue promotions have been halted.” Anderson held back his scowl. That was their bullshit way of saying he was currently politically blackballed. “But it is an easy fix, one we can override with a mere chat with the Admiralty Board. Killian and Leng will be no problem to recruit. Their minds are already made up. We see the potential Shepard has and the benefits we can reap from her. Get her to join the Alliance, and you will promptly be promoted to Staff Lieutenant, and your name will once again be hailed for rescuing the girl from Mindoir who went on to become an Alliance soldier. Given the task you were given is such a simple one, I’d say that’s more than a fair bargain, don’t you think?” _

Taking a swig of the beer he pulled from the fridge, Anderson frowned at the bottle and set it down on the counter. He needed something stronger and the next best thing was all the way at Chora’s Den. Settling for a shot of whiskey, he gulped it down in one shot, welcoming the alcoholic burn down his throat. He heard Shepard hurry down the stairs, adjusting her clothes and her hair and looking herself over in the mirror. Their shopping spree was a battle itself, but Anderson learned the difference between a peplum blouse and a smocked top – they were just shirts in his eyes, but the retail worker gave him a nasty look when he said that out loud, and he also discovered there were many shades of each color, some of them he never even heard of. The world of fashion was a dangerous territory.

“He’ll be here any minute. You gave him clearance to the building, right?” Shepard asked. 

“I did. Don’t worry, Shepard. If he’s smart, he’ll be on time.”

“Right. Okay, how do I look?” Anderson stepped into the living room, observing her outfit. After many hours of shopping, she chose a light blue, long-sleeved Henley shirt that complimented her brown skin, along with a pair of black jeans and newly bought white Converse sneakers. Her kinky hair was styled into loose curls that framed her face, and the only make up she wore was a nude-colored lip gloss and some mascara. Even though it wasn’t the most feminine outfit, it suited her perfectly. She looked beautiful.  _ Happy.  _

“W-well?” Senna asked, a little nervously. She didn’t miss anything did she? Anderson stepped to her and hugged her. “You look beautiful,” he said, a twinkle of affection in his eyes. Senna gaped at him, not expecting such open admiration from Anderson. “Thanks! And thank you, for taking the time to come shopping with me.”

“It was an educational experience.” Anderson smiled, chuckling. His omni-tool bleeped, meaning someone was at the door. “Your date is here.” Senna took a deep breath, shaking her arms and legs to get rid of her nerves. “You sure I look okay?”

“You look fine, Shepard. Go answer the door.”

“Right. Okay.” Senna opened the apartment door, and Kaidan was standing there as expected. He had on jeans as well, and black boots along with a black t-shirt and a black and white summer jacket. His stubble was clean-shaven, giving him a more boyish look, but he looked so  _ good.  _

“H-Hey.”

“Hey…” she noticed Kaidan was staring as well, and she wondered if her Henley top was a little too tight, but he quickly recovered and smiled. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Uh, these are for you.” Senna finally noticed he was holding a bouquet of yellow daffodils. She smiled and happily accepted them, smelling them and admiring their scent. “They’re beautiful! Thank you.”

“I notice you often wear yellow, so I guessed it to be your favorite color. Plus I did a little research and learned daffodils are the flowers of Mindoir. I hope you like them.” Kaidan smiled, blushing when Senna kissed his cheek. “They’re perfect, thank you, Kaidan.”

“I’ll go put them in water,” Anderson offered. Senna thanked him, and he took the roses to put them in a vase. 

“So, where are you taking me?” 

“It’s a surprise.”

“You can’t give me a hint?”

“Nope. You’ll have to wait. Just trust me on this.”

“Alright, if you say so. Don’t lead me into a death trap, Alenko.”

“Hh! Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Anderson came back into the living room. “Shepard. A moment.” 

“I’ll be right back.” Senna scurried over to Anderson. “I know, I know. Be safe, use caution, and if he tries anything funny, aim for the jugular.”

“Very good, but that wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“Oh. Then what is it?” Anderson stared at her for a moment, as if searching for something in her eyes. It made her shift awkwardly. He placed a hand on her shoulder, before handing her his personal credit chit. “Have fun, Shepard. No, really, have fun. Use this for whatever you’d like. It’s on me.”

Senna gasped in excitement. “Are you serious? You’re the best!” she squealed and all but snatched the chit from his hand, revering at it with materialistic awe. “I’ll use it responsibly. I promise.”

“Thank you. Now get going. I’m sure you have better places to be.” With a warm smile, Senna leaned forward to kiss Anderson’s cheek. “Thanks, Grandpa.” She winked playfully and went to Kaidan. Anderson watched the two leave, both with happy smiles on their faces as they chatted. Once the door shut, he became stoic once again, taking his glass of whiskey to his office. Sitting in his chair, he unlocked the biometric lock to his desk drawer and opened it, taking out a picture of his ex-wife, Cynthia. He reminisced of their marriage and the honeymoon phase they eventually grew out of due to his missions frequently keeping him away from home. The long distance made Cynthia grow weary, and after three years of marriage, she filed for divorce. Anderson didn’t want her to leave, but he didn’t want her to suffer in his excessive absences, and so he signed the papers without a fight. Their marriage ended on cordial terms, but it didn’t mean he didn’t love her. In fact, he spent days drinking away his sorrows at Chora’s Den once the divorce was finalized. He was a military man to the core. His career was always put above everything else. His accomplishments and the medals he earned proved that. He was so dedicated to the Alliance that he forgot how to be a normal man. With Shepard, however, it was different. The day he met her in her holding cell aboard the SSV  _ Einstein _ , he had no idea that she would become such a prominent figure in his life. They were still getting to know each other after a year of living together due to his long missions keeping him from being home on a consistent basis. She was young, a little naïve at times, but headstrong. Whether she knew it or not, she was going to be a well-respected woman no matter which career she decided to pursue. As much as he hated to admit it, he agreed with Hackett. Shepard would be an excellent addition to the military, but their methods of recruitment were skewed. Another reason why he shied away from the political spectrum of the Alliance. 

_ “I have no doubt Shepard will be an exceptional soldier, no matter which class she chooses,” Anderson said, leveling his gaze with Chairman Tanaka and Hackett, “but whether she joins the Alliance at all is of her own volition. I don’t make it a habit to pressure kids into enlisting. That’s not my style.” _

_ “I thought we made it clear that—” _

_ “Yes. You made it clear, but I was also given autonomy of how I want to go about it. Shepard and I have built trust. A foundation. A relationship where we can tell each other everything. She’s vaguely aware of the Ascension Project and our desire for her to enlist.” _

_ The roundtable erupted in protest. “What?!” Dr. Connors exclaimed.  _

_ “How could you be so stupid?” Admiral Washington, who was silent the entire time, exclaimed with befuddlement. “You might have compromised the confidentiality of this entire project!” _

_ “With all due respect, Admiral, Shepard isn’t stupid. I said she’s vaguely aware, therefore she doesn’t have the details. Even if she did, she wouldn’t run to the nearest ANN reporter to expose the project. Otherwise she would have done so by now.” _

_ “But you’ve told her of our intentions. She will see our interest in her as transactional and can refuse to enlist,” Chairman Burns said hotly. _

_ “That’s on your conscience, not mine.” _

_ “Anderson,” Hackett warned again. _

_ “I laid it all out for her when she had her L3 surgery,” Anderson turned to Hackett, “you saw the look on her face. You know that was the day her trust in us faltered. She’s not someone who needs to be treated with kid gloves. She demands honesty. Candor. Most importantly cohesion. We have that together. If she chooses to enlist, then it’ll be because she chose to do so, not due to petty manipulations. I assure you, Chairmen, you’ll earn her lifelong loyalty if the former occurs.” _

Anderson placed Cynthia’s picture back in his drawer, closing and locking it shut. He meant every word he said during the meeting. If the Chairmen took offense, then it would be a good day for him. Shepard trusted him, he cared for her, and he owed her the dignity of choosing her own destiny. If she did enlist, then he would be in her corner every step of the way. She was freed from her old masters. He wasn’t going to let her walk into the hands of new ones.

-X-

Kaidan opened the passenger door, letting Senna get in his skycar. “Thank you,” she said getting in. He shut the door and jogged to the driver’s side, getting in and turning on the drive core.  “I’ve been thinking of this night. There’s a place I wanna show you that I think you’ll like,” Kaidan said grinning.

“Am I getting a personal tour of Vancouver?”

“You could say that.”

“Like where?”

“Hh, you’re not much of a surprise person, are you? Kaidan teased. Senna rolled her eyes. “I like surprises,” she argued. 

“But only when you’re aware of them ahead of time.” 

“You know, Alenko, I don’t appreciate being called out on the first date like this.” 

“Ha! Now who’s being the sensitive one?” 

“Screw you.” They both laughed, and Senna already felt her nerves calming in Kaidan’s presence. How did he have the ability to soothe her tension just by talking? Was it the voice? It was definitely the voice.

“Vancouver is beautiful at night. Especially from this angle,” Senna said, admiring the lit-up streets from the aerial roads they were on.

“Yeah, there’s so much this city has to offer, but I feel like it gets overlooked for places like New York or Tokyo. I’m sure it’s justified. They both look beautiful in the vids. I’m sure they’re gorgeous to see in person.

“You’ve never traveled outside of Vancouver?” 

“Nope. Born and raised here. Only time I ever left was with my mom to go to Madrid to buy that skycar. But I was young. Barely old enough to appreciate it, let alone take in the sights. There’s Gagarin Station, but I don’t count that.”

“Is there a particular place you’ve always wanted to visit?” Senna asked. Kaidan took a second to think about it. “I’ve always wanted to set foot on the Citadel. See the hub of the galaxy. Even though I’m not too big on alien culture, it doesn’t mean I’m not curious. Diverse customs and beliefs. Seeing every race and culture mingle. Yeah... that’d be a sight to behold. But what about you? Has your perspective changed any since coming here?” he asked curiously. 

“Kinda. When I was little I would watch travel documentaries on the extranet. Since our world was vulnerable to pirate attacks, travel was limited for us. Our colony always traveled in groups if we needed to go offworld for supplies and whatnot. It didn’t stop me from wondering what it’d be like to see the stars. The galaxy beyond. I dreamed of going to each alien planet and trying out the food. The ones that wouldn’t kill me at least.” Senna laughed. The skycar slowed down before Kaidan landed it in an open lot. “And we’re here,” he said, shutting the car off. “And here is where, exactly?” Kaidan didn’t answer, and when he stayed silent after she pressed for an answer again, Senna huffed impatiently much to Kaidan’s amusement. They got out of the skycar, where they were parked in an open lot, in front of a hemispheric dome building where several people were leaving. Kaidan climbed out of the car and walked to the opposite side, taking Senna’s hand and helping her climb out as well. 

Senna admired the large dome, the shape vaguely reminding her of the training room. “What is this place?” 

“The MacMillan Space Center. Used to be a museum, but after the mass relay was discovered on Mars, they expanded this into an intergalactic planetarium and observatory. There’s a huge telescope open to the public on the other side.”

“You sound excited.” Senna nudged him in his arm. Kaidan laughed. “I used to come here all the time as a kid. Let’s go in.”

“A lot of people are leaving. Isn’t it closing time?”

“Almost. Most people tour this place during the day so there are very few that come here in the evening. Less crowds, so it’s almost like you have the entire space to yourself.” Kaidan smirked. “No pun intended.”

“Please. Not the puns. Have mercy.” Senna begged, pretending to wither away. 

“Hh!” Kaidan rolled his eyes. “There’s only one exhibit I wanna show you tonight, so we won’t be here long.” He led Senna inside, and it turned out he was right. The majority of the crowds were already gone save for a handful of people who looked like university students. Probably for a project. While Kaidan bought their admission tickets at the kiosk, Senna looked up and stared in awe at the holographic ceiling that replicated the billions of stars in the Milky Way. The ‘galaxy’ above them mapped out and labeled all the clusters and the systems within them, even the Terminus Systems. 

“Alright, we’re good to go,” Kaidan said, coming to stand next to her. He looked up to where her focus was, and he smiled. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“We haven’t made it past the lobby and I’m already in love,” Senna said breathlessly. “I feel like I’m actually in space. Okay, I’m actually getting excited now.”

“Just wait until we get to the best parts.” Kaidan reached for her hand but hesitated. He looked at her for confirmation, and she smiled and nodded. With a twinkle in his eyes, he clasped her hand in his and they walked together, briefly grinning at each other before Kaidan led her up to the second floor. They entered a chamber at the end of a corridor that was completely devoid of light, and the entry door closed behind them, completely shrouding them in darkness. Senna waited for something to happen, but nothing came up. “If it weren’t for the fact that you’re here, I’d be a little freaked out right now,” Senna said, tightening her grip on his hand. He snorted. “Wait for it.” As if on cue, tiny specks of light began to brighten the chamber in silver and gold. The chamber grew brighter as a holographic map of The Milky Way appeared, covering the entire room and surrounding Kaidan and Senna in its stars. The chamber became a completely immersive exhibit, and with the atmospheric music playing, it was like they were standing in the middle of space. “Wow…” Senna spun around, astounded by the billions of stars around her. She ran her hand through a few pixels. “It’s like we’re actually out here, the universe literally in our hands.” She let go of Kaidan’s hand, walking to the Local Cluster once she recognized it. She reached to touch it, and when she did the cluster expanded, giving them a clear view of the Sol System. “Whoa!” she whispered. She turned to Kaidan. “It’s interactive?” “Mm-hm. This chamber gives information about every single cluster, system, and planet. Basically one big codex. I’ve always found it fascinating."

“You have a good eye. This is a breathtaking simulator.” Senna curiously poked ‘Luna’, and the moon expanded into a larger-sized planet for observation, with a holo-screen giving detail about the discovery, history, first landing, and the population and culture of the human settlement there. “This is so cool! I didn’t know four million people live on the moon. And to think a hundred years ago people thought that wouldn’t be possible.”

“Really makes you think. How far we’ve come in technology.” Kaidan walked to stand beside her. “Look at what’s been found since the mass relay on Mars. We encountered an entirely new race.” He said gesturing to the Apien Crest, where the turian homeworld, Palaven, resided. He expanded Mars.

“Yeah, and they opened fire on us. Hell of a welcoming committee.”

Kaidan condensed the Mars hologram and walked over to the Serpent Nebula. “I admit the First Contact War left a nasty impression but look at us now. Now we have the Citadel representing all the races including billions of citizens, all working together to ensure peace in the galaxy. Hh, pretty impressive stuff.” Kaidan expanded the cluster, and the Citadel appeared in the Widow System. “All this space and we’ve only scratched the surface. Makes me wonder what else is out there. How much more there is to explore.”

“Is that what you want to do? Travel and see the universe?” Senna asked. 

“I used to. I mean, I still do. To an extent.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“Not sure. Since Vyrnnus. Since Rahna, I’ve been feeling stuck about what I should do. I guess I’m like you in a sense. I want to see all the worlds. We’ve got all this beauty in front of us,” Kaidan used his arms to motion at the ‘space’ around them, “I at least want to take a moment and admire the view it has to offer.”

Senna smiled, looping her arm around his. “Aww, you’re the romantic type. That’s really cute.” 

Kaidan’s cheeks went red. He had a boyish smile on his face and laughed in embarrassment. “Guess you could say that. I’ve watched a couple of action movies and read a few comics as a kid where the hero fights through the universe to prove himself to the woman he loves.” Senna raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Or you know, justice works too,” he quickly added. 

Senna laughed. “You’re such a dork. It’s part of the reason why I like you so much.”

Kaidan turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “Oh? And what’s the other reason?” Senna smirked. “That’s for you to figure out.” “Hh! Good thing I like mysteries.” Kaidan kissed her forehead, and she smiled bashfully. “But speaking of justice, what do you plan to do when you finish your biotic training?” he asked curiously. “Are you going to join the Alliance?”

“I’m still considering it, but I’m leaning toward the possibility. I’ve got nowhere else to go, and I can’t picture myself working an office job.”

“You, uh, planning on serving justice too?” Kaidan chuckled. 

“Heh, obviously. Being in it for the action doesn’t sound bad either. At least my life will never be boring,” she quipped. She frowned when she saw a familiar cluster. She walked over to it and touched it. Kite’s Nest appeared in view. She touched the Harsa System, and she expanded a planet into view.

“Where is that?” Kaidan asked, walking up to her.

“Khar’shan. Batarian homeworld. There’s a base in Jar’urta there, where I was taken. There are still people out there. Kids my age who’s still being held captive by slavers.” Senna looked around the map that surrounded her and Kaidan. Her expression darkened when she thought of the slavers torturing innocents. The red-haired girl she saved that night. Kaidan came up next to Senna. He studied her expression, then looked at the expanded holographic image of Khar’shan. “I’ve been thinking… what came before the Big Bang?” Senna blinked, caught off guard by the random comment. 

“Huh?”

“The Big Bang. I mean sure, there are the dinosaurs, but what do you think created all this?” he asked offhandedly.

“Uh…” she scratched her cheek. Kaidan inwardly smirked when her frown was replaced with confusion before it relaxed while she pondered an answer. “The galaxy is big, it makes me think that something, or someone, has to be even bigger to be able to make something like this.”

“Hm.” Kaidan glanced down. “Kinda like a pet project, you think?”

“Maybe.” Senna shrugged. 

“Alright. This was one of my favorite spots as a kid and I wanted to show it to you, but this is just part one. I booked the chamber just for us tonight. This place has one feature I think you’ll love.”

“What could top this?” Senna gestured to the holographic galaxy map around them. Kaidan smirked. “Just wait.” He leaned his ear into his hand. “Alright guys, you can start.” Senna frowned, wondering what he was up to. The ceiling opened to reveal a separate space from the chamber, expanding the room and making it appear like they were in a large, cylindrical tube. The map expanded itself into the new space, littering the whole room with bright stars and systems. Senna watched with childlike wonder, and she was so amazed she didn’t notice her feet were lifting off the ground. “What the…?” She flailed in the air, panicking from the sudden loss of gravity. “Kaidan?” she called out in distress. 

Kaidan himself was floating, laughing without a care in the world. It soothed her panic immediately. “What is this?” “Did I forget to mention this is also a zero-gravity chamber?” “Yes. Yes you did.” “Oops. Sorry.” “… no you’re not.”

“Nah, I’m not. But the look on your face was priceless.” Kaidan snickered, feigning fright and impersonating Senna’s panicked expression. “Seriously?” Senna laughed in jest. “I’m gonna kick your ass.” 

“Good luck with that. Hh, you’d have to catch me first.” Kaidan ‘swam’ up in the air, gliding through the holographic stars and up the chamber. 

“Wait! How’d you do that?” Senna tried to mimic his movements, but she ended up looking like a fish flopping on dry land. 

“You gotta relax your body or it won’t work,” Kaidan called out from above her. “Don’t try to use your weight since it’s useless in this condition. “You’re floating, so once you orient yourself, think of flying in the air, completely unbound by gravity.” Kaidan levitated in the air, leaning back and lying horizontally on his side, watching Senna. Taking his advice, Senna moved her legs gracefully, but with enough force to push herself up a certain height in the air. “Whoa…” She moved again, drifting through the chamber until she grabbed Kaidan’s hand. “Hey, you.”

“Hey there.” Kaidan squeezed her hand, grinning while she circled around him, letting out the girlish giggle he found himself loving more and more. “This is awesome,” she said breathlessly, “it really is like flying.” 

“Here. Check this out.” Still holding her hand, Kaidan flew downward, reaching the Sol System and expanding Luna. The moon brightened the chamber in silver and hues of black and blue. They floated around Luna. Kaidan shifted his and Senna’s position so their feet were ‘touching’ Luna’s surface. “We made it to the moon,” Kaidan whispered in her ear as they walked along the moon on their toes. Senna giggled again, leaning back against his chest. Her scent of peppermint and mango filled his nostrils and he found himself needing her in his arms again, but he held back. Her merriment was enough for him, and he didn’t want to spoil it for either of them by being pushy. Senna expanded Earth, and the chamber was engulfed in colors of green, blue, and some hues of white. Senna’s hand tightened around his and with his heart thumping against his chest, Kaidan took the risk of wrapping his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. She didn’t fight against him, in fact, she… cuddled against him. His heart raced at an even faster speed. He hummed to himself to calm his nerves. He rested his chin on top of Senna’s hair as he hummed to himself, eventually slipping up and singing quietly. 

“ _ With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue. Dissolve the nerves that have just begun _ …” he sang quietly. “ _ Listening to Marvin all night long. This is the sound of my soul.” _

“I didn’t know you sing,” Senna said in surprise. “Uh.” Kaidan gulped, not used to singing in front of other people. He was self-conscious about it to the point where he hardly sang in front of his parents. “Sorry. It just came out.”

“Don’t be.” Senna twirled around and suddenly they were face to face. “You have a beautiful voice.” Kaidan blushed. He looked away but she put her hand on his cheek and turned his head so he could face her. She was on top of him, their bodies pressed together despite gravity working hard to keep them apart. They both said nothing for a while, the atmospheric music their only source of sound in the chamber. They both stared at each other, honey-brown staring into chocolate in amazement. How she grew into such a confident, beautiful person was beyond him. How she was remotely interested in a killer like him was an even bigger mystery, but her ability to bring him out of his shell and make him feel like himself without lifting a finger was amazing. He tightened his hold on her, and her full lips parted when she gasped inaudibly. God, she was so beautiful. She fit perfectly in his arms and it just felt so right. The day on the cliff when she kissed him. He was so caught off guard he didn’t get to savor the taste of her lips. He wanted more. He  _ needed  _ more. Now that he knew she felt the same way, it was getting harder – no pun intended – to keep a clear head around her. His sexual dreams of her were getting more frequent. More vivid, and his lust for her became far more difficult to keep at bay. But… he could see it in her as well. She said she was inexperienced, but the way she was staring at him right now was full of the same lust he harbored for her. Kaidan gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Steeling his resolve, he leaned forward an inch, hoping she wouldn’t shy away from him. He needed to kiss her.  _ Now.  _ Senna didn’t move, her eyes went wide before they began to close and she leaned forward as well. His heart racing as fast as a jackhammer, their lips were so close, a mere millimeters apart. Until Senna placed her hands on his chest and pushed herself away from him, the zero-gravity sending her a great distance up the chamber. 

Fear washed over him. He thought he went too far until he heard her laughter. “You gotta work for it!” she said, looking down at him with her trademark feline grin and a playful glint in her eyes. His eyes darkening with excitement, he chuckled, meeting her eyes with the challenge. “You’re going to regret that,” he growled out, his voice dropping an octave and becoming husky. He could tell that had an effect on her because she looked away blushing. His ego stroked, he pushed himself upward to catch her, but she glided to the side, evading his reach with catlike reflexes. “Tsk tsk, gotta do better than that, Alenko,” she teased. 

“Hh, just you wait. I’m a patient hunter.”

“Is that so? What are you waiting for then?” Senna glided downward toward the ground, twirling in the process while laughing carefree. Amused by her childish antics, Kaidan chased after her as she bounced from wall to wall. He almost caught her, but she quickly touched the Serpent Nebula, the view of the Citadel blowing up into view. The large hologram caught him off guard for a second. Senna snickered at her victory. Cocking an eyebrow, Kaidan swam through the hologram, eventually catching her and grabbing her by the ankle. “Gotcha.”

Senna pouted a little. “Dammit.”

“Hh, told you I’d win.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Kaidan didn’t let go of her ankle, however. Taking the initiative, he pulled Senna down, his hands grazing her lithe legs. As she descended down toward him, his hands also grazed up her thigh, her waist, and he spun his hands around to graze them up the curve of her back, and she shivered from the heat of his touch. He wrapped his arms around her again and she stopped just a little above his eye level. She looked down at him, her chest heaving in front of his eyes. Kaidan felt himself growing hard from the need she displayed, and his dreams came to the forefront again. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, not breaking eye contact. Senna’s tongue wet her bottom lip and he stared at it for a moment before he looked back up into her eyes. She nodded slowly. “Yes,” she whispered huskily. Eager to make her feel bliss, Kaidan pulled her lower so they were at eye level. Tracing her bottom lip with his finger, she sighed breathlessly as she looked into his eyes with want. She wanted him. She  _ needed  _ him to kiss her, and he was going to do just that. 

Kaidan leaned forward, and their lips touched in the sweetest gesture. He pressed his lips against hers a little harder, and their lips were locked in a kiss that went from chaste to heated pretty quickly. Senna was true to her word and her kiss was a little clumsy, but Kaidan didn’t mind at all. He took the time to teach her without uttering a word, using his lips to guide hers. She was a quick learner, and he gently bit on her bottom lip before caressing it with his tongue. She moaned against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their bodies were entangled as the chamber seemingly disappeared around them, and they were now floating in space, embracing each other like star-crossed lovers. Kaidan brought a hand to her curly hair that flowed freely around her. His other hand slid down her back and cupped her beautiful backside. Feeling daring, he cupped it and gave it a squeeze, and Senna moaned in response as she ground her hips against him. Her biotics flared, engulfing them both in azure and violet. He hesitated at first, but the deeper the kiss became, the less restraint he had on himself. His dark energy flared up in hues of cerulean. Earth and Water meshed in perfect harmony as Kaidan’s tongue slipped in Senna’s mouth, exploring her, tasting her, and relishing in the taste of mango.  “Kaidan…” she whispered between kisses. Their position rotated again and he was now on top of her. He craned his neck and dipped his lips to her neck, peppering her deep scar with affectionate kisses before he nibbled on down on her shoulder. She let out a breathy moan again, a sound that quickly became music to his ears. “Kaidan…” she whispered again, their biotics meshed and flared more violently around them. It was a simple act for biotics, but in this moment it was so erotic for Kaidan. He groaned in need, but he needed to draw the line somewhere. With great restraint, he gently broke the kiss and they were both panting with their foreheads resting against each other. They stared at each other, coming down from the high of their first kiss. Senna bit her bottom lip and she grinned. “Wow,” she whispered.

“Wow, indeed,” Kaidan admitted, a grin on his face. He took a second to compose himself. “But this isn’t exactly taking it slow.”

“Isn’t it? It was our first kiss and no harm was done,” Senna whispered against his lips. 

“True, but—”

“It’s okay. I get your point.”

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“Not at all. We both have our boundaries and you respect them. I appreciate that about you. But…” Senna kissed him again, and against his better judgment Kaidan wanted to taste her again, so he kissed her back with the same fervor. “… I don’t regret this at all,” she whispered against his lips. “Neither do I,” Kaidan whispered back. “This was amazing, Senna. I wasn’t expecting this at all.”

“One of the perks of hanging out with me is you’re guaranteed an adventure.”

“Hh, I’m starting to see that.” Kaidan smirked and kissed her cheek. “It’s getting late, I should take you back home.”

“We have to keep up our tradition of getting a bite from the food trucks. Anderson gave me his credit chit so it’ll be on me.”

“Out of the question. This is our first date so you gotta let me be the gentleman. It’s on me.”

Senna smiled. “Hh, deal. Quick question.”

“Yes?”

“How the hell do we get down from here?”

-X-

Senna hummed to herself as she descended the stairs to make breakfast in the kitchen. She grinned when she thought of her date with Kaidan and the dream she had of him last night where the kiss he gave her led to so much more before he embraced her in his arms – she really had a thing for his arms. Her dreamy smile was wiped off her face and her body froze when she saw a woman standing in the middle of the living room, her gaze fixated on the TV in front of her. Once the woman noticed her standing at the bottom of the steps, she smiled warmly at her. 

“Hello, dear. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m a friend of Anderson’s and I’m only here to pick up something from him,” she said in a motherly tone. 

“A-Anderson?” Senna called out. “In here, Shepard,” Anderson replied. Keeping her eye on the woman who focused his attention on the TV again, she scurried to Anderson’s office. “I’m sorry, Shepard. She’s one of the Chairman in the Alliance and she dropped by unexpectedly. You don’t need to speak to her.”

“No arguments here,” Senna mumbled. “I’ll get started on breakfast,” she offered. 

“Appreciate it.” 

Senna snuck to the kitchen in order to not get the woman’s attention. Even though the kitchen was a good distance from the living room, she was still in plain view as she stood in front of the couch, watching TV with great concentration. Senna narrowed her eyes at her in suspicion for a few moments, but when she made no move she began to work on making breakfast, though she still kept her in her peripheral vision. After a few minutes, the bacon and sausage were sizzling on the stove while she was preparing the omelets. She went to the fridge to get the grapes and orange juice. Her lips were still numb from the kiss she shared with Kaidan, and she giggled to herself. 

_ “In other news, Aldwych, the newest colony in the Hawking Eta Cluster, has recently been raided and razed by yet another group of batarian slavers.”  _ Senna’s head snapped up toward the news report on the TV.  _ “No survivors remained as the colony was burned to ashes. This is the seventh colony in less than three months to be raided by pirates and slavers, and the humans who have registered for colonial civilization have immediately withdrawn their requests. In light of the recent raids, people are beginning to wonder how safe the colony life actually is, and what precautions can be taken in order to prevent such violent crimes.”  _ She watched the camera drone film the destroyed colony and what was left of it. She choked back a sob when she looked at the ashy remains of Aldwych. The pre-fabs were burned to the ground and there were far too many bodies being taken away by Alliance coroners. 

“I’m sorry. This must be awfully depressing to watch. Especially so early in the morning.” The woman noticed her watching and quickly changed the channel to a game of biotiball that was going on. Senna saw her watching her with a sympathetic gaze and backed up. She didn’t realize she had moved to stand behind the couch. “There are too many pirates out there and not enough people to stop them,” she said sadly. “A good friend of mine was a resident in Elysium when the vorcha and batarians killed him in a raid.”

Senna looked away, knowing all too well what it was like to lose someone. “I’m so sorry,” she said. She heard Elysium wasn’t the safest place to live in.

“Don’t worry, dear. It was a long time ago. I do wish there was someone there to protect him, like those poor people in Aldwych. The colony was barely a year old, yet it’s already gone.”

“Isn’t that what the Alliance is for? The extranet hypes them up to be the first line of defense. The shield of all humanity, but this…” Senna gestured to the TV. “… this is getting out of hand. The pirates are getting away with too many raids. A line has to be drawn somewhere right?”

The woman watched her observantly, slowly turning to her with an inquisitive gaze. “How so?” 

“The acts against the colonies are increasing, which means the slavers and pirates are getting bolder. What’s the Alliance doing to prevent this?” Senna rubbed her wrist. “It's as the news report said. What preventative actions are they taking to make sure no more people get hurt?”

“I’m afraid, dear, that the Alliance is not God, and there are people out there who will be killed no matter what. Whether by pirates or by their own kind is up to the Maker. But you’re right. The Alliance needs more soldiers who will run to the frontlines,” the woman looked out the window, “who will gladly act as protectors for Earth. For humanity. Personally, I think we just need one to tip the scales in our favor.”

“What difference will that make?” 

The woman smiled at her. “All the difference in the world. Have you heard of the saying, ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’?” 

Senna nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“We have many straws in the Alliance, doing their jobs very well. But the forces that oppose them are great as well, in this case, they’re the camel. There are many men and women fighting to protect us, but it may not be enough for now. It isn’t because our soldiers aren’t doing their jobs, but simply because we haven’t found that final straw yet. Which is why I say we might need just one to finally break the cycle of increasing pirate activity within our colonies. So our people can finally sleep at night without wondering if they’re going to be alive the next day.” Senna frowned in contemplation, thinking of the older woman’s words. She cursed when smoke rose up from the stove. She rushed to save the bacon and sausage she completely forgot about while trying to salvage the omelets. She coughed while fanning the smoke. 

“Here you go, Chairman Ibrahim,” Anderson said coming out of his office. “I’m not sure what compelled you to come all the way on this side of town to pick up a minor data cache. It's a long walk from here to where you live.” He handed the OSD to the Chairman, and the woman smiled. “It’s a beautiful day outside and some exercise would do some good. I appreciate you, Lieutenant. I apologize for dropping in unannounced. You have a good rest of your weekend.” She looked at Senna and smiled politely. “You as well, dear.” She left the apartment, and Anderson turned to Senna. “She didn’t say anything funny to you, did she?” he asked, almost concerned. 

“Not that I could tell, at least. Is she a creep?” 

“She’s a politician. A ruthless one, so yes. She’s creepy.” Anderson sniffed the air and frowned. “Is something burning?”

“About that. We’re having charcoaled bacon for breakfast again. My bad.” Senna laughed apologetically when Anderson pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. She quickly worked to cook up another batch, but her mind was elsewhere again. She thought about what the Chairman said, and how just one person was needed to tip the scale. She knew deep within her heart she wanted to be a defender, and even though she considered becoming a Vanguard, she was still terrified at the prospect of becoming a soldier. How was she, a former slave, supposed to be that final straw?

-X-

_ “That’s it. There you go. Beautiful. You’re beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking.” Her old master sneered, taking in the sight of her naked upper torso. She sobbed as she crossed her arms over her chest in a desperate attempt to cover herself. “I told you not to do that!” He forcibly moved her arms apart and tightened her chains so her arms were raised above her head, leaving her completely exposed. Her chest heaved up and down as she cried, watching him stand with his legs on either side of her. His camera drone loomed above her, flashing as it snapped photos of her chest that was covered in cuts and bruises, and smeared in her blood whether it was fresh or dried.  _

_ “My most beautiful artwork yet,” her old master whispered. “A true masterpiece.” The camera drone continued to snap photos of her broken body, and she cried as her last bit of pride and humanity was completely destroyed.  _

_ “Say it one more time,” the old master said with excitement. “I wanna hear you say it again.” _

_ “M-M…” _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “M-Master…” _

_ “Oh, yes. You did so well getting this far.” He saved the photos to his omni-tool. He flashed a toothy smirk at her. “But I’ve won our game. I told you. I always do.” _

-X-

Anderson woke with a start when he felt something shaking him. He blinked himself awake and saw a silhouette standing above him. He adjusted himself and sat up straight on the couch he was sleeping on. “Shepard?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep. “What’s the matter?”

“Can’t sleep,” she whispered. “Had a nightmare.” Anderson patted the spot next to him and she immediately sat down. Even though it was the middle of the night and he could barely see her, he could see she was slumping forward with her blanket covering her. “Do you want something to drink?” he offered. She nodded. “Hot chocolate?” Another nod. Anderson acted immediately and went to the kitchen. He whipped up her favorite beverage in no time and made sure to add marshmallows and a shot of caramel sauce, just the way she liked it. Once he was finished he went back to the couch and handed her the mug. “Thank you,” she said. She took a sip and sighed in content. “Thank you,” she repeated. 

“Was it about Mindoir?” Anderson asked. “No. I was on Jar’urta this time. It was a memory I worked so hard to forget but…” Shepard’s fingers clutched the mug. “I understand. You don’t need to say anymore,” Anderson said. Leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs, Anderson folded his fingers together to let Shepard have her moment with her hot chocolate. “I’m tired of being scared like this all time,” she said after a few minutes. “I’m sick of letting my old master torture me even in my dreams. I think about the people who are still out there getting tortured or killed at this very moment and I can’t sleep. Mindoir, Aldwych, and so many other colonies are getting burned to ashes and they’re powerless to do anything about it.”

“What are you saying, Shepard?” 

“Someone has to do something about it. Someone has to be their protector. Their first line of defense. My dad told me to be strong and that’s what I plan to do. Not just for me, but for other people as well.” Shepard looked at Anderson. “I know you want me to join the Alliance. I know that’s what you and Hackett have been wanting from me. But I’m going to enlist for my own selfish reasons. This is ultimately my decision, not yours. I want to help people, Anderson. To make it up for not being able to help my own colony. If I can save just one person, then I’ve made a difference. I  _ want  _ to make a difference. Maybe I’ll get rid of my demons along the way.” Through the darkness of the living room, Anderson stared at Shepard and the honor and absolution that was now in her posture and her voice. 

“I’m proud of you, Shepard. Whatever decision you make, you know I’ll support you all the way. Are you sure this is what you want to do?” he asked. 

“Yes. I knew it the night I helped that girl in the streets. Only this time I’m going to save people the right way. Like I said, this is my choice. I want to do this.”

Anderson leaned back against the couch. “You know you have me at your side. If you ever need advice or you simply need to talk, you know where to find me.” Shepard nodded. Then looked away for a brief moment. “Is there something else bothering you?” he asked. “I don’t wanna sleep alone tonight…” she said quietly.

“I see…” Anderson glanced at the couch. “You can sleep down here if you want.”

“Really? And you’ll stay with me?”

“If that’s what you wish.” 

Shepard leaned forward to hug Anderson. “Thank you so much.” Anderson leaned back to lie on the couch, and she lied next to him on the edge of the couch. She rested her head on his shoulder, snuggling against him for protection against her nightmares. For a moment Anderson was stiff, not used to such close proximity with a teenager. Or anyone for that matter. After a moment of quickly adapting his body relaxed. He pulled the blanket over them, wrapping his arm around her protectively. “Does this work?” he asked after a few minutes. “Yes. This is perfect,” she whispered back.

“Good. Now to go to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.” It was obvious she was struggling to stay awake judging from how tense her body was, but Anderson was there, patting her back in comfort. He made a pattern of alternating between patting her back for two minutes straight, then rubbing her shoulder for another two minutes. Her breathing gradually became calmer, and she finally relaxed. Anderson made sure she fell asleep first, and once she did, he let himself grow sleepy and followed her soon after. 

-X-

Shepard was focused on cooking their breakfast. Anderson shadowed her to make sure she didn’t burn anything this time, but she was doing an exceptional job. She made frittatas for the both of them along with a side of recognizable bacon and a bowl of fresh fruit. Everything looked appetizing, and he looked forward to critiquing her work. They set the table together and once the juice was poured, they dug in. Anderson took a bite of his frittata, instantly tasting the potatoes, mushrooms, and red peppers. “You did good, Shepard. This tastes excellent,” he said, approval in his voice. 

Shepard took a bite, and she smiled. “That vid tutorial paid off.” They ate in content, enjoying the fruits of her labor. 

“Anderson, I need you to do something for me,” Shepard stated suddenly. Judging from the grave tone in her voice, this was serious. 

“Is this about your friend again?”

“No. It’s for me this time.”

“Of course. What do you need, Shepard?” She took a deep breath before leveling her gaze with him. 

“I want you to take me to Mindoir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyric Kaidan was singing is from the song 'True' by Spandau Ballet.


	8. Episode 7

_“Rahna, wait! Please, just to talk to me!”_

_“I’m sorry, Kaidan, I just can’t bear to look at you right now.”_

_“Rahna, I’m sorry. I couldn’t let him—”_

_“I know, Kaidan. I know. But what you did – you can’t make that right. You killed him. He’s dead because of you.”_

_“He deserved it! Even the administrators said he went too far. With Shelby, with you—”_

_“That doesn’t make it right. I’m sorry, but you terrified me back there. You stooped to Vyrnnus’ level and in trying to protect me, you became exactly like him. I love you, Kaidan – you know that, but I can’t be with a man who would murder just for my sake. I’m sorry.”_

_“Rahna, please don’t do this. I love you so much, and I’m sorry! Give me another chance. I can make this right. For us!”_

_“Time’s up. Let’s go, Killer.”_

_“Not yet. I need one more minute.”_

_“You don’t get to make demands. Let’s go.”_

_“I said not yet!”_

_“Stand down, Cadet!”_

_“… goodbye, Kaidan.”_

_“Don’t go. Please, don’t leave me! Rahna! Come back! I swear I can make this right!”_

-X-

The water was ice cold by the time Kaidan focused back to reality. Shutting off the faucet, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, drying himself off and wiping off the fog on the mirror. He stared at his reflection, at the shell of the person he used to be. He didn’t recognize the man in the mirror staring back at him. Kaidan used to be a happy boy, an idealist, dreaming of exploring the world and beyond. He pictured himself going on adventures and meeting a beautiful damsel in distress and falling in love with her – like the hero in all the action vids he watched as a kid. Kaidan learned the hard way that the galaxy was no place for dreamers – for killers – like him. Putting on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, Kaidan draped the towel over his damp shoulders and went to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Cookie,” his mom said cheerfully while making breakfast, “sleep well?”

“I did. Thanks for letting me stay here for the weekend, Mom.”

“You’re my baby boy. There’s always a place for you here.” Sara pinched Kaidan’s cheek affectionately and kissed his forehead. Kaidan smiled wide, feeling warmth in his heart. Nothing compared to a mother’s unconditional love. He didn’t know where he’d be if his parents hadn’t been there for him. “Thanks, Mom. I needed this.” Sara turned her attention to him from the stuffed French toast she was making. “Are you okay?” she asked with concern.

“I don’t know anymore. Today’s…” Kaidan sighed.

“What is it, Kaidan?”

Kaidan stared out the window of his parents’ high-rise. “Today’s Rahna’s birthday.” Sara hummed in response, focusing on her task of finishing breakfast. “Have you tried contacting her?” she asked. Kaidan shook his head. “No point. She blocked me a while back. Even if I tried she wouldn’t get the message.” He leaned forward, a contemplative frown on his face. “The weird part is, Mom, I don’t want to send her a message this time.” Sara didn’t respond, waiting for him to continue. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. She was everything to me, and I thought my life ended when she left me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love her – at least I think I still do – but…” Kaidan turned away from the window and looked at his mother’s back. “I dreaded her birthday coming up because I thought I’d remember all the times we spent together, and how much I miss her, but at the same time… hh, I have no desire to reach out to her or use some sort of third-party comm channel to check on her to see how she’s doing. I ran into an old acquaintance from BAat. He told me she’s in Tokyo. I should’ve gone looking for her, right? At least try to find her to talk things out with her. But I didn’t. Not really sure what that means.”

Sara turned her head to glance at Kaidan. Poor baby, the perplexity was written all over his face. “Maybe it’s your heart finally starting to move on,” Sara suggested, topping the French toast with powdered sugar. “You’re a sweet boy, Kaidan. You always have been, so it’s always taken you a while to heal yourself whenever you got hurt. This may have been a long time coming, but the scar Rahna left on your heart is starting to fade.”

“Honestly, I didn’t think that would ever be possible,” Kaidan said chuckling humorlessly. “For the longest time I was convinced she was the one for me.”

“That’s the beauty of life throwing curveballs at you, Cookie. This is a good thing. The lesson of heartbreak is to make yourself whole and begin anew.”

“Huh. I guess you’re right.”

“I know I am.” Sara smiled at Kaidan, and he chuckled, sipping the apple juice she gave him. “Your birthday’s coming up soon too. Do you have any plans, or am I to be the designated party planner again?” Sara teased.

“Hh! Mom, I keep telling you to not throw parties for me.”

Sara looked at Kaidan with motherly concern. “Isolation isn’t good for you, Kaidan. You’ve kept yourself holed up in either your apartment or work and eventually it’ll drive you crazy. You need to get out more and socialize! Have you not kept in contact with your friends from BAat? They were kind enough to come to your birthday party last year.”

“Not really. They keep messaging me. Asking me to go out with them. One of them tried to set me up on a couple of blind dates.”

Sara frowned at Kaidan in disapproval. “Why haven’t you responded? Contrary to what you believe, there are people who still care about you, but you won’t know that unless you uphold your end of communication and commitment to the friendship,” she reprimanded. “I’ll send out the invitations for you,” she said with finality. “I’m sure your Aunt Eliza will show up with your cousins again. Perhaps your uncles will come this time if I reach out to them. Your friends are invited too, of course, and I can arrange for a caterer for the food. I’ll have to contact the bakery to get the cake made too!”

“As long as there aren’t too many people,” Kaidan said. “I’m going to invite someone but she’s not comfortable with crowds, let alone people she doesn’t really know.” Sara turned to Kaidan with a raised eyebrow, her cooking temporarily forgotten. “You’ve met a girl?” Her imploring eyes peered at him, and Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “Er, yeah. Almost a year ago. You remember when Dad and I went to help my friend who got taken to the police station?”

“Yes, but your father said she was a troubled youth you were looking out for.” Kaidan frowned. “Dad was exaggerating. She’s not troubled. She was merely scared and confused at the time. She’s a good person, Mom.”

“Ah, of course. You know your father isn’t the best at describing people. I’m sorry, honey.”

Kaidan leaned back against the barstool he was sitting in. “It’s okay. She… she’s stronger than I could’ve imagined.” He smiled to himself as he thought about Senna. “She’s incredible, Mom. She’s smart, funny, and she’s beauti—she’s selfless too. I’ve never met anyone like her.” And that was the honest truth. Kaidan had gotten so used to shutting people out that he never expected to be so drawn to Senna. Sara prepped the table, putting the food on the table along with the silverware. “Do you like her?” Sara asked casually, but Kaidan knew she was teeming with joy. With the exception of Rahna, Kaidan never talked about any girls he was interested in, and always kept his romantic interests to himself.

“I do. We, uh…” Kaidan’s cheeks burned red. “We went out a couple of weeks ago on our first date. I was afraid she wouldn’t be into the planetarium, but she loved it.” Kaidan’s knuckle brushed his bottom lip, thinking about the kiss he and Senna shared. Needless to say, after he dropped her off at her apartment and went back home, he was completely restless that night.

“I’ll keep the invitation list to a minimum,” Sara said gleefully. “Breakfast is ready.” Kaidan removed his towel from his neck and went to sit at the table. Senna left for her homeworld a couple of weeks ago and he hadn’t heard from her. He knew it had to be a difficult time for her, and if she needed him when she returned, he’d be there.

-X-

The shortgrass crunched beneath her boots. Silence filled the air with the occasional breeze passing by. Even though the weather was perfect, images of dark clouds of smoke covering the skies, the smell of burning flesh, and the screams of her friends and family were all Senna could remember as she trudged through her former home with Anderson a fair distance behind her. No doubt the Alliance swooped in for clean-up duty because the space where her colony used to be was completely gone, and the fiery ashes that were scattered throughout when she was kidnapped were no more. Her legs on autopilot, Senna passed through the spot that was once the public square. The bed of white daffodils that everyone took great care to maintain was gone. The cafeteria was gone too. There was only emptiness where her colony once was. It was the place where everyone went to bond during supper, especially during the holidays. Despite their fear of her and her biotics, this was still her home, and even though the pre-fabs were no more, she remembered where everything was exactly. If one were to look at the state of Mindoir now, it would be an empty land. Only a sole farmhouse that survived the raid in the great distance was the only source of life. Senna trembled as her legs guided her to the spot where she and her father were hiding in the closet where they were discovered. She sat on the grass cross-legged.

“Shepard?” Anderson asked quietly.

“Could you give me a moment?” was all Senna could say.

“I’ll be here if you need me.” Anderson stepped back, heading back to the shuttle they arrived in. Senna reached forward, caressing the soft, green grass. She closed her eyes as she breathed in the fresh, clean air she missed so much. This was where it all started. When they snatched her from her father’s arms and shot him dead. When she punched the jaw off the batarian’s mouth. When her old master… ran his blade… down her…

Senna’s vision blurred from the tears that pooled at her eyes. That was the memory she couldn’t shake off no matter how hard she tried. She could still feel her back being viciously split open and her legs giving out on her due to the subsequent paralysis. She quietly sobbed, placing her hand on the grass where her father was killed. She had to do this in order to move on. If she was going to enlist in the Alliance, then she needed to leave Mindoir behind, but not forgotten. She couldn’t risk letting her past hinder her. She wouldn’t dare forget her family, but unfortunately, she needed to keep her past locked away in her heart. With a bittersweet smile, she looked ahead at the wheat fields, taking in the peaceful sight of the countryside before looking down at the grass again.

“Hey, Dad.”

-X-

Another week went by and Kaidan was beyond worried. He sent an invite for Senna to come to his party once she returned from Mindoir. He even mentioned the small number of guests arriving as to not freak her out, but she never responded. He sent another message a couple of hours later asking if she arrived at Mindoir safely, but nothing.

_“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”_

_“I appreciate you offering, Kaidan, I really do, but I need closure and I have to do this alone.”_

He shouldn’t have let her go alone. Anderson was with her, but that didn’t ease his mind at all. Pirate and slaver activity was at an all-time high, and while he didn’t doubt Anderson’s survival skills and ability as a soldier, it didn’t make him worry less. She had already been taken once by the likes of them. He couldn’t bear it if she was taken captive again. The door to his parents’ apartment opened, and Shelby stepped inside with a brunette by his side. “Hey, Alenko! Nice place!”

“It’s my parents’. Doesn’t compare to yours though.”

“True. You remember my sister, Andrea, right? She was at BAat with us.” Shelby gestured at the pretty woman, who smiled at him. “Hey, Kaidan. Been a while.” Kaidan nodded in a polite greeting. “It has. You had shorter hair back then if I remember correctly.”

“Wow, you got an awesome memory! I can’t even get my boyfriend to remember my favorite color. He needs to take notes from you.” Andrea giggled in jest.

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “There’s punch over there and some beers. My mom had Apollo’s cater, so help yourselves to a plate.”

Andrea's jaw dropped. “Your mom ordered steaks for everyone?! Obviously I was born in the wrong family. Remind me to submit an adoption request for your mom,” she joked, eagerly making her way to the steak options that were laid out buffet-style in the kitchen. “God, she’s a pain in the ass,” Shelby muttered.

“You love her,” Kaidan said.

“She’s still a pain in the ass. She’s leaving for Arcturus next week. I keep trying to talk her out of it but her mind is made up and she won’t budge.”

“Ah.” Kaidan looked at Andrea who was waiting in line at the buffet. “It’s okay to be worried. She’s your family.” Shelby huffed, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“She’s the only family I got,” Shelby admitted. “My parents sure as hell don’t count.”

The door to the apartment bleeped and Sara went to answer it. Kaidan’s breath hitched when he saw Senna standing at the door, speaking to his mother. Without hesitation, he brushed past Shelby and went straight to Senna, who smiled wide when she saw him coming to her. Kaidan outstretched his arms to embrace her, but with his mom standing right there, he hesitated and his arms dropped to his sides.

Senna noticed and they both stood there awkwardly, while Sara observed with a smile.

“You didn’t reply to my messages. I was worried about you,” Kaidan said, frowning at her.

“I’m sorry,” Senna said. “Mindoir was emotional for me and Anderson showed me around his ship to cheer me up. We got ambushed by pirates on the way back, but we managed to evade them.”

“What?” Alarmed, Kaidan checked Senna’s body for any injuries, but she tapped his nose. “Don’t worry, Kaidan, I’m okay. There were a lot of them in the area and it took several days to shake them off.” Senna smiled, a bashful blush on her cheeks. “You know I wouldn’t miss this special day.” They stared at each other with fondness, and when Sara giggled, they quickly looked away, both with timid blushes. Senna cleared her throat. “Happy Birthday,” she said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a present. I didn’t have time and we only just got back a couple of hours ago."

Kaidan smiled warmly. “It’s alright. You’re here, safe and sound, and that’s good enough for me. Come here,” he said softly.

Smiling, Senna stepped toward him and he enveloped her in a hug. “I missed you,” he whispered in her ear.

“I missed you too.” Briefly forgetting they weren’t alone, Kaidan broke the hug when he realized his mother was watching their exchange with nosy fascination and was obviously waiting for him to introduce her. “Senna, this is my mother, Sara.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Alenko,” Senna said shyly. Sara shook her hand eagerly. “Oh, it’s such a pleasure to meet you, honey! Kaidan has told me all about you.”

“H-he has?” Senna asked, looking at Kaidan who was glaring at his mother from embarrassment.

“Yes. He said you’re a very beautiful person and he admires you very much!”

“O-oh!”

Kaidan wanted to hide when Senna smiled at him.

“Don’t be a stranger, come on in,” Sara ushered Senna inside the apartment. “There’s food in the back, so please, help yourself! There’s champagne and beer on the kitchen counter if you’re interested, and we have some fun games out on the balcony.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Senna said rubbing her wrist. “You have a lovely home,” she said awkwardly.

“Why, thank you.” Sara stared at her for a moment, and Kaidan prayed his mother wouldn’t say or do anything to embarrass him further, but she merely smiled at her before turning to Kaidan. “You two have fun now.” She winked in encouragement before trotting off to speak with Aunt Eliza.

Kaidan sighed and turned to Senna. “She didn’t make you uncomfortable, did she?”

“Not at all. She’s very sweet.” Kaidan watched Senna, sneaking a glance at her to make sure she really was alright. Senna caught him and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “Relax, Kaidan. I told you, I’m fine.”

“I know. It’s just that—"

“What’s up, Curly Top! I was wondering if you were gonna make it!” Shelby said coming up to them, lazily draping an arm over Senna’s shoulder. Kaidan rolled his eyes at Shelby’s unabashed approach.

“Hey, Shelby. It’s been a while! Glad to see you’re doing well.”

Shelby actually looked guilty for a moment. “About that. We haven’t spoken since our ‘disagreement’. You kinda pissed me off, but I was still an ass. Sorry, kid.”

“It’s okay. No harm, no foul.”

Shelby put his fist out. “Are we cool?” Senna smiled and they fist-bumped. “We’re cool. I missed taking advantage of your personal chef honestly, I could use a good steak right now,” she joked while wagging her eyebrows.

“We do have steak here,” Kaidan interjected suddenly, “I arranged for Apollo’s to cater tonight.” Senna’s eyes bulged and her jaw dropped. “Are you serious? Anderson and I have been trying to get reservations there for months!”

“Consider this your personal VIP tasting,” Kaidan said with a sense of pride. “Go ahead. Get yourself some steak.” He gave Shelby a smug grin when Senna kissed his cheek and hurried to the buffet line to make herself a plate. Shelby responded with an eye roll and gave him a pacifying look that said, ‘she’s all yours’.

Senna was practically bouncing in place as she waited behind a woman who was setting up her plate. “You look like you’re feeling better. How have you been these days?” Senna turned to the familiar voice. “General Alenko. It’s good to see you again,” she said, a little nervous.

General Alenko smiled politely. “Senna, right?”

“Yes, sir. And I’ve been good, to answer your question.” It was uncanny how Kaidan was a spitting image of his father, where the only difference was the few wrinkles on the General’s face along with his completely grey hair. Senna shifted on her feet. “I never got the chance to apologize to you, sir.”

General Alenko raised his eyebrow quizzically. “For?”

“For how we parted ways the last time we saw each other. You helped bail me out of the police station, and I ended up storming out on you.”

The corner of General Alenko’s mouth lifted just a little. “I may be getting old, but if I recall correctly, you stormed out on that bullheaded son of mine, not me.” Senna covered her mouth to hide her amusement. “Still, you went through the trouble of helping me and I never got to thank you for it. Kaidan and I ended up fighting over it so I hope I didn’t leave a bad impression on you.”

“You were in a rough situation so it’s not my place to judge. My son doesn’t have many friends, so it came as a shock to see him so determined to help someone.” General Alenko raised an eyebrow at her. Senna looked away with a bashful smile. Once the buffet was available, she went to stack her plate with one of the delicious looking steaks.

“He’s a great guy, sir. I’m lucky to have him by my side,” Senna said, adding sides of grilled parmesan broccoli and mashed potatoes.

“Kaidan’s a special kid. He’s been through a lot, but he’s sweet. Loyal. Sensitive, too. Hm, he gets that from his mother,” General Alenko said, flashing Mrs. Alenko a loving smile. “I know he has a good judge of character, and he wouldn’t go out of his way for just anybody.”

“Without him I’d be a sitting duck. He’s always willing to help without asking for anything in return, and that’s what I like about him.”

“Hm. Make sure you remind him of that. Sometimes my boy teeters on the precarious side, but he has a good soul. Treat him well.”

“I will, sir. It was good to see you again.” They both acknowledged each other with a nod, and she looked for Kaidan. He was outside on the balcony, leaning on the metal railing while eating his dinner. She sat her plate down on the square rail. “Hey, you.”

“Hey, yourself. I saw you talking to my dad in there. He didn’t give you any trouble, did he?” Kaidan asked.

“Nah. I was actually apologizing to him for the way I acted the last time we saw each other.”

“Ah. Things were pretty rocky for us back then,” Kaidan said, chewing on his steak. “I’m glad it worked out for the better.”

“They were, but we eventually talked it out.” Senna took a bite of her steak. “That’s what's important, right?”

“Exactly.” Kaidan frowned, staring ahead at the beaches of English Bay and the ocean that was pitch black in the night. “How did it go in Mindoir? That is, if you don’t mind my asking.”

“Not really sure how I’d describe it,” Senna said honestly. “I said goodbye to my father and my family the proper way and I’m ready to join the Alliance to protect people and make my family proud. I put the past behind me, but they’re still here,” she placed a hand over her heart. “And I know I won’t be alone.”

“Family will always be there for you no matter where they are. I know you’ll do great,” Kaidan said, smiling at her. Senna returned the smile. “It’d be even better if you were there too.”

Kaidan shook his head. “I still have things I need to sort out with myself. But I’ll get there. Eventually.” Senna stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “You know I’ll support whatever decision you make,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder. Kaidan kissed the top of her head. “I know, and I’m grateful for that.” The noise of the party faded in the background as the two stared ahead at the English Bay. “When are you enlisting?” he asked. “In November, when I turn eighteen,” she replied. “We’ll celebrate your birthday together before you leave,” Kaidan said. “We can get ourselves into a nice bit of trouble and have an argument for old time’s sake,” he teased.

Senna laughed. “We don’t have to do that,” she countered. “I haven’t celebrated my birthday since I came to Earth.”

“All the more reason to celebrate,” Kaidan assured her. “We don’t have to do anything spectacular. We’ll keep it nice and quiet.”

Senna cocked an eyebrow and smiled. “Promise?"

Kaidan winked at her. “Promise.”

Senna giggled. “I’ll hold you to that. Now the biggest thing is to wait six months.”

“Hh.” Kaidan playfully nudged her with his elbow. “You got plenty of time to occupy yourself. Until then, try not to get yourself into too much trouble.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior.” Senna laughed. Kaidan raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. “I mean it!” she said defensively. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

-X-

Exactly one month passed after Kaidan’s birthday and it turned out to be a very strenuous time. Senna wiped the blood off her nose with the back of her hand, taking deep breaths while trying to conquer her struggle with her Singularity. “Again!” T’Renli shouted. Killian violently coughed while Kai Leng’s breathing was ragged, exhaustion wearing all of them down. So many students came and went, but the trio didn’t have it in them to keep track anymore ever since Shelby was expelled from the program. “Again!” T’Renli shouted.

“Please… I need some rest,” a male student pleaded. Instead of driving them forward like a taskmaster, T’Renli looked up at the one-way mirror at the top for a few seconds before glancing back down at the students. “You all get a thirty-minute break.” Thankful to take a moment to recover, Senna hurried in the elevator to go to the upstairs bathroom. The nosebleeds were getting more frequent and her headaches were getting more painful. Killian was more exhausted than usual even when they hung out in their spare time, and even though Kai Leng was the most physically adept, his body was wearing him down too. Wiping the blood off her nose with a paper towel, Senna splashed her face with the sink water.

 _I can do this_ , she assured herself. Just a few more months and she was out of this godforsaken training.

-X-

Dr. Maeve Connors analyzed the Ascension beta trainees from the observation room at the top of the training dome, watching the students practice their Singularities. Statistically, it was the hardest biotic ability for humans to perform yet the three students she was tasked with observing were making incredible progress. She turned to her most trusted assistant. “Jensen, what were the EEG results?”

“Slightly better than last week, ma’am,” the devoted assistant said. “The electrodes detected normal brainwave activity and their patterns show no sign of epilepsy. The L3 implants, however, dropped to seventy-two percent synchronization with the subjects’ element zero nodules.”

“That won’t do.” Dr. Connors placed a hand under her chin. “We can’t afford to have all our work undone. Not when we’re so close. Contact Dr. Lautner and arrange a meeting ASAP. I’ll need his help with improving the consistency of the amp frequency.”

Jensen hesitated; his mechanical visage broken for just a moment. “He’s only the overseer, ma’am. The Parliamentary Subcommittee specifically instructed us to not directly involve hi—”

“I know what they said, Jensen,” Dr. Connors interrupted. “Time is of the essence and we’re running on fumes right now. Shepard, Killian, and Leng are at the top of the recruitment list right now, and if they get sabotaged by their implants then we’ve failed, and our careers are over. We’ll have Dr. Lautner help just this one time, and that’ll be it.” Jensen gave a nod and his demeanor was back to the same monotony. “I’ll contact him right now, ma’am.”

Dr. Connors stopped him before he exited the observation room. “Jensen,” she called out. When he paused and turned to her, she continued. “I don’t need to tell you that discretion is key. Make it fast but be sure to leave no paper trail. Understood?”

“Yes ma’am.” Jensen walked out at a brisk pace, leaving Dr. Connors alone. Taking a deep breath, she glanced down at Shepard, Killian, and Leng who were taking a break from practicing their Singularity and mastering their Warp. Nodding in approval, she examined the data the dome’s VI was providing on her terminal. Everything was looking fine except for the sudden drop in synchronization between the beta L3 and their brains. It was risky to request Dr. Lautner’s assistance. He wasn’t the most ethical man, but he knew better than to jeopardize the subjects’ lives over his morbid fascination with unethical research and experimentation. This was the biggest gamble she was ever going to take, but the Subcommittee wanted results, and if she succeeded, it would be _the_ jumpstart for the esteemed career in biotechnology she dreamed of since she was a little girl. But if they got caught, then they could kiss their careers goodbye.

“I better not regret this,” Dr. Connors mumbled to herself.

-X-

Senna watched Anderson pack his bags for yet another mission. “How long are you gonna be gone this time?” Anderson sighed. “I don’t know, Shepard. The Hastings, along with several other Alliance ships, are being called to the Attican Traverse. We received word there are batarian and vorcha ships planning to make their way to Sol. We’re forming a defensive fleet before they can advance past the border of the Earth Council Space.”

Senna didn’t like the sound of that. “So, war.”

“It may come to that.” Anderson paused his packing, and he turned to Senna. She stared up at him, trying to form the words that wouldn’t come out. “A-Anderson…”

Anderson put his large hand on her shoulder. “I’ve survived much worse, Shepard. You needn’t worry about me. Hackett and I know what we’re doing, and we’d be damned if we don’t get out of there alive.”

Biting her bottom lip anxiously, she rushed forward to give Anderson a tight hug. “Be safe… please.” Anderson hugged Senna tightly, patting her back. “I will, Shepard,” he vowed. “And Shepard, do be careful while you’re on your own here,” he warned.

Senna shook her head. “Don’t worry, I will.” She looked up at Anderson. “Please, please, _please_ , be careful out there.”

Anderson smiled in affection, his stoicism briefly let down. “I will, Shepard.” With a final hug, Anderson gathered his belongings and left the apartment, once again leaving Senna alone in their apartment.

-X-

Kaidan patiently waited for Senna outside of the CCA training facility. He smiled and waved at her when she stepped out of the elevator on the far side of the lobby with her friends, but his smile was replaced with concern when he noticed their exhausted state. Senna said goodbye to her friends and approached him, flashing her trademark grin that was limited by her weariness. “You didn’t wait too long for me, did you?” she asked.

“Not at all,” he replied. “Are you alright?” Senna let out a deep exhale as she staggered on her feet. Kaidan put his hands on her shoulders to keep her steady. “We had to hold our Singularity fields for ten minutes. Took a lot out of us.” Kaidan’s brows raised with concern. It seemed the L2s were still going through harsh training regimes but holding a Singularity for just two minutes caused a lot of kids to pass out at BAat. Ten minutes? Frankly, he was surprised Senna was still standing with her mind still intact.

“They didn’t learn their lesson, it seems,” Kaidan said to no one in particular. “I’ll take you home.”

“Not yet,” she protested. “I’ve been in that stuffy dome all day and I could use some air. Can we go for a walk?” she asked.

“I don’t know. You don’t look well, and Anderson would kill me if something happened to you on my watch.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise. I just need to walk it off and clear my head.” Senna looked up at him with pleading eyes, a look Kaidan couldn’t refuse. “Please?”

Kaidan sighed in defeat. “Alright. A quick walk. Then I’m taking you home,” he said firmly.

Senna smiled wide, lacing her fingers between his. She kissed his cheek which made his heart flutter. “Thank you.”

-X-

“And you’re sure this is the proper configuration for the retrofit?” Dr. Connors asked. The thesis on her terminal showed promising numbers but it was risky to operate this early.

“I’ve worked day and night on this, Dr. Connors,” Dr. Lautner said, putting on his goggles followed by his surgical gloves. “I can assure you the configuration will be at eighty-two percent synchronization.”

Dr. Connors’ lips thinned behind her surgical mask. “And this experiment. It’s safe for the patient, yes?”

“If you’re concerned with the overall morality of our work, you are more than welcome to leave right now, Dr. Connors.” Dr. Lautner’s beady eyes looked down at her. He stepped toward her, his tall, lanky build easily towering over her short stature. “You called me here because you needed my assistance, did you not?” he asked. His tenor voice was calm, betraying no emotion, but his eyes were virulent. Nervously, Dr. Connors nodded and Dr. Lautner continued. “That means you acknowledge my skill and the scientific breakthroughs I’m capable of reaching. Dr. Ryder took all the credit for the invention of the biotic implants, but I was there every step of the way. Her research, her findings, every single bit of statistics was all because of me. If it weren’t for the data I provided, these people would be wandering the streets, doing God-knows-what to our citizens. To us!” he hissed with resentment. Dr. Connors gulped, taking a step back. “The Alliance knows what I’m capable of, and yes, my methods are unconventional, but not once have I ever failed. And I promise you, Doctor, my results will have you reaping all the benefits you crave. If it requires the occasional sacrificial lamb, then so be it.” Dr. Lautner smiled behind his mask, snapping his glove in place. “Don’t you worry. This is for the good of science. The future of biotics and humans alike.” His venomous visage melted away into his normally relaxed posture.

Dr. Connors and Dr. Lautner loomed over the homeless teenage girl whose body was strapped to the operating table. Electrodes were pasted on her temples, and she had on a mouth gag, preventing her from speaking, and screaming. Her chest heaved at a rapid rate as she whimpered in fear. The girl was terribly frightened, but Dr. Lautner didn’t pay her any mind as they readied the drill and the retrofitted L3 implant. Dr. Connor gazed down at the girl sympathetically as if apologizing to her. “Remember, Doctor,” Dr. Lautner spoke up, “for the future of science.” Dr. Connors gave a single nod, and without further ado, they proceeded their experiment on the fourth subject that week. Despite the morphine, the girl screamed with fear through her gag as her cranium was being drilled into, and Dr. Connors was beginning to wonder if this would be worth her admission ticket to Hell.

-X-

“Where are you taking me this time?” Senna asked.

“You’ll find out when we get there,” Kaidan replied, holding her hand in his as they walked through downtown Vancouver.

“Can I get a hint?”

“The hint is, when we get there, you’ll find out it’s a nice place.”

“… now you’re just being deliberately obtuse,” Senna muttered.

“Hh! I thought you might find that charming,” Kaidan deadpanned. Senna playfully punched him in the shoulder. “Relax, I’m messing with you… K.” She grinned when he gave her an unamused stare. “Now who’s being deliberately obtuse?” he asked with a snarky tone.

“You’re so darn adorable I can’t help but tease you sometimes.” She kissed his cheek.

“Hh, well two can play that game… Shepard.” Senna rolled her eyes. Kaidan knew she didn’t like it when he referred to her surname. “Is that silence I’m hearing? Huh. I’ve forgotten what that was like.”

Senna elbowed his ribs, laughing in jest. “You’re such an ass!” Kaidan reached for Senna and grabbed her, tickling her ribs. She shrieked in laughter. “Ahahaha! K-Kaidan, stop it!” she begged between laughs. “Okay, okay! Hahahaha! Stop it! I’m so—hahaha! I’m sorry, okay?”

Deciding to show her mercy, Kaidan stopped tickling her, but he didn’t release the hold he had on her. “Are you sure you’re sorry?” he whispered in her ear, his voice dipping low. He felt her shiver in his arms. The action was subtle but the fact he made such a physical impact on her stroked his ego. “I’m sure,” she whispered back. Kaidan craned his neck and kissed her cheek. Her mischievous demeanor was replaced with a coy one, and Kaidan chuckled. “We’re here,” he said. Senna looked at the welcome sign and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “An aquarium? You mean, actual marine life?” she asked excitedly.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Y-yeah. Have you ever been to one?”

“Definitely not. The closest thing Mindoir had was a lake.” Senna grabbed Kaidan’s hand. “We have all day, right?”

Kaidan laughed. “We do.” Senna squealed in glee. “What are we waiting for? C’mon!” She dragged Kaidan with her. What was supposed to be another plan to impress her and show off his basic knowledge of marine life ended up being the exploration of an entirely new ecosystem for Senna. She stared at each animal with wonder, pointing at the penguins, sharks, whales, and turtles with childlike interest. Kaidan felt proud of himself. They were going steady, but each moment spent with her was a day he found himself happier, more relaxed, and caring for her more and more.

-X-

“Dammit. What are we doing wrong?!” Dr. Connors said impatiently. Another teenage biotic they pulled from the streets. Dead. “Calm yourself, Dr. Connors. Now isn’t the time to lose our heads,” Dr. Lautner said patiently. “We hit a minor setback is all.” He ran a CT scan to examine the head trauma their former subject went through before suddenly dying. “Alright, let’s see what’s wrong, shall we?” As Dr. Lautner studied the dead boy’s brain for any damage, the door to the tiny lab opened, and Dr. Connors paled when Chairman Burns entered.

“Chairman!” Dr. Connors exclaimed in horror. Oh no. They were busted, and not only was her career officially on death row, but she was looking at time – maybe life! – in prison for conducting illegal research on biotics. Chairman Burns glanced at her with blasé before he looked at Dr. Lautner. “Any luck?” he asked, folding his hands behind his back.

“Negative.” Dr. Lautner finished scanning the deceased boy’s brain. “Just like the others. He briefly suffered from cerebral edema before the time of death. The sudden intracranial pressure combined with the element zero poisoning his neurons developed an instant tumor. Faster than any other I’ve seen. His brain ran out of oxygen in four minutes. The boy didn’t stand a chance.”

“None of them did,” Dr. Connors added. Was the Chairman involved as well? She wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

“I’ll get more. You understand the importance of perfecting the L3. Why is it taking so long? You said you would reach a breakthrough!” Chairman Burns said impatiently.

“We’ve only hit a small bump in the road, Chairman,” Dr. Lautner replied. “These things take time.”

“I’ve granted you private funds, therefore, I expect to see results!” Burns yelled. “I won’t tolerate failure!”

“Which is exactly why you’d make a terrible scientist,” Dr. Lautner replied coolly. Burns’ ears went red. “How dare you—”

“You’ll get your results.” Dr. Lautner promised. “Once I find out what the miscalculation is, we’ll proceed with fixing the algorithm for the new L3 implant.”

“You better. Our investors are already considering pulling the plug, especially after the utter failure of the L2s. A lot of money and faith is being put into this, Lautner.”

“You know me better than that,” Dr. Lautner said confidently, “This project will not go to waste and we will see a return of profit. I can assure you of that.”

“See to it that we do.”

-X-

“—nna?” The headaches were getting worse and the nosebleeds were happening on a daily basis. At first she took it as a sign she needed to rest, but spending last weekend catching up on sleep didn’t alleviate her pain at all.

“Senna?”

“Hm?” Senna focused her attention on Kaidan, whose eyebrows were scrunched inquisitively. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“You’ve been out of sorts for the past couple of days,” Kaidan said. Concerned, he placed his hand over hers. “Are you alright?”

“Mm, yeah. Training’s been…” Senna’s face scrunched when she felt another headache coming on. “We’re getting pushed harder each day. The closer we get to graduation, the harsher our exercises are becoming.” She groaned and rubbed her temples with her thumb and index finger.

“You should lie down for a while,” Kaidan advised. “My place is closer to here than yours. You can rest in my apartment until you’re feeling better.”

“But we haven’t even made it to the harbor,” Senna protested, albeit weakly. “It’s okay. We’ll catch the ferry another time,” Kaidan said, making a last-minute turn with his skycar to now head for his apartment. “The last thing I want is for you to overexert yourself and cause severe damage. I’ve seen what an overheated amp can do to a person, and… hh. Just focus on restoring your health for now, Senna,” he said. Senna felt her consciousness slipping in and out. She rested her head against the cool, glass window of the skycar. “Thank you,” she whispered.

-X-

They were almost there. Dr. Lautner could practically taste his victory. Dr. Connors carried another corpse out the bay. He could see her resolve waver. Her guilty conscience was eating her alive. It was apparent by the weariness she had been carrying herself with for the past few months. She had a brilliant mind, but allowing her conscience to rule her judgment would hinder her in the long term. There was no place in this field for people like her. They didn’t understand. None of them did. The deepest, most beautiful elements of science required grueling labor and the occasional sacrifice. The incongruencies in Dr. Lautner’s data were solved and the L3 retrofit was almost complete. Just one more subject – two, at most, and he’d reach yet another landmark in his thirty-year career, but this time, Dr. Ryder wasn’t here to take all the credit from him, and Dr. Connors wasn’t a big enough threat. The public acknowledgment of his undisputable skill as a bioengineer was in his grasp soon. He grabbed his datapad, examining the contingencies of upgrading the L3 retrofit. Dr. Connors was irrelevant at this point. She asked for his help, which he was glad to do so, but she was growing hesitant, therefore she was no longer effective in this. This was his project now, the stonewalling of the Alliance be damned. He was the overseer of the Ascension Project, and he granted himself permission to sully his hands in order to further advance the strength of humanity.

-X-

Nightfall already came by the time Senna woke up from her nap. She blinked several times to clear her vision and sat up slowly. She was in Kaidan’s room, and clearly, he carried her in here. She didn’t remember much after her headache clawed at her while they were on the way to the ferry ride. Glancing at the nightstand, she saw Kaidan left a glass of water and a couple of painkillers for her. Grateful for the gesture, she swallowed the pills and downed the water in several gulps, satisfying her parched throat. She blinked when she smelled eucalyptus, and she smiled when she saw the diffuser she gave him last year.

Stretching her limbs, she climbed out of Kaidan’s bed and made her way to the living room. Kaidan was in the kitchen, whipping up something that smelled delicious. His back was facing her as he concentrated on the meals in front of him, so Senna stayed silent, soundlessly sitting on the barstool and watching him cook. Kaidan hummed to himself while he sauteed the mushrooms with red wine. He flipped the steak and took out two wine glasses from the cabinet. Making cute little jazz scat sounds, he took two plates out of the cabinet as well while making noises that mimicked a saxophone. He turned and jumped with a startled yelp when he finally noticed Senna was watching him with a smile. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!”

Senna giggled. “Sorry. You looked like you were having such a good time I didn’t wanna disturb you. Cooking is something you really love to do, huh?” Kaidan averted his eyes, his swagger completely depleted as he stumbled with collecting himself and gathering the appropriate dishes for their dinner. “I, uh, tend to get caught up when it comes to food,” he said.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed about your passions. If you like it, you like it.” Senna said nonchalantly.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was obvious he was still a little embarrassed, so Senna switched topics. “Thanks for letting me rest here, by the way. I didn’t mean to ruin our plans for the ferry,” she said apologetically.

“Think nothing of it. I’m glad you’re okay. You had me worried there for a minute.” Kaidan handed her her plate and glass of wine, and they both went and sat on the couch. “Training’s still pushing you that hard?”

“That’s putting it lightly. We had to construct a model of the SSV _Sahara_ piece by piece using only our biotics, and if one piece was dropped to the floor then we had to start over.” Kaidan’s expression soured. “The Alliance hasn’t really changed their training tactics…” Senna looked at Kaidan quizzically. “You went through a similar exercise at BAat?”

“And then some. Our instructors, especially Vyrnnus, certainly didn’t hold out on pushing us past our limits. Breaks were scarce so a lot of kids snapped. Some even died. Hh, I guess the Alliance is still making the same mistakes.”

Senna cut a slice of her steak and chewed on it, sighing at the culinary delight. “We often take breaks. Either when one of us is about to pass out or someone has passed out already. Pretty rare that it’s in between.”

Kaidan hummed in thought. “I guess they have to resume their training one way or another. How are you feeling right now though?”

“The painkillers are already taking effect so the pain’s at a minimum. I appreciate you giving me those too.”

“It’s no problem at all.” Kaidan smiled at her. “Migraines are a pain in the ass to deal with. We biotics gotta stick together.” He casually wiped some of the steak sauce off her lip and she quickly wiped at her mouth with a napkin. “S-sorry,” she muttered in embarrassment.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “Don’t be. You look cute when you’re so passionate about eating.” Senna snorted at her words being thrown back at her. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Alenko.” She playfully shoved at him, but he grabbed her wrist, pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arm around her waist. “Do I have to teach you a lesson and tickle you again?” he whispered in her ear.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Senna said, trying to break from his hold but it was useless. He had her pressed against her chest and was looking down at her with a smug look in his eyes. “Oh, really?” Accepting her challenge, Kaidan used his free hand to tickle her armpit, and Senna’s body jerked in response. She laughed as she tried to get away. “Uh-uh. You’re not going anywhere.”

“Dammit, Kaidan!” she cursed between her laughter. Without warning, Kaidan tightened his grip on her, his face suddenly somber. Senna stared at him with her countenance lined with concern. “… Kaidan?”

Kaidan sighed and leaned forward, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “I’m really glad you’re alright, Senna. You scared me when you passed out in the skycar,” he mumbled. “I’m glad you’re feeling better now, but seeing you in pain like that…” Kaidan kissed the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry you have to endure that kind of stress. Handling your biotics isn’t easy, but you’ve come so far and you’re almost there. If you need help at any time, I’m here for you.”

Flattered at his sweet encouragement, Senna placed a hand on his chest. “You really are a kind person,” she whispered. “You’ve been such a great friend to me even before we met, and you never asked for anything in return.”

“Because I care about you,” Kaidan stated. Lifting his head to meet her eyes, he held her hand and let his biotics caress her, which brought goosebumps to her skin. “I didn’t think after bumping into you at the elevator we’d be here a year later…” Kaidan smiled shyly. “… together, working through life. Senna, you’re an important person in my life, and I want to support you in any way I can.” Kaidan gazed into her eyes completely unguarded. He learned forward ever-so-slowly as if asking for her permission. Senna gave her consent by leaning forward as well until they closed the distance between them and their lips met.

This time their kiss wasn’t as clumsy and inexperienced on Senna’s end, and thanks to Kaidan’s advice their lips melded perfectly. She could taste the wine he was just sipping, and it was divine. Taking a step forward, Senna used a move she learned from her research after their first kiss at the planetarium. She slipped her tongue out slightly and slid it across his bottom lip. Kaidan responded by sighing in content and he dominated the kiss, crushing his lips against her. Senna moaned and snaked her arms around his neck. Kaidan placed his hand on the back of her neck and held her in place, lowering his mouth to kiss the smooth skin. Senna’s breath hitched and she became self-conscious when Kaidan kissed across the deep, horizontal scar that was on her neck but he didn’t seem to mind.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kaidan muttered, assaulting her neck with kisses. Senna’s heart raced as his free hand ran down the curve of her back. Their kiss was getting more heated, and Kaidan nipped her collarbone before trailing his kisses back up to her neck. He kissed her lips, and then kissed the small scar that was on her cheek.

Feeling her heart swell from the affection he was giving her scars, Senna pulled him closer and craned her neck to give him better access. Getting the hint, Kaidan bent down and once again kissed her neck. “You taste amazing,” he rasped out. He nibbled on her ear before he kissed right below it. He must have hit a sensitive spot because Senna gasped in delight, letting out a breathy moan. Taking the cue, Kaidan kissed in the same spot again, this time following it up with a caress of his tongue. He was rewarded with a louder moan from Senna.

“Kaidan...” Senna moaned. She followed his lead by peppering his beautiful lips with kisses before mimicking his actions and kissing his neck. Kaidan let out a breathy moan in response, and he gently pushed her down onto the couch, hovered above her, and stared down at her with awe. “I’ve never met anyone like you,” he whispered, tugging a curl from her face and tugging it behind her ear. Senna held his hand and he brought hers to his lips and kissed her fingers, keeping his smokey eyes locked with hers. “God, I want you more than anything right now.” His whisper came out in such a raw voice that it sent shivers down her spine. And then his lips were on hers again, putting her under a dizzying spell. He cupped her breast and she instinctively arched her back, leaning into his large hand that gave it a squeeze. She slid her leg up his thigh and he caught it. Sitting up on his knees, he pulled both her legs and used his strength to yank her towards him, quickly gripping her waist and sitting her upright so she was straddling him. Senna didn’t get a chance to register what was happening before his lips were on hers again, his hands cupping her backside to keep her balanced. Kaidan slid her jacket off and kissed her collarbone. His hand made its way underneath her shirt and he cupped her breast. He gently squeezed it, running his thumb over her nipple that perked beneath her bra.

Senna didn’t know when his shirt came off, or how her hands ended up sliding up his chest, caressing his skin and admiring his lean, muscular torso. She trailed kisses along his shoulder before she kissed him again. Their kiss was full of lust, of need, and their tongue explored each other’s mouths at a desperate pace as if their hunger for each other had to be sated immediately.

Whatever remaining judgment she had was long gone. She literally dreamt of this day and they were so close to making it a reality. At this moment she wanted all of him. She didn’t care about the consequences. Maybe that was the wine talking, but right now she never felt so sure. “Take me, Kaidan,” she whispered in his ear.

Something inside Kaidan snapped because he instantly sobered up and broke their kiss, letting go of her and practically pushing her off him. She fell back on the couch, overwhelmed by the sudden repel. She sat up on her elbows. “Kaidan? What’s wrong?” she asked, still dazed. He stared down her with a storm of fierce yet uninterpretable emotions in his eyes. He was breathing heavily, his fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were turning white, and he almost looked… repulsed. He didn’t say anything for what seemed like an eternity, and with great haste he retreated into his bedroom, the door shutting behind him. Senna watched him leave, completely speechless from the one-eighty in Kaidan’s attitude. What… just happened? Didn’t he say he liked her? That he wanted her? He seemed so eager to touch her just a minute ago and suddenly he was staring at her like she was a common whore.

Senna waited for Kaidan to come out from his room, but almost an hour went by, and her spirit was crushed. _He doesn’t find me attractive enough. He doesn’t want me. I was wrong this whole time._ The rejection was too much to process right now. What if he changed his mind about dating her? Did he no longer have an interest in her? The thought pained her and her anxiety nearly made her hyperventilate. She needed to get out of there. She couldn’t bear to hear him say he didn’t want her anymore. Straightening her clothes and her hair, she ran out of the apartment, down the elevator and back to Anderson’s apartment as fast as her legs could carry her.

Closing the door behind her, she ran upstairs to her bathroom to turn on the shower. She paced back and forth, wondering what the hell she was thinking. The walk back sobered her up, and she now saw how desperate she must have looked to Kaidan.

Great, now he probably thought she was a loose girl. Their making out session went on a slippery slope, as Kaidan would describe it, and they were close to the point of no return. There was nothing more Senna wanted than to be embraced by him, but now that her head was clearer, she knew she still had her limitations. They both had their baggage they were dealing with, and they had been taking it slow for almost five months now – not that Senna really minded. Taking it at a glacial pace was the better option for her – at least, that’s what she convinced herself since they started dating. There was no need to rush. Taking it slow was safe, secure, and left plenty of room for their feelings for each other to grow more organically.

Her physical reaction to Kaidan whenever they touched said otherwise. All her senses and logic were robbed whenever they were close to each other, and it was a dangerous game. She was pulled in two directions, and she no longer had the sense to know which way she wanted to go. “What the hell am I gonna do?” she asked herself. Despite her dreams and fantasies about Kaidan, she knew she would’ve regretted letting go of her inhibitions and go all the way with him tonight. She wanted her first time to be special and because they loved each other, not because she was slightly intoxicated and likely wouldn’t remember the details the next day.

Senna stripped and stepped in the shower, letting the water relax her body. Yeah. It was best she left. But… boy, did it feel _amazing_ to have his hands roam all over her body. They were large and strong like she imagined, and her lips were a little bruised from the rough kisses he gave her. She gently touched her bottom lip. That was something she actually enjoyed and definitely didn’t see coming. Kaidan was a sweet guy, but the way he held her, kissed her, and pulled her toward him with such force, it was like seeing another side of him. More dominant. More sure of himself, and she _loved_ it.

Her breathing quickened, and she wanted to know what else he was capable of. Her dreams painted him as a gentle lover, but was she wrong about that? He was hardly gentle with her tonight. What else would he do to her if they did go all the way? Would he continue to hold the back of her neck with a tight grip, refusing to let her move while he gave her a searing kiss? Would he continue to fondle her breasts while teasing her nipples that were begging to be sucked? Would he have her stay straddling him, or would he push her on her back and pin her down so he could have his way with her?

Senna’s lips parted as she closed her eyes, her fantasy of a gentle lover now swapped with the wild, dominating man who would claim her as his. In her mind, Kaidan was now shameless in his pursuit to mark her, to ruin her to other men. God, the way he felt and tasted was better than the descriptions in the novels she read. She wanted more. She needed more. In her fantasy, they continued uninterrupted, with Kaidan taking off her shirt followed by her pants. She would lie on the couch wearing only her underwear and her tiger’s eye necklace – the latter a symbol that she belonged to him. He’d kiss her while he took her bra off, exposing her breasts. Even though it was for a short time, the way he cupped them left a scorching trail of fire, and in her fantasy, he would take it a step further and tease her nipple before lowering his mouth and swirling it with his tongue.

Senna’s breath hitched and she kneaded her breasts, imagining Kaidan swirling his tongue around her nipple before he would suck on it while pinching the other. She pinched her nipple and she moaned. She almost quieted herself, but she remembered that Anderson was gone. It was just her and her imagination.

Feeling a sense of liberation, she continued her fantasy, picturing Kaidan kissing her lips again while his hand ran a trail down her chest… down her stomach until they reached the band of her underwear. Senna’s breath hitched. He slid them down her legs and tossed them aside, leaving her completely bare to him.

“Beautiful,” he’d call her. He kissed her again and his hand would palm her nether region, cupping her womanhood and feeling her twitch in anticipation. “I want you,” he’d whisper in her ear. Senna rubbed her folds that were getting wetter by the second. She leaned her head back against the cool bathroom tiles, letting out a breathy moan.

He was so beautiful without his shirt – lean, but not skinny. Muscular, but not swollen. He was perfect. He was so damn perfect and he wanted to be with her. He wanted to please her, give her the climax she never knew she needed until now. He’d assault her neck with kisses, marking her, then kiss his way down her chest and her stomach.

“Kaidan,” she moaned out. She rubbed herself harder, growing needier for him to take her. He went lower until his head was between her legs. Daring herself to look down, she quivered when she saw him staring up at her with unbridled lust in his honey-brown eyes. He was always so controlled and displayed a great amount of self-restraint, but his cool and composed demeanor was completely gone. Before her was a man who broke the chain on that restraint, and his eyes were filled with a passion she’d never seen before. He’d tease her, flicking his tongue out and making contact with just the tip. Senna whimpered. “Kaidan, please,” she begged. “Impatience will get you nowhere,” Kaidan whispered, his hot breath teasing her. She whimpered again and arched her back to meet his mouth. “Please!” she begged again.

Without further ado, Kaidan would spread her legs, leaving her completely exposed to him. He’d licked his lips before he ran his tongue up her slick folds. Electricity shot through her and Senna gasped as he lapped his tongue up her again before focusing on the little nub that had her body violently twitching. The water was scalding her body at this point, turning her skin red, but she didn’t notice. “Oh, God,” she whispered. Kaidan twirled his tongue around her clit before he sucked on it hungrily. This time she moaned louder, her sounds reverberating in the bathroom. He continued pleasing her, practically burying his face in her and tasting her essence. Senna inserted a finger, slowly bringing it in and out. She always touched herself when she thought of Kaidan, but she never made it this far. The feeling was strange, but not unpleasant. Bringing her mind back to her fantasy, Kaidan continued to feast while he inserted a finger in her. Senna moaned as waves of pleasure were shaking her body. Never had she ever felt this good, and she locked eyes with Kaidan, wondering if he was enjoying it as much as she was. He had his eyes closed as he feasted on her, pinning her waist down with his free arm, rendering her immobile and leaving her at his mercy. She inserted another finger, pumping them in and out as she twitched around Kaidan’s tongue.

She was almost there. She could feel her climax coming. Her moans grew louder to the point where they could be heard from downstairs. She pinched her nipple harshly, loving the rough treatment Kaidan was giving her.

“Kaidan… I’m… I’m gonna…” she whimpered. Her breaths were ragged. She fisted Kaidan’s hair, gyrating her hips against his mouth. “More, more!” she begged. Removing his fingers, Kaidan snaked his arms around her waist and pinned her down with both hands while he ate her like a starved man. His tongue moved furiously, alternating between licking and sucking on her clit. Senna’s fingers were moving at a recklessly fast pace. Her peak was coming, and she swirled her thumb around her nub that she discovered was a sensitive spot, sending her over the edge.

With one last scream of his name, her folds gripped around her fingers and painfully throbbed before she came, her ecstasy leaving her body convulsing. Her legs gave out and she sank to the bathroom floor, catching her breath as she came on Kaidan’s mouth. He used his tongue to lap up all her juices. She bit her bottom lip, feeling amazing from her euphoria. "Senna," he'd whisper in her ear.

“Kaidan…” she was at the point of no return. Her sexual awakening was here and it had its sights on having him. She couldn’t deny it anymore. She had it bad for him. Her body was craving him and she had no idea had where to go from here. How was she supposed to face him now? Rushing to sleep with him sure as hell wasn’t an option and taking it slow was most likely going to kill her. With the water turning cold, Senna sighed and sat there, waiting to come down from her high. She was digging a deeper hole for herself and eventually she wouldn’t be able to crawl out of it.

-X-

Dr. Lautner found it. This was the perfect algorithm he needed to perfect the L3 implant. New and improved, this would be the one to enhance the biotics without side effects and solidify his long-overdue recognition. The L2s were a mere abomination compared to the beauty of the L3. Dr. Connors entered the tiny lab with a cup of coffee in her hand. She noticed he had a look of pride on his face, and she halted. “Did you find it?”

“Yes,” Dr. Lautner confirmed. “One more subject is all we need, and the L3 amps will no longer be in beta. They’ll hit the markets, and we’ll both get the credit we’ve been waiting for.”

Dr. Connors gave him a mere smile, and Dr. Lautner raised an eyebrow. “You do plan to hold up your end of the bargain, right?”

“Yes, of course, Doctor. You’ve certainly earned it,” she replied quickly.

Dr. Lautner smiled politely, one that didn’t reach his cold eyes. “Excellent. Be a dear and find one more subject for me, would you? There’s so much work to be done!”

-X-

Shelby watched his friends with an annoyed glare. They were eating out at the popular barbeque restaurant on the outskirts of town, but it was obvious none of them had the energy to hang out. They were sitting at a booth, and since they hadn’t seen each other in a couple of months they were supposed to be catching up. Instead, Killian was slumped back against his seat staring off into space, Shepard was absently examining the menu looking exhausted herself, and Kai Leng was resting his head on her shoulders. He looked like he was asleep, looking like his actual age rather than the hardcore persona he often to fool them with. The kid was pale, well, he was always pale, but right now he looked like a freaking ghost. He frowned and hissed, and Shepard ran her fingers through his hair and rubbed his scalp to comfort him.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Shelby finally asked. “You all look like the living dead.”

“Might as well be,” Killian muttered.

“Don’t tell me. The Alliance?” Shelby asked. When no one responded, he crossed his arms. “Damn.” What the hell were they thinking? “Good thing we came out here to eat. You guys look like hell and could use a bite.”

“Thanks,” Killian said dryly.

“What do you guys wanna eat?”

“The brisket sounds good,” Shepard replied absently. Her omni-tool bleeped, and she glanced at the message she received and frowned. She closed out her tool and focused on the menu again. She glanced at Kai Leng. “Anything pop out at you?” With a heavy sigh, Kai Leng opened his eyes to take a look at the menu. “Brisket works,” he said offhandedly before closing his eyes and laying his head on Shepard’s shoulder again.

Now Shelby was getting worried. “What exactly are they doing in there to y’all? Don’t tell me things have gotten worse since I left.”

Shepard sighed. “Then I won’t tell you.”

“Dammit, how many are being escorted out now?”

“About four or five at a time now,” Killian said. “T’Renli’s pretty much given up on anyone else surviving and we’ve been taking the brunt of the work now. ‘Lift this! Pull that! Hold your Singularity for ten minutes!’”

“Ten minutes! Goddamn, back at BAat we had to hold it for just two!” Shelby ran a hand through his hair in disbelief.

“I know,” Shepard muttered.

“Hey, we didn’t come here to talk about that,” Killian said, perking up. He nudged Shepard with his elbow. “Shelby’s right, we haven’t seen each other in a while so let’s have a good time while we can.”

Senna nodded, but Kai Leng stayed perched on her shoulder. Not having the heart to bother him, she sighed. Another message came through and she checked her omni-tool.

_KAlenko: Hey… just wanted to check in with you. You left so suddenly and I haven’t heard from you since. I can imagine why you’d leave, but… look, can we talk? There’s something I need to get off my chest and tell you, and I’d rather we talk about it sooner rather than later, and in person. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I didn’t mean to walk away the way I did. Whenever you’re available, well… see you later, I suppose._

_-K_

Senna put away her omni-tool and sighed. It had been almost two weeks since she left Kaidan’s apartment. He called her as soon as she got home, but she didn’t have the courage to answer him. Since then, he’d been leaving messages for her, asking her if everything was okay and why was she not responding to him. Avoiding him was cowardly, she knew that, but she needed her space at the moment to clear her mind – namely, her naughty fantasies of him. She didn’t want him to think lowly of her due to her inability to keep it in her pants.

“You good?” Senna looked up and realized Shelby was watching her with a raised eyebrow. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“It’s nothing,” she replied quickly. “Nothing, huh?” Shelby said, obviously not believing her. “Does it have to do with a certain doe-eyed boy scout? About this tall, annoyingly good-looking, and looks like a kicked puppy whenever the girl he likes won’t speak with him?”

“He’s still hung up on Rahna, huh?”

Shelby rolled his eyes. “Don’t get cute, Shepard. Alenko’s been asking me nonstop if I’ve made any contact with you lately. How’d he mess this one up?”

“He didn’t mess anything up,” Senna argued. “I’m just…” she sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Suit yourself. It’s none of my business anyway, but I’ll tell you this. We both know Alenko’s the sensitive type, so the fact you’re avoiding him is eating him up right now. Whatever happened can’t be that bad, eh? Talk to him. It’s the least you can do.” Senna hated to admit it, but Shelby was right. “If not for him, do it for little ol’ me,” Shelby pleaded. “Seriously, the guy’s been bugging the shit out of me and I don’t think I can take it any longer.”

Senna smiled sheepishly. “Noted."

-X-

_“— in the Attican Traverse. The Alliance has successfully halted the soon-to-be invasion that threatened to push past the Traverse and into the Earth Council Space. The Maroon Sea would’ve been the first to be hit, but the bravery and honorary sacrifices of our men and women have prevented such tragedies. Officials say that –”_

Senna shut off Anderson’s terminal, tears of joy springing to her eyes. They did it. They really did it. After four months of waiting, Anderson and Hackett managed to stop the batarians from invading, and everyone was safe. Now, she prayed they made it out alive. She sent countless messages to Anderson, and even Hackett, asking if they were okay, but she had yet to receive a response. The news was reporting the names of those whose lives were lost in the battle, and thankfully their names hadn't come up. Exhaling, she headed to the kitchen to put the popcorn in the microwave.

The door beeped, but Kai Leng rushed to greet their visitor. “Hey, don’t just open other people’s doors, you brat!” Senna called out from the kitchen. Kai Leng flipped her the bird and opened the door. Kaidan blinked in surprise when a boy several years younger than him answered. Even though he was a head shorter than him, the kid had the nerve to stand up straight and try to size him down. “Can I help you?” he asked coolly. Raising an eyebrow, Kaidan peeked inside the apartment. “Uh, is Senna here? I need to talk to her.”

“She just left,” the boy responded immediately. “What do you want?”

“Uh.” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “I really need to talk to her, so is it alright if I wait here until she gets back?”

“No.”

Who the hell was this kid? “Kai! Who’s at the door?” Senna called out from presumably the kitchen. “Some schmuck selling bibles,” the boy named Kai yelled back.

“What? I can clearly hear her from here. Come on, let me see her,” Kaidan demanded with a hint of impatience.

Almost protectively, Kai crossed his arms and deliberately blocked the entrance. “She doesn’t wanna see you, so back off if you know what’s good for you,” he threatened.

“What are you doing?” Senna asked, poking her head from the kitchen. She widened her eyes when she realized Kaidan was standing at the entrance. “Crap. Kai! Go upstairs and give me a minute.” she said, running to the boy and shoving him upstairs. “I still want my popcorn, Shepard,” the kid said as he begrudgingly headed up the stairs, glaring at Kaidan. “You’ll get it, now go!” Kai rolled his eyes and disappeared from view.

Senna turned to Kaidan, at first wondering how he got in the building, but then she remembered Anderson never revoked his clearance. She shifted on her feet, looking down at the floor. “Senna.” She gulped, his husky voice bringing back the images of him taking her in her dreams. With tattered nerves, she glanced up at him, and in the midst of confusion his eyes were warm and soft, calming her like they always did. “We need to talk. May I come in?” he asked. Nodding, Senna stepped aside to let him in the apartment. “Who’s that kid, by the way?” he asked, curiously.

“One of my friends from training. He was pretty sick, so I let him stay here,” Senna explained.

“Ah. I thought he looked familiar. He’s pretty protective of you.”

“Nah, it’s not like that. He’s the baby of the group so we look out for him.”

Kaidan smiled. “Even when you’re not feeling well yourself, you take the time to look out for others,” he commented.

“Did you need something?” Senna asked. If he came here to end things, then they may as well get it over with. 

Kaidan’s face hardened, and he nodded. “I felt that we needed to clarify a couple of things,” he said. “Why did you run out on me like that?”

“You pushed me away, Kaidan. After things were going so well. One minute you were happy to be with me and the next, you looked disgusted with me and ran to your room.”

Kaidan ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to push you away,” he said quietly, his voice racked with remorse. “I got so caught up in the moment I didn’t realize we were going too fast. I’m sorry.” Senna glanced at him quizzically. “None of that was your fault,” she assured. “We both got caught up in it, and while I’m glad you stopped it, I thought you were about to get rid of me,” she said meekly, rubbing her wrist anxiously.

“No! I’d never – I wouldn’t do that, Senna. Not over something like that,” Kaidan said. “You told me you were ready, and I just – I panicked. Maybe I sobered up, maybe I got a rude awakening that we were about to do something we’d later regret. I meant it when I said I wanted to take things slow, and we almost ruined that right then and there.”

“I know, Kaidan. I know. But…” Senna looked away. “You were in your room for a long time so I figured you weren’t coming out. I thought that was your way of telling me to go, or maybe you were preparing to leave me. Call it my paranoia, but you scared me. I was afraid our relationship would end so I left.” And there was the case of ‘blue balls’ she needed to deal with, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Making you think that I would do that is a mistake on my part,” Kaidan said. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, and there on that couch…” he paced back and forth in the living room, his brows furrowed. “You make it hard to step away from you, Senna. Hell, I almost choked Shelby out when he told me he threw that liquor bottle at you.”

Senna’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Seriously?”

“Yeah… I spent three years reflecting on myself, and I’ve worked hard to control my biotics and keep my emotions at bay. I spent years with Dr. Hawthorne, and I’ve numbed myself to the world around me. It helped me cope. Then you came into my life, and you’ve undone all of that.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault you’ve taken two steps back in your recovery?”

“No, I – I’m saying that I worked hard to move on, that I didn’t feel anything anymore until I met you.” Kaidan stopped pacing in the living room, and he looked at Senna. “All these emotions, the feeling of being normal, I stopped feeling that until I met you. When I told you how Rahna broke my heart, you listened, and you didn’t judge me for the colossal mistake I made. Even when we fought about Balak, you were willing to hear my side and talk to me. I started laughing again, and my mom even noticed I smile more often now. You didn’t see me as a biotic, or a killer. You saw me as a human. You – I…” Kaidan sighed. “You make me protective of you. Just when I thought I had it figured out, I ended up losing my cool when Shelby told me what he did.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’d get it, you know, if you weren’t interested in seeing me anymore.”

Frowning in confusion, Senna looked at Kaidan in panic. “W-what makes you say that?”

“Less than two months and you’ll be at Arcturus,” Kaidan said, holding her wrist loosely. “We’ve been keeping it steady, which is what we both want, but… essentially, we’re going to go our separate ways when you depart. The long distance doesn’t bother me personally, but you’ll discover new things out there. New people.” Kaidan didn’t break his hold on her but he looked away. “You don’t want anything to tie you down here and keep you from exploring new possibilities.”

Senna’s heart sank. “A-are you… are you breaking up with me?” she asked, feeling her insecurities assault her at the forefront. Oh God, she really did make him angry by moving too fast. He was breaking up with her and it was all her fault.

“I’m not doing that. Not if that’s not what you want,” Kaidan said. He darted his gaze between her and the couch, not able to meet her eyes completely. “I’m just saying. You’ll be lightyears away and there’s no telling when we’d see each other again.” His posture was taut like he was holding something back. “Giving yourself an out in case you find a better option seems like the most plausible solution. An option more stable out there for you.”

Senna cautiously approached him, looking at him perplexed. “Are you saying… that you think I’ll meet another guy who you think would be better than you?” Her answer was confirmed when Kaidan glanced at her with furrowed brows, anxiousness worn on his handsome features. “Kaidan, I… I like you. I like you a lot.” Senna hugged her arms, suddenly feeling self-conscious of the situation.

“I like you too, Senna. More than you could think,” Kaidan said. “But I can’t go any further if this isn’t what you want in the long run. Our time together has been amazing – hell, it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I’ve been thinking of our… kiss every night since then and I can’t get it out of my head. But if a long-distance relationship won’t work and you want to keep this short, then I’ll understand. It’ll hurt, but I’ll understand.”

“Why are you determined to end this?” Senna asked. “I told you I liked you, and I don’t want this to end. I want to make this work.”

Bewildered, Kaidan turned to face her. “… do you mean that?” he asked. Senna nodded vigorously. “I do…” she shifted on her feet. “Is this your elaborate way of telling me _you_ want to end it between us? Because if so, you can just say it,” she rubbed her wrist, “I’m a big girl. I can take it,” she said quietly.

“I don’t,” Kaidan said with finality.

“Are you sure you don’t?”

“Ever since that night, I’ve been thinking about us,” Kaidan said. “I thought we could just be friends, but I felt more than that, so I wanted to go on a date with you. The past few months have been great. You’re easy to talk to, you wear your heart on your sleeve, and you’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Senna, I…” Kaidan’s cheeks started to turn red. “I… want even more. Maybe it's just me being greedy, but I know that now,” he said, bashfully averting his gaze. Senna waited with bated breath to hear his next words.

“Kaidan? Are you saying that…” Senna swallowed the lump in her throat, unable to finish the question. He smiled at her, his eyes full of warmth and no longer suppressed by the weight of his past or current dilemma. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. Senna stared at him in disbelief. “I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.”

Kaidan looked like a hurt puppy just like Shelby said. “Hmm… I see…”

“No no! It’s not that I’m rejecting you,” Senna added hastily. “I’m shocked, really, that you actually wanna be with me. Officially, that is.”

“What makes you think I don’t?”

“C'mon, look at you,” she waved up and down at his physique. “You’re amazing in every sense of the word. Hell, you’re damn near perfect! You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever met. You’re selfless, full of integrity, and you’re gorgeous to boot.” Kaidan's eyes widened a little and he looked away and rubbed his neck, a little embarrassed from the chain of compliments. “You’ve got the perfect family who loves you and has your back through anything. Any girl would be lucky to have you, but you want to be with me – a plain farmgirl and former prisoner.” Senna bit her bottom lip. “You’re worried about me finding someone else, but you could have any girl you wanted. I’ve seen the picture of Rahna when I was staying at your place. She was so beautiful, like a princess, and the way you described her makes her seem like Mother Theresa personified. I’m none of those things.” She didn’t mean to rant, but she couldn’t believe that Kaidan wanted to make their relationship official. She was so happy – she was more excited than she could bear, but… “I’m not like Rahna,” she blurted out. “I’m not gentle or beautiful like her, and I’m not as graceful as she was. I’m nothing like her.”

“You’re right. You’re not.” Senna looked at Kaidan feeling hurt by his blatant agreement. “You’re a survivor, a warrior. You may not be the delicate type, but you’re strong and charming as hell. Smart, but not arrogant. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it.” Kaidan rubbed his neck before he laughed. “Damn, I’m getting embarrassed saying this out loud, but I thought you were beautiful the day I met you. I scared the hell out of you, yet you stood up and smiled at me. Befriended me, even. You told me my biotics were beautiful. Hh, that was the first time anyone ever told me that.” Kaidan was looking at her with such passion, Senna's breath hitched. He had her under his spell, and she couldn’t look away. “I wanna make this work, Senna. You give me hope that I, too, can start over. Rahna was important to me, yes, but that was the past. I want to move forward. With you. By my side. If…” Kaidan glanced at her with a nervous edge. “If you’ll have me.”

Senna rubbed her arm, her glee rising to the forefront. “Nothing would make me happier, but I’ve been through a lot, you know. I have so many scars that I don’t know when I’ll be ready to…”

“Hey, hey. Don’t worry about that. I’m happy just being here with you.” Kaidan gave her a chaste kiss. “Don’t push yourself for me. Setting boundaries is completely okay. There’s zero pressure coming from me. It’s my job to keep my girlfriend safe after all,” he said with a playful smirk.

Feeling her heart flutter at being called his girlfriend, Senna grinned. “Girlfriend, huh? I like the sound of that.” Relief took over her, followed by an overwhelming feeling of joy. He wanted them to be a couple. An actual couple! Senna let out a giggle and impulsively kissed him, one that he returned sweetly. “Are you sure you wanna deal with me?” she asked, half-joking, half-serious.

Kaidan smirked. “I’ll rest easy knowing I’ll never get bored.”

She smiled at him, then rubbed her wrist. “It’s getting late, so I guess you should be heading back to your place.”

“I could, but…” Kaidan glanced at her. “Do you want me to stay here for the night?” Kaidan asked suddenly.

“No!” Kai Leng called out from upstairs. Senna groaned. “Shut up and watch your weird cartoons!”

“It’s called anime, you uncultured hag!” Kai Leng yelled back.

Kaidan laughed. “Looks like you’ve adopted a little brother.”

“Unfortunately for me, I lost the receipt so I can’t return him,” Senna quipped with a roll of her eyes. She held Kaidan’s hand and smiled. “I was just about to watch my favorite show. Come watch it with me.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a long-running drama. Been on the air since we were kids, and apparently it’s still going strong.”

“Wait, don’t tell me. It’s _Under the Blossoming Sun_ , isn’t it?”

“You’ve seen it?”

“No, but my mom’s a huge fan of the show and I’ve caught a couple of episodes.” Senna pulled him to the couch and she sat him down. She jogged to the kitchen, grabbed her popcorn and sat back down on the couch, making sure to keep their actions G-rated this time. “Perfect, then I don’t have to catch you up on the plot,” she said, pulling her large blanket over them both.

Senna cuddled up on Kaidan, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him. Her heart was racing, but this time it was from happiness instead of anxiety. She placed the bowl of popcorn between them, and Kaidan grabbed a fistful and stuffed the snack in his mouth. “Wait, Gannon and Tricia broke up?” he asked in shock, watching the couple on the TV that was arguing.

“Mm-hm. Turned out she slept with Lisandra while he was in a coma and they melded their minds together,” Senna said, completely engrossed in the newest episode. “But that was two seasons ago. Now, Tricia just quit her job as Lisandra’s secretary and she’s working for Niall as his personal assistant.”

“I thought she couldn’t stand Niall,” Kaidan said perplexed.

“She doesn’t, but after he saved her from the turian mafia, they became closer and now they’re friends.”

“Hh, guess we know where that’s going.”

Senna nodded eagerly. “Yeah, but we just found Niall is Gannon’s long-lost cousin, so things are about to get messy.”

“Shepard!” Kai Leng called out from upstairs.

“What is it?”

“Are you done making up with the boyfriend?”

Senna giggled. Her boyfriend. Kaidan was her boyfriend now. She kissed his cheek and he smirked at her and kissed her on her lips. “We did.”

“Can I have my bowl of popcorn now?”

Senna stopped chewing her popcorn midway and glanced down at the bowl that was already half-empty. “Oops.” She jumped from the couch to make another bowl, Kaidan laughing behind her.

-X-

Killian tapped his foot impatiently in the clinic’s waiting room. “Not that I was expecting a full-blown ceremony, but I at least figured we’d get a congratulations from T’Renli.”

“We went through all that trouble, just to possibly get turned into a vegetable,” Kai Leng deadpanned, but he was clearly nervous from the way his jaw was tightened.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll go a lot better this time.” Kai Leng and Killian both gave her skeptic looks, and Senna didn’t sound convinced herself.

The door opened, and the same infuriatingly monotone surgical assistant stepped up. “Senna Shepard.”

“The Russian Roulette wheel got you going first again,” Kai Leng said. Ignoring his comment, Senna followed the assistant into the lab, and the eerily familiar operating table was waiting for her. Except for this time, neither Anderson nor Hackett were here. One of the scientists approached her, and she recognized her as the lead scientist who was there for her first implant surgery. She was accompanied by the same Nigerian woman she spoke with in Anderson’s apartment months ago.

“Hello there, it’s good to see you again,” the Nigerian woman greeted. “I don’t know if you recognize me, but we met some time ago. I’m Iyani Ibrahim. One of the chairmen for the Alliance. I imagine you have many questions to ask me?”

Senna frowned. Ibrahim was polite, but there was something about her that kept Senna on alert. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something told her to not lower her guard. Plus, Anderson didn't seem too fond of her, so all the more reason. “Not really,” she replied. “I’m assuming I’m getting an improved version of the L3,” she stated. “This is the beta model embedded in me right now, am I right?”

“Correct, and you’ll be getting the official implant, one that no doubt will not have any side effects that’ll endanger your life,” Ibrahim said.

“There’s still the issue of this,” Senna bitterly pointed at the operating table that was giving her nasty flashbacks. “I have to go back on this thing, don’t I?”

Ibrahim clicked her tongue in disapproval. “A barbaric tool of science, don’t you think?” she asked with agreement. “I most certainly don’t envy you there.” Ibrahim gazed at Senna sympathetically. “We should get this done so we can put this behind us. I know you’re eager to forget about the unpleasant part of being a biotic. Having to deal with this,” she said staring pointedly at the table.

“… will it hurt?” Senna asked, the dread making her meek.

“I can’t answer that for you,” Ibrahim said regretfully. “I’m not a biotic, so I can’t even begin to understand how difficult it can be to go through something like this. As a friend of Anderson’s, I assure you that I’ll be here to make sure everything goes well. And Dr. Connors over here will work hard to make this as quick and painless as possible. How does that sound?”

Senna rubbed her wrists. “Can you at least put me to sleep this time?” she muttered bitterly.

“Absolutely! Your comfort is the number one thing we need to make this work! I promise you, you’re in good hands. By the time we’re finished, you’ll be made anew – you’ll be perfect,” Ibrahim said smiling.

Senna nodded with hesitation. Just like last time, the assistance mechanically told her to remove her shirt and lie on the table. Dr. Connors strapped her to the table and prepared the anesthesia. Senna thought she could bear it this time, but seeing the drill directly in front of her brought back her terror. She trembled, her vision blurring as she suddenly found herself back on the perfectly polished stage of the theater. Only this time Kaidan was on the stage with her. He was the handsome prince, coming to save her from danger as he danced with her. He held her hand as he smiled at her, calming her nerves and holding her close.

Ibrahim nodded at Dr. Connors who prepped the amp exchange. “L3 beta implant removal will begin now,” the scientist said. Ibrahim watched from the observation room, patiently waiting for the surgery to begin. Senna was beginning to lose consciousness thankfully, but Ibrahim spoke to her over the comm system. “I’m here, Shepard,” she said. “It seems scary, but you will come out of this unscathed. Look on the bright side.”

“… bright side? What bright side?” Senna slurred, the effects of the anesthesia making quick work. She continued to dance with Kaidan, even when she was succumbing to the drug.

Despite her face being unseeable, the composer raised her baton to signal the ensemble of musicians to begin their piece. Her mouth opened to speak in a charming, yet snakelike tone. “At least you aren’t an L2.”

-X-

Senna stepped off the elevator and stood in front of the entry to Shelby’s penthouse. For whatever reason he contacted her barely an hour ago, telling her he needed to speak with her ASAP. When she asked what for, he only said he’d explain when she got there. Shelby was always upfront about the details so Senna was suspicious from the jump. Once the maid let her in and she went up the elevator, she headed to the large living area where Shelby told her to meet with him, only to be met with silence and the empty space.

“Hello?” she called out. “Shelby! I’m here!” she stepped forward. “Hey, where are you!”

“SURPRISE!” Shelby, Kaidan, Kail Leng, Killian, and even Shelby’s sister, Andrea, popped out from their various hiding spots. “Happy Birthday Senna!” they all shouted in unison.

Senna's heart raced from the jump scare, but she laughed joyously as she looked at the party decorations. “You guys! I said you didn’t have to throw me a party!”

“C'mon, Curly Top, ya know ‘no party' isn’t in Shelby’s vocabulary,” Killian said, running up to her and giving her a hug. “Happy Birthday, little sis,” he said affectionately. “Aww, thanks Wes.”

Kai Leng joined in on the hug, and Senna smiled at the boy who had become like her bratty little brother. “Happy Birthday, Shepard. You’re still a hag,” Kai Leng quipped.

“Love you too, little bro.” Senna kissed his forehead, and Kai Leng mumbled something under his breath before he walked away, hiding the small blush he had. Shelby was next, dropping his elbow directly on Senna’s head. “Happy Birthday, kid!” Senna snorted and shoved his arm off her, and he ruffled her hair. “I’d have the good booze laid out for us, but I got a parental here, so we’re settling for beers.” Andrea wished her a happy birthday and gave her a friendly hug before heading to the bar.

Kaidan finally approached her, and he embraced her and gave her a chaste kiss. “Happy Birthday,” he whispered in her ear. Oh, the things this man did to her. She smiled like an idiot and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. This means a lot to me,” she said. Even though she didn’t want a party, her friends still took the time to celebrate it with her.

“Got a nice little arcade set up down the hallway. We can pre-game there and get this party started,” Shelby said, pumping his fists together in a challenging stance. “I’ll kick your asses at Shattered Eezo.”

“As if! I kicked your ass last time I was here,” Killian challenged back. “Only ‘cause I whooped you in laser tag, so I decided to go easy on you.”

“I don’t care what we do, as long as I get a chance to win at bowling,” Senna said smirking.

“Before we engage in total mayhem, I have a present for you,” Kaidan said.

“Kaidan, I told you you didn’t need to get me anything.”

Kaidan smirked as if he knew something she didn’t. “I know, but I think you’re gonna love it.” Someone tapped on Senna’s shoulder. Furrowing her eyebrows, Senna turned her head and she screamed in joyous surprise, tears immediately pooling at her eyes.

“Anderson!” Senna immediately pounced on Anderson and held him in a tight bear hug. “Oh my God, you made it!” she cried out. He had been gone for five months, fighting the batarians and preventing an invasion. She watched the news vids almost every night to make sure he wasn’t involved in a tragedy.

“I wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world, Shepard. Luckily Kaidan was able to contact me regarding this surprise party,” Anderson said, holding Senna in a fatherly embrace. He and Hackett fought hard to prevent the invasion on the Earth Council Space, to prevent them from coming near Earth itself, from Shepard. The battle was won, but many people gave their lives to secure humanity’s freedom. Standing here, reunited with Shepard and seeing her so happy with her friends, was the reward for being a soldier. Anderson cleared his throat, prompting Kaidan’s attention. “A long time has passed since I was back here in Vancouver, and I see a lot of things have changed,” he said, looking pointedly between Kaidan and Shepard. The two of them blushed, with Shepard stammering over her words.

“About that, I can explain,” Shepard said panicked. Anderson put his hand up to ease her worry. “No need. I’m happy for you two,” he said. “I figured it’d be a certain amount of time before you made things official, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just let you do whatever the hell you want. I know I’m gone a lot, but that doesn’t give you permission to run amuck. Date, be happy, but be smart, and treat each other fairly and honestly.”

“Yes, sir,” Kaidan and Shepard said in unison. Anderson nodded in approval. Good. They took his advice. _Raising Teenage Girls for Dummies, Vol. 10_ was a very insightful codex. Money well spent. “I’ll let you all get back to it. No reason for me to stick around.”

“But you just got here! Who knows when I’ll see you again,” Shepard protested.

“With the recent success of our blockade and the Earth Council Space safe for now, I’ve earned a well-deserved shore leave,” Anderson said. He smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll be home when you return, and we’ll have plenty of time to spend together before you leave for Arcturus.”

“You better,” Shepard said, hugging Anderson once again. “Pulling a disappearing act won’t work this time, so I’ll hold you to it.”

Anderson chuckled. “Understood. Now go on, you kids have fun. I’ll see you back at the apartment.” With that being said, the maid escorted him out of the penthouse. Senna turned around and Shelby and Killian were standing there with a tray full of shots and idiotic grins on their faces.

“Now that the parental is gone, it’s time to party! I’ve got friends coming and we’ll celebrate your birthday the right way, Curly Top!”

“Wait, friends? Come on, Shelby, not another ridiculous party of yours.” Senna groaned in exasperation.

“Relax, I only invited twenty of them this time.”

“Only twenty, huh?”

“Here. One of these oughta loosen you up.” Killian handed Senna and Kaidan a shot. “Once we get to Arcturus, times like these will be a dime a dozen.”

Senna stared at her shot skeptic. Then her trademark grin broke out on her face. “You know what? You’re right. I doubt Arcturus has the good stuff in stock,” she joked.

“That’s the spirit!” They all brought their shot glasses – with the exception of Kai Leng, who had a root beer can – together in the form of a toast and they downed their shots in one gulp.

“Hell yeah! Let’s get this party started!” Shelby cheered when a couple of his friends arrived. Shaking her head, Senna squared when Kaidan hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek. Feeling one last sense of doubt, she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re sure the long distance won’t be an issue?” she asked with uncertainty.

Kaidan smiled and planted a kiss on her. “Not at all,” he whispered against her lips. “Trust me, we’ll make this work.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I feel good about this. About us.”

“Who knows when we’ll be together again, but you’ll be worth the wait though. Chances of me going astray are zero to negative. Not to sound lame, but I’ll be thinking of you.” Senna bit her bottom lip and peered at him. “We'll be together again, right?” she asked, a little nervous.

“Of course, we will. You’re a hard person to forget.”

“You two can make out later!” Shelby called out. “There’s a nice game of Shattered Eezo calling my name.”

“A game I’m gonna win,” Kai Leng said arrogantly. 

“Please! You don’t hold a candle to my…” their voices faded as they jogged to the arcade on the other side of the penthouse. Senna laughed while Kaidan rolled his eyes.

“Shall we go play babysitter now?”

“Hh! I better get a paycheck for this. But hey, don’t worry. Whatever life throws at us, we’ll be ready.”

Smiling, Senna kissed his cheek, and they walked to the arcade hand in hand. Kaidan was right. She survived the raid on Mindoir, her life as a slave on Jar’urta, and the abuse that accompanied it, and now she was on her way to becoming a soldier with her friends and her boyfriend supporting her every step of the way. It would be hard, but she worked too hard to build herself back up just to let life break her down again. Nothing life threw at her would tear her down.

Except life had a twisted sense of humor. Little did she know its trials were just beginning, for this was the last time the four of them would be together as friends.


	9. Episode 8

Cameras flashed while Chairman Tanaka, Chairman Ibrahim, and Chairman Burns smiled as they each shook Anderson’s and Hackett’s hand for the press, congratulating the former for his recent promotion to Staff Lieutenant, and the latter to Staff Commander. The ceremony was filled with the most influential military figureheads, politicians, investors, and the most generous donors for the Systems Alliance. Socialites who actively promoted the work of the military with charity balls and fundraisers also attended the ceremony. Superficial interactions were occurring as they all mingled and enjoyed the formal afterparty, drinking the most expensive champagne while the jazz quartet provided the classy ambiance.

Chairman Ibrahim had a perfectly poised smile on her face. “Well done, you two,” she said. “Your bravery at the Earth Council Space border is the reason we’re all standing here today,” she said, loud enough for the press to hear her. “Not only did you save our lives, but you’re the example of what the Alliance stands for. We are proud to honor you both with the Star of Terra,” she said, gesturing to the medals Anderson and Hackett received during the ceremony. “May the Maker continue to bless you during your brave mission to continue to protect humanity.” The people who were listening clapped from Ibrahim’s speech as the reporters recorded everything, furiously scribbling down notes for their articles.

The afterparty went well into the night. Anderson stood in the corner, drinking the champagne with raspberries floating in the glass – not that it was his preferred choice, but it was the only option the party offered – when Hackett came up to him. “You need to speak to at least one person, David,” Hackett said. “Brooding in the corner as the star of the show isn’t a good look.”

“For whom? For me, or the Alliance?” Anderson challenged. “I spoke with a few people tonight anyway. No need to overdo it.” Hackett sighed. “I know you have your differences, but at least relax a little,” he replied. “You worked hard for this – we both did. Take some time for yourself tonight.” Anderson harrumphed in response, watching a few socialites and politicians take pictures for the press.

“They have sushi.” Hackett’s face was stoic, but Anderson knew he was teasing him. He chuckled in response and shook his head. “Who could resist such an offer?” he teased back.

Anderson’s eyes narrowed when he saw Tanaka and Burns were finally alone and speaking amongst themselves. Seizing the opportunity, Anderson excused himself from Hackett and walked over to the chairmen.

“There you are! The man of the hour!” Tanaka greeted as she formally kissed Anderson’s cheek. “Enjoying yourself tonight, Staff Lieutenant? I see you like the champagne,” she said with a smile.

Anderson nodded stiffly. “I am. I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Ask away.”

Anderson straightened himself and cleared his throat. “Shepard left for Arcturus and I’ve been trying to get into contact with her – to check up on her to see how she’s doing. It’s been three months now and I’ve yet to hear a response from her. Granted, communication is limited there on the station, but I—”

“Shepard belongs to us now,” Burns interjected. “Your guardianship is no longer required, therefore, your communication with her has been cut off.”

Anderson’s eyes blazed. “What the hell is that supposed to be mean?” he demanded. “What Burns is trying to say is," Tanaka glanced at Burns with disapproval for his lack of tact, “you’ve done your part in taking care of Shepard and we commend you for that. Raising a girl isn’t easy, let alone a teenage one with inconceivable trauma. You’d convinced her to enlist and we’ve upheld our end of the bargain with your promotion.”

“Shepard enlisted of her own volition. I had nothing to do with that,” Anderson argued. “My promotion had to do with defending our space from batarian pirates.”

“Be that as it may, your role is over. It is not necessary, nor required, for you to contact and distract her from her duties. Your role as her guardian while she trained her biotics was just that. A role. We take extra care in watching over our top candidates, and no harm will come to Shepard as long as she is in our possession.”

“She is a human being! Not stock you shamelessly trade amongst yourselves!” Anderson boomed. The banquet hall fell into hushed whispers as they all glanced at Anderson. Like vultures, the press was already making their way to them to see what the commotion was about. Hackett was about to come over to intervene but Anderson noticed and put his hand up, letting him know he could handle this. Calming himself, he spoke in a more civilized tone. “I know more than you two combined how extreme the training at Arcturus is. It’s grueling – unforgiving, and she needs all the support she can get.”

Tanaka's face hardened from Anderson’s outburst, but her political visage returned, her cold smile back in place once the press was within view. “I understand your concern, Anderson. She’s special to you and I empathize. I have three children and a grandson myself – all of them I wouldn’t trade for the world. But Shepard is not to be coddled,” she explained calmly. “She knew what she was getting into when she enlisted, and giving her any special treatment is not acceptable in any form. Contact from an officer not stationed on Arcturus is strictly prohibited, and your interference will not be tolerated.” Tanaka placed a hand on Anderson's arm, keeping her smile in place as to the blind eye, she and Anderson were having an amicable conversation and laughing. When Anderson didn't return the gesture, her eyes peered at him expectantly. Anderson's face cracked out a smile. The press eventually excused themselves, choosing to focus on the party.

Anderson’s jaw clenched. “Yes ma’am,” he said with barely contained annoyance.

“That temper of yours will be your undoing one day,” she warned. “Shepard survived the biotic training, did she not? She will be just fine, Staff Lieutenant, and what you’re feeling right now is a simple case of empty-nester syndrome, and that is completely understandable, but you will keep it together, lest you upset the wrong people.” Tanaka graciously sipped her champagne. “Shepard may belong to us now, but I assure you, we are keeping a close eye on her, and she is in good hands.”

That was what scared Anderson the most.

-X-

Shepard craned her neck to pop it and she chuckled. “Good one.” She got into her defensive stance, waiting for her opponent to attack. Her opponent, Robyn Miles, took an offensive stance and they both stared each other down before Miles threw another left hook at her. Shepard blocked the jab, side-stepping to avoid the swift kick that was aimed at her head. Shepard reached forward and punched Miles' rib, which knocked the breath out of her. Taking advantage of her brief vulnerability, Shepard swiftly moved and grabbed the back of Miles' neck and pulled her down, colliding her face with her knees. Miles grunted and doubled over. She glared at Shepard and wiped the blood from her nose. Shepard cooked an eyebrow and smirked at her, wordlessly challenging her. Miles huffed and feigned a punch, switching to kicking the back of Shepard’s knee. Shepard lost her footing, but she recovered just in time to avoid the pin Miles almost trapped her in. She swiftly punched Miles in the groin before she spun behind her, grabbed her by the neck, and held her down in a sleeper hold. Miles struggled as she reached back to scratch Shepard and get her to let go, but Shepard didn’t relent. She tightened her hold, and Miles flailed as she struggled to break free.

Major Limyadi blew the whistle and Shepard immediately let go of Miles. She coughed as she got back on her feet and she scoffed at Shepard. “Miles! You’re too impatient, and your haste to bring your opponent down was your downfall. Shepard! Your defense is still lacking and your offensive combat can only get you so far. If you spend less time gloating and use that brain of yours, you’d know that you’d be dead within a day out in the field!”

“Yes, sir!” both the privates said.

“You won’t become marines if you continue to fight like a volus! Think of your families! Your homes! Those damn pirates are still out there and at the rate you’re all going, you may as well throw cotton candy at them!” Limyadi boomed to the other cadets. “Fight like your lives depend on it!”

“Yes sir!” they all shouted in unison.

-X-

Shepard sighed in relief as she finished her shower and went to the cafeteria for supper. The food was crap, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. After she made herself a plate, she sat with Killian and Miles who already claimed a table with a couple other of mutual friends. “Sit on down Curly Top,” Killian said, patting the seat next to him.

“Does that even have the same ring to it?” Shepard asked, pointing at her hair that was now in a tight lower bun. “Old habits die hard, am I right?” Killian retorted.

Miles was eating her dinner with a pensive frown. “Am I seriously that hasty?” she asked curiously.

“Gotta say yeah,” Shepard said. “You looked like you wanted to plow me down for a second.”

Miles clicked her tongue. “Damn. You know Limyadi’s right about you too. Your defense does kinda suck, and the only reason you beat me was ‘cause you have better reflexes.”

Shepard shrugged. “True, but we’ll only get better as we progress.”

Miles hummed in response, her expression turning somber. “What’s wrong?” Killian asked. Miles sighed and put down her fork. “Right before supper, I received word from my parents that our colony got hit by pirates,” she said, “they took my sisters and killed my nephews. My parents are on vacation in Elysium so they’re safe, but…”

“Dammit,” Killian cursed, “I thought the Alliance took care of that problem already?”

“I don’t know. According to my parents, they didn’t hear from my sisters for almost a week before they found out about the raid.” Miles sighed. “I got a friend back home who just told me he couldn’t get in contact with his family in Cherowick before it was discovered their colony got destroyed too.”

“They’re getting craftier,” Shepard said with a scowl. “Keeping their raids off the radar lessens the chance of the Alliance finding them and planning a rescue in time.”

“Those bastards,” Killian snarled, losing his appetite and putting his fork down. “It’s bad enough they keep popping up like cockroaches, but now they’re going stealth on us and killing our people on the low?” Killian rubbed his forehead and groaned irately.

“Now that I think about it, didn’t you tell me your parents were ambushed by pirates while investigating a distress signal?” Shepard asked.

Killian’s mouth twitched into a frown. “It was just their ship doing the investigation, so they didn’t stand a chance. After they died, I stayed with a distant relative while we were in Vancouver, but…”

“It’s not the same,” Shepard finished for him. Killian nodded without saying another word. “Yeah, I get it.” With the atmosphere suddenly turning depressing, she decided to brighten the mood. “So, Miles. You said you were born and raised in St. Lucia, right? What’s it like there?”

Miles immediately perked up, grinning from ear to ear about her native home. “Oh my God! It’s freaking beautiful! I was an island girl my whole life and I never get tired of its beauty.”

“Do y’all do hula-hoop dances?” Killian joked.

“It ain’t Hawaii, asshole,” Miles quipped. “You shouldn’t be talking anyway. Aren’t you from a backwoods town in Kentucky?”

“Hey, I may not be from an exotic island, but I come from an awesome place!” Killian argued. Miles and Shepard raised their eyebrows.

“Oh yeah?”

“And where is that?”

Killian cleared his throat and smirked. “Tallahassee.”

Shepard and Miles burst into laughter. “Florida? Florida?!” Miles said cracking up.

“I’m sorry, Wes, but that is just… just, no! You should’ve kept quiet on that one,” Shepard said, patting Killian’s back while hollering with laughter.

“I’m pretty sure Florida is a planet of their own,” Miles choked out between laughs. Killian cursed at them under his breath and crossed his arms stubbornly. “No, that’s Australia,” Shepard said giggling. “I lived in Alabama until I was like, eight!” Killian defended.

“That’s worse!” Miles quipped.

“Florida _is_ awesome. I don’t care what you two say,” he muttered rolling his eyes. Shepard was glad for the mood change, even if it ended up at the expense of Killian’s home.

-X-

“Say ah.”

“Ah…”

“Good… good.”

“Tilt your head down… good. Have you suffered any recent headaches?”

“The migraines were crippling last night which is why I called.”

“Do you feel any discomfort from your implant?”

“No, ma’am.”

“How about joint pains?”

“No.”

“Good. Your vitals seem normal. Everything looks good!” the doctor said cheerfully. “You’re free to go. But you know the L3s came out recently. A retrofit is risky, but the L2s are outdated and no longer considered safe. The upgrade would be good for you. You wouldn’t have to deal with migraines anymore and you'd be like everyone else!”

“Not interested, but I appreciate your concern.”

“… of course. Here’s your prescription for painkillers. Let me know if you’re experiencing any more sudden migraines.”

“Thanks.” Hopping off the examination bed, Kaidan put on his coat and left the clinic. The winter air greeted him, and he rubbed his hands together to keep them warm. Thank goodness spring was approaching soon. Realizing his lunch break was almost over, he hurried back to the repair shop. Michelle was waiting for him so she could take her break. “Hey! I’ll be down the street if you need me,” she said while clocking out. She hurried past Kaidan and hugged her friend who was waiting for her outside before they disappeared from view.

Now alone, Kaidan looked around at the store before he went behind the counter, dutifully waiting for any customer to enter. After Senna left, he ended up going back into his mundane routine: sleep, eat, work, rinse, and repeat. He didn’t really keep up with Shelby since the Italian kept himself occupied with the wild parties Kaidan refused to attend no matter how many times he was invited. Senna’s friend, Killian, enlisted at the same time as her and they departed for Arcturus together the following week after her birthday, and Kai Leng disappeared shortly after.

Strumming his fingers on the countertop, Kaidan huffed impatiently. Impatience. What exactly was he impatient for? This was the life he grew accustomed to since he came back from BAat. Living a life as blissfully boring as possible was the best medicine for the guilt he had to live with for the rest of his life. After many sessions with Dr. Hawthorne, he convinced himself that an unassuming routine off the grid was what he deserved. But now, he had grown bored. Unsatisfied with what he was doing with his life. Despite his expulsion from the training program, Shelby was still living his life, going on lavish vacations and partying it up almost every weekend while living like there was no tomorrow. Kaidan learned that Kai Leng, as bratty as he was, had a plan laid out too and that was to physically train himself until he enlisted in the Alliance. Senna and Killian were already on Arcturus training to become marines. Everyone had a clear goal in their life, and here he was in a repair shop working a dead-end job. His father mentioned more than once that he’d make him proud if he enlisted. The subtle hints were getting tiring though since Kaidan still felt that he wasn’t mentally prepared for it.

The day went by slowly, and once his shift ended, Kaidan walked to his apartment, tossing his coat aside on the couch and going to his bedroom. He let out a sigh as he looked at the picture of him and Senna on the ferry on his nightstand. He smiled to himself. Right before she left, he took her to the ferry ride they were originally supposed to go on for one last date. She loved it, and the brunch they had as part of the package deal was full of laughs and witty remarks.

His terminal bleeped, and Kaidan sat at his desk to check his message. His lips stretched into a wide grin when he saw a video call coming from Senna. He immediately answered it, and his breath hitched when she appeared on screen. They chatted whenever she could, but his stomach never failed to do flips every time they spoke. “Hey, you,” Senna said, winking at him.

Kaidan laughed. “Hey, yourself,” he said huskily. Senna giggled and smiled wide at him. God, she was so beautiful. “How’s boot camp treating you?”

“It’s pretty cool. Hand-to-hand combat is something I’m actually good at and I totally didn’t see that coming,” Senna bragged. “Vanguard training is a challenge, and they’re keeping me on my toes, but I think I got this in the bag!” she said cheerfully.

Kaidan laughed at her enthusiasm. “That’s great! You look like you’re having fun over there.”

“I am, honestly. Major Limyadi’s kind of a hardass though,” Senna replied. She stared at him for a moment. “I miss you,” she said suddenly. 

“I miss you too, and I want nothing more than to see you again,” Kaidan replied immediately. He didn’t understand why he felt so unsatisfied about his life going back to normal until just now. Senna brought back excitement to his life. She was the reason he felt adventurous again – like the person he used to be. She brought him back to life, and now that she was billions of lightyears away, that source of excitement was gone now, replaced by the monotone lifestyle he previously swore by. Talking to her now helped him see how much of a positive impact she made in his life. “I’m proud of you, Senna, I really am,” he said after a minute. “You look so happy, and I – that makes me happy,” he said.

“I wouldn’t have gotten this far without your support, you know,” Senna said. “Knowing you’re waiting for me back home makes it all worth it.” She smiled at him. “Have you kept in contact with Shelby?” she asked. “How’s he been?”

“I, uh… haven’t really spoken to him since you left.” Senna frowned at that, and Kaidan quickly added, “I’ve been busy with work. At the repair shop and my family’s orchard.”

“Kaidan, you can’t go anti-social on everybody! Shelby can be a bit much, but he’s the reason we’re together in the first place!” Senna admonished. Kaidan sighed. She was right. Shelby was a piece of work at times, but he was a good friend at the core. “I’ll get in touch with him,” he promised her. Senna smiled in approval. “Good! Whether you like it or not the two of you are friends, so act like it.”

Kaidan chuckled. “He likes you too, you know.”

“I know. He’s the big brother I never wanted nor asked for,” Senna teased.

“Hey, we L2s gotta stick together, right?” Senna’s face fell and she looked away. Kaidan frowned when he sensed something was wrong. “Senna?”

“I’m not an L2,” Senna blurted out. Kaidan’s face scrunched with confusion. “Pardon?” he asked.

“I’m not an L2,” she repeated. Kaidan laughed, thinking she was joking. “C’mon, Senna, your humor is a lot better than this.” His blasé faded when Senna was staring at him seriously. “If you’re not an L2 then what are you?”

“L3.”

Kaidan scoffed. “L3, huh?” he said. “They just came out a couple of months ago and you had an implant way before you left Vancouver. There’s no way you could be an L3.”

Senna rubbed the back of her neck, tracing the implant on her neck. “You’re half right,” she said.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s… hard to say.”

The wheels in Kaidan’s head started to turn as the ugly truth came out. “The whole time we were together you never mentioned this. Not once,” he said in a neutral tone. The temper he worked hard to repress started to resurface. “Why would you keep this from me?”

“Kaidan, just like your feelings about your biotics when we first met, this wasn’t an easy topic to discuss,” Senna said defensively. “The transition was no walk in the park, and it’s not something worth casually mentioning at dinner.”

“Did you not trust me?” Kaidan asked. “My biotics were a sore topic, yes, but that was before we got close – before we got together.”

“I’m sorry, Kaidan. It’s not like I hid it from you on purpose, but it’s a pretty loaded story.” Senna looked over her shoulder. “Curfew’s about to start. I promise we’ll talk about this later, okay?”

“… Sure. Okay. Talk to you later.” They said their goodbyes and ended the call, and Kaidan shut off his terminal. It wasn’t like he meant to get angry – hell, he didn’t even know what he was angry for. For her keeping something from him? She had her right to privacy – he knew that more anyone, so who was he to barge into her business? The implants were hard to deal with, but the L3s were being advertised as the new and improved implants, the ones meant to send the L2s into obscurity. They were practically perfect now! Kaidan wasn’t mad at Senna per se – or… was he? Dammit, he couldn’t think straight right now. Taking Senna’s advice, he messaged Shelby to invite him out for drinks. Kaidan stood to face the window that the rain was beating on. Shelby messaged him back, agreeing to go to a bar with him on Friday evening. Kaidan sighed. Maybe a night with a friend would be good for him, and maybe he’d get a better understanding of exactly what was going on.

Meanwhile on Arcturus, Shepard lied face down on her top bunk after shutting off the Alliance-issued terminal. She reached back and gently traced the newer, ‘better’ implant. She and Killian admitted the amp felt a lot more comfortable than the beta model since they no longer suffered frequent headaches and weren’t at risk of getting seizures, but the aftereffects of the retrofitted surgery did leave them nauseous for almost two weeks. Shepard turned her head so her cheek was on her pillow. Getting the implant the first time was terrible, and the second time was just as traumatizing since the risk was twice as high. She was so focused on blocking the memories out she didn’t realize Kaidan assumed she was an L2 like him. She bit her bottom lip in guilt. She didn’t want to keep secrets from him, not when things were going so well for them, and she felt bad for not being more open with him. He was upset when they hung up, knowing him, it was best to give him some space for now. Miles hurried in their bunk and climbed into bed right when the lights in the dorm shut off. Shepard sighed as she closed her eyes, thinking of a way she could talk it out with Kaidan.

-X-

Each cadet was learning how to assemble their own weapon. Major Limyadi watched them like a hawk, making sure not a single component was out of place nor left out. Killian and Miles were talking amongst themselves while putting together their sniper rifles. “I heard about your family,” Killian whispered. “I’m really sorry,” he said to Miles.

“It was Elysium that got hit this time, and my dad got killed. Now it’s just my mom and me,” Miles said, trying not to cry as she put the final piece to the rifle which was the barrel. “What do I do, Wes? I joined the Alliance so I could protect my family, but the majority of them are gone now. What’s left for me to fight for?”

“Shhh, it’ll be okay,” Killian whispered to her in comfort. “Come to my dorm later tonight and we’ll talk it out, okay?” Miles sniffed and nodded. “Alright.”

Shepard overheard them as she was putting together her own sniper rifle. Elysium was supposed to be the utopian city for humans. Thriving as much as Bekenstein, economically rich enough to rival the Asari cities of Illium and Thessia, Elysium was documented to be the next gateway to paradise. Except its location left it vulnerable to frequent pirate invasions, and Miles’ family member was one of many casualties. _How much longer is this gonna go on?_ Beyond her rage, she was just tired. Tired of hearing about innocent people getting either kidnapped or killed almost every week. It was mentally exhausting, but that was why she was here. If she could save one colony one day then she’d have done her job. Shepard finished assembling her rifle, and Limyadi came over to inspect it. After giving his nod of approval, Limyadi walked over to the next cadet for inspection, and Shepard gazed down at her rifle, absently imagining shooting a pirate between his eyes with the weapon to save a civilian.

-X-

The empire Brohn worked tirelessly to build was in shambles. His previous inventory was barely worth a thousand credits combined and the best products were being swept up by the damned amateur gangs. After the Alliance ruined everything on Jar’urta, Brohn’s men were either killed or the ones that survived backed out from his gang once everything went sideways. Only a dozen remained, barely, and their loyalty would be rewarded once Brohn’s fortune returned to him. Taking his art pieces out in the open was no longer a viable option. The other gangs were ahead of the game for now, but they were getting overconfident, therefore, they were exposing themselves to the Alliance with each reckless raid, and soon they would get caught, leaving his prey open for him to take.

Which is why he began conducting operations on the opposite end of the spectrum. Coordinating a covert raid was one of the trickiest things he’d ever had to do, but if it were easy, he’d grow bored. The challenge this presented made him feel alive all over again, gave him motivation. Brohn’s mouth stretched into a leer. His men were just as crafty as he was, and their mutual thirst for the hunt made them sync perfectly to complete their assignments. Cold calculation was required for everything to fall into place. Thankfully, Brohn was a patient hunter.

-X-

_“We can’t. Someone might see us,” he says, though he makes no move to stop her._

_“Let’s not get caught then,” Senna whispers before she swirls her tongue around the tip._

_“Senna, please.”_

_“Let me please you for once, Kaidan.” Senna strokes him with her hand, her tongue circling his tip at the same time. She wastes no time as she takes him in her mouth, her moans sending vibrations up his shaft. Kaidan hisses in pleasure and he grips her hair, slowly thrusting his hips into her mouth. “Dammit, you’re gonna be the death of me one day,” he moans out as he closes his eyes, relishing in the way her tiny mouth is wrapped around him. Her head bobs as she moans while her lips glide up his hard length. Her tight grip continues to stroke him as she plays with his balls with her free hand._

_“Shit,” Kaidan hisses. His jaw clenches and he looks down. Senna is staring up at him with those wide, chocolate eyes of hers. Seeing her on her knees, looking at him while he’s in her mouth brings waves of pleasure to his body. His grip on her hair tightens, and she moans in response. Her hand runs up his thigh as he can feel his climax coming._

_“Senna, wait. I don’t wanna come without you,” Kaidan says through gritted teeth. She doesn’t stop though. Like a vixen, she picks up the pace as she grazes his shaft with her teeth ever-so-softly. This sends him over the edge as he lets out a groan before he comes, his seed spilling into her mouth. She swallows all of it, licking her lips as she smiles at him._

_“See? Doesn’t it feel good to just let go?”_

Kaidan’s heart was beating rapidly as he woke up from his nap. The midnight rain was pelting against his bedroom window while his aromatherapy diffuser filled his room with the scent of eucalyptus. No wonder he fell asleep. His face was flushed as he recalled the dream he just had. His dreams of Senna had been getting more intimate. As always, they were older in his dream, and his desire for her increased tenfold.

Even though their last call didn’t end so well, he missed Senna terribly. Her presence never failed to brighten his day no matter what they were doing together. He lov—cared for her a great deal. She was playful, but she knew when to be serious. Her confidence was admirable, and she was beautiful as well. Kaidan smiled as he looked at the picture of them on his nightstand again. His heart started fluttering again when he thought about his dream.

_“See? Doesn’t it feel good to just let go?”_

Why was he so elated from that? Letting go was something he promised himself he’d never do, but with Senna, all his inhibitions left and the majority of the time it wasn’t intentional. With her, it came so naturally. But still… letting go… that was something he couldn’t afford to do, yet it still felt right. He felt free around her. It was still wrong though and went against the code he made for himself. But at the same time…

Kaidan halted his thoughts as he ran a hand through his hair and stood from the couch he was napping on. Sensing he wouldn’t come to a conclusion on his own, he messaged Dr. Hawthorne to set up an emergency appointment. He messaged him back a few minutes, confirming their appointment and hangout. Hopefully he'd be able to make sense out of all this.

-X-

_“—the mysterious kidnapping of colonists on the borders of the Earth Council Space have yet to reach a conclusion, investigators say. One of the newest colonies, Greenwich, has been reported to be the sighting of yet another massacre. Officials say that while the kidnapping of humans could be related to more pirate activity, the lack of batarian or vorcha presence at the border of the Attican Traverse does not present enough evidence. The future for human colonies is at great risk as people—”_

“Could you shut that off, please?’ Shepard asked from her top bunk.

_“—want a different life from Earth, but with everything going on in the colonies, I don’t think we’ll be leaving anytime soon.”_

_“My wife was visiting her grandparents in Greenwich where they retired. It was supposed to be a beautiful place for families and the elderly to reside. Now they’re all dead! How can—”_

“Hey, can you turn it off?”

_“Everyone knows it’s pirates. I don’t know why the media is suggesting otherwise. I’m guessing since they couldn’t attack Sol head-on they’re changing their strategy.”_

_“But the massacres this time aren’t noticed until almost a month later. Something isn’t right! Someone has to do something. My son and daughter have disappeared, and I don’t know what I’m going to d—"_

“I said, shut that damn thing off!”

Shepard’s other dorm buddy squeaked as she hurried to shut off the news vid she was watching on the terminal. “Sorry. Sorry…” she said meekly as she hurried to her bunk.

Shepard sighed as she sat up. “I didn’t mean to shout,” she said apologetically. “I have my own personal issues with the pirates and seeing them on the news sours my mood.”

“It’s okay. I know what you mean,” her dorm buddy said. “Greenwich was advertised as a paradise for retirees, so my grandparents moved there from our hometown about a month ago. Then all of this happened,” she said sadly.

Shepard cursed under her breath. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“It’s okay. Since I’m stuck here, I won’t be able to attend the funeral back home. I enlisted since it’s a family tradition, but now I have a true purpose for being a soldier, and I’m going to make my whole family proud, including my grandparents.”

Shepard smiled humorlessly. “We’re in the same boat.”

-X-

Dr. Hawthorne watched Kaidan pace back and forth in his office, and he patiently waited for Kaidan to continue. “It wasn't like I was expecting her to tell me every detail of her life, Doc. I’m not exactly mad at her either – at least, I think I’m not. It’s just this whole time I thought I found someone who I could relate to about our implants. Even an old acquaintance of mine from BAat was an L2 and thought I would finally be myself around a group of people…”

“But when you found out they were L3s, you felt alone all over again, and you now feel that no one understands the insecurities you face as an L2.”

“Hh, That’s one way to put it.” Kaidan leaned against the window with his arm and looked out at the people below. “Now that the L3s are on every billboard, commercial, and extranet ad I feel worse than before. I feel inadequate, and when I found out Senna’s an L3, I… I felt that I suddenly wasn’t good enough for her anymore.” Kaidan hung his head in shame. “Why is that, Doc? This girl – this _woman_ , who grew to be so confident before my very eyes, is an L3. I mean, I can’t believe it!”

Dr. Hawthorne raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t seem like a major thing to be upset about. Does the fact she’s an L3 change the way you feel about her?”

“No! Not at all. Ever since she left, I’ve thought about her day and night. When we got together, I was so happy that she accepted me as her boyfriend, but lately…”

“Lately…?”

“Lately I’ve been having these… uh, dreams. I’ve had them before, but I’m having them almost every night.”

“What kind of dreams?”

“Er.” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, blushing furiously. “You know.” Dr. Hawthorne looked at him confused. “Dreams. Of her and me. Together. In an…” Kaidan cleared his throat. “I-Intimate way…”

The lightbulb finally went off in Dr. Hawthorne’s head. “Oh! You mean that not only do you desire her on an emotional level but also a physical one.” Kaidan raised an eyebrow despite his embarrassment. He seemed a little too happy at this revelation.

“If you wanna put it that way…”

“Kaidan, you’ll be twenty-one in a few months. It’s perfectly normal to have sexual desires for your girlfriend. I reckon it’d be weird if you didn’t,” Dr. Hawthorne said jovially. “I remember when my wife and I first started dating. We met in grad school, but my goodness, that woman still knows how to make me stutter like a fool.” Dr. Hawthorne had a dreamy smile on his face.

Kaidan smiled. “How did you know she was the one?”

“That’s the thing, my boy. You just know. You can put all the logic and science on it, but they still don’t beat your intuition. If you have strong feelings, act on them.”

Kaidan nodded. “Thanks, Doc.”

“And talk to her regarding your feelings on the L3,” Dr. Hawthorne suggested. “Give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure she doesn’t think less of you as an L2.”

-X-

Kaidan and Shelby sat at the bar with their whiskies in their hands. Kaidan sat in silence while Shelby was watching him with a raised eyebrow. Chats of the patrons and servers droned on around them while Kaidan took another sip.

“Alenko, what’s—”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re an L3 now?” Kaidan asked.

Shelby’s face hardened as he groaned. “Alenko…”

“Don’t. Just, don’t. I thought it was odd you were the oldest among Senna’s training group – I found it even stranger that she isn’t within our generation to qualify for an L2 – but I never thought that you’d go this far.”

Shelby clicked his tongue and looked around at the quiet, upscale bar. Wasn’t his style, but Alenko insisted on it since the sports bar he suggested would’ve been too loud. “I had no choice, man,” he said, making sure to keep his voice hushed, “my parents hated the idea of my sister and me walking around ‘unattended’ to. She didn’t want the L3 beta but they were gonna force her until I told them I’d do it – convinced them if one of us were gonna turn into a zombie as a side effect it’d be me. Besides, I’m technically not an L3 anymore, or any kind of L, remember? The sucker got burnt to a crisp.”

Kaidan’s frustration dissipated. “Sorry. This is just a lot to take in.”

“Imagine actually living through it,” Shelby griped as he downed the rest of his whiskey.

“What was it like? Being an L3? I know Senna told me the training was grueling, but about the implants themselves?”

Shelby’s expression soured. “Did you seriously invite me here just to talk about this?”

Kaidan’s face scrunched with guilt. “Sorry.”

Shelby sighed impatiently. “It sucked. That’s the best way to describe it. Kids were dropping like flies at twice the rate from the kids at BAat. Except rather than migraines we suffered seizures and were never seen in the dome again. We still don’t know what happened to the rest of them.”

“Senna never suffered any seizures, did she?”

“She'd be as alive as a cucumber now if she did. As far as what Killian told me they all suffered severe migraines and nosebleeds closer to their graduation.” Kaidan remembered the pain Senna endured all too well. Then another thought occurred to him. “Wait, so your training ground was an experiment? You all tested out the L3s.”

Shelby nodded. “Yup. The one and only guinea pigs."

Kaidan cursed himself for being unaware of this. “When did this happen?”

“Almost two years ago. I think it was around Christmas.” The color from Kaidan’s face drained from his face when it finally clicked. Right around Christmas when he was suffering from one of his migraines, Senna brought him to Anderson’s apartment to give him his diffuser. She asked him what it was like to be an L2, and he ended up lashing out at her. They made up after that, but she never mentioned his or her implants again. “I’m an idiot,” Kaidan said to himself. No wonder he never knew. She probably tried asking him about his to find out what the experience would be like for her once she got the implant herself, and he ended up shutting the conversation down. So much for being there for her. “She didn’t have an implant until the New Year holiday, and even then I just assumed she finally got fitted for an L2. I never would’ve guessed it was this.”

“Hey, man. Don’t beat yourself up about it. That was a long time ago. You gotta stop dwelling in the past. The two of you are together right now. In the present. And if you grow a pair she might be in your future. Let me guess, you haven’t spoken to her since you found out.”

Kaidan looked away in guilt. “It’s not that I’m doing this on purpose. I ended up blaming her for keeping it a secret from me.”

“Jesus Christ, Alenko, you’re killing me,” Shelby ordered another whiskey for the both of them. “You’re a lot more stubborn than you let on, you know that?” Kaidan frowned. He didn’t think he was _that_ stubborn… “I’m only gonna tell you this once, then you gotta figure this shit out on your own. Getting the L3 was the worst thing I had ever experienced. Unlike the L2, they made sure you stayed awake during the whole procedure. Why? I have no fucking clue. I went through it once before, so I was already used to getting my head drilled. That was Shepard’s first time getting an implant and she fucking cried in the bathroom for almost an hour – I heard her from outside while I was waiting for my sister to finish her Adept training. I’m not telling you to get on your knees and beg for her forgiveness, but she at least deserves to be listened to, don’t you think?”

Kaidan knew that already. He knew he owed Senna an apology for blowing things out of proportion. He just didn’t know how, and Shelby just made it clear he wouldn’t offer any more assistance. Senna was right. Shelby was honest to a fault, and also loyal when he wanted to be. He was brash, but not once did he ever speak out of turn nor disrespect anyone — except for the liquor bottle incident, but he was still man enough to own up to it and apologize. Deciding to get his relationship with Senna back on track, he smiled at Shelby. “Thanks for the advice.”

“As long as you don’t come to me again with your relationship troubles, we’re even.”

“Hh, deal. When did you become the guru anyway?”

“My sister’s had poor taste in boyfriends since middle school, so years of giving her the ‘you’ll find the right one eventually but truthfully men aren’t shit’ speech comes naturally for me.”

“How’s Andrea doing anyway?”

“Her boyfriend dumped her yesterday.”

“Ah. You gave her the speech already then.”

“Yup, so if I sounded like I was going off a script just now ignore it. I’m so used to giving my sister the talk we end up going in circles.”

“That’s it!”

“What is?”

“I’ll write an apology letter and read it to Senna.” Kaidan took a swig of his second round of whiskey. “I’ll have a better chance rather than risking putting my foot in my mouth again if I just say what’s at the top of my head. Maybe Senna will hear me out.”

“I don’t think there’ll be any problem,” Shelby said offhandedly.

“What do you think I should start with?”

“I told you to figure it out on your own.”

“Give me something, Shelby. Please.”

Shelby sighed. “You can tell her how much of a dumbass you were for jumping to conclusions right off the bat.”

“I’ll word it differently, but yeah, that’ll work.”

Shelby rolled his eyes and downed his whiskey. He needed to start charging people for this shit.

-X-

Looking down at the script he wrote on paper, Kaidan nervously cleared his throat as he prepared to contact Senna. Hopefully, she would answer him after his little meltdown. She answered, and her hair was loose and damp – she had just gotten out of the shower. Her hair had grown a little longer. She looked amazing. Kaidan realized he was staring and cleared his throat once again. “Hey, you,” he said sheepishly.

“Hey, yourself,” Senna replied, almost as nervous as he was.

She didn’t hang up on him. That was a good start. Glancing down at the apology, he smiled at her. “I wanted to apologize for the way I acted. I got so caught up in my own selfishness, I didn’t take your feelings into consideration, and that was incredibly wrong of me. For that, I apologize.”

Senna stared at him for a moment. She snuck a glance downward before making eye contact with him again. “Kaidan, I understand your confusion about my implants, but you didn’t give me a chance to explain, and for that, I felt like you didn’t take my feelings into considera—oh wait, you beat me to it. Um… ahem, my intentions weren’t to deceive you, but trust me when I tell you that the implants were not a happy topic for me, so I subconsciously blocked it from my memory. Other than that, I would have discussed it with you.”

Kaidan nodded in understanding. He glanced down at his letter again. “I get that. I remembered you asked me what it was like to be an L2 a couple of years ago, and I reacted poorly to your question. I can see why you didn’t bring it up again. I only wish that I was able to figure it out sooner. I hung out with Shelby like you suggested, and he told me how the surgery was a painful process. If I was there to comfort you during the transition, maybe it would've lightened the load a little, and you wouldn’t have had it as hard as you did.”

“Kaidan, that’s very kind of you. And I appreciate you taking the time to call me and discuss this—”

“Sorry, sorry! Not trying to interrupt! I forgot my toothbrush.” Kaidan raised an eyebrow when Senna’s dorm buddy blurred past her. He heard her rummaging for something in the background.

“Hurry up, Miles,” Senna said, obviously embarrassed from the interruption.

“Found it! Okay, I’ll get out of your hair now.” Miles passed by Senna and suddenly stopped. She glanced at Kaidan through the screen. “Girl, is that him?” she whispered.

Senna nodded eagerly. “Mm-hm.”

“He’s hot!”

“I know right?” Senna whispered, and they both giggled as quietly as they could.

Not bothering to fight back the smug grin, Kaidan waved at Miles. “Good to know my girlfriend speaks so highly of me,” he teased.

“You’re all she talks about!” Miles said, leaning forward and smiling over Senna’s shoulder. “Go away, we’re having a conversation here!” Senna said in annoyance, though her face was flushed from embarrassment.

“So the apology letter worked?” Miles asked hopefully. Kaidan’s eyebrows furrowed when Senna’s face went beet red. “Miles, you blabbermouth. Get out!” She stood from the chair and shoved Miles out of their dorm. She sat back down in the chair, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “Ignore that.”

“You wrote an apology?”

Senna sighed in defeat, and she held up the letter in her hands. “Yeah. I got the idea from a dating magazine Miles smuggled in and she helped me write it.” She smiled at him sheepishly. “I’m an idiot, huh?”

Kaidan’s grin stretched into a full-on smirk as he held up his own apology letter. “Guess we’re both idiots.”

Senna’s jaw dropped when his letter came into view. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Nope.”

They both stared at each other for a few moments before they burst into laughter. “I can’t believe you did that!” Senna said between her laughs.

“Me? I came up with the idea on my own. You got it from a magazine!” Kaidan teased back.

“It’s called outsourcing!”

They both continued to laugh from their clumsy apologies. “Really though, I made it about me when I shouldn’t have,” Kaidan said after a moment. “I really am sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was a classic case of miscommunication.” Senna smiled at him. “Look on the bright side, our ‘fight’ lasted what, a few days this time? That’s a record,” she joked.

Kaidan chuckled. “I don’t want us to fight, Senna.”

“I don’t either. Your mom told me arguing is part of being in a relationship though. It’s all about being able to work through it.”

“You spoke to Mom?”

“Mm-hmm. She and your dad contacted me right before I left. They wished me luck and told me to be patient with you.” Senna snickered. “You have a reputation amongst your family. I hope you know that.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “They never let me forget it.”

Senna giggled. “I didn’t know your mother’s name was Sara though. My aunt had the same name.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. Aunt Sarah was the complete opposite of your mom though. She’s outgoing and pretty funny. Aunt Sarah was the more reserved type.” Senna smiled fondly at the memory of her relative. “She could be hilarious when she wanted to be though.”

Kaidan smiled. “Do you, uh, wanna tell me more about your family?”

After a moment of consideration, Senna nodded. “Aunt Sarah was the oldest, and my dad was the youngest sibling. He was the mischievous type, so she constantly had to play the mother-figure with him…”

-X-

_They both moan as Kaidan picks up the rhythm of his thrusts, plunging deeper into Senna’s depths as she cries out in wanton pleasure. Her velvety walls clench around him, sucking him in. He groans as he feels completely absorbed by his goddess. He sits her upright so she is on his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck as they look into each other’s eyes as their hips meet each other halfway. Her moans become cries of sheer ecstasy._

_“Kaidan! Kaidan!” She continues to cry out his name and he places his thumb over her clit, rubbing it while pounding into her. Her toes curl as her legs are wrapped tightly around his waist. He continues to thrust upward into her core while gripping her waist tightly, hitting that spot he knows makes her crazy. Her supple breasts bounce vigorously as he squeezes her ass. Kaidan bruises Senna’s lips with a kiss, their tongues clashing and swirling around each other as they near their climax._

_Senna leans back and she grinds her hips wildly. Kaidan latches his lips onto her perked nipple and bites down it as their climax reaches, their bodies stiffening before they both cry out and come together. Her body convulses from her orgasm as she pants heavily, resting her head on Kaidan’s shoulder while coming down from her high. He wraps his arm around her protectively, peppering her face with adoring kisses. She giggles and kisses his neck in return, gazing up at him with love in her eyes._

_“Hey, you.”_

_“Hey, yourself.”_

_“We’re not gonna get any sleep at this point,” she teases. “But I’m definitely not complaining,” she purrs as she combs her fingers through his hair, a content smile on her face._

_Kaidan’s heart swells with pride, knowing he brought such pleasure to his woman. “Hh. I aim to please… Commander.” Kaidan kisses her as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. He gazes into her eyes lovingly as they smile at each other, reeling from the passionate night they shared together. Senna wraps her around him and gives him that mischievous, feline grin he loves so much._

_“You know, I could go for round four,” she purrs._

_Kaidan chuckles. “Four? I thought it was five.”_

_“At the rate we’re going I don’t think we need to keep count.” Senna traces her fingernail down his muscular chest, giving him an appreciative and loving glance. “You mean everything to me, Kaidan. What would I do without you?” she whispers._

_“Hh, you’ll never find out.”_

_“Is that a promise?”_

_“If you want it to be,” he quips while winking at her._

_She grins. “Get over here, Lieutenant,” Senna pulls him forward by his shoulder and he hovers over her as they laugh before sharing a loving kiss, their bodies already intertwining. Senna gasps as Kaidan kisses her sensitive spot right below her ear._

_“You mean to the world to me, Senna,” he whispers in her ear. “I love you.”_

_Senna’s eyes well up with tears as she places her hand on his cheek, stroking it with her thumb. “I love you too, Kaidan. I love you to the stars and beyond.” Her dazzling smile makes his heart melt as he embraces her, cradling her as her scent makes him feel like he’s in heaven. He kisses her sweetly, and they lie in their bed feeling solace in each other’s arms._

Instead of feeling shame for dreaming of Senna again, he felt excitement. Senna made him comfortable with himself again, and he no longer feared being his true self around her. She never judged him for being an L2. Even when he let his paranoia get the better of him sometimes she never condemned him for it.

The sexual dreams he had of her were fantastic. But it was this one dream that he couldn’t get out of his mind. Normally, he dreamt of him and Senna having rough sex, but this particular one felt far more loving than the rest.

_I love you to the stars and beyond._

Kaidan’s heart skipped when she said those words to him. For so long he wanted to find the woman he would love for eternity, and for years he was convinced Rahna was the one, but he’d never been more wrong – more accurately, he’d never been so happy to be wrong.

_“I can’t be with a man who would murder just for my sake. I’m sorry.”_

Those words cut him deep at the time. Rahna was right, though, he was a murderer. No amount of wishful thinking would change that. But because of what she said he loathed himself for the longest time. He hated his biotics, he hated the fact that he lost control, and he ended up hating himself. He branded himself as a monster, dropped off the grid, and locked himself away from society, never to repeat his mistake again.

_“You’re only learning from your mistakes which shows you have integrity and it only proves that you’re not a monster.”_

_“Hh, what does it make me then?”_

_“Human.”_

Then Senna came into his life and brightened the grey world he grew accustomed to. His experience with BAat and Vyrnnus made him somewhat cynical and closed off to others, but she encouraged him to accept that as long he learned from it he was just a normal person. Only three years passed since Vyrnnus died, and Kaidan still had so much self-restraint to work on, but he no longer considered that a weakness. Senna had her faults, but she was upfront about it. Never wavering in her conviction, and Kaidan loved that about her. The difference between Rahna and Senna was night and day.

Kaidan loved Rahna for her gentle and kind heart. As Senna described, she was like a princess whom everyone loved and wanted to protect. There was never a time where she raised her voice nor lost her composure – Vyrnnus was the only exception to the latter since she was terrified of him, and even then she stayed quiet. She was delicate, graceful, and was often known for being the fair maiden of BAat. She was the personification of a fairytale princess whom Kaidan would become enamored with and sweep her off her feet as her knight in shining armor.

_“I’m sorry, Kaidan, but you terrified me back there.”_

But alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and Kaidan fully accepted that now.

The complete opposite could be said for Senna. Kaidan’s first impression of Senna was a frightened girl who still smiled at him even after he knocked her over in front of the elevator. Despite her initial terror, the way she brightened up when he showed her his biotics would be something he’d never forget.

_“It’s so beautiful.”_

Just as she thought his biotics were beautiful, he thought she was a beautiful girl. Her dazzling smile and her eyes brought warmth to his heart then, and they still did now. Senna continued to show another side of her as the days went by. Before Kaidan knew it, he grew completely enamored with the confidence she displayed, and he ended up thinking about her almost every day. Add the dreams he would have of her, and he knew he had it bad. He did a great job keeping himself together whenever they were together, and then the night on his couch happened. He wanted to go all the way. God, he wanted nothing more than to take her right then and there. She told him she wanted him. She literally told him to take her! But once his brain sobered up, he knew it would’ve been the biggest mistake either of them would make. He had to clear his head after what happened, and he retreated to his bathroom to relax his mind… among other things. He was so focused on relieving his erection, he didn’t realize he was in the cold shower for a long time, and when he finished and went to the living room, Senna was gone. Kaidan thought he’d lost Senna after that, but once again, she surprised him by talking it out. That was another thing he appreciated about her: sure, they would need to take a moment to cool off, but she was still willing to be upfront about whatever was bothering her. He was the same way, so he appreciated her honesty. Even when things got rough, Senna didn’t cower or shy away from the problem. She would stand up and face it head-on. Rather than a princess, she was a warrior who wasn’t afraid to fight for others – as proven when she rescued that girl from Balak.

And she was beautiful on top of it all. Rahna was like a daisy – cute, delicate, and many would admire its beauty. Senna was like a thorned rose – feisty, guarded, but once the brave few would dare to hold it in their hands, it would bloom before their very eyes and shine like a jewel as a reward. They were a couple now, but Kaidan was starting to get greedy. Once they became friends, Kaidan found himself wanting more. When they went on their first date at the planetarium and shared their kiss, he wanted more. When they finally made it official, he wanted more. And now that Senna proved time and time again how amazing she was, Kaidan wanted more. He wanted her on a physical level, that much was obvious. But it was the way she told him she loved him in his dream that had his heart soaring with happiness. No matter how hard he worked to deny it at the beginning, he was attracted to Senna from the first day he met her.

All in all, he thought she was amazing, and like Dr. Hawthorne said he wanted her for both her body and her mind. She wasn’t afraid to stand up for what she believed in, she had an incredible sense of humor, and she was gorgeous to boot. She made him feel normal again, and he loved that about her.

Loved…

Oh god. Kaidan sat straight up in his bed, dumbfounded by the revelation.

_I’m in love with her._

The thought seemed so obvious now that Kaidan admitted it, but his face was burning as it never seemed clearer. His terminal bleeped, signaling an incoming video call. Kaidan swallowed the lump in his throat as he climbed out of bed and sat at his desk. He turned on the terminal, and his heart pounded against his chest when Senna came into view. She looked upset about something, and he was instantly worried. “Hey you,” he greeted.

“Hey, yourself.”

“How is everything over there? You’re almost done with your recruitment training, aren’t you?”

“Yup, and after that, I’ll officially start out in the field.” Senna smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Is something wrong?”

Senna rolled her shoulders. “Just a little tired.”

“Something else is bothering you.”

“How can you tell?”

“I just can. You can tell me, you know – whatever’s going on. Is Limyadi pushing you too hard?”

“Yeah, but I'm used to it."

“What is it then?”

“Well, the thing is, one of my dorm buddies’ grandparents were murdered in the recent raid on Greenwich and the funeral passed. She couldn't attend because she's here and she's been crying here every night. I know how painful it is to lose your family like that, so I've been trying to cheer her up."

“Miles?”

“No, but she did lose a family member a while back on the recent attack on Elysium.” Senna sighed and leaned back in her chair, staring up at the ceiling. “Kaidan, a lot of these people enlisted to honor the family tradition, or just simply make their families proud, like myself. But their loved ones are getting killed, and they can’t even attend the funerals to say goodbye.”

“I’m so sorry, Senna,” Kaidan said quietly.

“Don’t be. Not like it’s your fault.”

“But you’re over there upset about all this and I can’t do anything about it,” Kaidan said regretfully.

“You could tell me how your day was,” she suggested.

Kaidan smiled wide. “Mom and Dad’s thirty-fifth anniversary is coming up – right around the time you graduate from recruit training actually. The party’s gonna be at our orchard and things have been pretty crazy with organizing the event. Anniversaries are a big thing for my mom, so I wanna make sure everything is perfect for her.”

“That’s so sweet of you,” Senna said with a smile. Kaidan chuckled bashfully. “What? I’m serious. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat their parents and it’s obvious you have a great relationship with yours. I’m actually a little jealous.”

“They really like you, you know.”

Senna raised an eyebrow. “Even your dad?”

“He doesn’t resent you, Senna. You gotta admit, the way you two met was unusual. But he doesn't hate you. I spoke with him the other day, and he respects your willpower.”

Senna sighed in relief. “I know we had a friendly chat at your party last year, but I was still a little worried.”

“He’s not the type to hold grudges,” Kaidan assured her.

“Thirty-five years though. That’s incredible. What kind of party are you and your mom planning? She seems like the type who makes sure the parties are never boring,” Senna said with a chuckle.

“Surprisingly she wants it to be a nice dinner party. Normally she goes all out and has every friend and family member come out to celebrate. She and my Aunt Eliza will drink and dance while laughing it up, and sometimes they’ll form a dance circle.”

“A dance circle? Wow, I got the impression your mom was cheerful, but she has a youthful spirit! I hope I can be like that when I’m her age.”

“Yeah, Dad always told me that was the reason he fell in love with her,” Kaidan said with a doting smile. “Anyway, we’re hosting the dinner inside our farmhouse and the theme I came up with is Starry Night. Mom has mentioned she would love to travel off-planet one day, so I think this’ll be nice for her. I’m gonna make the decorations a slight replica of the stars in space, almost like the chamber at the planetarium.”

“That sounds amazing, Kaidan.”

“Yeah, I, uh… I know your schedule is a little tight, but after your ceremony, will you come to the anniversary party as my date? You don’t have to stay the whole time, but I want to introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend.” Both Kaidan and Senna’s cheeks were red as Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck. “Chances are there’ll be a lot of people, but the farmhouse is big enough to where you can sit in a quiet area if things get too rowdy,” he quickly added.

“I’ll definitely be there. If all goes well there shouldn’t be an issue,” Senna replied with a bashful smile. “Besides, what girl wouldn’t wanna be the date of a handsome guy like you?”

“And only a fool would be blind to your beauty. Both inner and outer.” Senna tucked a curl behind her ear and giggled, looking away with a smile. “Aha! See? You look like you’re feeling better already,” Kaidan said with a victorious grin. “Just think. We’ll finally get to hug each other again.”

Rather than her trademark grin, Senna smiled with genuine affection. “And kiss,” she added. Kaidan returned the dreamy smile with a determined nod. “Yeah, and kiss,” he agreed. They both stared at each other with adoration as they continued talking about the party.

“And about your comrades. It’ll be okay,” Kaidan said. “I know morale is looking pretty bad right now, but you can talk to me about anything. Don’t feel like you have to hide anything from me, okay?”

Senna nodded. “Thank you.”

“I mean it. I want to be there for you. Be as supportive as I can.”

“That means the world to me, Kaidan. It really does.” Senna hesitated for a moment before she placed her hand on the terminal screen. “I miss you,” she said softly.

Kaidan placed his hand on his terminal so they ‘touched’. “I miss you too. It’s not the same here without you.” Kaidan’s eyebrows furrowed in thought. “You know, I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

“About the first kiss we shared.”

Senna grinned. “I never thought I’d have my first kiss floating in a zero-gravity chamber but here we are.”

Kaidan chuckled. “Well yeah, that too, but I meant the day on the cliff when you kissed me.”

“Does that count? Because you were so shell-shocked you didn’t respond. For a second I thought I went too far.”

Kaidan chuckled. “Point taken. Our kiss in the zero-gravity chamber was amazing too.”

“Did it fulfill your star-crossed lovers’ fantasy?”

 _You have no idea._ Kaidan smiled boyishly at her. “It did. I can't wait to reenact it.”

“If you put a zero-gravity chamber in your farmhouse I swear, Kaidan…” Senna laughed and he laughed with her.

“I wish!” he joked. “But that does make an interesting idea…”

“I know you’re rich and all, but that would just be ridiculous,” Senna said in jest.

“We prefer the term ‘financially stable’. My dad says ‘rich’ sounds a little derivative.”

“Either way, share enough for both of us!” Senna joked. “We’ll go to a fancy restaurant with a fancy menu of food we can’t pronounce, and then we’ll take a fancy stroll on the beach under a fancy moonlight.”

“Do I have to wear a fancy tux?”

“Only if it comes with a fancy bow tie.” They both laughed, and Kaidan was glad that Senna’s mood was lifted. “I should go. Curfew’s about to start.”

“Right. I’ll see you later.”

“And Kaidan?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for making me feel better, and well, for everything I guess.”

“Anytime.”

“You know, the same applies to you,” Senna said.

“What do you mean?”

“Whenever you have a bad day or if you just wanna talk, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem at all. Good night, Kaidan.”

“Good night, Senna.”

After they ended the call, Kaidan leaned back in his chair, a goofy grin on his face. The whole time they talked his heart beat rapidly, and the way she smiled at him while he told her about his parents’ anniversary party plans, brought butterflies to his stomach. He remembered the look she had at her birthday party at Shelby’s place when she gazed up at him. She looked so nervous, yet so hopeful.

_“We’ll be together again, right?”_

Oh, they most definitely would. He would make sure of that. Kaidan would wait for eternity if it meant holding the girl he loved in his arms again.


End file.
